Secular Saturday Fútbol AM Thread

For Catholics, today is Good Saturday. To get the religious stuff out of the way: “The Young Pope” was hokey, but interesting. And what an intro!

All times Central. Yeah.

Listen, I got a two-day vacation going, so please accept my start-time guesses.

LA LIGA

Athletic Bilbao (13th) vs. Celta Vigo (10th) – 9:15 AM

Athletic Bilbao is one of the emblematic clubs in the history of fútbol.

/golf clap

Moving on, Celta Vigo’s Iago Aspas is inspiring national pride. He entered as a sub in last Tuesday’s international friendly of Spain 6 – 1 Argentina, and Aspas got the staff all tumescent at Spanish paper-of-record El País. Aspas is a humble guy from Galicia, and reporter Rafa Cabelleira called  him the prime candidate for starting at center forward for the Spanish National Team—i.e., “the most important post that can be aspired to in [Spain], at least within democracy”. Heh heh; that creeping cloud is SHADE thrown at Spain’s starting center forward, Diego Costa: born and raised in Brazil, Spanish citizen since 2013, and an international head case. A sudaka on the most “important post that can be aspired to” in Ezpaña? Now THAT’S dog whistling.

via quickmeme.com

Let’s not forget that El País covers fútbol as if it were literary criticism. Here’s more of Prof. Cabelleira on Aspas: “His play in the last friendly against Argentina is nothing but the reflection of his many virtues, the logics within a forward with the soul of a midfielder and venom in the boots, an enlightened footballer who understood the first time one of the maxims of the Cruyff Theorem: nobody is as fast as the ball itself.”

All that flowery Social Sci. stuff, NOTHING on Aspas’s 40-yard time. Get a grip, El País.

 

Las Palmas (18th) vs. Real Madrid (3rd) – 11:30 AM

Cristiano’s not playing, nor Sergio Ramos (asshole). Isco, Marcelo, and Toni Kroos are out. All sights are on Tuesday’s Champions League game at Juventus, so this trip to the Canary Islands seems like a chore. Carvajal is also out for—color me shocked—yellas.

I’d say this is like the Colts hosting the Steelers without Antonio Brown: Real has the players, but can get sleepy and lose. Yeah, and maybe your cellphone can survive a toilet flush. How much should I bet on Real, Nairobi?

From “Money Heist”, the WORST

TITLE TRANSLATION IN HISTORY

via @CasaDePapelARG

 

Sevilla (6th) vs. Barcelona (1st) – 1:45 PM

Oh! Sorry. FUCK REAL MADRID.

Barcelona plays seven games in the next 22 days, and the Injury Report includes key players listed as “Gimpy”: Iniesta, Piqué, and Ter Stegen. Busquets is out—now there’s a “He’s an asshole, but he’s OUR asshole” player. Very good with the ball and better in defense, understated but adept in the Dark Arts (the hidden elbow, the “Shot in the Leg” dive, the kick in the backheel). He’d be a god in Buenos Aires.

Messi did not play in the internationals last week for Argentina, a National Team run with a disdain for order only seen in the current White House. Anyway, Messi has had a sore right leg for some weeks, Barça hosts Roma on Wednesday in the Champions, AND the World Cup is in 79 days. You can bet UEFA and FIFA are ready to intercede in favor of rest. Eh, give it to him. Another Barcelona player can get more workload. You know, the third top scorer in La Liga this season, guy from Uruguay…

I guess Sevilla is getting the short thrift in this post. BUT, this team deserves some love: they bounced ManUre from the Champions AT MANCHESTER. It was a great day for all right-thinking fans of sports—hey, they exist. In theory, I guess. If any are spotted in real life, remember: they may be replicants.

 

ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE

Crystal Palace (16th) vs. Liverpool (3rd)  – Early AF

By the time you read this, the game will be over. And the story would not change: Roy Hodgson is a sketchy character and Jürgen Klopp is the true Son of God. Amen, hatahs.

 

Man U (2nd) vs. Swansea City (14th) – 9 AM?

Man U faces a trophy-less season. The cake Manure fans wanna give to Mourinho, once known as The Special One:

 

Brighton & Hove Albion (12th) vs. Leicester City (8th) – Yeah, 9

I think everyone should watch this game. And let me add another piece of unsolicited, but impeccable, advice:

 

Newcastle (13th) vs. Huddersfield (15th) – 9:00 AM

This match… I’ve seen more wattage on a Christmas lights shop.

IN PUERTO RICO.

 

Watford (11th) vs. Bournemouth (10th) – 9:00 AM

Jesus Christ. Does anybody NOT play in the EPL today? Here’s my observation for this game:

/sighs

I’m at a beach apartment ‘til tomorrow dammit! ?

 

West Brom (?) vs. Goddamn Burnley (7th) – 9:00 AM

Well wadda ya know. After I’ve been busting Burnley’s balls for months, they’ve been on a mini-tear. It sucks when events make your scorn look gratuitous. But Burnley’s been 7th since forever, so I stand by my pettiness.

 

West Ham (17th) vs. Soton (? All Aboard the Championship Train Choo Choo! ? 18th) – 9:00 AM

Both teams are beyond screwed. West Ham fans wanna kill their team’s owners while the club is fighting relegation under the management of failing upwards Golden Boy David Moyes. This is my dream elevator for both teams:

 

Everton (9th) vs. Man City (1st) – 11:30 AM

Win it for teh Hippo!

Wildlife Hippo GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Today is a dark day, ppl.

It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that Dave’s ass was just assaulted against his will in the grocery parking lot. The perpetrators are still at large but I’m going to subpoena the parking lot surveillance footage and bring this monster to justice!!!

But yes, after 4+ years of trying to protect him….Dave has lost his innocence.

Please pray for us.

herodotus450

And now we know that tWBS calls his last remaining testicle “Dave.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

IT’S NOT FUNNY!!!! HIS CHROME BUMPER IS VERY MILDLY DENTED!!!!!!!

I might have to trade up now to a younger hotter wife….errrrrr truck.

😛

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

The Sevilla-Barcelona game is pretty good. Well-deserved Sevilla goal for the halftime lead.

scotchnaut

Last one-Zutty Singleton doing “King Porter Stomp”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc70O3ZTZms

scotchnaut

Not nearly as well known as West End Blues but Basin Street Blues? Oh my.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8GjJD826vc

Gratliff

Really appreciate Florida recognizing their soccer style logo by only scoring 1 goal while also recognizing being the Florida Panthers by giving up 5, and virtually clinching for the Flyers.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a whole period left; plenty of time for Florida to mount a comeback.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Can’t get enough of Baby Dobbs. There be other folks showing their wares here so just wait for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RhUOzy7urs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rikki should do a compilation of Scotch’s posts today….jusssayin’

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remind me when DFO Radio posts and I will.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

He was a great pianist but he was the first to sell out to the language acquisition behemoth we know today

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ0QpJvBOWE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Surprisingly YouTube is providing some good suggestions. Although just the name Jelly Roll makes me hungry.

scotchnaut

Just listen to the tune and ignore the surrounding crap-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4ZFsm9msv4

Unsurprised

It is Vigo!

Fronkenshteen

83 days till The Feelies show in D.C.!!

https://youtu.be/2AE1lZ_hF0M

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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To be fair them pop tops can rip your fingernails to bleeding.

Fronkenshteen

Hippo’s thoughts on ‘Nova -5? Seems a bit high to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I would bet the ML before the ATS, but note that the ML shrank from +195 to +180 this week, yet the +5 never budged.

Gun to my head, I’d take Nova despite the points, but my inclination is not to bet at all.

Only have a bit over a hundred on Loyola ML.

scotchnaut

This one goes out to all the loan shark enforcers out there…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYMArK1f7wU

King Hippo

/fidgets nervously

//pops another v-profen

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Huummmmmmm wonder what he dies of……”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*died of

** not a great detective joke anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OOOOOK SMASH!!

scotchnaut
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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TRAFFIC IN INDIA! AMIRIGHT?!

scotchnaut

“2/8. Does not have enough arms. Would not fuck.”

-Durga

Fronkenshteen

May I suggest a takedown of Ted Nugent for the Parkland teens? It’s a one word takedown.

“WHO?!?!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Here is one of his fans at a protest with high school and jr. high kids.

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Fronkenshteen

Takes some real dedication to look that fat in a ski jacket.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The stupid part helps.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

An interesting test; if the guy was black.

scotchnaut

Listen to this beaut a few times with your eyes closed. It’s as close as you’ll ever get to magic-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WPCBieSESI

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Feels good.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, Everton came back out for the 2nd half!?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Apparently scientists have been able to synthesize ‘hope’ into a liquid form that can be injected into orange slices.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that how Eli had those two Super Bowl winning drives?

scotchnaut

“Fuck you, mister. It was me and don’t you forget it!”

-Pure Dumb Luck

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I didn’t know PDL was a P*ts fan.

King Hippo

they came, they saw, they…got dry-bummed

scotchnaut

Give a listen to Warren “Baby” Dobbs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm9WtT_LKmo

scotchnaut

I just finished reading “Dead Man’s Blues” yesterday. I went down the early jazz rabbit hole and found a few things. Here’s the first one. It’s Jelly Roll Morton with “The Crave”. Please listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkGjDbKauVo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was on one of the music history DVDs; fucking excellent.

Fronkenshteen

That guy has a powerhouse left hand. Like McCoyTyner or Thelonius Monk. When was that recorded?

scotchnaut

’39, apparently.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fat guy Met scores from first. That was funny. I didn’t think he was gonna make it.

Soory Hippo.

King Hippo

fault of the crappy defensive alignment, again. Marp can’t play 3B anymore, at all. And Jose Martinez can hit, but is a butcher at 1B (or corner OF). Gold-glove caliber 3B with 25-30 HR power (Gyorko) rots on the bench.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It just dawned on me that my fascist guvmint sanctioned booze store will be closed until Tuesday.
I guess I better put on some pants and head down there.
*sigh*

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What happens when dey ist introduced to the Ways of the Flesh.

scotchnaut

If you can find “Hell or High Water” on the Flix you should give ‘er a looky-loo. She’s smart and funny and a take on Westerns and a few other things. Quite a bit to like here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

0-3, let’s make it a slaughter. FAT SAM OUT

rockingdog

found another funny:

Jesus: *doing crossword* I’m stuck on 2 across.

King Hippo

Hippo’s pre-match comment, upon seeing the Everton XI:

That midfield alignment is getting overrun.

It was 0-2 when I got out of the shower around the 12′ mark…

scotchnaut

You probably should have taken a bath…

King Hippo

SIGH. I miss the Hippo-sized master bath at my old house.

/do NAWT miss the Hippo-sized mortgage payment…

Horatio Cornblower

With a radio plugged in and balanced precariously on the edge of the tub.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite???? It’s September, 1939 all over again!!!!

– Władysław Sikorski

(yes I may have been watching WWII docs recently)

King Hippo

“Fortress Goodison” has become the Sudetenland ,, smh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I need a little pick-me-up this morning while I work out so I’m going to rewatch the second half of the Chiefs-Titans game. And maybe throw in some Super Bowl action as well.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best part is seeing Chiefs fans’ hopes dashed repeatedly.

Horatio Cornblower

Out of meth?

scotchnaut

I guess she wants to spend a little more quality time with her black heart…

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2018/mar/31/fox-news-laura-ingraham-david-hogg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s pretty goddamned hilarious that she got wrecked to such a degree. It must feel tremendously empowering for the kids, too. I hope they don’t squander it and are judicious in how they target people going forward.

scotchnaut

I think that conservative pundits willing to criticize these kids are gonna back off big time. And their silence will be golden and will allow more rational views to dominate the news cycle.

[crosses fingers]

scotchnaut

In my neck of the woods we do a shit-ton of business with marinas, campgrounds, chip trucks, golf courses, kid’s camps, fly-in fishing lodges, etc. The sooner the weather gets nice, the sooner those places can open up. If the spring is extra rainy or arrives late it delays everything and you can’t get those sales back.

[stares out the window at the snow falling]

“MOTHERFUCKER!”

litre_cola

Who wants to drive 6 hours through mountain passes in a snowstorm?????

I can’t wait. If I don’t make it out avenge my death.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SAVE THE EDIBLES!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Avenges Litre’s death by pissing on snowbanks next winter.
/was gonna do it anyway

King Hippo
King Hippo

there is no bet safer than yeah right’s Cherries AT LEAST rescuing a point from this

King Hippo

told ya

yeah right

Cherries with the equalizer in penalty time! That draw was inevitable.

King Hippo

Who is ready FOAR some opiates?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdisJv5j0xo

King Hippo

love this arrangement too

King Hippo

three from Moyes’ Ginger Hammers. Get thee down already, Soton.

Horatio Cornblower

The UCONN women lost to Notre Dame in OT last night, (a game that they richly deserved to lose, if we’re being honest), and here in CT we’re frankly surprised that the sun bothered to come up this morning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think that Geno Auriemma feller was just a flash in the pan. Time for the Lady Huskies to part ways with that loser.

scotchnaut

Yeah, up here the Carleton Ravens were a shoo-in for their 13th champeenship in 19 years under coach Dave Smart but they stumbled in the semi-final. My Ottawa buddies were completely flummoxed. Smart has coached since ’99 and hasn’t lost 50 games yet. (548-47) The Ravens were really, really bad for the longest time before he got there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I spent a summer at UCONN and enthusiastically support* both teams, and even I can’t feel bad for a team that’s lost like three games in the last five years.

*sometimes watch their important games in the tournament

King Hippo

It’s as Ann as the plain on her face.

Horatio Cornblower

Egg?

rockingdog

found a funny:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When I met Slash at the zoo, I told him he’d never believe how thrilled I was when I unlocked “Welcome to the Jungle” on Guitar Hero.

Fronkenshteen

So what happens if you get relegated? You have to finish top 3 in your new, lesser division in order to move back up? Fairly new to the concept.

Relegation! Not losing. I’m a Jets/Rangers fan, for chrissakes.

King Hippo

Top 2, or win the playoff amongst sides #3-6 (in the English Championship, at least).

West Ham putting it to Saints today, huzzah!

rockingdog

Man U up 2-0.
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Fronkenshteen

West Ham woo X 2!!!

rockingdog

since chelsea doesnt play till tomorrow, gonna watch the ManU vs SWA match.

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, per the priest last night, “Good Friday is a gringo thing. It’s Holy Friday.”

He really said that. In Spanish.

herodotus450

Something something “Sabado Gigante”

King Hippo

whitey also call this “Black Saturday”

ballsofsteelandfury

SO MUCH brilliance in one post! In order:

1) You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a game at San Mamés.
2) FUCK REAL MADRID
4) hee hee for Early AF
3) he’s OUR asshole is the best description of Busquets I’ve ever seen.
5) Christmas lights shop in Puerto Rico. Damn, that’s good.

herodotus450

Paedo 1: “So we’ll call it ‘Good Friday,’ that should get everyone on their best tithing behavior.”
[One day later]
Paedo 1: “Oh shit, there’s a day between friday and sunday? Ok, we’ll call it ‘Good Saturday.’ That should get everyone on their best tithing behavior.”
Paedo 2: “We can’t have two ‘good’ days in a row, it doesn’t make any sense. This is The Church! We are known for making sensible decisions. … I’m gonna get stoned to death for this, aren’t I ?”
Paedo 1: “Well yes of course.”