Request Line: Ain’t No Party Like a Boat Party Because a Boat Party Floats On

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

The studio is a little busier than usual today. A GUEST PRODUCER and DJ 3000 are in the control booth mildly bickering rather than engaging with this week’s host. GUEST PRODUCER punches a button marked TALKBACK, pauses open mouthed, then releases the button and turns to his animatronic co-producer. 

GUEST PRODUCER: I’m having the worst case of déjà vu.

DJ 3000: WHAT?

GUEST PRODUCER: Do you not know what déjà vu is?

DJ 3000: WHICH OF THE TWO OF US IS A SOPHISTICATED AI INTERFACE CAPABLE OF LOGGING, ANALYZING, AND PROGRAMMING MUSIC, ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION, AND LITERAL MACHINE LEARNING, AND WHICH OF US IS A BAG OF MEAT?

GUEST PRODUCER:

DJ 3000: FINE. [scans memory] DÉJÀ VU IS WHEN HUMANS MISTAKENLY THINK THEY’VE ALREADY EXPERIENCED SOMETHING WHEN IN REALITY IT IS 99.99999% LIKELY TO BE AN ACTUAL COINCIDENCE.

GUEST PRODUCER: You’re just mad because you know you’re not getting any airtime with the regular guy out.

DJ 3000: JUST GET ON WITH IT.

GUEST PRODUCER: Alright, but I still think we’ve done this before. [presses TALKBACK button] Mr. Smoot, we’ll go to you live in 30 seconds and then you can introduce your co-hosts and queue up some music.

QUEUE COUNTDOWN


FRED SMOOT: Alright, welcome to Request Line, I am your host and captain Fred Smoot, and despite what you may have heard, I may not be the best captain to get a boat party rocking. The okra patch is all well and good, but you know what that boat party was missing?

GUEST PRODUCER [under breath]: I know it wasn’t missing double-sided dildos.

SMOOT: Killer tracks. If I had to do it all over again, I would have EXACTLY the same party but with better music. Maybe leave Daunte Culpepper at home or something. But just in case I decide to get a houseboat on the Potomac, let’s crank up a playlist that will get the party started and get people so into it that they can’t possibly sue or bring criminal charges.  I’m going to eschew the obvious choice for a recommendation that came in from a citrus dessert, Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song:


Guest Editor’s Note: Look, this is self-serving, but as I noted in the wee hours of an open thread like a week and a half ago, I’m planning a bachelor party and need boat party music.  We’re not talking about songs about boats (although we’re not NOT talking about songs about boats), but we do want songs that are BOAT PARTY appropriate.  Maybe that’s some 90s hip-hop. Maybe it’s some old school yacht rock. Maybe it’s Bawitdaba. Maybe it’s kick ass music about summer. Maybe it’s something new and cool I don’t even know about.  Just hit me up with stuff you’d want to hear while hanging with a group of friends getting drunk so I can use it as a playlist while a bunch of dudes hang out on a lake trying to recapture our early 20s. And be nice to Fred Smoot.  It’s not his fault the delivery guy can’t read.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I presume this is gonna earn me a “Dude”.
Don’t care.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And sometimes you gotta smooth it out a little.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And even more…

Cuntler

You could play this to get the groom inspired for the honeymoon.

Cuntler

Just play this the whole time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t care what anyone says this song fucking rules.

Cuntler

Just for the bass. BASS! BASS! BASS! (It works if you pronounce it “base” or like the fish)

Cuntler

Wu Tang is for the children.

Cuntler

Another catchy one. My 5 year-old loves to dance to this.

Cuntler

Besides the fact that Kanye is the worst and the irony of this song is amazing, it is catchy:

Cuntler

(That is really weird remix version, but you get the gist)

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus