I’ve not much to say that hasn’t already been presented this week. Like many of you, I’m rooting for Jags v Vikings in the Super Bowl (and I expect the Vikings to just take directly to the streets if they win) but we all know it’s going to be N*E coming out of the AFC.
Nonetheless, Quotables persists. So I’m gonna wrap up the text here and just let you all get on with the submissions.
“I would like to be the first to congratulate my broadcast partner Tony here for finally reaching a NFC Championship game”
“yeah well fuck you Jim”
Dammit, this was the joke I was trying to find. See below.
“OK, everyone, 4-count jumping jacks! Just do the top half if you’ve got diabetic neuropathy.”
“…and no holding for placekickers. And, to top it all off, you actually got through the season unhurt. Tony, this has got to be the best playoff performance you’ve ever had – heck, the best season you’ve ever had. What do you think?”
“I’m thinking, five minutes after we’re done, a shovel to the back of the head, and blame it on Simms.”
I’m the little engine that could…
Did he really just put the booger back up his nose?
Aaaaannnnddddd you get a ring, and you get a ring, and you get a ring….
Plus at least one just for the username
Big Ben’s brain has left his body in search of Choco Tacos
With Richie Incognito in Buffalo, Lane Johnson carries on Incognito’s annual recognition of MLK Day.
RIZZO LIVES MATTER!
Jesus!
What? Fisher gets 6 years with his mediocre shit, and I only get 3? Must of been the moustache…
Weinstein taught me this celebratory dance, said he did it after every successful casting call!
One way or another, I’m sniffing somebody’s ass before i leave here today.
If I had a nickel…
Viking’s fans are so dumb, they need help clapping.
We can dance if we want to…
“That dance isn’t as safe as they said it was.”
– any player that Gus Bradley ever coached
“It’s just a bad trip…it’ll wear off eventually.”
– Michael Vick, after that time his teammates spiked his gatorade with LSD.
“Help me out! Help me out! This is not a dance! I’m begging for help! I’m screaming for help! Please come help me out! … I’m stroking out in my locker roooooooom.” – Jeff Lurie
looks more like a seizure to me
“…and here the safety gives us an excellent demonstration of the ‘Heyward-Bey’ pass catching technique.”
“Ya know, Tony, Phil used to play with himself here in the booth sometimes, and you’d have to be careful, because sometimes he’d sneak up behind you and [jumps] you’d be in for quite the surprise.”
“01001000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110010 01110100 00100001” – Peyton Manning
+1 Blue Screen of Death
“This broadcasting job sucks. I’m usually golfing this time of year.”
-Romo
I wonder how long it will be before he smells my fart
-Romo
He’s got a real nose for the ball
Iceland would like it’s chat back. And no, just because your team name is “Vikings” does not mean you can use it
“You’re going to fire me because DonT is really pissed that I don’t know what to do with a really good mobile QB? That’s…say my name fool!”
Look mom, I’m smoking
The “White men can’t dance” trailer looks really bad. And wow has Woody aged
About to do team building trust falls with no team
Who let the dogs in?
Contrary to all expectations God does love Pennsylvania.
This was the moment when Carson Wentz realized that his dosage of painkillers was probably a lot higher than it needed to be.
Even football can’t make soccer interesting.
“Right on the numbers.”
-B. Osweiler
I don’t get it. Why is everyone signalling for a safety?
I see The Patriots have new state-of-the-art stealth cameras.
That rumbling you hear isn’t the stadium about to collapse, it’s the bowels of thousands of Stiller fans loosening at the realization that the F’n Jaguras are beating their team, AGAIN!
“I did it better.”
-M. Mariota
/sulks
Alternate:
“Nailed it.”
-B. Walsh
/with apologies to Mr. Ayo
Blake Bortles: Elite Mouthbreather
THIS is how a quarterback in the Hall of Fame gets shit done
“Look. LOOK! I REALLY AM a little teapot!”
What is this? Zuul’s non-union Bollywood equivalent? This Ghostbusters remake is some gawd-awful shit.
Jewz n the Hood
“I can clearly see you’re excited to be here, Tony, but could you put that trouser python back in your pants?”
Tony Romo: “I can’t believe I have to work with this fucking asshole.”
“Is the new season of Westworld available for streaming already?”
The only way to kill this creature is with a silver battery.
In his defense, it’s been about 5 years since Blake Bortles has been sober
Only took 4 years since Michael Vick left town
Very glad CBS took chicken wings off the playoff craft services table
I didn’t think that many Minnesotans knew the words to Billy Squier’s The Stroke
Case Keenum demonstrates why “mobile” QBs like Cam Newton and Marcus Mariota are no longer in the playoffs
Why yes, Tony, I really was a “Jeeeeem” away from truckbombing the booth!
Totally unrelated: Just imagine a Romo/Cuntler broadcasting team
That would be AWESOME!
This remake of Weekend at Bernie’s is some gawd-awful shit.