Your “Stack The Box? Don’t Mind If We Do!” AFC Playoff Game Open Thread

[can’t think of anything to say] Intros are for suckers… TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/Pittsburgh:

Taking a look at this game I was reminded of an old Bart Simpson quote which goes something like, “Smashee, smashee”. Yeah, this one is gonna be a battle of physical and mental wills and no matter the outcome, both sides will suffer casualties-think in terms of Attica in early September of ’71. That’s how this one is going to go.

Injuries:

Antonio Brown is out/ready and raring to go, no question/a game-time decision-pick one. If he does throw the cleats on he’ll be staring down cb Jalen Ramsay. I love this matchup. Ramsay was thrown at only 5 times last week and was able to come up with an interception.

We Need To Talk About Blake:

Will the competent Blake or the inadequate Blake take the field today? Last week vs. the Bills he was 12/23 for 87 yards. Not so good, huh? Not so fast-he was able to offset that with 10 runs for 88 yards. Using the very latest-ish in phone calculator technology, I took a look back at his bipedal-centric shenanigans and discovered that in games where he runs 5 or more times he averages 7 yards per attempt. Interesting? Probably not but I’ll make the case that he recognizes/exploits running lanes far more than he is given credit for. I think another way to assess the fella is in terms of ‘comfort zone’. In the games where his QBR rating was over 100, (the lowest mark being 119!) his attempts/completions were 20-31, 18-26, 26-35, 18-27 and 21-29. Perhaps he’s not the game manager I thought he is but just a guy that needs to play within certain parameters in order to get the job done. Once outside those parameters though it becomes a bit of a crapshoot as to which guy shows up.

My Hot Takeaway:

I’ll be surprised if Bell and Fournette don’t combine for 50 carries between them. The thing is, [whips out suddenly trusty phone calculator again] this gives the Steelers a significant advantage. Perhaps Fournette is wearing down a bit but he’s only averaging 3 yards per rush over his last eight games. Mr. “Don’t Franchise Tag Me, Bro” Bell has averaged 4.2 in his last seven. As the carries pile up, it’ll be Pittsburgh that will more easily get up and down the field.

What are you waiting for? Get it on, bang your gong!

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rockingdog

Yea! fumble for a Jagginoff TD!

Viva La Tabula Raza

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The Maestro

Big Ben just needs to put the X on his retirement papers for everything to be official; they’re all filled out and ready to go, just waiting on the sideline for him.

LemonJello

Will they accept it if it’s writen in crayon?

The Maestro

I mean, Ray Lewis’ were written in blood, so I’m sure it won’t be a problem.

Spur

Ben was manhandled.

fleshwound_NPG

incomplete pass in new england

tomsellecksmoustache

And roughing the passer.

Brocky

They’ll make some obscure rule that’s never used again

Viva La Tabula Raza

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LemonJello

And still enforce the taunting penalty: first down P*triots.

hippofant

Oh hey, Triplette wasn’t here to call forward progress prematurely!

King Hippo

Telvin Smith, no longer underrated after today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nope. Just an asshole.

King Hippo

after that MNF in Cincy, there is no being an asshole to PIT that I acknowledge.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Understood.

The Maestro

God damn, the Jags are TERRIFYING.

King Hippo

AFC title match will truly be fascinating, contrast of styles.

ThePirateSloth

/furiously masturbates

litre_cola

Is there any other way?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Taunting asshole.

fleshwound_NPG

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THANK YOU, THE BEN

Spur

WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LemonJello

HO LI FUK!

Dick E. Phuck

[Cumming Intensifies]

King Hippo

SUDDEN CHANGE!!

litre_cola

HOLY YOTYCYFRKVDR SITKCLCTDF

Mr. Ayo

HARFDOWN!

Horatio Cornblower

How much Toradol is being shot into Fournette’s ankle right now?
A) All of it
B) Yes
C) Whatever the fatal dosage is, -2%
D) All of the above

ThePirateSloth

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litre_cola

Hippo you really should have bet Balls some lappers on this game.

rockingdog

Its a long game. Come on JackinOff better show up in the 2nd half!

Viva La Tabula Raza

OK time for pick six.

tomsellecksmoustache

The Ben will deliver, don’t worry.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Close enough for me.

Horatio Cornblower

Would you settle for a Fumble6?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, wtf is Jax doing here?
Keep it on the ground, run the clock, let your defense do their thing.
Get to halftime with a two score lead and hopefully Fournette can get back.

Stupid shit right now.

Spur

Give Fournette some Meth.

fleshwound_NPG

plenty of supply in jax

LemonJello

“Just not mine.”
-every trailer park in Duval county

litre_cola

Balls and WCS are our resident Still fans no?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup

Spur

now this is no fun.

The Maestro

Fournette just needs to rub some dirt on it, that’s all.

King Hippo

good throw, bad decision

Viva La Tabula Raza

Do that “next man up” shit, JAX.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bortles keeps threading the needle like that, he’s gonna regret it.

fleshwound_NPG

The Greatriots now have a three-week bye to the Super Bowl.

Spur

give him a shot and wrap it up.

King Hippo

Yeldon is still pretty good.

LemonJello

TJ Watt: bigger douche than his brother?

tomsellecksmoustache

Less NFL John Cena, but also not very good.

King Hippo

shoot him up good, guys!

rockingdog

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Noooo00000ooooo Fournette is limping!

fleshwound_NPG

and fournette is ded

welp, we have a game

The Maestro

BORKE BLATLES

Spur

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

King Hippo

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

theeWeeBabySeamus

A Bortleception, and we’ve got us a game.

litre_cola

Or a 3 and out.

King Hippo

7-minute TD drive. Soul crushing. C’mon.

litre_cola

Why do I feel Bort is going to Bort on this possession and the Stillers will make this a game again.

Redshirt

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Again! Again! The Steelers are doing it to me again!

King Hippo

damn, hate losing the shutout like that. WATCH THE ONSIDE KICK, Jaguras!

tomsellecksmoustache

I just keep telling myself that if 28-3 can happen, they can come back from this.

King Hippo

but #OddWeekJaguras are not the Falcons, and (shudder) The Ben ain’t Dreamboat.

tomsellecksmoustache

Why can’t you let me have my fantasy?

LemonJello

Because you touch yourself?

King Hippo

Because I am the worst

Dick E. Phuck

He pushed off.

LemonJello

Brown makes it look so damn easy.