(Yeah, Swoop does not silhouette well.)
I know there’s a lot anti Eagles-fan (present company always excluded) hate floating around here after the behavior of Philadelphians on Sunday.
And that hate is understandably valid. I think we’ve all been a little spoiled by dealing with Broncos fans and Seahawks “fans” in recent years and we’ve become detached from what it’s like when urban whites forget that it isn’t necessarily an attack on their livelihood when they aren’t winning four major sports championships every year.
Nonetheless, I am kind of relieved their recorded antics overwhelmed media this weekend. Since The Shield seems to using the playoffs as the time to get super anal about infringement issues (yeah, why would you want publicity right before the Super Bowl?) I am, again, reliant on the performances of the fans to deliver quality Quotables submissions. Not gonna lie, this would be a challenge for me. But for all of you, I have faith that you’re up to the challenge.
With just two more weeks to go, here are your Conference Championship Quotables.
Wow. No shit.
https://deadspin.com/an-interview-with-the-eagles-fan-who-ran-into-a-subway-1822330979#_ga=2.156472376.2077827734.1516549289-560892649.1490020530
This is either evidence of collusion between NFL officials and the Patriots. Or it’s the beginning to some really weird Jim Nantz fetish porn.
Why not both?
There goes New England’s most productive offensive weapon.
Not Gronk, the defensive penalty flags.
With the NFL’s new commitment to safety, both were entered into the concussion protocol after this hit.
This clip (and others like it) is a godsend to Trump’s handlers, who were starting to run short on footage for the Gorilla Channel.
NO SHARKS!
SIMPSONS DID IT!
The true test of the NFL’s concussion protocol is whether it can spot one in Gronkowski.
His granddad, Larry Kroger, was also a member of Delta Tau Chi House at Faber College, so they had to accept him as a legacy pledge.
“Oh man, I’ve been there.”
– Kellen Winslow, Jr.
Is it any surprise that at first glance that Patriots flag could easily be mistaken for a Confederate flag?
Norwegian Flag.
Huh. I’d have thought this guy was more likely to be a fan of Trevor Simian.
“Man, these guys are playing with fire. That’s how I broke three fingers during the offseason.”
– Sam Bradford
The one time when it didn’t pay for JPP to have more skilled hands.
“I got it at Sport Clips, baby! SPORT CLIPS! YEAAAAH! SPORT CLIPS FUCKING ROCKS!!!”
“HOT TOWEL! BLACK GUY YELLING AT WHITE GUY IN FRONT OF A HOT BROAD ON THE TV! STRAIGHT RAZOR NECK SHAVE! WOOOOOOOOO!”
Can we draft the post for our O-Line?
-Pete Carrol
JET FUEL CAN’T MELT SUBWAY BEAMS!
Bird dance or seizure?
Yes!
I really miss Bills Mafia.
A new generation is coming.
In case you missed it, here’s the subway guy from a different angle.
The extended cut, where he’s yelling at them before he gives chase: https://gfycat.com/RealisticMiserlyBullmastiff
The fateful conclusion: https://gfycat.com/InexperiencedEmptyItaliangreyhound
I think this is the same asshole. https://gfycat.com/VagueHugeDoe
/sound of gavel being repeatedly hammered
“Senators. SENATORS! The future of DACA will not be settled in such an uncouth manner! This is not the floor of the House of Representatives!”
“You little shit. Do you want the Ray Rice or the Adrian Peterson when we get to the car?”
At least Ray Rice stayed away from the funbag.
I wouldn’t have taken him for a Harry Potter fan.
+9 3/4
Olivia is going to be so mad at Eli when she sees this.
Hey, that guy brought a basketball to a football game. GET HIM!!!!!!!!
I’m no ornithologist, but if I had to guess I would say that looked like the rare northeast corridor asshole.
not so sure that they are rare
I’m just going by what the ornithology book says.
Travis Kelce…the early years.
I’m thinking of just making Conference Championship week Quotables as fans-only every season.
When did Hitler shave his mustache?
We need to nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Just because you sleep in Mommy’s bed and wrestle her every night does not make you my Dad.
After crushing Jaguars spirits, Bill looks forward to crushing some cougar puss.
The boy is obviously telling his Dad that he actually wanted a Patriots’ jersey, by repeatedly Gronking him in the nose.
After his eighth conquest of the AFC, Mephistopheles honored the arrangement he made with Bill 20 years ago and returned his soul to him. Bill Belichick can finally feel joy and love again. Well, maybe not love.
“HOLD ME BACK”
“k”
“Incomplete. Trent Green the intended receiver on the play.”
– Trent Green
“With the rabbit now on the run, the mighty eagle closes in for the kill…”
“Look! I’m doing my Pete Carrol impression! See!?!”
Where’s the baseball of gum he’s constantly chewing?
“?Gonna Fly Now?
“?Flying High N-?”
God damn it. This is underrated hilarious.
As grown man who also wears cargo shorts, you really should’ve just stayed down on the first one, brother.
“WHAT IS THIS FEELING”
“Pork chop sandwiches!”
And with that, “Gronk” went from a lovable nickname to the only word he can say.
(screwed up, lemme try again)
“Knock knock, motherfucker.”
-Karma
The NFL ThoughtCrime Enforcers quickly stepped in and enrolled the child in both the Play90 and Heads Up Re-Education Programs, concurrently.
At the very end there, you can see his brain desperately trying to snatch back control of his body, only managing to quietly whimper, “Help me.”
“Hey! I saw her first, so back off!”
– Bill Belichick
Here we see the Eastern Common White Trash just emerging from a satisfying evening watching a Leni Riefenstahl Film Festival. Notice the wing movement of his mating dance, signifying to potential sex partners that he is not, in fact, a cuck.
Pictured, a smart Eagles fan chasing dumb ones. He ain’t the one on a Philly subway.
Worst “Planet Earth” series ever.
“Step right up ladies and gentlemen…just 50 cents to tackle a drunk Eagles fan!”
“That kid really has the stuff to make it in the National Fireman Lollypop.” – Travis Kelce
If he did that in Foxboro that would’ve been a personal foul and an automatic ejection.
“Son, I can handle your retarded ass can wearing a Chiefs jersey to a Stanford basketball game, and I can handle your retarded ass headbutting me in the nose, BUT NOT AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!”
I am seeing my impending fatherhood bearing down on me as I read this response.
If it’s any consolation, someday you’ll know the sweet release of death.