NFL News:
This is sure going to hurt morale at The Dak Prescott School Of Maturity, but Doug Martin has been cut by the Bucs.
- Considering the average lifespan of a hamster is two years, it appears the muscled-kind can triple that span.
- As predicted/feared, Rae Carruth is seeking custody of his son.
- The physically-challenged son, because he was a premie, because his father hired some men to kill his mother so he wouldn’t be born.
- I can’t wait for the “Movie of the Week”.
- The physically-challenged son, because he was a premie, because his father hired some men to kill his mother so he wouldn’t be born.
- Baker Mayfield has announced he will not attend the NFL Draft in Arlington.
- Because why show your appreciation at being drafted to a tire fire LIVE on TV.
It’s gone so well before.
- Today marks the opening of the Franchise & Transition Tag window.
- In an unrelated event, Kirk Cousins has had his phone turned off all day.
In phrasing that doesn’t remind of Hank Scorpio or Ernst Blofeld, nfl.com names a frontrunner to buy the Panthers.
- It’s “Billionaire hedge fund manager and philanthropist David Tepper”, because those are usually two great things that go great together.
- To further elaborate, “Tepper, whose net worth has been estimated at $11 billion by Forbes, currently owns a five percent stake in the Steelers.”
- so it looks like he’s willing to up his game, like Jimmy Haslam.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics:
- NBCSN | 7:00PM – Figure Skating (women’s short)
- NBC | 8:00PM – Snowboarding, Bobsled, Alpine, Figure Skating
- CNBC | 10:00PM – Men’s hockey: Czech Republic vs. USA
- CBC |
- TSN | 7:00PM – Curling – Women’s Round Robin: Canada vs. Great Britain
- Sportsnet1
- 7:30PM – Men’s Snowboarding
- 9:00PM – Ladies’ Downhill Skiing
- 11:00PM | Men’s Freestyle Skiing
- NHL: no national broadcasts; regional coverage only
- NBA: last day of the All-Star break
- NCAA:
- Creighton at Butler – 7:00PM | FS1
- Illinois at Michigan State – 7:00PM | ESPN
- West Virginia at Baylor – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Kentucky at Arkansas – 9:00PM | ESPN
- Mississippi at Missouri – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- MLS:
- 2018 CONCACAF Champions League:
- Round of 16 – Colorado vs. Toronto FC – 10:00PM | TSN2
- 2018 CONCACAF Champions League:
Sorry everything’s a bit truncated today. I had a full class, which left little time to craft the majestic pieces I throw up for you most every night. I CAN’T PROMISE TO DO BETTER!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRUE0aAI5o8
The following is a transcript of a scene from Senor’s gig tonight:
Boy, maybe about 9 or 10: Is that a violin?
Senor (as we’re coming off a break): Yeah.
Boy: Do you mind if I play it?
Senor: Yes. Yes I do mind.
Boy: Why? I know how to play.
Senor: Then you’d know why I mind.
Violist: Because it’s very expensive and important.
Boy: Do you mind if I play your viola?
Violist: Yes.
Boy: Why?
Violist: Same reason.
Boy (back to me): Can I hold it?
Senor: Still no.
Boy: Well can you make some noise with it?
Senor: We were just about to do that!
And then he tried to turn a page while I was playing Maple Leaf Rag, but I was smart and saw him leaning on my stand so I leaned with my scroll and shut him the fuck down. I am also glad the violist jumped in when he did because I was trying to edit the phrase I would have said, “Because I don’t know you, and I don’t trust you, and if you break him I will fucking end you and wear your hide as a goddamn pelt, you little shit, now get the fuck away from me.” The rest of the kids at this engagement party were nice, and listened and did not touch. So good for you, other kids!
Shoulda poked him in the eye with the bow.
….your violin is a he?
I just say that as such a sexy instrument is typically regarded as a smoldering temptress.
I’m the first owner, and he had a very brash sound at the beginning. It was like taming a horse, which led to the name Hidalgo, whether the actual horse actually existed or not.
I think it’d be cool if a symphony orchestra finished one of those big Beethoven songs and smashed all their instruments like The Who.
this story is more touching than any relationship I’ve had over the last five years. my hat’s off to you sir
Oh, and also I was 13 when I got him. So, it’s been half a lifetime.
f
Well shit.
Piss.
Terry?
Shootouts fucking suck.
Troy Terry is 2018 TJ Oshie Right?
Nope.
To the shoot-out!
HOLE. E. SHEET.
How was there no shot there?
They killed the penalty for them.
2-2 overtime
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0QWspt6PLE
Some are NSFW. Fair warning. https://gfycat.com/unsurprised/hot
OFF THE CROSSBAR
I thought they’d bury that
LOL Jets…
https://nypost.com/2018/02/19/60m-in-1st-year-jets-set-to-creatively-pounce-on-kirk-cousins/
Medvedeva is some kind of skating cyborg.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riHSCgHYUUc
Staten Island Hustle looks… guidoish
As if Doug Martin wasn’t having a bad enough day, now his most hated Olympic event is being broadcast on NBC’s main channel.
For the record, Gary Bettman is also a national disgrace.
Regardless, I’m still putting a deposit down on Seattle season tickets.
*international disgrace
Y’know, in terms of visibility, Dean Spanos is a much better known disgrace.
SHORTY!!!!
Shorty! 2-2
USA! USA! USA! USA!
Ugly 2nd period so far.
Goddammit.
2-1 CZE
Found a funny:
Me: so what made you want to be a trashman?
Trashman who looks suspiciously like 3 raccoons in a trenchcoat: um… the benefits….
“Tastes like mango, chutney, and burnt hair.”
Time for reading!
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2010/feb/24/elmore-leonard-rules-for-writers
You too?
I have that book. Still haven’t actually read it, but I have it.
People write way too much goddamn exposition and narration, and it almost never helps. Like he said, Atwood can paint a picture with words; most just rub finger paints in your eyes. This is where the GoT series is better than the ASOIAF novels because I don’t give a shit about the thousands of years of backstory. Funny enough, the one place where GRRM does this correctly is how he glosses over depictions of battles. The series’s excuse for the first several seasons was money, but also it doesn’t fucking matter. Donald Westlake’s novel The Hunter, which has been adapted into half a dozen movies – Lee Marvin in Point Blank, Mel Gibson in Payback – and inspired countless imitators spent more words on the protagonist making a fake ID (in the 50s) than in how he kills a dozen men in a railyard. One
My wife is an intelligent woman, her taste in men notwithstanding, but hasn’t grasped the concept of the rhetorical question. She recently asked me why the French skater didn’t open with a triple jump which is apparently required, then stared at me waiting for an answer.
1-1 end of first
Bad penalty to take at the end of the period.
Every time one of these figure skaters wipes out I swear I hear my ankles screaming.
.
Like you’ve never gotten shit-faced before?
Fuck.
The Olympic version of this?
Butt-fumble gif in 3…2…
Czechs tie 1-1
Speaking of sequels:
2012 Pt. 2 sucked so bad they had to call it San Andreas.
*sees ad for “Rise”*
Shut up Ted.
CAN THESE BELGIANS STOP WASTING MY TIME AND WIN SOME FUCKING MEDALS
Yooooooo this blues vs sharks hockey game is good!
Isn’t it hard to skate while crouching and snapping your fingers side to side?
1-0 USA over Czech
This Ryan Donato kid is pretty good.
Go go USA!
Fuck this week
As opposed to last week?
Also yes
I know they aren’t saying it, but all I hear is “Bullwinkle” during the women’s downhill
“Watch me pull a Titleist out of my snatch.”
– L. Vonn
Tiger’s game has been on the upswing lately…
“Watch me fire a Titleist out of my snatch.”
—Thai bar girl
Umm…that wasn’t actually “her” snatch.
I’m sticking by my story and that’s the end of it. NO HE-SHE, NO HE-SHE, YOU’RE THE HE-SHE!!!
What happens in S.E. Asia…
Ice dancing to Back in Black!!!!! About damned time.
Time for Learning!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA_P3p7MI98
She got hosed!
Yikes, PK Subban not happy that he was allowed to sucker punch a guy from behind.
Dion Phaneuf. Still an asshole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDxZP3fnWhU
Oh good. Jeopardy guy is talking to Alex about playing bocce.
2nd guy has a cat with 23 toes instead of 16.
Returning champ is showing broken hand-me-down lighter.
I FARTED THE THEME SONG WITH MY HANDS YOU FUCKING HACKS.
The Final Jeopardy answer is “hummingbird”
Dick.
/rushes to local bar to make money off local rubes
But what is the question?
Polydactylism for the win!
–Antonio Alfonseca
I know this isn’t politically correct, but I’d still give a day’s pay just to watch Johnny Weir try to rotate my tires.
With Tara Lipinski doing the tire-changing commentary?
I challenge a single person to read this in a way that isn’t sexual
I was gonna add “he can use my tools” but that was just being obvious. Might even say cheeky!
23&Me Narrator: ‘What would you do if I gave you a car, but told you that it was the only car you would ever get for the rest of your life?”
Me: “Probably drive it straight into a tree trying to impress a girl”
Narrator: “Awesome”
My lunch. It didn’t taste good the 2nd time around.
Wait……?
Did you puke it up?
The only alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.
Redshirt is a bird and/or cow?
“Man, this really tastes like shit.”
This Is Us 2: So Very White
Now with 20% more fire protection!
The Norwegian silver-medalist speaks better English that I do.
She’s clearly a mole.
She certainly speaks better English than that guy in the White House, who would like for her to migrate here so he could sexually harass her.