(Banner image via Brawl in the Family.)
Thaaaat’s right, today is August 13th, which is International Left-Handers Day! No, I’m not joking, there’s a website and everything. It’s one of the silly holidays I actually like, being left-handed and all. Because we may have shorter lifespans, can’t use regular scissors in our dominant hand without minor strain and annoyance, and smudge the ever-loving shit out of any documents we write with our hands, in addition to ripping out the looseleaf paper in the binder it was written in, but hey, we get a day to ourselves. So, let’s indulge to take time to remember some of the left-handed throwers and kickers of the NFL. Like Steve Young, the only left-handed quarterback in the Hall of Fame! Or Michael Vick! Or Sea Bass! Or David Akers! Or Morten Andersen! The all-time points leader is a lefty, so woo! At least until Vinatieri breaks it this year since he needs 58 points to do so.
But see? They exist. I mean, there are zero lefty QBs currently in the NFL, but there are kickers. And punters, Superb Owl LII had lefty punters on both sides with Donnie Jones and Ryan Allen! Everybody seems to want a lefty punter for some reason. And Aussie Footy players. So a lefty Aussie Footy player? You’re golden.
NFL News
As tWBS alluded to last night… FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! This one between the Jets and the Redacteds in their joint practice. Sorry, these two, there were two different fights. A link to the video here. The fight started either due to ‘Dacteds OT Morgan Moses shoving Jets CB Trumaine Johnson as the former finished off a block, or a cheap shot on Moses afterwards. Probably the latter. The two teams play on Thursday.
The Jags have suspended Jalen Ramsey and Dante Fowler for a week due to “violating team rules and conduct unbecoming of a Jaguars football player.” Fowler was involved in a fight at practice on Sunday, which was reported on by Phillip Heilman, and Ramsey took exception to it on Twitter.
On the flip side, Hue Jackson made Browns WR Antonio Callaway play most of their preseason opener against the Giants due to not telling the Browns about a citation for marijuana possession and a suspended license last week, and Callaway didn’t tell the team until the dashcam footage was released on Tuesday. In a related story, after playing 54 snaps on Thursday, Callaway was limited in practice Sunday due to a rib injury, which Jackson noted was probably suffered during the game.
The Colts released Shamarko Thomas on Saturday after he was ejected for a helmet-to-helmet hit Thursday against the Seahawks. They then signed DE Ryan Delaire.
The Christian Hackenberg Experience returns! This time, with the Eagles. He’ll be around as long as Nate Sudfeld and Joe Callahan are hurt.
Other News
A kid from Staten Island threw a complete game to send his team to the Little League World Series. If you think strikeouts in the Majors are too high (which they are), he struck out 12 out of 18 batters. This concludes the website’s Little League baseball coverage, hopefully for eternity.
What’s on tonight?
Subway Series: The make-up game: Mets (deGrom) vs. Yankees (Severino)—7E, ESPN
American Ninja Warrior: Philadelphia City Finals—8E, NBC
FIFA Women’s U-20 World Cup, Spain vs. United States—8E, FS2
NFL Films is doing a year in review of teams apparently, with tonight’s being the AFC East, in reverse standings order; Jets, Dolphins, Bills, P*ts—8E, FS1
Um, I don’t have a closing thing. Sorry, but you know what to do.
How do you upload a picture on here from your cell?
Like one you took?
Yes
You need to upload it to a hosting site.
Postimage.com is easiest.
first, you gotta get that phone waaaaaayyyyyyy up your butt
OK, funny.
I just use post image. The most universally useable image hosting site.
Imgur
sucks.
2 run dinger foar Nats.
Ooops.
Fuck that guy.
– Rougned Odor
Join the DFO Rugby Championship pool: https://www.footytips.com.au/comps/DFO_Rugby_Championship
I can’t guarantee prizes, but I can buy the winner a beer*
*redeemable in Massachusetts
I think that’s the ugliest double play on an (almost) infield fly I’ve ever seen.
Jeebus Cards. Why don’t you just put on Orioles’ unis. I mean at least then you could blend in with the suck.
Still 2-2 going to the 7th.
I almost bet on this match. But I listen to the “careful, Hippo” voice in mah fool head for once.
Sometimes, el beisbol just happens. Everything has been going great for the Birdos, that has to smack into a brick wall eventually.
/ah type this before Soto donger
//that feller good
Best typo ever.
nae typo, I just calls ’em that
Hehehe
let’s do a thing, #MVMarp!!
/can’t wait to see him play on the surface of the moon, he’ll prolly hit one to Wyoming
Cards trying to play small ball and bunt the leadoff single across to 2nd.
They fucked it up.
bunting in front of #MVMarp is really fucking stupid anyway
Agreed
“Small ball?!!?”
-’80s steroid guy
am radio ads? just as bad as one forgot they were
Aaron Boone mismanages his pitchers.
This website is my mental sleeping bag.
Taht is all.
Oh, … HAI!!!
Anything for the yankees to go down in flames is fine by me.
Bryce Harper with a very meaningless flyout to Right Center to end the Nats’ half of the 6th. What a douchebag.
Still 2-2, going to bottom 6th.
tWBS: Harper’s new haircut looks pretty fucking stupid, huh?
Color analyst: I don’t think you’re supposed to say that on the air, Seamus.
tWBS: Meh, nobody’s listening anyway.
For those keeping score, with Jim Neidhart dead, Bret Hart is the last surviving member of the mid-90s The Hart Foundation, which included him, Neidhart (head trauma from fall at home, today), Davey Boy Smith (heart attack, 2002), Brian Pillman (heart attack/heart disease, 1997), and Owen Hart (Vince McMahon, 1999), because pro wrestling is unbelievably cruel to its performers.
The Vince McMahon cause of death made me chuckle.
its too bad though, because Vince (and Shane too) wouldn’t be afraid to do what they ask their wrestlers for, but it was unnecessary. It wasn’t even the main event feud. It was not needed.
If they used Owen properly, he’d be fighting in a serious feud later in the Upper Mid Card (at least) and would still be alive today.
He was doing the fucking blue Blazer gag too. Everything about it was sickening.
tell me more of this Pillman
He played for the Bengals and the Bills. Truly, a life of tragedy
Please tell me there is a giant conspiracy theory.
The Bret Hart ending in WWF was legit conspiracy-filled
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitman_Hart:_Wrestling_with_Shadows
Seriously, I coulda been decent (not great, admittedly) as a radio play by play guy.
I don’t have the face foar TeeVee.
Oh, the banner is Brawl in the Family. Nice!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR5DaYuDWYs
Wander Suarez on for the Nats in relief.
He don’t look so good.
Come backer up the middle. Double play 1-2-3 is the official scoring.
Sorry Hippo. Inning over.
http://guyspeed.com/files/2016/07/Alice-Eve-sexy-black-dress.gif
“Well fuck that”
– M. Trestman
Whats going on people?
no pre-season or Lesser Footy, so I’m listening to baseball on the radio and waiting for the sweet release of death
Please tell me GAMBLOR is involved in your decision to listen to a baseball game
sadly, no. But the #BFIB have sucked me in and the stupid Nats are blacked out in North Cakalaky because reasons
Blacked out? Not here. I got ’em on MASN. 2-2, bottom 5th.
You want play by play?
(Cards 1st and 2nd, one away, btw)
tWBS blogging baseball? This could be entertaining
Dude you have no idea. I used to do this for a living on mine and Hippo’s other “internet presence”.
OK, “for a living” might be overstating things bcuz they never paid me shit.
Single to right, bases loaded, still only one away.
we done the predictable thing (the KMOX radio broadcast NAWT blacked out)
/if one has satellite, one can get MASN, the cable companies don’t carry MASN because nobody gives a tin shit about the Nats and nobody gives a tin shit about the Os but Seamus (and he gots a dish)
I do has teh dish, but don’t much care about either club at this point. They just be on ma teevee.
Better Call Saul, baby
Thanks for the reminder to pill up and hit the DVR later. Kim in sweatpants is my favourite TV treat until Dream Lady Sweet Dee returns 5 Sept.
They’re trying so hard to not reference steiner
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsUccmCdIvo
I link two UUUUUGE gifs of her the other day; it was to large to post.
It was one gif, but it seemed like two.
One of the greatest pairs and one of the greatest context/ presentations of that pair in cinematic history.
8 year old me was pissed she was killed off early
I was waaaay older and finished before she died.
pretty much play with the balls did it.
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/21700000/Clue-gif-clue-the-movie-21765975-500-333.gif
No idea why the Thruway rest stop is playing the Rocky theme but okay.
To pump up the last guy in the glory hole?
That’s good hustle?
So… just got the official Invite for a friends wedding. Along with the usual RSVP request, theres a song request.
Gentlemen, you know what to do……
“Fack” by Eminem?
The Breakup Song by Greg Kihn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC6S_VuRNGk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ6pLKlU-8Q
Alternate pick
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc6vs-l5dkc
Alternate alternate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKhSewH2pB8
Depending on who makes the list, theres like a 85% this would get accepted
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XituVUTBkG4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFzRNWf7Gi0
It is also “Charlie Blackmon Beard Beanie” night, which will probably make it WAYYYYYY more crowded and harder to park when I’m in town.
I went downstairs to the kitchen to see my mom making a bowl of chocolate Cheerios and melted marshmellows at 9PM. Either she has a eating problem or she is smarter than I give her credit for.
she stoned az hells.
She does take CBD Oil drops, so you may be right.
(11 days from now)
King Hippo: “Alright, you geniuses. I took the route you guys said was the greatest, now I’m lost someone in Godforsaken, N.M. on the side of a McDonalds using their free WiFi next to some weird sunburnt guy whose staring at me muttering something about ‘bride worthy’. Help me out here!”
goddamn, this brony on fire tonight!!
HEY PAL, THE PUNTER LOOKED REALLY GOOD.
I feel great about our ability to punt and our 3rd team at least showed inconsistency in their sucking!
Kelly is going to get his shot with the second team. The first tem wanted to go back in and make it right, but Vance said no (prolly a good thing).
I agree with both of those calls. The pipe dream of “getting something” for Lynch has to be clearly over for even Elway know. You can’t be functionally illiterate and play QB in the modern NFL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jURwSaX-vvo
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-trump-junior-emails-russian-lawyer-20180813-story.html
Donald Trump isn’t even the stupidest Donald Trump.
That’s what happens when you reproduce using the tech from Multiplicity
Artist rendering of Hippo’s upcoming I70 jaunt
Much of my childhood (my Dad was stationed in Cheyenne, WY and then OKC whilst in the Air Force) my mom told horror stories that the drive through KS was the path to madness.
And I’m pretty much already there, so….
When driving through it I like to remember this part of history aka the one time when people cared about Kansas
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bleeding_Kansas
I like historical racism from the non-South, it makes me feel a little less guilty, though of course it’s still always white ppl being assholes. That’s pretty much 90-95% of recorded history, yeah?
Driving through eastern Colorado was enough for me; I turned around and got plane tickets to Wichita.
I drove from Chi**** to Denver once before, that included the entire length of Nebraska. I slapped myself to stay awake, but saw the sun rise as I was coming over the Rockies, and that was pretty magnificent (having never been across the Divide before).
It’s a lot of it, but I’m sure racism in Asia can hold its own.
yeah, I’ve read about the “Japanese v. Koreans” stuff, that’s pretty damned awful.
“And now it’s our turn!”
– the Chinese, probably
everybody likes the not-barrel!
No! Take the 25 to Las Vegas then head south to the 40. Much better drive!
VEGAS?? Jesus, I can’t add 3 days to this mofo. It’s already like 25 hours.
Vegas, New Mexico.
it IS tempting to add NM to the list of states I have been inside. But I already have the Limon, CO hotel.
Limon!
what was the 70’s fascination with Truckers?
Probably the Interstates were new and more complete. They can do stories about the “open road” instead of 15 minutes driving and 30-60 minutes stop-and-go.
this reminds me of my (sane Republican) history professor at NC State, who argued that Eisenhower was the greatest US President because of his role in/vision for the Interstate highway system. He wrote my law school recommendation letter (my engineering college professors tended to look at law school as akin to kiddie porn), good dude.
I took as many history courses for electives as I could.
My one regret is that I took my history courses when I was having mental issues at college. I passed them (sort of) but I could’ve learned so much.
Also, agreed. I looked up the local newspaper in 1970 when I-71 and I-75 was built in Cincinnati. They had a reporter drive from Cincy to Toledo to Cleveland and back to Cincy. He did it in three days when before it would’ve taken two weeks. And the whole time, you can tell his mind is being blown.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvRjFvX_n0o
I loved that show!
/probably would not hold up on a re-watch
Was Eli ever punished/fined for passing off his PJs as game worn jerseys?
No juice boxes for a week.
By the Shield? I don’t think so, no.
Folks
Tom Milone is a southpaw, which is the only reason a pitcher this bad is still employed. Thank fuck he is starting v. the #BFIB!
Yeah Right, I’m making your grilled lemon, garlic chicken with angel hair pasta tonight. The sauce smells incredible.
The president asked a crowd of troops if they would be willing to turn down a pay raise, then asked if there were any real patriots in the crowd since no one raised their hand. Officially out of words. Even if the whole thing was tongue-in-cheek, there would have been a coup if Obama said anything close to that. Fox got a month of content out of a cup of coffee during a salute.
Thought I read today that some military spending bill got passed that included a huge pay raise for the troops.
It did. The context was that all the people losing their minds over our embarrassing military industrial complex getting more money to misspend were angry that the troops got a raise. It’s just that his way of speaking is so uniquely stupid that I’m endlessly amazed by it
BUT OBUMMER WEARED A BIEGE SUIT
This is just another comment by our President taken completely out of context, I mean he was obviously joking but of course everyone is are you guys just going to sit there, I’m been mentally violated by a Trump offspring, please help, I’m scared.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/03/fox-news-obama-health-care_n_5926414.html
Also among the left-handed luminaries: Ned Flanders; Mark Brunell.
Me too. I’m a southpaw
Satan
Speaking of lefties, rightful 2018 NL MVP Matt Carpenter (#MVMarp), who leads the league in homers, just led of the bottom of the 1st with a bunt single. Because the right way.
11 days from now, Hippo takes an early-ass flight to Donks-ville, where he will await the car his ex-wife bought for his oldest child (long story). Since she paid most of the money’s (including my flight and hotels), I agreed to drive the fucker back to North Cakalaky.
But I get to see #BFIB play the Dirt Donks first! Moose or any other local knowledge folk have any advice on how to park for a baseball match when one is headed east on I-70 afterwards?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwBoa-NbNL8
I have indeed made the holiday rooooaaaaaddddd joke to the ex, and she told me I was buying new tires if this happens. I will indeed be driving through both regular and East St. Louis. I drove through East St. Louis proper once, for casino gambling, long time ago.
It was ok, they could tell I was one of the good ones.
Why don’t you take the 25 down to the 40 and head east that way? MUCH better food options along the way.
I can watch the Saturday night game in outer #BFIB-land, plus I like the arch. And I drive 40 all the fucking time, and have driven TN lots so at least this is different bullshit.
Honky Lips will never not be funny
If you’re in Denver you gotta stop by the airport Embassy Suites; like all other Embassy Suites, they have free drinks in the evening. FREE DRINKS! Is ES the official lodging of DFO?
Are all Steelers fans on DFO accounted for, or do we need to pass around a hat for bail money or a nail-file cake?
https://triblive.com/sports/steelers/13963536-74/steelers-fan-in-full-uniform-sneaks-onto-field-with-team
“Yes, I’m Proy Tolamalu, reporting for practice.”
Stand up and be counted! Nah, you’re ok, Ryan.
50% of The Beatles were left-handed. There’s always that.
Big deal. So is 4/9ths of Def Leppard.
So are 43% of my alters.
Heather Mills only had her lefty.
Andy Dalton, folks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-9axYG9mgs&ab_channel=NFL
Heh heh, Bengals-Dolphins. It’s like my wife making me pick between grey or beige for painting the guest room. One of them will win, but nobody will care.
Actually, that was overrated Kevin Zeitler, who thought 0.5 seconds was enough time to block a Pro Bowler with your quarterback dropping back into the endzone.
That’s why I wasn’t upset when the Bengals let him walk when Cleveland overpaid for him. Suddenly 0-16 makes more sense.
You know I was listening to Talk Radio at work and Bill Cunningham had Eric Trump as a guest, and I think they both have a point with the media accenting the negative on the Trump administraion while ignoring the positives like increased jobs, security, pride in our nation, how more and more blacks are liking the Republican Party and turning their backs on the Democrats, because the Republicans promise jobs and the Democrats just promise they’ll take care of the blacks with Welfare as long as they vote for them, which is ironic because the Democratic Party was the party of slavery, lynching and holy shit, those sons of bitches brainwashed me, why did I watch Talk Radio in Cincinnati, how would I be so stupid, I mean I know it was a slow day and I didn’t want to talk to my coworkers, but come on, and Bill Cunningham, that guy is a huge Trump fan, and I’m a recovering Republican, I should’ve seen this coming a mile away, someone for the love of God deprogram me, please hurry, election is less than three months away.
ppl forget that robert bird was killary’s menter
Didn’t realize lefties had shorter lifespans.
I mean, it’s good, but I didn’t realize it.
ah mean, BEFORE THEY’S BREED
Segregation Now etc.
it’s reely better 4 everyone wen u think about it ,, smh
…conduct unbecoming of a Jaguars football player
So NOT being a drunkard?
Taken from today’s WYTS Bungles edition, this accurately sums up Redshirt’s existence:
[Alarm clock turns from 5:59 to 6:00 AM. “I Got You Babe” begins to play. A BENGALS FAN lies in bed and opens his eyes.]
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Good morning, Bengals fans! We’ve got some exciting news! Marvin Lewis has been retained as our head coach! Whew, what a relief, am I right?
[BENGALS FAN gets out of bed, changes into a pair of striped Bengals Zubaz pants and a Ken Anderson jersey, and retrieves a handgun from under his pillow. He gets into his car with the license plate IKYSHFL and drives to the Bengals practice facility. Inside, he finds a classroom where MARVIN LEWIS is going over film from the Bengals pre-season game. BENGALS FAN walks up to ANDY DALTON and hands him the gun.]
BENGALS FAN: Please kill me.
ANDY DALTON: Golly, mister, I can’t do that.
BENGALS FAN: Come on, you Ginger pussy, shoot me down like you do our playoff chances every year.
ANDY DALTON: Well, sir, I won’t have my honor besmirched like that.
[DALTON fires 9 shots. All miss the BENGALS FAN and form an outline around MARVIN LEWIS.]
MARVIN LEWIS: [looks at the bullet holes in the wall behind him] Am I the luckiest guy in the world or what?
[DALTON takes aim at the BENGALS FAN, squeezes the trigger, and shoots AJ GREEN in the hand.]
GREEN: [in agony] Oh, so now you hit me right in the hands.
BENGALS FAN: [sighs] It didn’t work the other 499 times I’ve tried it, why would it work now? [looks past Dalton]. Hey, Vontaze, I’ve met James Harrison, and you sir, are no James Harrison.
[VONTAZE BURFICT runs across the room like a zombie from 28 Days Later and sinks his teeth into the BENGALS FAN’s neck.]
[Alarm clock turns from 5:59 to 6:00 AM. “I Got You Babe” begins to play. A BENGALS FAN lies in bed and opens his eyes.]
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Good morning, Bengals fans! We’ve got some exciting news you’ve all been waiting for. Marvin Lewis has been retained as our head coach! Whew, what a relief, am I right?
BENGALS FAN: [sighs, stays in bed.]
For the last time, WCS, quit reading my Dream Journal or I’ll tell the whole Commentistry which ones you’ve had sex dreams about!
[furiously slams laptop shut]
– Marc Trestman