Your “Shut Up – It’s Live Football!” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Not quite on bent knee, but the Chargers have reached out to Antonio Gates about a possible return.
    • The ACL tear to Hunter Henry is forcing the Chargers to reconsider the decision to cut Gates.
      • If Mark Davis were half the man his father was, he’d sign Gates just to fuck with the Spanos clan.
  • Jarvis Landry is…glad? to be in Cleveland, because he didn’t have a good rapport with Ryan Tannehill.
    • He took a veiled shot at Tanny when Landry made headlines last week by telling Cleveland.com that his quarterback situation with the Browns (Tyrod Taylor, Baker Mayfield and Drew Stanton) is “a lot better than what I had in Miami.”
  • Kirk Cousins keeps throwing picks in practice.
    • He says he is learning through trial and error what he can’t do.
      • “Some of the beauty of (spring drills) is that you can test and experiment. . . . You’ve just got to learn from them.”
        • Just what you want to hear from a $90 million guaranteed QB in his first season.
        • I know one member of the Vikings staff who won’t cotton to such glibness.
You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

Finally, because Crimebeat! never sleeps, Bengals rookie QB Logan Woodside was stopped across the river in Bellevue, KY for a DUI on June 9th.

  • Not a good move when you were the 349th pick in the draft.
  • He blew a .112, which is a bad look at 3:45AM.
    • Or, a good time at 3:45 PM if you’re Rob Ryan.
  • Woodside was also given a ticket for driving more than 10 mph over the speed limit.

Well, the CFL season starts tonight, and the Deuce has you covered.

The whole opening weekend of LIVE! CFL action will be on ESPN2, starting tonight at 8:30PM. You can find their CFL broadcast schedule here.

There’s gambling available.

Don’t forget to follow The Maestro‘s excellent CFL recaps & previews, and remember that there’s a pool to join.

If you want to see Johnny Fucking Football actually get into a game this year, the Canadian Football League is your place for that!


Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
    • Eskimos at Blue Bombers – 8:30PM | ESPN2 / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Rays at Yankees – 7:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet
    • Red Sox at Mariners – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • AHL:
    • 2018 Calder Cup Finals: Stars vs. Marlies – Game 7 – 7:00PM | TSN2 / NHLN / ahllive.com

Goddamn, with the World Cup & US Open on, IT FEELS LIKE A REAL SPORTS DAY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just checked the AFL score from earlier tonight and….

THIS DFO TIPPING POOL I CALL IT A MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE THERE DON’T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT PUTTING THE TIP IN

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

After creating a self-indulged documentary about himself, Antoine Griezmann declared at the end of the documentary that he would be staying with Atletico Madrid. What a dorkus malorkus

Senor Weaselo

He didn’t take his talents to South Beach?

Wakezilla

Surprisingly, no. It’s like the decision, but where Lebron stayed.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Wakezilla

Lets hope he follows in the footsteps of his former teammate, Aaron Hernandez

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why is David Duval talking through the Denver Airport train?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

The worst thing about this timeline is that there are millions of people paying attention to politics for the first time out of fear of Trump and they’re being exposed to nothing but militarism, imperialism, revisionism and chauvinism by Democratic media outlets.

There’s people actually pissed that there might be peace in Korea, for Christ sakes!

Fronkenshteen

Democratic media outlets?

Wakezilla

MSNBC

WCS

This CFL game will end sometime in September.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

True Story Time!!!
(The whole hotel room locks thing is what reminded me of this, btw)

When I was in California recently, one night in the middle of the night, a night I was having some insomnia (which is not unusual for me) I decided to go for a walk on the beach. So I downed a few shots and took some weed with me to consume while walking (totally legal there…yay!!!). When I returned to my room an hour or so later (3 or 4am, give or take), I was extremely high and at least a little bit drunk. This is important to the story, btw.

So, I approach my room, insert my keycard, open the door and walk inside.

I’ve been gone about an hour, but somehow, while I was gone, a whole family of people have moved into my room. There’s an ugly fat chick in my bed. There’s an ugly fat guy asleep in the couch. And there’s three ugly fat kids on rollaway beds in the middle of the living room area.

“What the fuck????” I think to myself. I might have even said it out loud. I can’t remember, I was high.

So I stand there for what seemed like an eternity trying to figure this out, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, and then it dawns on me.

I didn’t go up enough flights of stairs. I’m one floor below where my room is. This isn’t my room. It’s in the same place as mine, just on a different floor. It looks the exact same as mine. Well, aside from the ugly fat family inside. But this isn’t my room. I’ve just basically, but unwittingly, performed a home invasion.

Fortunately, none of the ugly fat people woke up and I backed out slowly and closed the door. Then quickly did recon on the hallway to make sure there were no cameras. There weren’t.

The next day, I asked the dudes who work there if they knew that the keycards on their system open rooms other than the ones they’re keyed for. I never did get an answer, btw, but it was pretty obvious that they knew. So I think I’ll be staying elsewhere next time. Which is a shame because otherwise I really like that place.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

What hotel was it?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yeah, they deserved to be called out. And for some of us to target on future trips.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Su Casa at Venice Beach.
431 Ocean Front Walk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And that, friends, is why you have to deadbolt

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I guess I don’t really have to prop the door open when I’m jerkin’ it to Murder She Wrote any more.

Wakezilla

This is why I always use the lock on the inside of the door. #Deadboltlyfe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Nick Foles turns you on? Whatever floats your boat.

Gratliff

Nothing but respect for those who go out and get the worst possible tattoos for just these sorts of occasions
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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He beat Tom Brady and Co. so maybe not sexually, but yeah.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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She lost at scrabble AGAIN!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I tried to tell her to use the “Q” and make a “queef”.
She misunderstood, I think.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Send $19.99 for my “Key To Success” program! Do it today!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

/Invites Brick over for a beer
//Changes locks afterwards

herodotus450
herodotus450

/Invites Brick to help me move
//Yeah, it is a pretty nice house
///Hey I forgot my key, could you um, let me in? Thanks
////Because it’s cooler, is why we’re moving at 3 AM on Christmas day

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t ask questions. Don’t ask me any either. This shit ain’t gonna move itself.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Amateurs

theeWeeBabySeamus

So THAT’S what Brick Meathook looks like.
😉

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This is me:
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, that beard grew fast.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So did his prostate.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Happy Flag Day, ppl!!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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herodotus450
herodotus450

But, the bible says no kneeling

ballsofsteelandfury

Funny, she doesn’t look like a Michael

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

QUIZ TIME: One of these cameramen was fired halfway through production. Can you guess which one? You have 60 seconds.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Monroe!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The smaller font always get the bad end.

WCS

Both

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Fire Conrad Hall? Can’t be done. He won a posthumous Oscar: the man is still getting work.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

I’m Askins you a questions!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

More Monroe B. Sackins

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Fook Yah!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Rain delay!?! Finish your Labatts!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

Attentioun attentioun!! There is a Canadian company called THE BRICK. I repeat, THE BRICK!

litre_cola

Furniture. Not interesting maybe pilots.

Wakezilla

Former NHL player, Mike Comrie, his dad owned the Brick

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

THOSE DICKHEADS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

toshité.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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ballsofsteelandfury

So…… Winnipeg not that good, huh?

litre_cola

Starting qb hurt in preseason. Good thing there are only 9 teams!!!

LemonJello
LemonJello

This CFL Commissioner doesn’t seem like a damned national disgrace. Accurate?

litre_cola

He actually is a beauty. He listens to fans, players, and owners. Changes rules that everyone deems stupid. Apart from the rouge THATS PART OF OUR HISTORY!

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

If a CFL player was named Roosevelt Cheeks would his nickname be Rouge?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Watching Donald Trump on the international stage, now I know how the Whig Party felt watching Millard Fillmore compare to the Duke of Wellington!

Gah! Shoo! Shoo Dennis Miller, I thought I told you to get lost and to never come back!
/quietly closes 14 wikipedia tabs about 19th century world figures

LemonJello
LemonJello

What’s the conversion rate for CFL points to NFL points?

Senor Weaselo

Currently *checks* 1 CAN=0.77 USA.

litre_cola

Forgot about the pool. Doesn’t matter would have taken the Bombers anyway and they aren’t going to win.

LemonJello
LemonJello

“That’s what I told all my Luftwaffe pilots!”
-H. Göring

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!!!!11!!!

Redshirt

In honor of the CFL’s midfield yardline:

Redshirt

According to the experts, Trump has solidified his hold on the Republican Party. If you don’t support Trump, you’re not a Republican.

So I’m no longer a Republican. I may even vote Democrat if they’re not too far left.

herodotus450
herodotus450

You’re jumping ship now? I guess it was getting crowded in the trump camp with the Russians, Nazis, Iranians, Saudis, Norwegians, and now the N. Koreans.
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Redshirt

I was holding out hope for sanity and common sense to show up. Obviously, fear and idolatry have left sanity and common sense bloody and beaten.

herodotus450
herodotus450

At least the Democrats are competent criminals, is what I say.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

About damn time

Redshirt

Hold the phone. I’m still Conservative. I’m just tired of Republicans blowing Trump.

Wakezilla

What’s the point of jumping ship? It’s the same party it has always been for at least the past 18 years.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think you just made a lot of DFOers happy. Join me as an independent, why don’t you?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or, and hear me out, vote in the only party not dedicated to complete evil while we fix everything.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welcome! Please help yourself to punch and pie.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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LemonJello
LemonJello

“That Brick, always getting drunk and sneaking off to fly commuter airliners.”

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I was coked out of my mind on this landing.

ballsofsteelandfury

I need to find out where I can buy that outfit…

Senor Weaselo

Do you have the legs for it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Only when he has a hardon.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is true

ballsofsteelandfury

Of course!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

LA traffic: still fucking terrible

herodotus450
herodotus450

I just had an out of body experience where I envisioned a lifetime of bad jokes based on a football team called the LA Traffic. How am I supposed to go back to normal life in this milquetoast version of reality now?

ballsofsteelandfury

Why are you driving at 4:42 pm? That’s happy hour time!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Urrrrrport

scotchnaut

Dustin Johnson is Michael Phelps’ younger, dumber, shithead brother.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Looks like someone turned on Big Head Mode for Moe.