TGISF: Balls Takeover

Have you ever gone to your favourite bar and there’s a “Takeover” by a brewery where they offer special beers that are very rare or hard to find?

That’s a pretty cool thing isn’t it?

Yeah,  this post is nothing like that.  You will get a glimpse into the mind of Balls, which is a scary enough proposition.  To make matters worse,  I’ll be doing this while sober.

I know.

My aim is to take you on a journey from which you’ll return like this:

 

Let’s begin.

Has anyone seen the Bob’s Burgers Porn Parody? Before,  Linda’s accent annoyed me, but once I saw Tabitha Stevens portray her in the parody, all of a sudden it’s not annoying anymore.  Kinda sexy now,  actually.

Bob: Oh my God.

I must say that Anthony Rosano as Bob kept me giggling when I wasn’t cumming.  Man,  I should write reviews for AVN, shouldn’t I?

Btw, did you know there is a company called Cumming?

And that Alan Cumming

not only hosts Masterpiece Theatre on PBS but was in Goldeneye with Famke Janssen and OHMYGODIWANTTODIEINHERTHIGHS!

Onatopp? Onatopp.

Although I have to say my favourite scene in the James Bond movies is when he’s on the floor with the wife of the guy he beats in poker in Bermuda and he just leaves her there on the floor panting and hungry for his…

Magnifique!

caviar and champagne.  Great scene.

Speaking of great Bond film scenes,  the Macau casino scene was beautifully shot and lit. The colors are amazing

and Séverine was just flat out gorgeous

Yes, I did buy that shade of lipstick and nail colour for a lady friend. But I digress.  The colour was also fabulous in Atomic Blonde

I mean,  seriously folks,  if you’re not putting effort into setting the mood when you get sexy with your partner,  you’re missing out.

As you should.

It’s the little things that make a big difference. Like the little man in the boat.

I mean,  I don’t comprehend how someone doesn’t want to eat pussy

and ass

amirite?

Oh, never mind.  You can lead a horse to water… hey speaking of!

Man,  I miss the Benny Hill Show!

And Porcel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz9gF0_srak

Está destruido?

Todavía no pero dame unos minutos y….

tWBS:  DUDE!!!!!!!

Balls:  Oh shit.  What are you  doing here?

tWBS:  I figured I better check in.  Good thing I did.  I asked you to sub in for me this week.  But holy shit, dude!?!?!?!!?

Balls:  What?????  I was just simply saying how….

tWBS:  You’re doing it wrong!!!!!!!!  Holy shit.  OK, just watch and learn…..

Balls:  Is that????

tWBS:  You’re goddamned right it is!!!!!!  And as you can see, from this position, there is easy access to both doors.  Just look how happy she is.  And you want her to cook you breakfast?  Give her one of these then….

tWBS:  I guarantee you that the omelette will be at least four eggs, and she’ll probably blow you while you’re eating it.  Because as you said earlier….  If you put in the effort, the payoff is there.

Balls:  OK, that egg gif is kinda creepy to be honest.

tWBS:  Yeah it really kinda is.  Here, let’s get back to what matters then.

Balls:  Niiiiiice.  But I have a bone to pick with you.

tWBS:   Hehehehe….you said “bone”.

Balls:  OK numbnuts, I’m serious.  You said I was doing it wrong.  I firmly disagree.

tWBS:  Firmly, huh?

Balls:  You know what I mean.

tWBS:  OK, fine.  You got me there.  There is no wrong way to do it.  Other than just not  doing it…

tWBS:  …  because trust me, all the girls love Colonel Angus.  Once they get a taste of him….they’ll settle for nothing less.

Balls:  Wow, you really went there.

tWBS:  You sound surprised.

Balls:  No.  Not really.

tWBS:  And for the beginners out there?  The late great Sam Kinison was not wrong.  It’s a good starting point for those who aren’t terribly experienced.  Capital “T” is your friend…

tWBS:  …  But trust me either way.  You make her cum at least twice before she even sees your dick…?  You put forth that effort…?  Well, let’s just say you’ll be remembered.

Balls:  Agreed.  When her back arches, when that neck extends back….?  When she bites her lip….?  That’s when you know.

 

tWBS:  Damned straight, my friend.  And if you’ve ever successfully licked a pussy right off the bed?  And then still kept going in spite of the minor trauma of you both hitting the floor?

Balls:  Niiiiiice.

***

Balls:  So what should we do now?

tWBS:  Hell if I know.  We gotta end this somehow though, huh?

Balls:  How about a countdown?  Top Ten Taints.

tWBS:  I’m listening.

Balls:  Our own personal fantasy Top Ten Taints we’d like to taste if….well, ya know.

tWBS:  Works for me.  I’ll even start….

#10 – Miranda Kerr

Nominated by – tWBS

Balls:  Wow, you didn’t have to think too long on that one.

tWBS:  It’s not my first time wishing I could get a taste of that, you know?

Balls:  You might have to become a Collingwood fan.

tWBS:  Geelong is my history, but to get a lick of her….?  Worth it.

***

#9 – Elle MacPherson

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Sticking with the Aussie theme, huh?  But yes, she is pretty amazing.  Nice pick.

Balls:  To be clear, I’m talking about “present day Elle”.  She’s one of the few celebs who has managed to get hotter as she’s aged, and hasn’t been tempted to screw herself up surgically.  Plus, I guarantee she tastes good.

tWBS:  Acknowledged.

***

#8 – Eiza Gonzales

Nominated by – tWBS

Balls:  Nice.

tWBS:  Right?

***

#7 – Camila Mendes

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Well, well, well.  Lookit you with the early round steal.  Nicely done.

Balls:  Snooze you lose. Also,  obligatory:

Moose knows why.

tWBS:  Fair enough.  I really need to start watching that show.

***

#6 – Mary J. Blige

Nominated by – tWBS

Balls:  Interesting pick.

tWBS:  I’m nothing if not interesting.

***

#5 – Alicia Silverstone

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Whoa.  Very nice.

Balls:  Again, to be clear, I’m talking “present day Alicia”.

tWBS:  OK, ok.  But just to be fair….

Balls:  You do realize she was only like 16 when that was filmed.  Right?

tWBS:  Ummmm….I guess I do now!!!!!

Balls:  MOVING ON!!!!!!!

***

#4 – Naomi Watts

Nominated by – tWBS

 

Balls:  Nice.

tWBS:  I think she’d taste great.  And I’m also a little curious to hear the noises she’d make while….well….ya know.

***

#3 – Rachel Bilson

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  You sonofabitch!!!!!!

Balls:  Hehehehehehe.

tWBS:  Good pick.

Balls:  Inorite?

tWBS:  Fine.  Well….take this…..

***

#2 – Margot Robbie

Nominated by – tWBS

 

tWBS:  Shit.  Why is she laughing?

Balls:  You even have to ask?

tWBS:  Shut up.  Last pick is yours.  Try not to fuck it up.

***

#1 – Emmanuelle Chriqui

Nominated by – Balls

tWBS:  Wow.  Not what I was expecting, but that is a high value pick.  Color me impressed.

Balls: 

tWBS:  Yeah, yeah, I get it.  But we left a lot out.  We’re gonna have to do this again…sooner rather than later.

Balls:  It’s cute how you think we’re not gonna get blackballed for this.

tWBS:  Nah.  We’re like the devils on everyone’s shoulders.  They need us.  We’ll be fine.  Probably.

Balls:  Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.  We’ll be fine.  But just in case, let’s get one more in….

tWBS: 

Balls: 

Balls and tWBS (in unison):  Have a great weekend folks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy468aoZADo

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I don’t even think she is a real detective.

Mr. Ayo

Go go gadget belt!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stupid Sexy SQUIRREL.

Brick Meathook

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.

Brick Meathook

I will never get tired of that monkey picture.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

theonion:

L’Oreal Suspends Production Of Irresistible 2-Step Lip Color Stick After Lab Rat Seduces Way Out Of Facility

NEW YORK—Warning that the sultry, long-lasting product had been instrumental in the company’s biggest security breach to date, L’Oreal has halted testing of their Irresistible 2-Step Lip Color Stick Friday after a lab rat wearing the compelling cosmetic seduced its way out of their facility. “At approximately 8 p.m. last night, a rodent wearing a testing formulation of L’Oreal’s 19-1664 ‘rosewine’ lip shade successfully beckoned to an unsuspecting guard and distracted him with its perfect, pouty mouth, bewitching him long enough to reach his keyring, unlock its cage, and escape,” said L’Oreal CEO Jean Paul Agon, who emphasized that production of the color stick would be halted until an internal investigation could determine how the rat was able to not only stun over a dozen officers with its craveable come-hither look, but also leave the head of surveillance blindfolded and tied to a chair with his boxers around his ankles. “Until we find out exactly how test subject number 445 ended up with lips so luscious that every member of our security team was powerless to resist them, it would be egregiously irresponsible to release this product to the public. You must understand: No matter how fast it scampered, no matter how many guards it kissed, this rat had a perfect pucker that was impossible resist. We will not allow a lip color this sultry, this durable, this dangerous, to be sold. Because it’s not worth it.” At press time, Agon had warned residents who lived around the L’Oreal facility to take extra precautions while out at night, as the rat’s no-smear lip color stays flawless for up to 12 hours

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

My biggest fear in life is that the president might stumble onto the notion of the International Date Line, that China is literally ahead of us, they are in the future and we’re stuck back here yesterday in the past.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“What do you do as a photographer’s assistant?”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Ripley and Hicks watch from the park bench.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

That drag queen on the right did a great job with her Sandra Bullock makeup.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I should just ignore the bullshit [edit]

theeWeeBabySeamus

NCAA Baseball is stupid.
Imma go pout for a while now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I’ll have the Bowl of Puppies.

Spanky Datass

“Bowl of Puppies” is adorable but “Basket of Pussy” has it’s charms.
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Amshelek!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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pussy selfie agrees.

Redshirt

Oh, I’m going to go cycling for the first time in my life. If I don’t survive, someone’s gonna have to become a Bengals fan to cover for me.

herodotus450

Slow down there bucko, it’s not like you’re going riding in the bed of a truck, you’ll be fine.

Redshirt

I’m 25 pounds overweight and I have the core strength and stamina of a non-cursed mummy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

So many days off in both sports finals. In my day it was every other night!

/fastens onion to belt
/walks on to lawn
/shakes fist at clouds

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

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Redshirt

This is going to end with Trump giving them Alaska, Hawaii and another state to be named later. Mark my words.

WCS

Please be Texas, please be Texas, please be Texas…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Just got done putting the ACs in three of the bedrooms, as today is the first “too humid to sleep” night here in CT. Turned on the TV in time to see Betances doing Betances things, but Schoop may have done him a HUGE favor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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You can learn a lot from your big sister.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, I know this is coming out of nowhere, but…has anyone seen Jim Caldwell lately?

litre_cola

He will resurface in that new league that starts next year. Book it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

My vision is primarily movement based, so no.

Mr. Ayo

He’s still standing in the corner as always

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Horatio Cornblower

Did you check your lamp?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw totally agree that if you reject giving oral, you’re a bad person. Get in there and give it the old college try. If not, some of us love it and are quite good at it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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If you can’t turn yourself into a glazed doughnut twice a day you are worthless.

litre_cola

Yep I loved getting down there since my teens. It is very appreciated and DJ Khaled is a fuckwit.

Redshirt

Too bad LeBron James has self-control. Any other person and we would’ve found out if a player can get a Personal Foul against their own teammate.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/celtics/2018/06/01/the-internet-having-some-fun-with-lebron-james-reaction-smith-blunder/zsL5bWliU9U4IHsqyZSgJM/story.html

WCS

Inside JR Smith’s brain while dribbling it out:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Work went well this week.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. There’s a joke here I REALLY want to make. But I won’t.

Just know that I am LMFAO’ing right now.

Brick Meathook

Well now you gotta tell the joke.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I would if I could.
Photo is still cracking me up, fwiw.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She was even hot with a bad middle eastern accent

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*hotter

Brocky

I’m just gonna leave this here. Gentlemen, you both surprise and disappoint me:

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Brocky

And unfortunately no, I do not have access to that cheaply made ms paint job I did from last year. I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to pull off the data from the old lap too, but still

theeWeeBabySeamus

Disappointed because Balls didn’t send you a picture of Jennifer Connelly’s vulva?

Yeah, me too. Jerk never sent it.

herodotus450

I have a picture of a Jennifer Connelly’s vagina…

Brocky

If I recall correctly, you get a pretty good look at her nether region in that one movie where she’s naked on the beach.

The exact film title escapes me

Redshirt

The Hot Spot

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099797/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_42

The debate was is if it was a body double when she turned around. However, you see her perfect front in it’s glory topless. Bad part is Don Johnson is in it.

Redshirt

Just do what I did with my VHS copy of “Under Siege”. Brave up and power on through.

Brocky

I just legtimatley expected a throw back joke. Obviously I’m in the wrong, but still, would have been fucking hilarious.

Cant i just play someone to take the old laptops I have apart and put it all on 1 external? My current laptop has no storage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is pretty damn nice:

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herodotus450

I want to get irresponsibly drunk but it’s just hot enough to make me doublethink that.

Senor Weaselo

I want to get irresponsibly drunk at my 10-year reunion either today or tomorrow but I have to work Saturday and Sunday. I still owe myself one session of getting irresponsibly drunk from my de facto ex getting engaged, and that was in January! The Weaselo Grind sucks sometimes.

herodotus450

I guess I’ll get twice as drunk for the both of us, you’re welcome.

Senor Weaselo

At some point I’ll make it up to me. Might take a while but I’ll remember.