My review of the Wyndham Microtel in Ceres, California.

I did not expect to find four-star accommodation in this “suburb” of Modesto, which appears to be Maverick’s definition of a “target-rich enviroment” if you are a person who fucks cows. I did, however, expect that I might be lucky enough to find two-star accommodation, particularly at a hotel which charges the highest rate in its immediate vicinity.

A science fiction book I recently read included the concept of a star made entirely out of antimatter. That is what a negative star is. That is the rating this hotel gets.

This place is a dump. My room overlooks a storage facility. Behind that is a truck wholesaler and a spill pond. The only thing preventing the vintage-styled rooms from being an ideal location for shooting scenes from American Hustle is that there is no way you could fit any two of the characters and a cameraman in here at the same time. The only thing preventing me from hearing every word of my neighbors’ conversations through the paper-thin walls is the incessant blast of freeway noise.

Do you like hot showers? Well you’ll enjoy one here, after killing ten full minutes waiting for the shower to heat up, before your restlessness prompts you to figure out the unlabeled controls are completely counterintuitive (full blast = COLD).

The room appeared to have been cleaned properly, until I discovered the unwrapped bar of soap waiting for me in the shower. Similarly, I’m not feeling too encouraged by the fact that the shampoo bottle was half-empty – about as much as the room’s previous occupant would have used. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s continental breakfast, heated up no doubt in the facility’s state-of-the-art science oven.

Wifi is adequate.

Spotify link.