INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

…we join our show currently in progress. It is a happy scene, and there is much merriment…

SHAQUEM: …and then he says “…and that’s why you always leave a note.”

SHAQUILL: I swear to God I thought my nephew Aidan – he’s six – was gonna sh…[catches self]…urely poop himself.

PRODUCER: [laughing] You have a nephew named Aidan?

SHAQUILL: Sure do. It’s gonna open a lot of doors when he’s applying to – what schools do white people apply to?

SHAQUEM: Colgate?

SHAQUILL: Ha ha, yeah, Colgate. And Xavier and Haverford and all that shit.

SHAQUEM: He is gonna THANK HIS MOMMA for naming him that.

SHAQUILL: [smiles wryly] Sad but true.

PRODUCER: Speaking of colleges, you two both played your college ball at the University of Central Florida. Was that the original plan, to go to the same school?

SHAQUEM: We were hoping so, yeah.

SHAQUILL: It almost didn’t happen, though.

SHAQUEM: Nick Saban at Alabama made me a very tempting offer. Was going to fix my hand and everything.

PRODUCER: Wait, fix your…

SHAQUEM: Yeah, but the price was too high.

SHAQUILL: Way too high.

SHAQUEM: Leave my soul behind. As if!

PRODUCER: Wait, Nick Saban wanted…

SHAQUEM: [taps own chest] Heart. [points at brother] Soul.

The two twin brothers touch fists.

PRODUCER: Ohhh!  I thought…

SHAQUEM: I don’t know how Coach Saban knew we call each other that, though.

SHAQUILL: He’s a smart guy.

SHAQUEM: He is a smart guy.

PRODUCER: But you’re both in the big leagues now.  Is that something you saw happening?

SHAQUEM: In all honesty, no.  I mean, I wanted to do football, but I just didn’t know how far I’d be able to go as a player. I thought I’d be headed down the coaching route…

SHAQUILL: Like Carl Weathers.

PRODUCER: Carl Weathers was a coach?  I thought he went straight into acting.

SHAQUILL: Well, he played a coach.  Remember Chubbs?

SHAQUEM: [grins]…but then I got my invite to the combine, and, well, you know the rest.

PRODUCER: For our listeners who didn’t know, Shaquem set the combine on fire after running the best forty time ever recorded for a linebacker.

SHAQUILL: Yeah, well, he got a lot of practice running when he was trying to stay one step ahead of Dr. Richard Kimball.

SHAQUEM: [punches his brother on the shoulder]

PRODUCER: But of course you did eventually have to split up when Shaquill moved to Seattle.

SHAQUILL: That’s right. But we’re back in the same city now.

SHAQUEM: Yep. I just finished moving.

SHAQUILL: He flew all the way in from Orlando and man is his arm tired.

SHAQUEM: [laughs good-naturedly]

PRODUCER: [to Shaquem] And as far as Seattle goes, did you know that the Seahawks had your twin brother here on their board?

SHAQUILL: Nah, they didn’t tell me shit. I thought Captain Hook here was gonna end up on the Buccaneers.

SHAQUEM: Or the Raiders. But seriously, I was just thrilled beyond belief to hear my name called at all.

SHAQUILL: [imitates Roger Goodell’s voice] With the 141st overall pick in the 2018 NFL Draft, the Seattle Seahawks select…Jim Abbott!

PRODUCER: Well this has been really great, but we should probably get to the music.  So do you guys have a topic picked out? Shaquem, I hear you’re a huge Def Leppard fan…

The smile on SHAQILLE GRIFFIN’s face disappears like a switch has been flipped. The temperature in the room instantly drops ten degrees.

SHAQUILL: Yo man.

SHAQUEM: [playing peacemaker] Hey…

SHAQUILL: [gestures] That glass between the studio and here…is that some kind of special glass?

PRODUCER: [confused] No, it’s regular glass.  A bit thicker…

SHAQUILL: But it’s not bulletproof or nothin’?

PRODUCER: Uh, no.

SHAQUILL: So, if I was about to put someone’s head through that glass, I wouldn’t need a running start?

PRODUCER: Um…

SHAQUEM: I’m sure he didn’t mean…

SHAQUILL: No jokes about my brother’s arm.

PRODUCER: But you just…

SHAQUILL: Yeah. I just. Cause we’re family. That’s family business. Maybe I’m being hasty, though – any chance you’re family too?

PRODUCER: I don’t think…

SHAQUILL: Our family is originally from Mississippi. Maybe you got some ancestors from that part of the country? Used to own a farm…?

PRODUCER: [with a small measure of relief] My family is from the Midwest, actually. Didn’t come to the United States until around 1900.

SHAQUILL: Must be awful nice, being able to choose how and when you gonna immigrate.

The room is silent for a moment.

SHAQUEM: Hey, maybe let’s play some songs.

SHAQUILL: [still clocking the producer] Yeah, maybe let’s do that.

PRODUCER: Sure. Um…a theme?

SHAQUEM: How about “family business”? Songs about family.

SHAQUILL: Yeah, I like that.

SHAQUEM: Let’s get things started with one from the Fugees.

Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “family” – songs about mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, etc.  It’s a rich topic, so make sure to pick songs you actually want to listen to on the special DOUBLE SHOT edition of DFO Radio that will publish on Tuesday.  In order to have videos appear in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuQ_g00d3LL”.  When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your leisure. If your link doesn’t pick up, an admin will try to help out.