World Cup 2018 Team Preview – Egypt

Before we begin, obligatory:

Lazy, yes, but do you really think I’m going to pass up a chance to show you Susanna Hoffs in a skimpy outfit?

Fuck and no.  Damn, she can still get it.

Speaking of, can the Egyptian National Team get it in the World Cup?  “It” being, of course, the best result they can hope for which would be to get out of the Group Stage?

Well, it all depends on whether their best player, Liverpool’s Mo Salah, goes into the World Cup healthy. As of press time, he still has to play the Champions League Final against Real Madrid in the Ukrainian capital of Kiev/Kyiv.  Given that Russia is also in Egypt’s group, I would not be surprised if something weird happened in Ukraine.

Here is your obligatory Chicken Kiev joke

I’m sure King Hippo is looking up the odds right now of Mo Salah suffering an injury that will result in him missing the World Cup.  Assuming, though, that he makes it through healthy, it is worth spending a little time getting to know him.

Point the First:  Is it proof that England is one of the most racist countries on Earth that Mohamed Salah Ghaly goes by the non-threatening “Mo” nickname?

Mr. Salah started at his hometown club in Egypt (El Mokawloon) before moving on to Basel after impressing during a friendly with the Egypt U23 team, Chelsea, Fiorentina (on loan after pissing Mourinho off), Roma (on loan after he decided he didn’t like Florence but preferred Rome), Roma on contract, and then Liverpool (boy, knocking out Roma in the Champions League semis must have been AWKWARD!).

He has proven to be quite popular in Liverpool given his propensity to score goals.  He even has his own chant!

Can we turn up the religious insensitivity up a notch?

There we go.  Those are the English football fans we all know and can’t stand!

He will turn 26 on the day Egypt opens the World Cup against Uruguay in Yekaterinburg.  That can’t be good for Uruguay.   Incidentally, one of his nicknames is “The Pharaoh” while the Egyptian team’s official nickname is “The Pharaohs”.

As for the team itself, this is Egypt’s first World Cup in 28 years.  In their last appearance in Italy 1990, the Pharaohs tied the Netherlands 1-1, tied Ireland 0-0, and lost to England by 1-0. All things considering, not a shabby showing at all.

Their coach is an Argentinian, Héctor Cúper, and he has coached in a wide variety of places.  His best years were at Inter in Milan in the early 2000s. The rest of the team is made up of players from the Egyptian league, the Saudi league (interesting given they play each other in the group stage), the EPL, and Omar Gaber, who plays defense for Los Angeles FC in MLS!

Most players are in the prime age range for futbol players (mid to late 20s) except for goalkeeper Essam El-Hadary who is 45 and ,quite frankly, putting all of us DFOers to shame.

I bet you anything this guy is great to have beers with after a game.

***

Schedule

15 JUN 2018 – 17:00 Local time, 05:00 Pacific, Ekaterinburg Arena, Ekaterinburg
EGYPT v URUGUAY

19 JUN 2018 – 21:00 Local time, 11:00 Pacific, Saint Petersburg Stadium, Saint Petersburg
RUSSIA v EGYPT

25 JUN 2018 – 17:00 Local time, 07:00 Pacific, Volgograd Arena, Volgograd
SAUDI ARABIA v EGYPT

***

Prognosis

The first game looms large.  If the Egyptians can manage a tie against Uruguay, the rest of the schedule unfolds nicely for them.  Another tie against the home team and a win against Saudi Arabia might be able to get them through to the Elimination stages.

BTW, if Russia doesn’t have triple or quadruple security at the Saudi Arabia/Egypt game, then I don’t even know if they care if there is an attack on their World Cup.

I say that Egypt will ride the Salah wave as far as he can take them.  If the rest of the team can get close to his level, they have a decent chance to move on.  The defense doesn’t give up too many goals, so, in a tight game, anything can happen and any magic from Salah will help them get a result.

***

Predicción

I say that Egypt makes it out of the group at the expense of the hosts.  #2 in the group.

***

Vital Statistics

Ms. Universe:

National Dish:

Koshary/Koshari/Kushari/Koushary

A combination of rice, pasta, garbanzos, lentils, and spices, it looks fucking delicious and something that Yeah Right needs to cook on one of these Sunday Gravies:

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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Horatio CornblowertheeWeeBabySeamusKing HippoballsofsteelandfuryMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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theeWeeBabySeamus

What is up?
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Horatio Cornblower

The Yankees wearing pink is not a good look.

King Hippo

Suarez misses a free header, but it’s coming. Unreal.

King Hippo

or maybe they’s out of gas

King Hippo

5-3!!

fuck a duck, watch this batshit stuff and tell me again Lesser Footy is boring

King Hippo

cinco-quatro!!!!

King Hippo

Levante’s pitch has a faded 50-yard line (the fuck??) and it is making me totes wistful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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My chiropractor has very unconventional, but effective techniques.

Horatio Cornblower

2/10, doesn’t have his arm locked, he’s gonna get out of that.

In 30-40 minutes.

King Hippo

The racist biter is shitting his pants without Messi.

And boy howdy, does this Barca side know how to pick its moments to shit its collective pants…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do we need another fine Messi joke here?

King Hippo

precisely! Though they just pulled one back to make it 5-2. HOLIEST GAMBLOR would be quite sated with 5-5. 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

the bookies might bury me out back!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Everything is fine.

King Hippo

wow, that’s not why I expected to hear GOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL

King Hippo

Liking my Barca draw bet better now…

King Hippo

pulled up espanol feed online. The BeIn site is a pain in the balls, though…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

so…whatcha get busted FOAR, Donks WOO!!! brutha?

It can’t be wrong to get a Chubb on in public in CO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

1) Great fucking preview! I learned sommet today!

2) Miss Universe can get it, I would fookin’ love to sexually disappoint a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern lady, inshallah.

3) Mo Salah is way too fucking good for the cretin Redshite fans, wait and see how culturally sensitive they are when he fucks off to Bayern or Barca in the summer.

4) Hippo’s stake, down to his last $2-300 just a few weeks ago, crested over the $5K mark in this morning’s action. HAIL GAMBLOR!! Should #BFIB come through and the random Norweigian side I picked (for having the cool “ae” smashed together) win the first half, I will be at around $5700.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey man, can I borrow $5,000? My mom needs an operation*

*Actually, I just need some** crack

**a lot of crack