Your “Like Eli Manning, This Week Just Keeps Getting Slower” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Not that he’s officially on the market, but if he were the Giants want two first-round picks for Odell Beckham Jr.
    • This is amidst rumours the Rams kicked the tires on a potential trade.
  • Another rule change: the mandatory extra point on a game-ending TD has been eliminated.
    • This is in response to the Saints sending out half-changed players for the extra-point in their loss to Minnesota during the playoffs.
      • The only people who will care come from Vegas.
  • Oh God yes – Johnny Fucking Football met with the Patriots after his A&M pro-day redemption tour.
    • There were other teams there, blah blah blah – we all want to see JFF laughing while Grumblelord’s skull vibrates like Yosemite Sam’s.
    • If anyone can entice Gronk to come back, it’ll be a guy who loves partying more than him.
  • Stealing from Crimebeat!:
    • The Seahawks have cut Trevone Boykin after his investigation by Dallas police on domestic violence charges.
      • His girlfriend reported “Boykin attempted to choke her and broke her jaw in two places during an incident that occurred at his home last week. She said she blacked out while Boykin was attempting to choke her and then came to in a “puddle of blood on the kitchen floor.”
    • When reached for comment, Jerry Jones said, “Greg who?”

Finally, the potential sale of the Panthers will be coming in at an estimated price of $2.5 billion.

  • The NFL hopes to ratify a sale by their May meetings.
  • No word on how much the League will keep back as punishment for the reason Richardson is being “encouraged” to sell the team. One hopes it’ll be three-fifths.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Panthers at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Rangers at Capitals – 8:00PM | NBCSN
      • another wasted season from Henrik Lundquist
  • NBA:
    • Knicks at 76ers – 7:00PM | TSN
    • Cavaliers at Hornets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Celtics at Jazz – 9:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1

You kids play nice in the comments, or I’ll have to start leaving my drugs lying around just to take your edges off. I’VE GOT ENOUGH TRAMADOL FOR EVERYONE!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor WeaseloUnsurprisedMoose -The End Is Well NighLow Commander of the Super Soldiersyeah right Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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yeah right

Hey folks, just wanted to share.
My company won my current contract for another 5 years.

Hell yes.

Now I can go back to being irresponsible!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why do I have a feeling those instructions are “Kiss Your Ass Goodbye?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Finally watching one of Chappelle’s recent Netflix specials, and frankly, not that impressed. Lot of self confidence, mixed bag on his usual innovation/insight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But what about his outfit and makeup?

Gratliff

Thank you, Avalanche, for letting the Flyers make the playoffs.

Gratliff

In his first game back from injury, Michael Neuvirth gave up 1 goal in 28 minutes, and then injured himself again. Rick DiPietro could not be reached for comment.

WCS

DiPierto, however, was signed through 2030 for $275 million, with the Islanders, AND, through a unique agreement with Dan Snyder, will also be Washington’s starting free safety for the same contractual time frame.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wonder if Hippo has anything riding on this…..

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Senor Weaselo

And then broke his sit bones.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I miss Craig Ferguson

JerBear50
JerBear50

The front half of the horse is now his on-air producer on his Sirius show.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Really?

There are pirate feeds of so much shit, including premium podcasts and a subreddit for pirating Patreon rewards (Although I think it may have finally been banned), and so I have to assume there’s one of that if I look.

I mean … If I wanted to. I wouldn’t dare pirate anything.

/Logs off to watch tonight’s Americans.

JerBear50
JerBear50

It’s pretty good. I used to dvr his show and watch it before bed, so the radio show has slid right back into that position. It’s my unwind show when I get home from work in the morning.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Archer: Danger Island trailer

WCS

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

It is officially too damn early / cold to care about baseball.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m a Padres fan. This is all we have.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Isle of Dogs is really good and really funny. It’s a shame it was so funny that the guy sitting next to me wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Taking my g/f to see it this weekend. She’s a huge Wes Anderson fan. It’s only playing at an indie theater which is inconveniently located, but at least it’s a cool old theater.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Weird. I guess it got a big distribution here because this is Portland. :-/

JerBear50
JerBear50

Yeah, probably. I was surprised it didn’t get at least a few screens because the cast is fucking huge, but it’s not anyone important like the Rock or Vin Diesel.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Eh. Bryan Cranston, Scarlett Johansson Bill Murray. Then again, I guess Ed Norton and Jeff Goldblum aren’t huge draws, are they. But would the first three be, either? Probably not.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Meh. At least I get to drink beer at this theater. They’ve got a nice craft selection.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So do I.

Portland.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Damn. Even 911 gets shivved in Baltimore.

Baltimore’s 911 emergency system hit by cyberattack

WCS

SEND UP THE FOZZ SIGNAL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So the text of the rule change is that they “elimintated the requirement” to attempt an extra point (or two). Which means that it’s now optional. I love that because it means someday we might see one or the Harbaugh brothers or Schiano attempt a meaningless two point conversion out of pure spite.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Future Vegas Odds Makers, not accounting for the Schiano Factor (artist’s conception):

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Fronkenshteen

Judd Apatow’s Garry Shandling documentary is tremendous. What a tortured soul.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

/Looks at the banner pic

The concussion protocol works!

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Gratliff

Congratulations to the Florida Panthers for being the first team chasing Philadelphia to ever lose a fucking game.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I guess sadly I will never travel back to Vancouver to watch shitty baseball and buy beers from one of our fearless leaders (BGR). My interaction with fucking Australians has stolen my smile and I am moving to Tucson. They promise me that I never have to talk to anyone outside of North America.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re just pissed about them cheating in cricket.

Gratliff

Didn’t doubt Toronto for a second

Gratliff

And Florida scores again immediately following this. Swear to fuck.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM7lw0Ovzq0

Fucking Jay-Z…you could drop that fucker into the Sahara Desert with his cloths and a pen knife…a fucking week later, he has a casino and a clone Frank Sinatra as a door man.

Straight up…if the same dude is born into a white suburban family, the dude is a brain surgeon.

My old man hates rap. Hates people that use the N-word. But the last time I was talking to him over the phone, I had this song playing in the background and the boss man asked me what i was listening to. Now my old man follows Jay fucking Z.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

On a positive note, I am now up to 8 miles of power walking a day. Its like 2 hours to get done after work.

I started a 250 lbs (1/8th of a ton) at the very end of January and I am down to like 228. The depressing thing is I got 8 lbs to get to my fucking drivers license weight.

What is staggering to me is how well I fucking hid this weight. Like I never had a gut despite being insanely overweight. Its the whole reason why I was floored I was 250 at my yearly physical.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s awesome. Keep it up.

What is staggering to me is how well I fucking hid this weight.

Oh, it’s amazing how well fat compresses and shapes to fool us.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Its fucking great. I feel like a tool just asking for random validation from strangers…and this isn’t my goal at all to do that.

I’m kicking myself for not noticing how bad my health had gotten. What blows my mind is how good I was at hiding the weight. Like my pant size ain’t changed for shit, but I sure as shit feel better.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You weren’t asking, but even if you were, it doesn’t make you a tool. It’s totally worthwhile and justified to be proud of an accomplishment and wanting to let people know; and it’s perfectly reasonable for us to want to congratulate and validate you without prompting because it’s something we can appreciate. And around here, that’s not very common.

I gained over 80 pounds from 2010-12 or 13 and I don’t really remember noticing that much, and if I did I didn’t care enough to think too hard. It’s shocking how well it’s hidden.

On the flipside, I lost 60 pounds in about 6 months in 2016 (and have plateaued for the last 18 months) and barely noticed even when I was creating new notches in a belt until I had so much extra length in the belt after I punched a couple new holes that I had to cut 10-12″ off. But even then it wasn’t until I was actually weighted at my doctors’s offices that I realized how much I lost, first in July and then in September when I bottomed out. It was in September that I cut that belt and finally just bought a new one.

Gaining and losing weight is weird as Hell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

little mushroom boy: are you sure you can kill the lizard king?
plumber dressed as a raccoon: of course.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I decided to do an inpromptu overnight beach trip.
It doesn’t look like this. The water is fucking freezing. And my penis disappeared with no forwarding address.
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Other than that, it’s all great.

litre_cola

We can still track its history- Canada Post

theeWeeBabySeamus

I also broke my ass. Can I collect the insurance on that?

litre_cola

Did you insure the item for more than 100 CAD?

theeWeeBabySeamus

My ass isn’t worth that much.

Dammit.

litre_cola

Please contact the sender sir.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, I’m pretty sure that’s me too.

SONOFABITCH!!!!!!

litre_cola

Come on Ice Fins (sorry Grat) Gamblor implores you!

Gratliff

“Wednesday night is a good time to get caught up on shows”
20 minutes later: “But which Dalton Castle entrance is actually his best”

rockingdog
rockingdog

Finally got around to watching that “documentary” Exit Through The Gift Shop . Was an assignment for school. It was really cool and I liked how it touched on the commodification of art. Would recommend.

Gratliff

It’s important to put quotes around documentary because there’s no fucking way that was real

Gratliff

Keeping it topical, the best heel promo of all time happened 15 years ago last month:

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Best entrance in wrestling?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Never mind…

Gratliff

Goldberg into Madonna is top 5. There’s so many to choose from. Best entrance from the “Animatronic Dinosaur” category:

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I love me some NJPW….its the whole reason I bother with having Sling TV…but dear lord does Dave Meltzer is so fucking over the top, he makes me wish I didn’t follow.

His over the top praise of NJPW is funny because if any of their wrestlers were even hinted at feeding him info, their careers would be dead.

Gratliff

I never followed Meltzer when I was younger before I took a long break from wrestling, and I don’t follow him now, but it’s fun to watch Twitter lose its shit every time he says something stupid (often). There’s a whole section of wrestling fans that I swear exist to shit on whatever NJPW’s doing just because of him. “Um, sorry, no. Golden Lovers-Young Bucks wasn’t THAT good.”

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I love NJPW but Meltzer shit seems to be that everyone needs to replicate their style and booking.

Well first of all…that means like 90% of the locker room is out of work because NJPW use a tiny locker room.

Plus, the last thing Wrestling needs is everyone following the hard style. Fucking WWE is dealing with dozens of concussion lawsuits now. The only reason no one goes after the Japanese companies is because they don’t have fucking money.

I do love though seeing Cody Rhodes doing cross promotion. How the fuck WWE wasted having that guy is crazy to me.

Redshirt

I beg your pardon?

Gratliff

Fucking knew I couldn’t trust Toronto

Horatio Cornblower

Won my trial today so I’m gonna celebrate like any other middle-aged white guy.

Playing a bunch of Fortnite and drinking by myself.

Gratliff

We blocked Epic Games at work this week, and we’re getting no shortage of death stares over it

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

Hi commentists,I hope you are all well. Still no sign of salmon’s with arms or a salmon arm, but I have free reign on the inlaws wine room. They want to move in the summer so he doesn’t want to take the bottles with him.
“Drink whatever the hell you want as long as I get 1 glass of it”. This my internet friends is fucking fantastic.

rockingdog
rockingdog

evening all.
ahahaha oh god Gronk and Johnny Football? the football movie writes itself!

also, this is kind of a good writeup. Buffalo would love Johnny Football!!!
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000922910/article/johnny-manziels-potential-nfl-landing-spots-eight-team-fits

Gratliff

But they already made The Accused

Gratliff

Okay, Toronto. I’m sorry for doubting you.

litre_cola

ALWAYS DOUBT THEM! IT IS A MIRAGE! You live in Michigan now, HAS TSN GOTTEN TO YOU GRAT???? BLINK TWICE IF THEY HAVE!

Redshirt

•Not that he’s officially on the market, but if he were the Giants want two first-round picks for Odell Beckham Jr.

Yeah, and I want to be on a deserted island being hunted by an overdosed-on-Klingon-aphrodisiacs Scarlett Johansson. But we’re both going to have to learn to live with disappointment.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I have had quite the week of pretty much nothing going my way. On Monday, I got a flat tire in the parking lot after trying to pick up lunch for my coworker who was in meetings most of the day, got a nasty sore throat as a cold is going around the office and work has been a nightmare trying to last minute scramble for a website launch next week.

But now, things are turning around. I’m taking tomorrow off and going downtown to watch the Padres lose their home opener and the game on Friday AND just learned that I’m getting my full bonus and a decent raise! Now if only I can just drink this sickness away…

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litre_cola

Congrats on the week turnaround. Maybe the Padres will win…

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

lol

Horatio Cornblower

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!!! The man just got a bonus and a raise; let’s not ask for the impossible here!

scotchnaut

“I Love You, Ghost Rider!”

-Eva Mendes’ Tits, 2007

Redshirt

There was a Ghost Rider in that movie?

ballsofsteelandfury

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Redshirt
SonOfSpam

Look at it like this – by Thursday night, they’ll be a half-game ahead of where they would’ve been otherwise.

Redshirt

1st Place – 1/2 GA – 0-0 record?

I’ll take!

Gratliff

Need Toronto to not suck, which the years have proven is a terrible strategy whatever their record may be.

scotchnaut

[closes elevator door on Gratliff as he runs to catch it] “Sorry buddy, we are who we are.”

-Everyone in Toronto

scotchnaut

Hot Taek Alert!

What’s with the love for Sam Elliot? When has he not been a variation of a gravelly-voiced fella that imparts faux wisdom to the lead actor that is meant to make the viewer pause and think, “You know, he’s right.”.

Fronkenshteen

He was good in “Mask”?

scotchnaut

[does math on his fingers (but not his thumbs because that’s bad luck)]

“That was 65 years ago!”

SonOfSpam

Counterpoint:

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scotchnaut

How Chris Hemsworth’s career survived the Red Dawn reboot is a mystery for the ages.

/GABERDINES!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Having a contract signed ten years ago to play Thor in like six-plus movies.

ballsofsteelandfury

Lundquist mention deserves smoothies:

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scotchnaut

Am I doing this right?