For Catholics, today is Good Saturday. To get the religious stuff out of the way: “The Young Pope” was hokey, but interesting. And what an intro!
All times Central. Yeah.
Listen, I got a two-day vacation going, so please accept my start-time guesses.
LA LIGA
Athletic Bilbao (13th) vs. Celta Vigo (10th) – 9:15 AM
Athletic Bilbao is one of the emblematic clubs in the history of fútbol.
/golf clap
Moving on, Celta Vigo’s Iago Aspas is inspiring national pride. He entered as a sub in last Tuesday’s international friendly of Spain 6 – 1 Argentina, and Aspas got the staff all tumescent at Spanish paper-of-record El País. Aspas is a humble guy from Galicia, and reporter Rafa Cabelleira called him the prime candidate for starting at center forward for the Spanish National Team—i.e., “the most important post that can be aspired to in [Spain], at least within democracy”. Heh heh; that creeping cloud is SHADE thrown at Spain’s starting center forward, Diego Costa: born and raised in Brazil, Spanish citizen since 2013, and an international head case. A sudaka on the most “important post that can be aspired to” in Ezpaña? Now THAT’S dog whistling.
via quickmeme.com
Let’s not forget that El País covers fútbol as if it were literary criticism. Here’s more of Prof. Cabelleira on Aspas: “His play in the last friendly against Argentina is nothing but the reflection of his many virtues, the logics within a forward with the soul of a midfielder and venom in the boots, an enlightened footballer who understood the first time one of the maxims of the Cruyff Theorem: nobody is as fast as the ball itself.”
All that flowery Social Sci. stuff, NOTHING on Aspas’s 40-yard time. Get a grip, El País.
Las Palmas (18th) vs. Real Madrid (3rd) – 11:30 AM
Cristiano’s not playing, nor Sergio Ramos (asshole). Isco, Marcelo, and Toni Kroos are out. All sights are on Tuesday’s Champions League game at Juventus, so this trip to the Canary Islands seems like a chore. Carvajal is also out for—color me shocked—yellas.
I’d say this is like the Colts hosting the Steelers without Antonio Brown: Real has the players, but can get sleepy and lose. Yeah, and maybe your cellphone can survive a toilet flush. How much should I bet on Real, Nairobi?
From “Money Heist”, the WORST
TITLE TRANSLATION IN HISTORY
via @CasaDePapelARG
Sevilla (6th) vs. Barcelona (1st) – 1:45 PM
Oh! Sorry. FUCK REAL MADRID.
Barcelona plays seven games in the next 22 days, and the Injury Report includes key players listed as “Gimpy”: Iniesta, Piqué, and Ter Stegen. Busquets is out—now there’s a “He’s an asshole, but he’s OUR asshole” player. Very good with the ball and better in defense, understated but adept in the Dark Arts (the hidden elbow, the “Shot in the Leg” dive, the kick in the backheel). He’d be a god in Buenos Aires.
Messi did not play in the internationals last week for Argentina, a National Team run with a disdain for order only seen in the current White House. Anyway, Messi has had a sore right leg for some weeks, Barça hosts Roma on Wednesday in the Champions, AND the World Cup is in 79 days. You can bet UEFA and FIFA are ready to intercede in favor of rest. Eh, give it to him. Another Barcelona player can get more workload. You know, the third top scorer in La Liga this season, guy from Uruguay…
I guess Sevilla is getting the short thrift in this post. BUT, this team deserves some love: they bounced ManUre from the Champions AT MANCHESTER. It was a great day for all right-thinking fans of sports—hey, they exist. In theory, I guess. If any are spotted in real life, remember: they may be replicants.
ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE
Crystal Palace (16th) vs. Liverpool (3rd) – Early AF
By the time you read this, the game will be over. And the story would not change: Roy Hodgson is a sketchy character and Jürgen Klopp is the true Son of God. Amen, hatahs.
Man U (2nd) vs. Swansea City (14th) – 9 AM?
Man U faces a trophy-less season. The cake Manure fans wanna give to Mourinho, once known as The Special One:
Brighton & Hove Albion (12th) vs. Leicester City (8th) – Yeah, 9
I think everyone should watch this game. And let me add another piece of unsolicited, but impeccable, advice:
Newcastle (13th) vs. Huddersfield (15th) – 9:00 AM
This match… I’ve seen more wattage on a Christmas lights shop.
IN PUERTO RICO.
Watford (11th) vs. Bournemouth (10th) – 9:00 AM
Jesus Christ. Does anybody NOT play in the EPL today? Here’s my observation for this game:
/sighs
I’m at a beach apartment ‘til tomorrow dammit! ?
West Brom (?) vs. Goddamn Burnley (7th) – 9:00 AM
Well wadda ya know. After I’ve been busting Burnley’s balls for months, they’ve been on a mini-tear. It sucks when events make your scorn look gratuitous. But Burnley’s been 7th since forever, so I stand by my pettiness.
West Ham (17th) vs. Soton (? All Aboard the Championship Train Choo Choo! ? 18th) – 9:00 AM
Both teams are beyond screwed. West Ham fans wanna kill their team’s owners while the club is fighting relegation under the management of failing upwards Golden Boy David Moyes. This is my dream elevator for both teams:
Everton (9th) vs. Man City (1st) – 11:30 AM
Win it for teh Hippo!
Today is a dark day, ppl.
It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that Dave’s ass was just assaulted against his will in the grocery parking lot. The perpetrators are still at large but I’m going to subpoena the parking lot surveillance footage and bring this monster to justice!!!
But yes, after 4+ years of trying to protect him….Dave has lost his innocence.
Please pray for us.
And now we know that tWBS calls his last remaining testicle “Dave.”
IT’S NOT FUNNY!!!! HIS CHROME BUMPER IS VERY MILDLY DENTED!!!!!!!
I might have to trade up now to a younger hotter
wife….errrrrr truck.😛
The Sevilla-Barcelona game is pretty good. Well-deserved Sevilla goal for the halftime lead.
Last one-Zutty Singleton doing “King Porter Stomp”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc70O3ZTZms
Not nearly as well known as West End Blues but Basin Street Blues? Oh my.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8GjJD826vc
Really appreciate Florida recognizing their soccer style logo by only scoring 1 goal while also recognizing being the Florida Panthers by giving up 5, and virtually clinching for the Flyers.
There’s a whole period left; plenty of time for Florida to mount a comeback.
Can’t get enough of Baby Dobbs. There be other folks showing their wares here so just wait for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RhUOzy7urs
Rikki should do a compilation of Scotch’s posts today….jusssayin’
Remind me when DFO Radio posts and I will.
He was a great pianist but he was the first to sell out to the language acquisition behemoth we know today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ0QpJvBOWE
Surprisingly YouTube is providing some good suggestions. Although just the name Jelly Roll makes me hungry.
Just listen to the tune and ignore the surrounding crap-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4ZFsm9msv4
It is Vigo!
83 days till The Feelies show in D.C.!!
https://youtu.be/2AE1lZ_hF0M
To be fair them pop tops can rip your fingernails to bleeding.
Hippo’s thoughts on ‘Nova -5? Seems a bit high to me.
I would bet the ML before the ATS, but note that the ML shrank from +195 to +180 this week, yet the +5 never budged.
Gun to my head, I’d take Nova despite the points, but my inclination is not to bet at all.
Only have a bit over a hundred on Loyola ML.
This one goes out to all the loan shark enforcers out there…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYMArK1f7wU
/fidgets nervously
//pops another v-profen
“Huummmmmmm wonder what he dies of……”
*died of
** not a great detective joke anyway.
OOOOOK SMASH!!
This is my drum face.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC7CX-ppfSk
TRAFFIC IN INDIA! AMIRIGHT?!
“2/8. Does not have enough arms. Would not fuck.”
-Durga
May I suggest a takedown of Ted Nugent for the Parkland teens? It’s a one word takedown.
“WHO?!?!”
Here is one of his fans at a protest with high school and jr. high kids.
Takes some real dedication to look that fat in a ski jacket.
The stupid part helps.
An interesting test; if the guy was black.
Listen to this beaut a few times with your eyes closed. It’s as close as you’ll ever get to magic-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WPCBieSESI
Feels good.
Wait, Everton came back out for the 2nd half!?
Apparently scientists have been able to synthesize ‘hope’ into a liquid form that can be injected into orange slices.
Isn’t that how Eli had those two Super Bowl winning drives?
“Fuck you, mister. It was me and don’t you forget it!”
-Pure Dumb Luck
I didn’t know PDL was a P*ts fan.
they came, they saw, they…got dry-bummed
Give a listen to Warren “Baby” Dobbs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm9WtT_LKmo
I just finished reading “Dead Man’s Blues” yesterday. I went down the early jazz rabbit hole and found a few things. Here’s the first one. It’s Jelly Roll Morton with “The Crave”. Please listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkGjDbKauVo
That was on one of the music history DVDs; fucking excellent.
That guy has a powerhouse left hand. Like McCoyTyner or Thelonius Monk. When was that recorded?
’39, apparently.
Fat guy Met scores from first. That was funny. I didn’t think he was gonna make it.
Soory Hippo.
fault of the crappy defensive alignment, again. Marp can’t play 3B anymore, at all. And Jose Martinez can hit, but is a butcher at 1B (or corner OF). Gold-glove caliber 3B with 25-30 HR power (Gyorko) rots on the bench.
It just dawned on me that my fascist guvmint sanctioned booze store will be closed until Tuesday.
I guess I better put on some pants and head down there.
*sigh*
What happens when dey ist introduced to the Ways of the Flesh.
If you can find “Hell or High Water” on the Flix you should give ‘er a looky-loo. She’s smart and funny and a take on Westerns and a few other things. Quite a bit to like here.
0-3, let’s make it a slaughter. FAT SAM OUT
found another funny:
Jesus: *doing crossword* I’m stuck on 2 across.
Hippo’s pre-match comment, upon seeing the Everton XI:
It was 0-2 when I got out of the shower around the 12′ mark…
You probably should have taken a bath…
SIGH. I miss the Hippo-sized master bath at my old house.
/do NAWT miss the Hippo-sized mortgage payment…
With a radio plugged in and balanced precariously on the edge of the tub.
– Władysław Sikorski
(yes I may have been watching WWII docs recently)
“Fortress Goodison” has become the Sudetenland ,, smh
I need a little pick-me-up this morning while I work out so I’m going to rewatch the second half of the Chiefs-Titans game. And maybe throw in some Super Bowl action as well.
Jeff Tripplette shafting a team in favor of TEN brings me peace.
The best part is seeing Chiefs fans’ hopes dashed repeatedly.
Out of meth?
I guess she wants to spend a little more quality time with her black heart…
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2018/mar/31/fox-news-laura-ingraham-david-hogg
It’s pretty goddamned hilarious that she got wrecked to such a degree. It must feel tremendously empowering for the kids, too. I hope they don’t squander it and are judicious in how they target people going forward.
I think that conservative pundits willing to criticize these kids are gonna back off big time. And their silence will be golden and will allow more rational views to dominate the news cycle.
[crosses fingers]
In my neck of the woods we do a shit-ton of business with marinas, campgrounds, chip trucks, golf courses, kid’s camps, fly-in fishing lodges, etc. The sooner the weather gets nice, the sooner those places can open up. If the spring is extra rainy or arrives late it delays everything and you can’t get those sales back.
[stares out the window at the snow falling]
“MOTHERFUCKER!”
Who wants to drive 6 hours through mountain passes in a snowstorm?????
I can’t wait. If I don’t make it out avenge my death.
SAVE THE EDIBLES!!!!!
Avenges Litre’s death by pissing on snowbanks next winter.
/was gonna do it anyway
Lovely:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pDvhVmpqM0
there is no bet safer than yeah right’s Cherries AT LEAST rescuing a point from this
told ya
Cherries with the equalizer in penalty time! That draw was inevitable.
Who is ready FOAR some opiates?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdisJv5j0xo
Ms. Mosshart is delightful.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=M1Yx_JQxgic
love this arrangement too
three from Moyes’ Ginger Hammers. Get thee down already, Soton.
The UCONN women lost to Notre Dame in OT last night, (a game that they richly deserved to lose, if we’re being honest), and here in CT we’re frankly surprised that the sun bothered to come up this morning.
I think that Geno Auriemma feller was just a flash in the pan. Time for the Lady Huskies to part ways with that loser.
Yeah, up here the Carleton Ravens were a shoo-in for their 13th champeenship in 19 years under coach Dave Smart but they stumbled in the semi-final. My Ottawa buddies were completely flummoxed. Smart has coached since ’99 and hasn’t lost 50 games yet. (548-47) The Ravens were really, really bad for the longest time before he got there.
I spent a summer at UCONN and enthusiastically support* both teams, and even I can’t feel bad for a team that’s lost like three games in the last five years.
*sometimes watch their important games in the tournament
It’s as Ann as the plain on her face.
Egg?
found a funny:
When I met Slash at the zoo, I told him he’d never believe how thrilled I was when I unlocked “Welcome to the Jungle” on Guitar Hero.
In the lemur section? Did he pay you to say you met at “the Snakepit [sic]”?
So what happens if you get relegated? You have to finish top 3 in your new, lesser division in order to move back up? Fairly new to the concept.
Relegation! Not losing. I’m a Jets/Rangers fan, for chrissakes.
Top 2, or win the playoff amongst sides #3-6 (in the English Championship, at least).
West Ham putting it to Saints today, huzzah!
Man U up 2-0.
West Ham woo X 2!!!
since chelsea doesnt play till tomorrow, gonna watch the ManU vs SWA match.
Also, per the priest last night, “Good Friday is a gringo thing. It’s Holy Friday.”
He really said that. In Spanish.
Something something “Sabado Gigante”
whitey also call this “Black Saturday”
Viernes Santo
Sábado de Gloria
Domingo de Resurrección.
The True Faith is in Spanish. Amén.
SO MUCH brilliance in one post! In order:
1) You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a game at San Mamés.
2) FUCK REAL MADRID
4) hee hee for Early AF
3) he’s OUR asshole is the best description of Busquets I’ve ever seen.
5) Christmas lights shop in Puerto Rico. Damn, that’s good.
Paedo 1: “So we’ll call it ‘Good Friday,’ that should get everyone on their best tithing behavior.”
[One day later]
Paedo 1: “Oh shit, there’s a day between friday and sunday? Ok, we’ll call it ‘Good Saturday.’ That should get everyone on their best tithing behavior.”
Paedo 2: “We can’t have two ‘good’ days in a row, it doesn’t make any sense. This is The Church! We are known for making sensible decisions. … I’m gonna get stoned to death for this, aren’t I ?”
Paedo 1: “Well yes of course.”