TGISF: Balls Takeover

Have you ever gone to your favourite bar and there’s a “Takeover” by a brewery where they offer special beers that are very rare or hard to find?

That’s a pretty cool thing isn’t it?

Yeah,  this post is nothing like that.  You will get a glimpse into the mind of Balls, which is a scary enough proposition.  To make matters worse,  I’ll be doing this while sober.

I know.

My aim is to take you on a journey from which you’ll return like this:

 

Let’s begin.

Has anyone seen the Bob’s Burgers Porn Parody? Before,  Linda’s accent annoyed me, but once I saw Tabitha Stevens portray her in the parody, all of a sudden it’s not annoying anymore.  Kinda sexy now,  actually.

Bob: Oh my God.

I must say that Anthony Rosano as Bob kept me giggling when I wasn’t cumming.  Man,  I should write reviews for AVN, shouldn’t I?

Btw, did you know there is a company called Cumming?

And that Alan Cumming

not only hosts Masterpiece Theatre on PBS but was in Goldeneye with Famke Janssen and OHMYGODIWANTTODIEINHERTHIGHS!

Onatopp? Onatopp.

Although I have to say my favourite scene in the James Bond movies is when he’s on the floor with the wife of the guy he beats in poker in Bermuda and he just leaves her there on the floor panting and hungry for his…

Magnifique!

caviar and champagne.  Great scene.

Speaking of great Bond film scenes,  the Macau casino scene was beautifully shot and lit. The colors are amazing

and Séverine was just flat out gorgeous

Yes, I did buy that shade of lipstick and nail colour for a lady friend. But I digress.  The colour was also fabulous in Atomic Blonde

I mean,  seriously folks,  if you’re not putting effort into setting the mood when you get sexy with your partner,  you’re missing out.

As you should.

It’s the little things that make a big difference. Like the little man in the boat.

I mean,  I don’t comprehend how someone doesn’t want to eat pussy

and ass

amirite?

Oh, never mind.  You can lead a horse to water… hey speaking of!

Man,  I miss the Benny Hill Show!

And Porcel

Está destruido?

Todavía no pero dame unos minutos y….

tWBS:  DUDE!!!!!!!

Balls:  Oh shit.  What are you  doing here?

tWBS:  I figured I better check in.  Good thing I did.  I asked you to sub in for me this week.  But holy shit, dude!?!?!?!!?

Balls:  What?????  I was just simply saying how….

tWBS:  You’re doing it wrong!!!!!!!!  Holy shit.  OK, just watch and learn…..

Balls:  Is that????

tWBS:  You’re goddamned right it is!!!!!!  And as you can see, from this position, there is easy access to both doors.  Just look how happy she is.  And you want her to cook you breakfast?  Give her one of these then….

tWBS:  I guarantee you that the omelette will be at least four eggs, and she’ll probably blow you while you’re eating it.  Because as you said earlier….  If you put in the effort, the payoff is there.

Balls:  OK, that egg gif is kinda creepy to be honest.

tWBS:  Yeah it really kinda is.  Here, let’s get back to what matters then.

Balls:  Niiiiiice.  But I have a bone to pick with you.

tWBS:   Hehehehe….you said “bone”.

Balls:  OK numbnuts, I’m serious.  You said I was doing it wrong.  I firmly disagree.

tWBS:  Firmly, huh?

Balls:  You know what I mean.

tWBS:  OK, fine.  You got me there.  There is no wrong way to do it.  Other than just not  doing it…

tWBS:  …  because trust me, all the girls love Colonel Angus.  Once they get a taste of him….they’ll settle for nothing less.

Balls:  Wow, you really went there.

tWBS:  You sound surprised.

Balls:  No.  Not really.

tWBS:  And for the beginners out there?  The late great Sam Kinison was not wrong.  It’s a good starting point for those who aren’t terribly experienced.  Capital “T” is your friend…

tWBS:  …  But trust me either way.  You make her cum at least twice before she even sees your dick…?  You put forth that effort…?  Well, let’s just say you’ll be remembered.

Balls:  Agreed.  When her back arches, when that neck extends back….?  When she bites her lip….?  That’s when you know.

 

tWBS:  Damned straight, my friend.  And if you’ve ever successfully licked a pussy right off the bed?  And then still kept going in spite of the minor trauma of you both hitting the floor?

Balls:  Niiiiiice.

***

Balls:  So what should we do now?

tWBS:  Hell if I know.  We gotta end this somehow though, huh?

Balls:  How about a countdown?  Top Ten Taints.

tWBS:  I’m listening.

Balls:  Our own personal fantasy Top Ten Taints we’d like to taste if….well, ya know.

tWBS:  Works for me.  I’ll even start….

#10 – Miranda Kerr

Nominated by – tWBS

Balls:  Wow, you didn’t have to think too long on that one.

tWBS:  It’s not my first time wishing I could get a taste of that, you know?

Balls:  You might have to become a Collingwood fan.

tWBS:  Geelong is my history, but to get a lick of her….?  Worth it.

***

#9 – Elle MacPherson

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Sticking with the Aussie theme, huh?  But yes, she is pretty amazing.  Nice pick.

Balls:  To be clear, I’m talking about “present day Elle”.  She’s one of the few celebs who has managed to get hotter as she’s aged, and hasn’t been tempted to screw herself up surgically.  Plus, I guarantee she tastes good.

tWBS:  Acknowledged.

***

#8 – Eiza Gonzales

Nominated by – tWBS

Balls:  Nice.

tWBS:  Right?

***

#7 – Camila Mendes

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Well, well, well.  Lookit you with the early round steal.  Nicely done.

Balls:  Snooze you lose. Also,  obligatory:

Moose knows why.

tWBS:  Fair enough.  I really need to start watching that show.

***

#6 – Mary J. Blige

Nominated by – tWBS

Balls:  Interesting pick.

tWBS:  I’m nothing if not interesting.

***

#5 – Alicia Silverstone

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Whoa.  Very nice.

Balls:  Again, to be clear, I’m talking “present day Alicia”.

tWBS:  OK, ok.  But just to be fair….

Balls:  You do realize she was only like 16 when that was filmed.  Right?

tWBS:  Ummmm….I guess I do now!!!!!

Balls:  MOVING ON!!!!!!!

***

#4 – Naomi Watts

Nominated by – tWBS

 

Balls:  Nice.

tWBS:  I think she’d taste great.  And I’m also a little curious to hear the noises she’d make while….well….ya know.

***

#3 – Rachel Bilson

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  You sonofabitch!!!!!!

Balls:  Hehehehehehe.

tWBS:  Good pick.

Balls:  Inorite?

tWBS:  Fine.  Well….take this…..

***

#2 – Margot Robbie

Nominated by – tWBS

 

tWBS:  Shit.  Why is she laughing?

Balls:  You even have to ask?

tWBS:  Shut up.  Last pick is yours.  Try not to fuck it up.

***

#1 – Emmanuelle Chriqui

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Wow.  Not what I was expecting, but that is a high value pick.  Color me impressed.

Balls: 

tWBS:  Yeah, yeah, I get it.  But we left a lot out.  We’re gonna have to do this again…sooner rather than later.

Balls:  It’s cute how you think we’re not gonna get blackballed for this.

tWBS:  Nah.  We’re like the devils on everyone’s shoulders.  They need us.  We’ll be fine.  Probably.

Balls:  Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.  We’ll be fine.  But just in case, let’s get one more in….

tWBS: 

Balls: 

Balls and tWBS (in unison):  Have a great weekend folks.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

If anyone reads this remind me to tell you the story of the SR-71 Blackbird that I watched takeoff as a documentary camera crew. It’s a pretty cool tale. I’d have to write it up right. This photo (from the internet) is the same view I had of the same plane, the NASA SR-71 at Edwards AFB, where we shot it.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

I’m really happy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

So I’ve been moving all week! I only moved across the street but it’s a much more fashionable neighborhood. Because it’s so close it’s been a one-man show with me moving stuff in the middle of the night with my trusty Magliner Senior (because all the cameramen have the Magliner Juniors and they cost a fortune even used). I did get a chance to decorate so here’s some photos of my new pad.
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I call this room “The Sex Farm”
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Here’s the TV and the hi-fi:
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This is the Visitors Center. The chairs are completely sound-proof.
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yeah right

Upgrade!

/misses high five.

Sweet!

I can sweat on your carpets tomorrow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That’s right, I live on the fashionable West Side of Falmouth now!!! Prevously, I lived across the street (Falmouth) on the unfashionable East Side of Falmouth, which includes Westchester, San Bernardino, Texas, Haiti, and Russia.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m eating some butter-toffee peanuts right now, and they are amazing.

If you’ve never seen them, they are like regular peanuts just like you buy at the circus or the zoo, except that they have a coating of hard butter-toffee. I guess they grow them like that, which shows what a wondrous age we live in.

It’s Friday so when I’ve finished the last delicious butter-toffee peanut I will read my Bible for a spell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

So Herodotus, I did get responsibly drunk, which still doesn’t count as redeeming my one free bender from January but fuck it.

Teaching tomorrow at 10 might suck though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Responsibly drunk is overrated

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Mist have fallen asleep shortly after getting home this afternoon. Woke up when wife got in about half hour ago.

Can’t imagine this nights sleep will be what anyone would call “good”.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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