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Your “Burying the Guy Who Buried the Football ” Monday Evening Open Thread

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Sorry for the light news and delayed thread tonight everyone. The #contentmines were not properly stocked and now you’re stuck with me tonight.

NFL News:

  • The Patriots are looking to trade Superb Owl LII “MVP,” Malcolm Mitchell, because if you say one mean thing to Belichick, he never forgets
  • Conner Barwin agreed to a two year deal with the New York Giants after saying he was only going to sign with a “contender” this year.
    • That, uh, doesn’t seem to have worked out too well for him.
  • Tony Sparano is headed to the big gabba-goo in the sky, unexpectedly dying from natural causes associated with heart disease earlier this morning.
    • Sparano was serving as the Vikings O-Line Coach, after his infamous years coaching in Oakland and Miami
      • Given Zygi Wilf’s mob connections, can we ever be truly sure that these were, in fact, natural causes?

What the Hell is on Tonight?:

  • Only thing I really see tonight that’s national are the Dirt Bears hosting the Zonies at Wrigley – ESPN @ 5pm PST

Tomorrow night, I will be seeing one of my favorite bands, Streetlight Manifesto, here in San Diego, as they continue their Everything Goes Numb tour, playing their first album front to back. If you haven’t heard it, please enjoy it in it’s entirety below, especially Point/Counterpoint:

Best of luck out there folks!

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Fronkenshteen

Got whooped (at work) tonight. Got drunk after. I wish I hadn’t, because I have @ an hour left of the Jim Jarmusch film about The Stooges called “Gimme Danger”. Maybe tomorrow.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I haven’t heard if that, and I love The Stooges! I’ll have to check that out.

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Brick Meathook

It’s really good

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anybody else think the voice from that Denny’s “$5.99 are you out of your mind” commercial sounds like Ray Gillette?

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Fronkenshteen

I love that American Immunity < Soviet Vengeance.

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blaxabbath

So last night was out second with the baby at home. First night was an absolute train wreck — crying, pleading, exhaustion to the max (I broke) — last night was significantly better, though still terribly difficult (mostly because of the previous night). Woke up this morning and just completely botched breakfast. Used the wrong pans, smoke everywhere, burnt the bacon — just couldn’t perform a routine task I have done a hundred times before. I described it as that Simpson’s where Homer pours milk on cereal and then the bowl of cereal goes up in flames. My wife laughed but said she’d never seen that.

So tonight after we put him down, I got to introduce my wife to that clip and she thought it was funny. Which made me happy because, honestly, some of the stuff that she thinks is funny, I’m like, “that is absolutely terrible.”

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Wakezilla

Hang in there, Blax. One thing that helped Mrs.Wakezilla and I was buying stuff that is already made and throwing it in the oven/microwave. That way you just have to preheat the oven and set the timer. This is effective because seeing how you’re so got damn tired all the time, you don’t really have to think.

Aside from that, in terms of understanding your baby, I strongly recommend you picking up the book called the Wonder Weeks by Frans X. Plooij and Hetty van de Rijt It describes the theory that the cognitive development of babies occurs in predictable jumps. When these leaps happen, based on how old the baby is, determines if it’s a pleasant or unpleasant leap. And brother, it is dead on.

During stormy leaps, your kid can almost act like a completely different person. By reading the book, you can understand why and what it is they are going through to help better understand them. I cannot recommend this book enough.

There’s even an app for it, too.

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blaxabbath

Big Enough to the new Godzilla trailer is my favorite meme right now.

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Brick Meathook

I’m reading the blog of Ralph Senensky, who’s 94 years old and directed about thousand television episodes between the 50’s and the 80’s. Right now I’m in the four part series about filming the pilot for “Dynasty” (then called “Oil”) in 1980 and firing George Peppard as the lead. He did a lot of Quinn Martin shows. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an episode of “Dynasty,” which I remember as being a “Dallas” rip-off. Actually, the best “Dallas” rip-off was “Fresno” with Carol Burnett, which was a two-part TV movie that was pretty funny. It was about a family of wealthy raisin magnates. The Rolls Royce limo was usually in the shop and they would have to ride in the way-back of a station wagon. Jeez, I gotta find that show. I should get high.

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Brick Meathook

Being chauffeured in the back of the station wagon because the Rolls is in the shop again:
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Wakezilla

Toddlerzilla currently is obsessed with Katy Perry’s Roar. I gotta admit, it’s a good video

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Wakezilla

Nooo! Bayern Munich talks with Alphonso Davies has officially stalled. Canada was so close to being a little bit legitimized in lesser footy.

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Wakezilla

Oh man, given the thirst of the Als’ coaching staff for Manziel, we’re about 2-3 weeks from him being the undisputed starter. Get ready for this, everyone!

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Wakezilla

In today’s surprisingly good Trumpian policy, Trump is looking to strip security clearances from former CIA director Brennan as well as the following former officials: Comey, Clapper, Hayden, Rice and McCabe. Revoking clearance for a bunch of assholes who are on the board of weapons and defense contractor companies is a good thing.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He is only doing it out of retribution because they are on his personal enemies list. Your over-generalization is typical, but not worth the time to debate.

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Wakezilla

Oh, Trump’s rationale for taking it away is definitely political and petty. However, from an ethical stand point, it makes sense in closing the revolving door. I’d argue that they shouldn’t be profiting off their public service anyway.

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blaxabbath

I feel the feds should keep former heads on retainer to consult. Then if they want that sweet revolving door cash, they can pay for their own clearances.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So last night I was trying to explain Voltron to a bunch of people who really weren’t much younger than me. How do these people not know about Voltron?

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Mr. Ayo

Were you trying to justify buying the lego kit?

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Wakezilla

Did you say it was like a cartoon version of Power Rangers, but if they focused primarily on Megazord?

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WCS

I’m Officially Old Fact: “You Got to Get What You Give” by the New Radicals now has a cover version, and is in a commercial.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every song by everyone ever now has a cover version that’s a “deconstruction” slowed down to about fifty percent speed with a female vocalist trying to make the lyrics sound as profound and as important as possible.

/I watch far too many CW shows.

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Wakezilla

What Rikki said. I mean, you’re still old, just not for this particular reason.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just informed Lady BFC about Tim Tebow’s history with circumcisions. The horrified look on her face almost made it ok that it’s only Monday.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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NO MODERATORS EXCEPT FOR A MODERATOR-BOT! WELL, HERE’S A DONKEY SHOW.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, that search didn’t turn out how I thought it would.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just got a post moderated out that didn’t show anything. Oh well, not that funny anyway.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Trust me, there are no moderators. There is some stupid software that picks shit for no reason I can see.

I just “approved” it.

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Brick Meathook

I think we should have voted on it.

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ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the coffee shop one below. I think you would have approved…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DAMN IT! I SAID IT WASN’T THAT FUNNY!

NOW PEOPLE WILL KNOW!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Emma Stone would like a word.

*Not sure what we are arguing about.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Restaurant coworker #1: [hoists shot] “7 years ago, Amy Winehouse left this earth!”

Restaurant coworker #2: “Congratulations on 7 years sober, Amy!”

[raucous laughter]

– end scene –

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NICE!!

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litre_cola

Fantastic.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Counter-point: Fuck ‘em.

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litre_cola

Yep, fuck those dirty birds with a rusty screw driver.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Needs predators.

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Mr. Ayo

Arm the drones!

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Don’t tell anyone how I live.”

— Chip Kelly

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Um…. still funny.

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Found a new coffee shop that has a great atmosphere.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

In the kids defense, if your flying that low over a sports field, you’re asking for it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Innovative drone use.

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Senor Weaselo

“Yeah, and?” -Will Bales

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“WTF??”

-Blair Walsh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Teen Titans Go! to the Movies is getting good reviews?

NO! ITS CAN’T BE! GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!

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Senor Weaselo

Is this the part where us jaded mid-20-somethings bitch about how the original Teen Titans series deserved a better fate?

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Redshirt

Yes. I’m glad for voice actors (they’ve earned it), but seriously, that show?! It has its moments, but it shouldn’t overshadow the original series.

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Redshirt

YEAH! GO DIRT BENGALS!

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Don T

Sparano’s football did not get last rites because the Raiders chaplain was away on a mushroom trip.

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clint greasewood

Thank you

Just got the package, beautiful packing job.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Your shirt is still on the slow boat from China…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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BOLTMAN IS ABOVE YOUR MORTAL MONIES! BOLTMAN MAY DIE, BUT HIS LEGACY WILL LIVE ON IN THE BLACKEND HEARTS OF THE VENGEFUL! BOLTMAN WILL SEE THE SPANOS CLAN FALL BY THEIR OWN HANDS BEFORE HIS RAGE IS EXTINGUISHED!

(Yes, that bid was mine. Someday, the blessing will be mine.)

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Redshirt

Oh, it was you. For a second I thought the bid was from the LA Chargers or a porn studio and Boltman passed for personal pride reasons.

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Senor Weaselo

There was a reserve, I’m guessing that was 100,000. Either dollars or femurs, not too picky.

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Redshirt

$100K for a mascot costume? How? Why?

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Redshirt

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

NO-HITTER ALERT on bottom of screen.

Me: “Don’t be against the Reds. Don’t be against the Reds. Don’t be- Of COURSE its against the Reds!”

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Redshirt

Yay! I jinxed the Cardinals!

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JustStopDude

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Real or fake tweet?

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blaxabbath

So you’re saying more Russia indictment ar coming?

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Gratliff

Once we reach the post-apocalyptic hellscape, it’ll all be the same

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Wakezilla

Real.

Which is insane because America literally has Iran surrounded with military bases.

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blaxabbath

This assured me that the next thing he’s going to propose is compulsory military service.

OWN THE LIBS BY SENDING THEM TO BULLSHIT MEANINGLESS WARS WITHOUT PROPER TRAINING/GEAR/AMMO/etc.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, it’s worth mentioning that the last song on that Streetlight Manifesto is the aptly titled “The Big Sleep”. RIP, Tony.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Conner Barwin agreed to a two year deal with the New York Giants after saying he was only going to sign with a “contender” this year.

Meanwhile, Eli is thrilled to have a new friend he can play “pretender” with.

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Redshirt

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Redshirt

Too bad I don’t know how to Photoshop and Twitter. I could have fun with that.

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JustStopDude

https://faketrumptweet.com/

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herodotus450

Not sure I’m ready for the levels of irony involved in making literal fake news about trump.

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Gratliff

In Soviet Russia, looking glass is through you

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Redshirt

Follow my battle cry: “If I’m not laughing, I’m crying.”

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Wow. Even though I could give two shits about the NFL anymore, I’m genuinely sad about Sparano. We got a lot of mileage out of that buried football over the years.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I sure am glad I was able to get one last buried football joke in before it was too late.

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Redshirt

Its okay B-team. We’re Cincinnati. We’re used to forgetting to grab the Championship when its within our grasp.

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Gratliff

Fucking Scotty Riggs from out of nowhere

To Iranian President Rouhani:
AMERICAN MALES, AMERICAN MALES, WHEN YA SEE 'EM COME'N BETTER RUN FOR COVER, GIRLS YA DONT NEED A WEEKEND LOVER, MMMM AMERICAN MALES.. IF THEY WANNA TALK TO YOU YA BETTER NOT LISTEN, YOU MIGHT WIND UP IN CRITICAL CONDITION.. HA HA AMERICAN MALES

— RIGGS (@realscottyriggs) July 23, 2018

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBSZew9A4GQ

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WCS

Reddit can still be good at times. This was spotted in Myrtle Beach:

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JustStopDude

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WCS

I wonder if it’s pretty comfortable?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy nightmare fuel, Batman.

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litre_cola

Who spoke? Why did they listen??

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