No, not that one. Definitely not that one. Even if it is Squidward doing it.

This one.

This is The Last Dab. Background time!

Hot Ones is a webseries hosted by Sean Evans where he asks celebrities questions as they eat progressively spicer chicken wings. The first wing is relatively mild (depending on the season, it has been Valentina, or Huy Fong Sriracha, or Texas Pete) and it works its way from there. The tenth and final sauce for consumption during questioning was, for Season 1, Mad Dog 357, which I have never had the opportunity to try, but its reputation precedes it. It’s one of the first super-hot sauces, with a touch of chile extract giving it its power, clocking in at 357,000 Scoville Heat Units. For Seasons 2 and 3 it was bumped off by Blair’s Mega Death, which is 550,000 Scovilles. (Funnily enough it’s only the second-hottest in the Blair’s lineup, as Ultra Death is about 800,000.) But that wasn’t enough. They went bigger.

They called Smokin’ Ed Currie of Puckerbutt Pepper Company. I’ve mentioned him and Puckerbutt a few times. Like for creating the Carolina Reaper, the current Guinness record-holder. And they asked him to one-up himself. And we think he did. By creating some sort of hellspawn he called Pepper X.

To compare, the Carolina Reaper averages ovef 1.6 million Scovilles, maxing out at over 2 million. Currie stated in a video (this one) that Pepper X is twice as hot, which would be over 3 million. That would be a lot.

Two problems: First problem: Pepper X hasn’t officially been verified by Guinness yet. Which is why it was still a Carolina Reaper eating contest at the Hot Sauce Expo, and not a Pepper X eating contest. Though that’s strange because they figured that should have happened by November. Maybe something happened?

Back to the sauce. Second problem! They only had a limited first run of The Last Dab. They’re out. And I thought that at the Hot Sauce Expo it would be a rerun of that. It wasn’t. They had been selling a Carolina Reaper “remix” online. But they ran out of that. So instead, they are selling a Trinidad Scorpion version of The Last Dab, which is what they first unveiled at the Expo. Which is disappointing if you want to see me completely die, as it’s not the Pepper X version.

HOWEVA!

According to Reddit, there may be a rerun of the Pepper X version of The Last Dab at the end of July. If so, I will do my damndest to get a bottle. And if successful, there will be a part two to this post with the true Last Dab. But let’s get to this one, because if this tastes like suck, then I assume the X-rated version (hehe) will just taste like spicier and more painful suck.

Does it taste like suck?

In short, no, actually. I remember my bottle of Trinidad Scorpion Puree, which sadly dried out, and it is mostly like that. A combination of citrusy, and peppery, and acidic, and fucking hot. And it tastes like that. Especially the hot bit. So no, this is not the sauce for the faint of heart, and in case you need verification on that, the first ingredient is the pepper. And it is a thicker sauce and gets good coverage. With some trepidation, I put more than a couple drops on this piece of chicken.

It wasn’t quite an overpowering amount of heat, but definitely more than a regularpowering amount. That’s a thing, right? For me, I apparently need that Reaper in my sauces to get to that thought of overpowering, as we’ve learned, don’t peppershame me. That’s also a thing, right? I do wonder if the Reaper edition of this would be more up that alley, and then the Pepper X version… Anyway, I did eventually get a little bit of milk just because I don’t need it ruminating in my mouth forever. Because yes, this is still fucking hot, and I didn’t need the heat in my mouth (phrasing) being in there forever, because I have shit to do the next day. Other than shit.

As far as other flavors than hot, there’s a little bit of tumeric and ginger and mustard, but I thought it would be a little more prevalent. That might have been my mistake because the Pepper X version of the sauce is yellowish. In hindsight that’s because the pepper is almost a greenish yellow. What it means in the Scorpion form is it might murder your stomach and rectum slightly less than you’d expect, thanks to the ginger, but it’s not rife with ginger or anything. That wouldn’t be too tasty either.

Final verdict? Maybe it’s the mythic talking in me, but if it’s not the Pepper X super-hype version, it’s not the same. Still hot, yeah, but it’s not the new big kid on the block, so I don’t want to say I don’t care, but I don’t care as much. It’s fine, but I’m gonna have to still get the Pepper X version eventually for the whole point of it, so I guess… back where we started, really.

As far as sauces I did like from the Expo, and a little more palatable to the not-me types, I got a bunch of mini bottles of Marie Sharp’s hot sauces from the barbecue kiosk because I mentioned that a friend (Litre_Cola) told me about it, like, two days prior. And they’re pretty good! I especially like the Smokin’ Marie sauce, which is a smoked habanero sauce. I find it really nice to add to my ketchup. The only thing is that you can’t have too much of it on one piece of whatever food you’re putting it on because then you can taste the chemical-ness of the smoke flavor. Which is why it works so well with ketchup, because it covers up the chemical taste but maintains the smoky bit.

Banner image via The Draw Play. Next time on House of Pain, Senor tries his best to not accidentally make tear gas!