Request Line: Ain’t No Party Like a Boat Party Because a Boat Party Floats On

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

The studio is a little busier than usual today. A GUEST PRODUCER and DJ 3000 are in the control booth mildly bickering rather than engaging with this week’s host. GUEST PRODUCER punches a button marked TALKBACK, pauses open mouthed, then releases the button and turns to his animatronic co-producer. 

GUEST PRODUCER: I’m having the worst case of déjà vu.

DJ 3000: WHAT?

GUEST PRODUCER: Do you not know what déjà vu is?

DJ 3000: WHICH OF THE TWO OF US IS A SOPHISTICATED AI INTERFACE CAPABLE OF LOGGING, ANALYZING, AND PROGRAMMING MUSIC, ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION, AND LITERAL MACHINE LEARNING, AND WHICH OF US IS A BAG OF MEAT?

GUEST PRODUCER:

DJ 3000: FINE. [scans memory] DÉJÀ VU IS WHEN HUMANS MISTAKENLY THINK THEY’VE ALREADY EXPERIENCED SOMETHING WHEN IN REALITY IT IS 99.99999% LIKELY TO BE AN ACTUAL COINCIDENCE.

GUEST PRODUCER: You’re just mad because you know you’re not getting any airtime with the regular guy out.

DJ 3000: JUST GET ON WITH IT.

GUEST PRODUCER: Alright, but I still think we’ve done this before. [presses TALKBACK button] Mr. Smoot, we’ll go to you live in 30 seconds and then you can introduce your co-hosts and queue up some music.

QUEUE COUNTDOWN


FRED SMOOT: Alright, welcome to Request Line, I am your host and captain Fred Smoot, and despite what you may have heard, I may not be the best captain to get a boat party rocking. The okra patch is all well and good, but you know what that boat party was missing?

GUEST PRODUCER [under breath]: I know it wasn’t missing double-sided dildos.

SMOOT: Killer tracks. If I had to do it all over again, I would have EXACTLY the same party but with better music. Maybe leave Daunte Culpepper at home or something. But just in case I decide to get a houseboat on the Potomac, let’s crank up a playlist that will get the party started and get people so into it that they can’t possibly sue or bring criminal charges.  I’m going to eschew the obvious choice for a recommendation that came in from a citrus dessert, Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song:


Guest Editor’s Note: Look, this is self-serving, but as I noted in the wee hours of an open thread like a week and a half ago, I’m planning a bachelor party and need boat party music.  We’re not talking about songs about boats (although we’re not NOT talking about songs about boats), but we do want songs that are BOAT PARTY appropriate.  Maybe that’s some 90s hip-hop. Maybe it’s some old school yacht rock. Maybe it’s Bawitdaba. Maybe it’s kick ass music about summer. Maybe it’s something new and cool I don’t even know about.  Just hit me up with stuff you’d want to hear while hanging with a group of friends getting drunk so I can use it as a playlist while a bunch of dudes hang out on a lake trying to recapture our early 20s. And be nice to Fred Smoot.  It’s not his fault the delivery guy can’t read.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

And yes, I still say this is what a real life DFO Clubhouse would look like.

blaxabbath

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

At first I thought this was the commercial with the crying Indian from the 70’s. He just needs the headdress.

SonOfSpam

I hope your boat party ends up like this house party:

yeah right

Water themed, yes?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Double shot:

yeah right

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

When I was in grad school, everyone at all the parties we threw always seemed to enjoy this one.
Of course, we did make up our own lyrics to it, which I will not share here. We were some sick puppies….literally.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Sorry

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Their best song.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re welcome.
And I’m sorry.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Oh, I get it now:

SonOfSpam

Perfect song for a bunch of people on a boat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Yacht Rock!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

it’s even tagged:

King Hippo

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

For a frat boat party!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Double shot. No where near SFW

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I think I will use this next time as my walk off music when I quit a job.

SonOfSpam

Also would be good walkup music for, like, Bryce Harper.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Somebody in the comments on youtube suggested this be made the Scottish National Anthem, if they don’t use it, I will if I ever create my own country. Could you imagine being asked to stand while this was played as your national anthem, say at the Olympics (again from the youtube comments).

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

HOW HAVE I NOT HEARD THIS BEFORE???

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Here you go, gotta love a song that has the lyrics, “Tequila and a donkey show”

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

And down the Alestorm spotify rabbit hole I go.

theeWeeBabySeamus

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Uh oh, someone woke up Seamus.

PREPARE FOR TAYLOR SWIFT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A couple of fun mashups.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SonOfSpam

That’s a nice call.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More of a sample than a mashup, but still fun.

nomonkeyfun

Well funk you too.

SonOfSpam

CLINTON DOUBLE SHOT!

(Somewhere, Monica Lewinsky reflexively shuts her eyes)

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, the album cover art shows them being towed by a boat, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now you’ve given me half a mind to post “Good Morning Captain” by Slint.

nomonkeyfun

/Pours one out.

nomonkeyfun

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Great call on Hypnotize.

nomonkeyfun

Horatio Cornblower

Somewhat off the theme…OK, way off the theme, but I’m working from home and my daughter is in here watching “I Am A Killer” on Netflix and this episode’s murderer shot his girlfriend after finding her with another guy that he didn’t know about. As soon as the killer says he didn’t know about the other guy my daughter starts singing this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vyj1C8ogtE

Never been more proud.

SonOfSpam

Damn, that’s awesome. GOOD PARENTING BY YOU!

Horatio Cornblower

Just got yelled at for snickering when someone was talking about the murder occurring on Rt. 69.

nomonkeyfun

You don’t want her to get mistaken ideas about the maturity of grown men.

yeah right

And for the newer sounds.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s pick up the pace a little.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

yeah right

This covers all of the aforementioned bases.

SonOfSpam

Cliche for a bachelor party but still a great song

SonOfSpam

Fun song about drugs or whatever

SonOfSpam

But don’t worry, you can suntan!

nomonkeyfun

nomonkeyfun

The first song I thought of when I saw the header on the front page.

/ducks

SonOfSpam

Especially good if you’re gonna grind some mud into a white couch.

SonOfSpam

Great song from the 90s, especially if you’re gonna float near, um, Malibu.

nomonkeyfun

Hot taek alert!!!

Courtney Love is way underrated. Hole was actually a good band. Just overshadowed by Nirvana.
Scorching part of the taek incoming.
Thank God she killed Kurt. He would have been an insufferable douche or faded into a sad embarrassing version of himself. Now we all remember him at 27 and full of promise, not with an album of Yoko screaming for 45 minutes.

SonOfSpam

Enjoy the hot spiciness of that take. Gotta go bathe in aloe to recover.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Celebrity story that I’ve told a million times! I once helped Eric Erlandson move a washing machine he was giving away to someone.

SonOfSpam

…and Courtney and Melissa were in the other room making out on a bed?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ha ha that’s awesome

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna throw some unfamiliar stuff at you, if it’s not your scene, that’s what the editing room is for.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

nomonkeyfun

Bootsy and Q-Tip together. That will get the party started.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This was on my board. Good pick.

SonOfSpam

Look, it’s on the nose, but I would play this more than once:

nomonkeyfun

Tin Roof Rusted!!!

nomonkeyfun

Why yes, I’ll have a second claw.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, it’s tin, and yes, it’s rusted, thank you oh so very much for pointing that out.”

– Ryan Leaf, not responding well to the criticism of his domicile

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For party music I’ve always been a fan of the Stereo MC’s. I think it’s pretty obvious from his appearance that Rob Birch knows a thing or two about partying. Plus, it’s got a boat-related lyric!

“Seeming like you don’t know who you was before you came on board this crazy
ship…”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And then to double it up…

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

OBJ would be a perfect consultant for this playlist.