Your “Oh They’re Comin'” Open Thread

Don T

Don T

Poor choices, mixed results.
¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Titans4Eva
Don T

Preseason starts this week and I’TS ABOUT DAMN TIME. The lack of NFL games is a dizzying emptiness. And if you’re a fan, you need fodder for ranting on

  • maddening rules
  • bullshit jingoism
  • clock mismanagement
  • nauseating  materialism
  • lip service as policy rulings
  • Daniel Snyder & Stan Kroenke
  • Ginger and Fantasy Commissioners
  • protocols (concussion & Cowboys’ playcalls)
  • the ontology of “indisputable visual evidence”

The list is only partial but gets the blood going like John Elway to a mirror with a salt lick.

NFL NEWS

There were Hall of Fame induction speeches last night. Here’s a link from ESPN—Warning: That facility processes Ray Lewis.

Honestly, the election of Brian Dawkins, former Titan Randy Moss [LEMME HAVE THIS], and Terrell Owens made me very happy. Still, speeches ain’t my thing. If it’s longer than a minute, I’d maybe skim a transcript if something meaty appears while Control-F’ing “suck” or “kiss my”. This didn’t happen last night. Still, this is T.O.’s speech, delivered offsite with complete purpose:

Now, HoF induction stuff is strictly ceremonial but it’s covered as a series of events that are unavoidable on the Internet. Oh yeah: the interest in the NFL is rrreallly waning. Additional chapters from that book include: “Fantasy Football Is a Fad” and “Why Legalized Sports Gambling Will Bury the NFL”. That was the bitching; here’s the asshole-move: why would it be better to like the NFL only if it’s a massively popular sport?

Turning to quasi events, Blake Bortles is “finally pain free” and “looks to make big leap”. Here’s a more worthwhile piece of information:

You got a yella jacket Ray, now please disappear from the public eye. Snitch.

Jon Gruden has a message to Martavis Bryant: DO BETTER

“[Bryant]’s just got to learn the offense. He’s got to stay out here. He’s had some illnesses. He’s got to get on the field. He’s got to master the offense and become more versatile, and that’s the key to making this team better.”

The Raiders gave the Steelers a 3rd Round pick for Bryant, whom PIT deactivated for a game last year because of an Instagram thing. (Per USA Today: saying he was better than JuJu). It’s hard to remember that Gruden used to be a likeable upstart in his first stint with the Raiders. In his second go, Gruden has tried to wrest the Prepotent Geezer scepter / switch from Tom Coughlin since he started, wanting to bring some 1998 back in football. Though, to be fair to Gruden, being antagonistic to mouthy receivers has been part of the Chucky package from a while. See Johnson, Keyshawn.

Ryan Shazier attended Steelers practice today and “walked across the field without assistance to the cheers of the crowd”. The item states that Shazier is on the PUP list and “won’t suit up in a Steelers uniform in 2018”.

Packers’ LT David Bakhtiari was carted off the field last Friday after a foot injury. The word today is that it was an ankle sprain and “should be OK for Week 1” against the Bears.

On the other hand, the Vikes’ Dalvin Cook will play during the preseason. At least that’s what coach Zimmer suggested. Here’s Cook last Thursday:

I hope that guy does well. Minnesota should be crazy good this year, along with the Eagles, Rams, um, Green Bay seems to be in it if Rodgers is standing… Huh.

It seems obvious that there’s an imbalance in the conferences this year. Not many AFC teams jump at ya as contenders–maybe Them, because of that guy and the head coach. All I can say is that I’m looking forward to the start of the transition to Josh McDaniels. The karma backlog for the P*ts overfloweth, and I mean “karma” like it’s used on the Internet: failings and misfortunes so joyful that they inspire a sense of superiority.

This is turning into a diva receiver post! From an interview with paid website The Athletic, the Kelvin Benjamin eclipse of Cam Newton:

If you would’ve put me with any other quarterback, let’s be real, you know what I’m saying? Any other accurate quarterback like [Aaron] Rodgers or Eli Manning or Big Ben [Roethslirberger] — anybody! — quarterbacks with knowledge, that know how to place a ball and give you a better chance to catch the ball. It just felt like I wasn’t in that position.”

You know, because there is so much shade that… Pfft, pearls before swine man.

Anyway, Benjamin’s new coach, the Bills’ Sean McDermott told the press he had some words with his new receiver:

“There’s a time and a place — I’m not saying specific to what comments were made — there’s a time and place for things like that,” McDermott said. “This was not one of them. We have a lot of respect for our opponents, No. 1, and everyone in the league. I’ve spoken with Kelvin and that’s not how I want us to handle things like that. So we’ll move forward as a team, and I’m hoping we’ve already done that.”

Two takeaways. One: Jesus Christ the caveats. Here’s your headline: “McDermott: Trash Talk Is Acceptable Discourse”. Two: 🖕🏽 paywalls.

Not deserving the diva tag, Josh Gordon. He continues to be absent from training camp, but fellow Browns WR Rashard Higgins says Gordon has the support of the team. There’s no time set for his return, and the report suggests Gordon’s out for additional counseling for anxiety and mental issues. I buy that and, if forced, may even concede that the Browns are capable of being a humane workplace. Before any banging on tables about “professionalism” seizes you, think about it: you can’t drink or get high, and the scrutiny in Cleveland is magnified 100,000x with the Hard Knocks crews around. No one who’s expected to be lectured hours every day AND is being filmed constantly deserves forced sobriety. That’s waterboarding for the soul!

Tonight’s offerings:

  • MLB: Yankees (Tanaka, 9-2) @ Alex Coras (Price, 11-6), 7:00 PM ESPN. Los Sawx looking to sweep, I read somewhere.
  • Fútbol: Liga MX Apertura (Matchday 3), Club Tijuana vs León, 8:00 PM, Fox Deportes
  • Little League Baseball: ESPN Classic is running finals of [checks tonight’s movies, turns TV off]

It’s either reading or Scrabble tonight. September better come fast.

Banner via spreesy.com

Don T
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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WakezillaBrettFavresColonoscopyFronkenshteenSenor WeaseloMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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Fronkenshteen

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gulag time

Wakezilla

Oh boy. Lots to unpack in this picture

Senor Weaselo

I have the brass line stuck in my head from last night.

Fronkenshteen

Francesa will be something tomorrow. Not good. But something.

Senor Weaselo

God, I hate the Red Sox.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

On the other hand, f**k the Yankees.

Senor Weaselo

Fair.

Wakezilla

Just think, the Bluejays should be curbstomping them in about 3-5 years with their current prospect pool

Fronkenshteen

That new QB for Buffalo, who’s his ass. He any good? Trying to figure if the Corey Coleman trade is good for…anyone?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Josh Allen? Rocket arm, can’t miss prospect.

Col. Duke LaCross

Not even Ted Striker sweats as much as Aroldis Chapman.

Fronkenshteen

No way this goes 11. And this sweep eliminates the Yankees from the postseason. The numbers might not be in place yet, but they’re fucking done.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I have shows I need to watch, so this will go well past 11.

I hope I can get to bed by 3.

Senor Weaselo

Atlternately, this goes one pitch into the bottom of the 11th as Sonny Gray is warming.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Oh no, he is warming up. Yankee fans just fainted.

BRING HIM IN!

Col. Duke LaCross

If I ever see Sonny Gray out on the street, I think I’m gonna try to fight him.

Senor Weaselo

Judge went down and with it was any testicular fortitude.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yankees twitter must be pleasant right now.

Senor Weaselo

I just want blood at this point.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This is a standard response when being exposed to twitter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

People always think their anus is a tart, but lemme tell you, it is not.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo almost time to board!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ll bring the water!
– D. Cheney

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Kathleen’s gonna Kathleen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

ESPN, are you seriously doing a “Tradition” bit with MLS?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

A short Tradition of Mediocrity

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

:belch:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Oh Browns

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Looking forward to work tomorrow.

SonOfSpam

That scene was absolutely gruesome and shocking in the theater. Fun movie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of the few that made me jump (Alien stomach fun was the other) and like a stupid song I couldn’t get the scene out of my mind for a while. So yeah, work is great.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Needing a win in the fourth game to avoid an embarrassing sweep, the Yankees run out Shane Robinson and Luke Voit.

‘Why don’t you just give him the king!? Just give it to him!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

In hindsight, Shane Robinson did a good!

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

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Evening rebels, rouges and sworn brothers.

Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I’d just politely tip my hat and leave.

litre_cola

You could set up camp the 1st night and make the final ascent cum morning.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d have to send the Sherpas in first, to set up rope lines and stash oxygen.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’d definitely be slinging ropes all over those.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Semen

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This ain’t the Navy, son.

Senor Weaselo

THESE YANKEES WITH THE BASES LOADED, I CALL THEM SENOR WEASELO AT THE BAR ON A SATURDAY NIGHT BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY’RE GONNA FIND A WAY TO NOT SCORE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s an Indian head penny that fell in that crack; you don’t just let those go.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Well, when Luke Voit’s your wingman…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“If you miss the Little League World Series, I’ve got the whole collection on Blu-Ray.”

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“They all lie about their age like that Almonte boy”

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I used to make models every once in a while when I was a kid.

I’m glad youtube wasn’t around because 12 year old would have had a nervous breakdown trying to do what this guy does…

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I will never understand why Gruden became a head coach again. Its never going to work out for him. Its not like that $100 million dollars over 10 years is going to change his life.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re assuming he lasts 10 years.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I can think of plenty of HC’s that came back and fell on their face. I can’t think of anyone that got out and the came back and had success. I mean Pete Carroll maybe…but he was a college coach in the meantime…so I don’t really count that as leaving the game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There were reasons he was fired from TB, and they will still apply; I don’t think he is the type to go full on self awareness analyzing his weaknesses and put corrective action in place.

Senor Weaselo

Is there a GAMBLOR pool?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

The more I hear Gruden speak as coach, the more I get the inkling this is going to go as well as Barry Melrose’s coaching stint as the Ice Bucs’ coach

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

They call Aaron Rodgers Octomom, not because he’s larger than life but because he’s had 8 pairs of hands inside him at one time.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, if I write a weekly “This is why football sucks” column, will you guys get mad at me?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Only if the columns sucks too.

Wakezilla

Nope. Though, you might be preaching to the choir

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope; just won’t read it. Don’t worry; I’ll still post non-related gifs in the comments section.

SonOfSpam

Perhaps you should compare how it sucks to how Sasha Grey sucks.

Senor Weaselo

Writing “Roger Goodell is a national disgrace” 33 1/3 times to get to the word minimum might be a little tedious, but you do you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If he needs to he can do a column on each owner.

herodotus450
herodotus450

After that Martavis Bryant statement, I am really hoping Gruden gets blown out 12 games in a row and then fired. “CTE? What the hecks that? Git back out there!”

ballsofsteelandfury

Santos Laguna 0 Puebla 0 in the 10th minute…

litre_cola

Can’t wait for a couple years when Mexican teams come up gere to play Winnipeg, Calgary or Edmonton. You think tgeir managet bitched last year when he was in Toronto, just wait.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Or a 3,000 seater field in Medicine Hat

Wakezilla

I hear Winnipeg has terrible wi-fi

litre_cola
Senor Weaselo

The wolves are the routers.
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SonOfSpam

Go Santos L. Halper!