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FIFA Rank: 1st! That’s really good!
World Cup Group: It doesn’t matter, (but Group F), because they’d storm any group like it was Poland in 1939.
Hey, How’d They Get Here?: They beat the shit out of everyone in their European qualifying group, winning all 10 games and scoring 4+ goals a game. They got all those goals from 21 different players, so, yeah, they’re not only good, they’re fucking deep.
Hey, How Are The Germans At This World Cup Thing?: This is their 18th overall appearance. They’ve won the World Cup 4 times, including in 2014.
What Players Should I Look For?: They have the best goalkeeper in the world in Manuel Neuer, (Bayern Munich), so on the rare occasion that a team finds itself with the ball in German territory, you can take a look at him. Neuer is coming off his second foot injury in a relatively short period of time and might not be in his best shape, but let’s face it, the way the Germans score goals they could probably stick me back there and still win 7-5 against most teams.
Other players to watch are Jerome Boateng, (Bayern Munich), holding down the defense, Mesut Ozil, (Arsenal), organizing the attack out of the mid-field, Timo Werner, (RB Leipzig), the goal-scoring wunderkind, and Thomas Muller, (Bayern Munich; GDR Diving), whenever the team needs a dive in the penalty area, or
to get a card on the other team, or just for the hell of it.
I loathe Thomas Muller.
They’re coached by Joachim Low, whose pre-game speech is seen in its entirety here:
Any Cool Nicknames?: “Die Mannschaft”, or “The Machine”, so, fuck yeah they’ve got a cool nickname. Here’s another Machine that had a good time in Russia:
How Are The Fans?: 
Exhuberant
How Are The Germans Going To Do?: Germany has a history of early success in Russia. Unless this tournament somehow drags on into an unexpectedly brutal winter, and Germany decides to open up a second tournament at the same time, they should do fine. And by “fine” I mean they’re going to win the whole thing.
Things That Interest Hippo: You can get 7-1 odds that Germany doesn’t emerge from Group play, (which, no, just no), and 9-2 that they win the World Cup.
Editor’s Note: We have a World Cup Pool!! Please click the link below to sign up:
https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=149105
The pool password is “Balls”
As always, there will be a fabulous prize given to the winner. Join today!!
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