Request Line: Ain’t No Party Like a Boat Party Because a Boat Party Floats On

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

The studio is a little busier than usual today. A GUEST PRODUCER and DJ 3000 are in the control booth mildly bickering rather than engaging with this week’s host. GUEST PRODUCER punches a button marked TALKBACK, pauses open mouthed, then releases the button and turns to his animatronic co-producer. 

GUEST PRODUCER: I’m having the worst case of déjà vu.

DJ 3000: WHAT?

GUEST PRODUCER: Do you not know what déjà vu is?

DJ 3000: WHICH OF THE TWO OF US IS A SOPHISTICATED AI INTERFACE CAPABLE OF LOGGING, ANALYZING, AND PROGRAMMING MUSIC, ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION, AND LITERAL MACHINE LEARNING, AND WHICH OF US IS A BAG OF MEAT?

GUEST PRODUCER:

DJ 3000: FINE. [scans memory] DÉJÀ VU IS WHEN HUMANS MISTAKENLY THINK THEY’VE ALREADY EXPERIENCED SOMETHING WHEN IN REALITY IT IS 99.99999% LIKELY TO BE AN ACTUAL COINCIDENCE.

GUEST PRODUCER: You’re just mad because you know you’re not getting any airtime with the regular guy out.

DJ 3000: JUST GET ON WITH IT.

GUEST PRODUCER: Alright, but I still think we’ve done this before. [presses TALKBACK button] Mr. Smoot, we’ll go to you live in 30 seconds and then you can introduce your co-hosts and queue up some music.

QUEUE COUNTDOWN


FRED SMOOT: Alright, welcome to Request Line, I am your host and captain Fred Smoot, and despite what you may have heard, I may not be the best captain to get a boat party rocking. The okra patch is all well and good, but you know what that boat party was missing?

GUEST PRODUCER [under breath]: I know it wasn’t missing double-sided dildos.

SMOOT: Killer tracks. If I had to do it all over again, I would have EXACTLY the same party but with better music. Maybe leave Daunte Culpepper at home or something. But just in case I decide to get a houseboat on the Potomac, let’s crank up a playlist that will get the party started and get people so into it that they can’t possibly sue or bring criminal charges.  I’m going to eschew the obvious choice for a recommendation that came in from a citrus dessert, Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song:


Guest Editor’s Note: Look, this is self-serving, but as I noted in the wee hours of an open thread like a week and a half ago, I’m planning a bachelor party and need boat party music.  We’re not talking about songs about boats (although we’re not NOT talking about songs about boats), but we do want songs that are BOAT PARTY appropriate.  Maybe that’s some 90s hip-hop. Maybe it’s some old school yacht rock. Maybe it’s Bawitdaba. Maybe it’s kick ass music about summer. Maybe it’s something new and cool I don’t even know about.  Just hit me up with stuff you’d want to hear while hanging with a group of friends getting drunk so I can use it as a playlist while a bunch of dudes hang out on a lake trying to recapture our early 20s. And be nice to Fred Smoot.  It’s not his fault the delivery guy can’t read.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West, then to SoCal, then back to the mountain West, and then again back to our nation's capital. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

And yes, I still say this is what a real life DFO Clubhouse would look like.

blaxabbath
ArmedandHammered

At first I thought this was the commercial with the crying Indian from the 70’s. He just needs the headdress.

SonOfSpam

I hope your boat party ends up like this house party:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsrvmNtWU4E

Sharkbait

Or House Party 3!

yeah right
Sharkbait
theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I was in grad school, everyone at all the parties we threw always seemed to enjoy this one.
Of course, we did make up our own lyrics to it, which I will not share here. We were some sick puppies….literally.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAmgTNATJkk

Sharkbait
SonOfSpam

Their best song.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re welcome.
And I’m sorry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LL9O0B0gzZE

Brick Meathook
SonOfSpam

Perfect song for a bunch of people on a boat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Why? Just setting the scene for the eventual divorce….

Brick Meathook
ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Double shot. No where near SFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th4Czv1j3F8

ArmedandHammered

I think I will use this next time as my walk off music when I quit a job.

SonOfSpam

Also would be good walkup music for, like, Bryce Harper.

ArmedandHammered

Somebody in the comments on youtube suggested this be made the Scottish National Anthem, if they don’t use it, I will if I ever create my own country. Could you imagine being asked to stand while this was played as your national anthem, say at the Olympics (again from the youtube comments).

Sharkbait

HOW HAVE I NOT HEARD THIS BEFORE???

ArmedandHammered

Here you go, gotta love a song that has the lyrics, “Tequila and a donkey show”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r8jlHDBMsw

Sharkbait

And down the Alestorm spotify rabbit hole I go.

SonOfSpam

Uh oh, someone woke up Seamus.

PREPARE FOR TAYLOR SWIFT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
SonOfSpam

That’s a nice call.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More of a sample than a mashup, but still fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQSbIzfcURs

nomonkeyfun
SonOfSpam

CLINTON DOUBLE SHOT!

(Somewhere, Monica Lewinsky reflexively shuts her eyes)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuyS9M8T03A

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, the album cover art shows them being towed by a boat, right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fQESUBMwGg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now you’ve given me half a mind to post “Good Morning Captain” by Slint.

nomonkeyfun
Sharkbait

Great call on Hypnotize.

Horatio Cornblower

Somewhat off the theme…OK, way off the theme, but I’m working from home and my daughter is in here watching “I Am A Killer” on Netflix and this episode’s murderer shot his girlfriend after finding her with another guy that he didn’t know about. As soon as the killer says he didn’t know about the other guy my daughter starts singing this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vyj1C8ogtE

Never been more proud.

SonOfSpam

Damn, that’s awesome. GOOD PARENTING BY YOU!

Horatio Cornblower

Just got yelled at for snickering when someone was talking about the murder occurring on Rt. 69.

nomonkeyfun

You don’t want her to get mistaken ideas about the maturity of grown men.

yeah right
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s pick up the pace a little.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ5b6pk6lfU

yeah right

This covers all of the aforementioned bases.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dNIQVYGXbM

SonOfSpam

Cliche for a bachelor party but still a great song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQo1HIcSVtg

SonOfSpam

Fun song about drugs or whatever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQbXhdJYqhE

SonOfSpam

But don’t worry, you can suntan!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYX0sjP6Za8

SonOfSpam

DOUBLE SHOT OF SHITTY SAILING SONGS THAT YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD AVOID BECAUSE THEY’LL BRING THE PARTY DOWN:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7khQNR7s1Ho

nomonkeyfun

The first song I thought of when I saw the header on the front page.

/ducks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWa-6g-TbgI

SonOfSpam

Especially good if you’re gonna grind some mud into a white couch.

SonOfSpam

Great song from the 90s, especially if you’re gonna float near, um, Malibu.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0CYB5V9e64

nomonkeyfun

Hot taek alert!!!

Courtney Love is way underrated. Hole was actually a good band. Just overshadowed by Nirvana.
Scorching part of the taek incoming.
Thank God she killed Kurt. He would have been an insufferable douche or faded into a sad embarrassing version of himself. Now we all remember him at 27 and full of promise, not with an album of Yoko screaming for 45 minutes.

SonOfSpam

Enjoy the hot spiciness of that take. Gotta go bathe in aloe to recover.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Celebrity story that I’ve told a million times! I once helped Eric Erlandson move a washing machine he was giving away to someone.

SonOfSpam

…and Courtney and Melissa were in the other room making out on a bed?

Brick Meathook

ha ha that’s awesome

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna throw some unfamiliar stuff at you, if it’s not your scene, that’s what the editing room is for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsxjVtjP62Q

nomonkeyfun

Bootsy and Q-Tip together. That will get the party started.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzoEK545j64

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This was on my board. Good pick.

SonOfSpam

Look, it’s on the nose, but I would play this more than once:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avaSdC0QOUM

nomonkeyfun
nomonkeyfun

Why yes, I’ll have a second claw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofkzvM7Skxg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, it’s tin, and yes, it’s rusted, thank you oh so very much for pointing that out.”

– Ryan Leaf, not responding well to the criticism of his domicile

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For party music I’ve always been a fan of the Stereo MC’s. I think it’s pretty obvious from his appearance that Rob Birch knows a thing or two about partying. Plus, it’s got a boat-related lyric!

“Seeming like you don’t know who you was before you came on board this crazy
ship…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdIEmw_mu2o

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And then to double it up…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh8DYz-mjEY

Sharkbait

OBJ would be a perfect consultant for this playlist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chhJukhxeHE