Goddess II – Episode 7



An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

Previously, on Goddess II….

[Red Square Bar, Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Approximately Midnight]

Balls (to Vanessa):  See?  I knew we’d find them here.

tWBS (to Leticia):  See?  I knew they’d find us here.

Leticia:  Unbelievable.

tWBS (turns to Balls):  We’ve been looking for your asses all night.  So where’s the case?  You said you were going to double the bank.  But you didn’t, did you?

Balls:  Nope.

tWBS:  I fucking knew it.  You just had to go and…

Balls:  We tripled it.

tWBS (stunned):  Say what now?

Balls:  We tripled it.  Or rather, Vanessa did.  $78,800.  It’s deposited in the cage, we can pick it up whenever.  Plus we’ve got a party going on upstairs with naked chicks and debauchery, so we really should get back.

Leticia:  Are you guys serious?  You guys tripled the money?

Vanessa (beaming proudly):  Yep.  I was awesome.

Leticia kisses Vanessa.  tWBS kisses Balls (giggity).

tWBS:  Bartender, one more shot over here please.  We need to toast.

Bartender:  I told you already, you’ve had enough.

Balls:  You heard my friend.  We’re celebrating.  Get the damned shot, Maria Sharapova!!!!

tWBS (hugging balls):  Hehehehehehe…I love this guy!!!

tWBS:  I’m Kool!!!!

Balls:  No, I’M KOOL!!!!

Vanessa and Leticia (laughing and in unison):  You’re both idiots.

tWBS (to Balls, giggling):  They’re right, you know?

Balls:  Yeah, I know.  But we have fun.

tWBS:  True.  Soooooooo….  This party?

Balls:  Oh it’s nothing, really.  Just a coupla dozen naked chicks dancing upstairs in our suite.

tWBS:  Holy shit.  Really????  I can’t wait to get up there … (notices Leticia’s glare) … aaaaannnnnd totally just hang out with Leticia while not looking at ANY of those  girls.

Leticia:  Oh would you relax?  You can look all you want.  But the next time I see you touching another girl …ORRR ANOTHER GIRL TOUCHING YOU…YOU HEAR ME NATASHA?????  Well, let’s just say…

Leticia giggles and slaps tWBS across the face.

Leticia:  …just don’t.

tWBS:  Never, baby.  But we still need to talk about this new possessive streak you’ve stumbled into.  Now give Papi another smack, would ya.  I’m not fully hard yet.

Leticia (giggling):  Maybe later.

tWBS:  Oh, you little tease.

Balls:  OK, this is all very touching.  Really it is.  But we’ve got a party to get to.

tWBS:  I’M P!NK!!!!!

Balls:  NO I’M P!NK!!!!!

Vanessa and Leticia look at one another and giggle.

Vanessa (giggling):  If either one of you ever wants to see pink again, you better stop that shit.

Balls (to tWBS, giggling):  They’re just jealous.

tWBS (giggling):  Bitches, right?

Leticia smacks tWBS again..

Balls:  So, you hard yet?

tWBS:  Getting closer.

Balls smacks tWBS

Balls:  How about now?

tWBS:  Dude???  Totally flaccid now.

Vanessa (to Leticia):  Did you know they were this weird?

Leticia:  *sigh*  Sadly, yes.  I should have warned you.


[A few hours later, Interior of Luis’ car, backseat]

Luis and Manuel are cuddling in the backseat, covered by a blanket, and whispering so Brad can’t hear.

Luis: I didn’t think it would be that…

Manuel:  Weird?

Luis:  No.

Manuel: Loud?

Luis: No.

Manuel:  Deep?

Luis: Yeah, that’s the word.  It’s like the three of us were traveling through space, man!

Manuel:  Did you get into the weed?

Luis:  Shut up!  It was beautiful.

Manuel:  Yeah, I have to admit.  It was certainly something.  And he’s driving while we can rest!

Luis:  His taste in music is….interesting.

Manuel:  Awww, I think it’s sweet.  Hold me closer.

Luis:  Hey, do you think we can talk him into going to Vegas with us?

Manuel:  I think so.  Let’s see how things go in Medicine Hat and we’ll throw it out there…


The Maestro pulls “Blue” into the icy lot of the Thunder Bay Canadia Post….errrr, shit….Canada Post distribution center.  He hits the brakes and begins to skid out of control.  When the rubber of the tires hits a bare spot where the pavement is clear, the car screeches to a halt but turns up on two wheels, momentarily teetering.  After a moment, it comes to rest again on all four wheels.  No harm done.

Maestro (to himself, eh):  Whew, that was close.  I would have hated to have had to explain that to the insurance company again.

Litre_Cola exits the building and moves toward the blue hatchback and opens the door.

Litre_Cola:  You almost did it again, eh?

Maestro:  Shut up, eh.

Litre_Cola:  Maybe I should drive, eh?

Maestro:  Would you just get in already.  We’re aboot to lose them.  They’re headed for the border crossing, and we don’t have much time to catch up.

Litre_Cola:  So what took you so long, eh?  I’ve been waiting for hours.  I had to do some actual work and I’ve wanted to get the hell out of Thunder Bay since they sent me here three days ago!

Maestro:  I was driving across Canadia….goddammit…Canada, eh.  Is no one going to miss you?

Litre_Cola:  Oh, right. Nah.  I got a guy couvering for me. He owes me one.  We’re good for at least a week.

Maestro: Ok, cool.

Litre_Cola:  So, you got any weed?

Maestro:  What?  No I don’t have any weed.

Litre_Cola:  You wanna buy some, eh?

Maestro:  Are you high already?

Litre_Cola (begins munching on a brownie):  What?  Noooooo…..

Maestro:  Oh….


Leticia:  ….You Sonofabitch!!!!!!!

As Balls, tWBS, Vanessa and Leticia are passing back through the casino floor on their way back to the bank of elevators upstairs, tWBS has gone out of his way to point out the Black Jack tables to Leticia.

tWBS:  Hehehehehehehe.

Balls (to tWBS):  I don’t get it.

tWBS (giggling, whispering, to Balls):  Just watch.  If I can get her to sit, she’ll make a killing …  (to Leticia) …  Come on baby, just one hand.  I’ll bank you.

Leticia:  NO!!!!!  You know I don’t play anymore.  You’re both lucky we showed up when we did and got that old chick caught.  But I don’t play anymore.  Not after last time.  You KNOW that.

Vanessa:  Ummmmm…what’s going on?

Leticia:  tWBS is being an asshole again.

tWBS:  Awwww, that’s a mean thing to say.

Leticia:  But true.

tWBS:  Tough, but fair.

Vanessa:  I want to see you play!!!!

Balls:  Yeah, me too!!!!

Leticia (glaring at tWBS):  You just had to open your big fat mouth, didn’t you?

tWBS:  You say that like you’re surprised somehow.

Leticia:  NO!!!!  Besides what about that party?

Balls:  Oh shit, I almost forgot.

Leticia:  See????

tWBS:  OK, then.  You win.  But maybe tomorrow?

Leticia looks longingly at the Black Jack tables.

Leticia:  *sigh*   Maybe.

The four continue on through the casino, to the elevators.  Leticia and Vanessa step into the open elevator, while tWBS grabs Balls’ arm, holding him back for a moment.

tWBS:  She’ll play tomorrow.  I can see it in her eyes.  Tomorrow is going to be fun.

Balls:  So is tonight.

They step into the elevator and hit the button for the 62nd floor.

tWBS:  Hell yes it is.  Assuming we can stay…



Jenny:  …. Awake?  Psssst….Dave???  Are you awake????

The big rig car carrier drives on through the night.

Dave:  Ummmm, yep.  I am now.  What’s up?

Jenny:  I’m scared.  Do you know where we are?

Dave looks around to get his bearings.  In the dark of night it takes him a few minutes.

Jenny:  Dave????

Dave:  Sorry.  Yes, I’ve been here before.  We’re barely into Oklahoma.

Jenny:  Everything looks so boring here.

Dave:  Yeah, it kinda is actually.

Jenny:  Can I ask you something personal?

Dave:  Sure, I guess so.

Jenny:  Why didn’t you just go with your people this time?

Jim:  Holy Shit!!!!!  Why don’t you just kiss him already????

Dave:  What’s your problem, Dude?  Your 4wd broken or something?

Jim:  Never mind.

Jenny (whispering):  We came off the line in Smyrna, Tennessee the same day.  This is also the second time we’ve been shipped together.  He’s got a crush on me.

Jim:  Do Not!!!!!!!!

Dave:  You guys do get that we’re cars, right?  In two days, when we get to Vegas, we’re likely never going to see each other again.  Jeebus.

Jim:  Fine by me.

Jenny (sobbing now):  No, Dave.  You’re wrong.  At least I hope so.

She flashes her brake lights to Dave.  Dave flashes his headlights back to her, then they both drift to sleep.


Maestro:  Dude, would you at least roll down a window please, eh?????

Litre:  Gimme a sec, eh.

Maestro:  GODDAMIT, EH??????

Maestro rolls down his own window, and the smoke in the car clears out until his eyes at least stop watering.  A little bit, anyway.

Litre:  Dude, it’s cold out there.  Roll that shit up.

Maestro:  Rolling things up is the last thing you need to be worried about right now.  You know what?  Never mind.

Maestro pulls out his phone again and begins dialing.  Soon, the connection is made.

BeerGuyRob:  Hello, eh?

Maestro:  Rob?  It’s Maestro, eh.

BGR:  Eh?

Maestro:  Eh!!!!

BGR:  Eh!!!!

Maestro (looks in passenger seat at Litre):  I think Imma need your help with something, eh?

BGR:  Eh?

Maestro:  Eh!!!  There’s two guys who want to kill Balls and tWBS.

BGR:  Eh??  I love those guys!!!

Maestro:  Wait, eh?  You love the guys who want to kill Balls and tWBS, eh???

BGR:  No you hoser!!!!!!

Maestro:  I’m not a hoser….YOU’RE A HOSER!!!!!

BGR:  Take off, eh!!!!!

Maestro:  Dude, try to focus, eh.  Those guys are in Vegas.  The guys who want to kill them are headed there.  I’ve got Litre with me but he’s….well.  Tired I guess, eh.

BGR:  High again, eh?

Maestro:  Ohhhh yeah, eh.  I need you to pack some things and start heading south so we can….

BGR:  No worries, eh!!!!  We’re on our way!!!!!

Maestro:  Wait, we?  Who’s w….


Maestro:  Goddammit, eh!!!!  Why does everyone keep hanging up on me, eh???????


The elevator moves toward the top floor of Mandalay Bay…

When the doors open…

tWBS (to Balls):  Holy shit, you weren’t kidding.

Balls:  Inorite????

The foursome enters the suite.

Leticia:  I need to go freshen up…  (to tWBS)  …  While I’m gone, don’t you dare do anything I’ll have to make you regret later.

Vanessa:  Me too, I’ll go with you … (to Balls) …  You better behave too.

Balls and tWBS:  *Silence*

Leticia and Vanessa (suspiciously):  Uh huh.  You keep it that way.  Both of you.

The pair moves towards Balls’ and Vanessa’s bedroom.  Once they’re out of earshot…

Balls (to tWBS):  Want some tequila???

tWBS:  Fuck yeah!!!!

Balls pulls out the tequila bottle and begins pouring.

Leticia (from a distance):  HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Vanessa (from a distance):  HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Balls (to tWBS):  Oh fuck, what now?

tWBS:  Dunno, but we better go find out.

Balls and tWBS both down their tequila shots, then move through the crowd toward the bedroom.  Once they reach the open doors to the room, where Leticia and Vanessa are both still standing…

Balls and tWBS (in unison):  HOLY SHIT!!!!!

To Be Continued….


An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nighlitre_colaSenor WeaselotheeWeeBabySeamusnomonkeyfun Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I enjoy this series for the complete fuckery in Vegas

Senor Weaselo

/Yeah, I know, nobody got the joke


Finished just in time for teh hoopsball. If Canada Post ever sent me to Thunder Bay I would need all of the weed. ALL OF IT!


The foursome enters the suite.

Is this what those reading weenies call foreshadowing?

/imagines Balls and tWBS in situation.

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