Your “The Ultraviolet Light Hurts Me So” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Woo-hoo! June, baby. One more month of school until summer vacation for us teaching types! I got plans. BIG PLANS!

(Will actually accomplish nothing over the summer.)

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • vegas at Washington – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • MLB: regional coverage includes
    • Cubs/Mets, Dodgers/Rockies, BoSox/Astros – 7:00PM | FOX
    • BoSox at Astros – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA Baseball:
    • College World Series
      • 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • 10:00PM | ESPNU
  • Futbol:
    • MLS: Columbus vs. Toronto FC – 7:30PM | TSN
    • International Friendly: Mexico vs. Scotland – 7:55PM | FS1 / UNI
    • Australian Rules Football: Adelaide vs. GWS – 2:30AM | TSN2

Remember – KEEP IT BETWEEN THE DITCHES!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Shut your fucking piehole Engelland you pussy.

Come on Caps, get this one.

WCS

Karma mandates a Vegas shorty now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You shut your whore mouth.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At intermission 2nd, we secretly replaced the Washington Capitals with the Arizona Coyotes.

Let’s see if anyone notices.

litre_cola

Phoenix won’t know they are missing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was funny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Paging Mr. Grubauer. Call for you on line one, Mr. Grubauer.

litre_cola

Didnt he have something to do with the Nakatomi tower?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hans, baby

WCS

That sound you just heard was tWBS emptying his bowels into his underwear.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re not far from wrong.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OH JEEBUS CHRISTMAS HOLTBY WTF WERE YOU THINKING?

litre_cola

Ruh roh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dang. Needed that 3rd goal there before the PP expired.

Fronkenshteen

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yeah right

I’m a day ahead on next week’s Sunday Gravy. Because tomorrow?
I’m going to go bowling. It’s a small dream but I’ve been trying to get back to being able to bowl for the last 10 years. Granted that was 3 knee surgeries ago but still.
I’m coming back with a fucking vengeance!

theeWeeBabySeamus

If you don’t break 200, we’re all gonna fly to SoCal and Gillooly you.

yeah right

Series or game?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He means bones.

Mr. Ayo

Everything went well until the 7th frame….

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good god that turf…

Mr. Ayo

If it’s good enough for the picnic areas in my parks, it’s good enough for these finely tuned athletes!

-Some dipshit, short, insecure, cheap-ass owner

LemonJello

I haven’t been this anxious for a period to start since a broken condom scare junior year of high school.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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litre_cola

This bag of peanut caramel puffs with candies peanuts from Korea could be one of the best stoner foods I have ever have.

theeWeeBabySeamus

How have you not finished that stuff yet?
Amateur.

litre_cola

Because I was eating the kimchi chips. Duh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh. OK then. Carry on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Intermission 2nd.
Moar vodka.

herodotus450

Hockey talkin’ guy says that the playres better start playing “the right way” soon or else they might get called for a penalty one of these days and it’s not very nice to cross check people in the head. HOW ABOUT THE FUCKING REFS CALL A FUCKING PENALTY! It’s not the players’ fault that if they can get away with murder, they will.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit. I said no Vegas PP’s. Does no one fucking listen to me?

LemonJello

/Looks around clubhouse
Who wants to tell him?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Niskanen with the big effort there for some 4 on 4. Now we’re talking.

King Hippo

Scotland are as slow as one would expect a 100% honkified side to be. NICE WASTE OF $20, HIPPO.

/it made me exactly even stevens on the day, which is kind of fun (as many matches as I bet)

Mr. Ayo

Then how do you explain Ze Germans?

King Hippo

They totes has blacks! Plus, like, efficiency to make up for it. And selective Aryan breeding, natch.

theeWeeBabySeamus

100% honkified

May I use this? I know someone who will find it funny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

As in….

I’m old enough to be your 100% honkified father.

Fortunately, she has a good sense of humour and knows I’m a fucking idiot.

King Hippo

oh sure!

theeWeeBabySeamus

If Caps can play clean and not put Vegas on PP, should be good in this one now.

That’s a big “If”, fwiw.

LemonJello

I think the Caps misunderstood you, tWBS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Story of my life, right?

King Hippo

this Ice Footy series is a giant wet fart. Says a lot that I haven’t even flipped over once from the practice Lesser Footy match.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!!!!

King Hippo

been a fait accompli since you got past the Yinzers

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fair enough.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There we go.

Mr. Ayo

Finally! The safest lead in hockey now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ovie…how in the name of fuck did you miss that one?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh I see now, went glove side. Fucking Russians.

King Hippo

How in the name of William Wallace did the Scots almost qualify for Russia? Were there blind and deaf sides in their Euro-group? These are shite.

/no ofence Litre

//pretty sure he could beat me up

litre_cola

They will qualify for the next one. The youngsters are promising, but they still have the plodding attack.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe….two black hockey guys fighting.
I’m not sure how to finish this joke.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck yeah!!!!

No interference there. Fuck you if you say different.

LemonJello

A Russian scoring in DC? We really are in the darkest timeline.

King Hippo

put $20 of the $120 El Tri made me by winning the first half on Scotland just now, to win the 2nd half (i.e., to draw or win the match, +900).

shut you face, YOU have a problem

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seems legit.

King Hippo

these friendlies go back and forth, happens when ain’t nobody really give a tin shit

/looking forward to GAMBLOR the NFL pre-season

LemonJello

Yes, but my problem is alcoholism

/adjusts monocle

King Hippo

see, this hobby keeps that problem fairly latent. I am being healthy, goddamnit!!

litre_cola

Not sure the stress is healthy…

WCS

Exec 1: “What if we made a Die Hard clone… in an office building?”
Exec 2: “AMAZING IDEA! GREEN LIGHT THAT NOW!”

/both continue to snort Tony Montana mounds of coke

King Hippo

as long as there are explosions and a meathead-famous lead, Murrikans will pay to see it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ryan Reynolds as John McClain?

King Hippo

Exec 3: “Our focus group said just a hair blacker, tWBS!”

Exec 4: “But not TOO BLACK!”

Exec 3: “GOD NO!!!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d pay to see Sam Jackson in that role, fwiw.

King Hippo

me too, which is why we ain’t the target demographic no more

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not a cracker ass motherfucka….YOU’RE A CRACKER ASS MOTHERFUCKA!!!!!!

WCS

Guys, guys, guys… you both can be cracker ass motherfuckas!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Likely, in fact.

King Hippo

The Fox/FS1 cheerleading for El Tri really gives me the giggles. I can just sense the right wing simmering.

litre_cola

I really hope they make a deep run.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s too bad that tire company had to go with an obscure archer instead of hiring Ray Lewis to stab the tires.

LemonJello

His suit isn’t back from the cleaner’s yet.

Spanky Datass

Does the little Casio keyboard in the Caps’ arena run on D-batteries or a twelve volt adapter?
‘Cause it sounds like shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Caps lucky to not be down 2-0 at the intermission 1st.
Time foar vodka.

herodotus450

My theory is, the nhl forced the Panthers to give up Marchessault and Smith as restitution for the rat cleanup costs back in the Vanbiesbruck days.

herodotus450

Yes! Doc said “Twirling,” I have that square in my combined Emrick Verbiage-Simpsons Reference bingo card

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t believe I’m actually having fun watching hockey!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t believe I’m actually having fun watching hockey!

– Barry Trotz

herodotus450

I haven’t seen capitals this aggressive since Berlin and Rome circa 1939

LemonJello

Tokyo 1939 feels slighted by your omission of them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We’re good over here.

– Nagasaki, 1945

LemonJello

We had a brief heat wave, but that blew through quickly

-Hiroshima, et al.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Where is everybody?

– Hiroshima, 10 minutes later.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This game is kinda like old people fucking, so far.

Sloppy and without a plan.

LemonJello

Fewer broken hips, so far.

herodotus450

Every tim I hear Riley Smith’s name, I think of a different Riley…

LemonJello

+1 follow from Riley Reid to you!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Great minds, my friend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

?????????????
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King Hippo

hmmmm, kinda familiar

litre_cola

Went to the Korean grocery store today. Put the baby to bed, got stoned and now I try new snacks.

Kiwi gummy fruits are delicious.
Next up caramel, peanut puffs I think.

King Hippo

It’s the extra MSG that does it!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck yeah.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck no!!!!!!
Good call tho. But still.

Mr. Ayo

Oops!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So when did screaming shit in the middle of the anthem become a thing, and how is that less disrespectful than quietly kneeling?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Baltimore, 1992. We like to yell “O!!!!!” say can you see….

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s the royal “we” btw.
I don’t particularly care for it.

herodotus450

I always thought it was unfair, and more than a little ironic, that the Braves have their name right there in the song!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Atlanta.

Sorry, what were you saying?

Mr. Ayo

I believe the answer to both is white

King Hippo

God, how I hate this. Remarkably disrespectful. The kneelers are doing something thoughtful that the flag represents – our freedoms, and the right to express ourselves as such. Not to be a drunken and/or obnoxious asshole.

Despite my extreme social anxiety, I make a point of giving the stinkeye every time this happens, no matter where I am, visitors’ colours or not.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. The double standard of Balt/Wash fans doing the “O!!!”, but like everyone else, blackballing Kaep? I have a big problem with this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

As someone who has always liked Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but detested Andy Samberg, he does seem to have gotten less annoying over the years.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Absolutely. Initially I was hesitant to even give the show a shot thanks to his presence.

herodotus450

Instrumental Anthem?

herodotus450

Oh, no.

herodotus450

Why is Pat Sajek on the ice? Can I buy a “W”?

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, so Canadian school lets out in July?!?

My nieces started summer vacation on Thursday last week!

herodotus450

Well it makes sense, Canadian summer is only 2.5 weeks in July.

litre_cola

School runs Sept to June in most cases.

herodotus450

Caps pregame show is just a homeless guy stumbling onto the ice, asks for $5, says “thanks god bless go caps,” and leaves. Game actually starts on time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And don’t bet on Justify to complete the triple at Belmont next week. I don’t think he’s got the stamina for that length.

Phrasing.

(but seriously, don’t)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Vegas +115. Sorry Caps, don’t hate.
Gotta do it and either make some dough, or jinx you to a 2-1 lead.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

so…what do Balls y Litre have bet on this here friendly?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hehehe.

ballsofsteelandfury

A haggis taco.

litre_cola

I would eat the fuck out of those

ballsofsteelandfury

me too.