Huzzah, Teh Bastard Man Is Gone!

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Sorry for the late postings, I forgot.

But glad tidings, my imaginary friends, for Fat Sam a/k/a Gravy Tits a/k/a That Hippo Head Fuck/Cunt a/k/a The Gravy Boat has been formally sacked.  Hippo can wear his Everton hat again!  And with PSV Eindhoven’s Marcel Brands already taking the reins as the new Director of Football, things are finally looking like a professional outfit on Merseyside.  Yes, that means no more Wayne Rooney sideshow as well.

This weekend, some limited Lesser Action remains.  Bayern looks to wrap up its weird up-and-down season with a Cup final win against Eintracht Frankfurt (2:00 EST, ESPN Deportes, ESPN3).  Of course, there is also the FA Cup final on Big Fox, and it’s full of Bastard Men (12:15) – but I guess I will pull for badass Romelu Lukaku to lift his first trophy, even if it means asslicker Mourinho gets a laugh in at Chelski’s expense.  I mean…someone’s gotta win.

All of the Frog sides play there denouement fixtures at 3p on BeIn (and various BeIn Connect streaming options), with a three-way (hey, it’s the Frogs amirite??) battle for slots 17 (safety), 18 (relegation play-off), and 19 (straight the fuck down) amongst Caen, Toulouse, and Troyes.  Caen have the most points coming in, but also the worst goal differential and also play PSG.  So…could get interesting.

Spain and Italy finish up their bidness on Sunday Funday, again across various BeIn platforms.  I can’t identify any drama whatsoever in Spain, but as many as 5 Italian sides are fighting over 2 relegation slots, which could be fun.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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UnsurprisedBrick MeathookFronkenshteenKing HippoDon T Recent comment authors
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Fronkenshteen

Hippo gots $ on the German footy? I need a rooting interest.
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scotchnaut

Fave Memory of Chelsea-

Charged with generating invoices for product delivered the next day, she walked out of work at 6pm to watch her son play hockey. She was absolutely stunned when we let her go the next day.

Fronkenshteen

So the triple is winning the Premier League, FA Cup, and Champions League?

Don T

Yes. Cup + League + Champions. Last one to do it was Barcelona.

yeah right

Congrats on the removal of your Fat Sam Mr. Hippo.
That’s a 300 pound monkey off your back.

scotchnaut

“It’s a lot more roomy here all of a sudden.”

-The Remaining Monkeys

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

JI Watt paying for those kids’ funerals is going to put him in a debate he doesn’t want to be in. Hope it doesn’t get too ugly.

scotchnaut

JJ Watt paying for the funerals? Is he a gun legume?

Fronkenshteen

I have no idea. But people will assume his charity is based on his beliefs on the matter, I’d bet. Then, he’s forced to answer shitty questions when all he wanted was to do a good thing for some fellow Houstonians who’re really hurting.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He’s just building his brand. It’s not like he’s funding anti-gun campaigns.

Fronkenshteen

Just watched “Get Me Roger Stone”. Wow. How has no one put a bullet in that guy?

scotchnaut

In my “Perfect Scenario”* future, all these shitheads undermining the democratic process go to jail and their names are not allowed to be mentioned by the press afterwards.

*sponsored by the good folks at Pollyanna Industries

Fronkenshteen

I just smoked a bunch of weed trying to comprehend what I just watched. The architect of the modern GOP and the pioneer of American political lobbying. One man.

scotchnaut

Halftime!

scotchnaut

[wants more beer]

[is on a self-imposed two beer limit]

“Why have the Gods forsaken me?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Not sure I’ve mentioned this before, but when will I be able to see the fellas that like my comments? I’ve quite valuable presents to send to those dudes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SECONDED!!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I changed my avatar over a year ago (to something even funnier) but it never shows up, except when there is a tweak to the blog format and then my new avatar appears but everything else breaks. And then the format gets fixed and my new avatar changes back to my old avatar. This time, the format broke but my new avatar didn’t appear. I don’t know why I’m writing this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Even funnier than Bill The Cat? My custom-built (by Steve Martin, btw) humour abacus tells me that this is simply not possible.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Mickey Mouse poking out both of his eyes with his bare fists. That funny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Chelsea defenders tackle much better than Deion Sanders.

scotchnaut

“EDEN HAZARD GETS ALL THE WATERCRESS SANDWICHES!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Bit of lollygagging by both sides early in the game.”

-English Announcer

scotchnaut

The birthing hips on that singer…

scotchnaut

Our company was forced by circumstances to rent a building (even farther north) for trucks to off-load product. The manager there texted me that he got the keys yesterday. My response? “Excellent! Remember to urinate on the floor to mark it as your territory.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Scotchy became Walter White so gradually…

scotchnaut

You’re damned right?

scotchnaut

So glad England is getting the FA Cup out of the way now so that its best players can get a bit of rest before the World Cup. Wait a bloody sec…*

*written specifically for my Britain-hating, Scottish brother-in-law that doesn’t read this site

litre_cola

JFF just signed with the Hamilton Tiger Cats. As opposed to Tiger Dogs you see.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Well, time to get out and partake in some physical activity.

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scotchnaut

/Not Pictured

Young girl waiting patiently to jump in and start skipping

Senor Weaselo

It’s not good when the people at the bagel place know your order when they see you, right?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Only if you also have a reputation for not tipping.

scotchnaut

/Not a Word of a Lie Time

Last Saturday at the Horton’s drive-thru I ordered a beverage and the girl said “you’re not having your bagel with cream cheese?” I was forced to mumble, “not today, no.”

/I’m pretty sure she’s sweet on me but still…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, wanna know what’s cool? When the naked chick in your bed wakes up, and starts getting ready to go to work at her job at the weed store. And while she’s getting ready, she asks “what kind of weed do you want me to bring you tonight?”

Yep, that’s a victory moment right there.

litre_cola

So Sativa and IPA this evening good sir?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now that you mention it, her tastes in beer are fundamentally sound as well.

Senor Weaselo

SatIPA, new from probably Lagunitas!

Fronkenshteen

That’s some great iced tea.
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Don T

Did you ask for extra medium?

litre_cola

RTD made a funny in the deadspin comments about the schools having too many entrances.

https://deadspin.com/astros-manager-a-j-hinch-on-santa-fe-shooting-though-1826155397

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Prisons for minorities, home-schooling for whites.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The west coast is a shitload earlier. I always expect to naturally fall back into that, and I do. But lemme tell ya it’s annoying as shit to be awake at 4:41am with nothing to do.

Well, I did get baked and watch cartoons…but still. I’d rather have been asleep.

litre_cola

Whoa whoa whoa, morning weed is the best weed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, I’m baked. No worries. I been high since about 4:48am.
Plus there’s a naked chick in my bed sooooo….I’m not exactly complaining.

litre_cola

If you were in Asia I would ask you to check under the hood.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have plundered the booty in Asia. Several times.

Oh wait…you meant….

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Does she know she’s in your bed?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I feel like I should say……yes.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Just lay there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

– B. Cosby

litre_cola

I laughed way too hard at this.

Fronkenshteen

Have to say I’m legit furious that the “royal” wedding of a b-list American divorcée and the love child of princess Diana gets WALL-TO-FUCKING-WALL coverage on CNN over the biggest constitutional crisis in the history of the republic.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

as many as 5 Italian sides are fighting over 2 relegation slots, which could be fun.

Assemble the Commissione.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I mean…someone’s gotta win.

Have you heard the Good News of our Lord and Savior, the Earth-Destroying Meteor?

Fronkenshteen

“The Cowboys” is on AMC. I hope those kids had as much fun as it looked like they were having.

litre_cola

But I came here for hawt Royal wedding taeks.