Your “I’ve Seen Stranger Things” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Much like a Krauthammer into an empty pool, let’s dive straight in. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Broncos:

Boy oh boy. I wonder how everybody’s fave 2nd year phenom qb will do going into the confines of Denver for the first time. This should be a real test for him, right? Well, Johnny Football-Come-Lately’s, I’ll have you know that a certain Mr. Mahomes started a meaningless (KC had already clinched a playoff spot) game in week 17 last year in Denver and ended up winning 27-24 with a bunch of second-teamers. Oof! That sure ain’t bode well for tonight. After all, this kid is averaging 4.333333333 TDs per game and looks a wee bit unstoppable. Factor in that in the last five games vs. Denver, Andy Reid and company (led by Alex Smith) have averaged 30 points vs. dem Broncs.

The question is begged-how can the Broncs possibly pull this monkey out of the cage? Mahomes hasn’t seen the man coverage that Denver plays so perhaps there’ll be an adjustment phase. Chubbs and chicken-chaser Miller must force pressure from the edges so that Mahomes forces passes. But he’s already shown he can throw the short drop pass. Okay, now what? Perhaps rook rb’s Freeman and Lindsay slow down the pace of the game. Maybe the No Housefly Zone gets a pic or two or three. There’s always the possibility that qb Keenum racks up more yards than his counterpart. Just this year I’ve seen stranger things happen. See how I tied that all together in one big beautiful bow?

Get to doing the finger exercises.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Paxton Lynch has gotten a lot better.

No, wait…..

King Hippo

SEE! He is at LEAST solidly above-average 😀

Viva La Tabula Raza

This game is very exciting.

Spur

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Gratliff

Bill Burr has a direct link to my brain it seems

IVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE AND I MEAN ANYONE BREAK A HUDDLE WITH THE LEVEL OF POISE AS THIS KID MAHOMES!!!

— Bill Burr (@billburr) October 2, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Mr. Ayo

Go for two!

/has KC -4.5
//am nawht smrt

King Hippo

Have Chefs at -3.5, somehow. This is perfect, my team can only win or make me moneys now.

The Maestro

Gregggggggg just wrote “game over” in his notebook and slammed it shut.

King Hippo

at least Joseph used the timeout.

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, about the boat thing….

The young lady (with whom I’m no longer associated) told me very early on that she had a dream about being naked on a boat with me. I’m not gonna provide the rest of the details of said dream but I’m telling you….

CHICKS DIG BOATS!!!!!!!!

Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Unfortunately, a boat is more expensive to maintain than a wife. Or a mistress.

King Hippo

THIS. Nothing makes boat ownership feasible.

The Maestro

You need a cocaine fortune. And those are harder to come by these days, unless perhaps they’ve negotiated some specific wording into the latest NAFTA agreement. I dunno, really.

King Hippo

Think that’s called the “WOW his hands and penis are TOTES huge Treaty” now.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I met a couple guys from Connecticut on the train from Milan to Venice, they were heading there to represent their yacht appurtenance company at an expo. I asked the guy, “I guess a guy that sells luxury yacht appurtenances probably has a nice boat himself.” He told me that “If it floats, flies, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent it.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahaha. I like that.

Gratliff

That is apparently a real word. Huh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not in freshwater. It’s still a pain, yes. But not expensive if you do the work yourself.

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I used to have a boat (and granted was younger and way less ugly) it was like a freaking strip club on water.

Listen to me. Hear me. I am not lying to you.

hippofant

Ahaha, the Broncos expected a time-out there. You could see they were waiting on Reid to fuck up the clock management.

King Hippo

/screams into void

//at least he was too dumb to cut it upfield and score

///shit, that would have at least preserved time on the clock and 2 timeouts

The Maestro

Big deal. I switch hands all the time, and nobody says anything. But then again, I guess you’re not supposed to be jacking off in public, so that’s probably for the best.

King Hippo

Motherfucker

Mr. Ayo

Was does Ted Cruz have to do with this?

WCS

Mike Pence would like a word… though, it’s not like he’s had sex since the 1982.

The Maestro

And he’s worked hard to forget that trip to San Francisco, he’ll have you know.

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

She definitely has a landing strip.

King Hippo

deffo seems like a gal who’d be up on pubic hair trends

Spur

am down to part the hairs

King Hippo

I have an emergency tennis shot where I toss my racquet into my left hand. It goes over the net maybe one time out of three.

hippofant

Am I the only one kinda annoyed with football home crowds making noise to disrupt the other team’s offense? Shit, I ain’t here to watch you guys. I’m here to watch these teams play.

King Hippo

ok, I am humbled by that. FUCK OFF Montana, Favre, that is legit stud material.

King Hippo

did he throw that lefty??

Spur

As long as the Donks dont give up 20 FFL points here am good.

King Hippo

chuh fucking chuh!

King Hippo

Just do it fast enough that we have a chance to respond.

King Hippo

fuck a fucking fuck. Vance Joseph had his balls retract.

Brick Meathook

Why does Dominos have commercials that reek of desperation?

It makes me not want their product and/or service.

Viva La Tabula Raza

i’d like to have Domino’s fix my road, and then order all my delivery pizza from Papa Johns or Pizza Hut.

King Hippo

This “potholes ruin pizza” is really a problem I have never experienced in 45 years on this shithole planet.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I spent several years through college slinging pie, and it was never an issue.

King Hippo

The team that scored 194.97 left Cooper Kupp on his bench (otherwise did nae fuck up). Just sweating any potential Sanders fumbre.

The team that scored 192.20 (and is in clubhouse) benched Nick Chubb (no way to expect what he did), James White, and Corey Davis. Started Dalvin Cook on a “pitch count” who scored 2.0 in full PPR.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They shouldn’t bother with the kickoff in Denver. Just spot the fucking ball on the fucking 25.

Spur

Donks will disappoint.

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

See????? This right here is why I need to buy a new boat!!!!!!

(chicks dig boats, trust me)

The Maestro

Because of the implication??

theeWeeBabySeamus

No, just because hot chicks like to get nekkid on boats.

Seriously, I am NOT joking here.

Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Buddy of mine calls my swimming pool the “porn pool.” Women do seem to have an urge to disrobe when immersed, so maybe he’s on to something.

The Maestro

No, no… the implication.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yUafzOXHPE

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah, sorry. Now I’m ashamed of myself for not getting the reference.

/doesn’t deserve a boat or hot naked chicks for that one

Viva La Tabula Raza

I knew these two Coast Guard guys when I was stationed at NAS Corpus Christi. Their job was to take and launch a 20′ Coast Guard motorboat five days a week and go out and make sure every pleasure boater out in CC Bay had the proper amount of life vests etc. Those guys got more ass than a toilet seat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am not surprised.

I dunno what it is, but chicks dig boats. TRUST ME ON THIS PPL!!!!!!!!!

Spur

I want to watch “A Star is Born”. I think i need to examine my life.

Senor Weaselo

I would much rather watch “A Star Is Burns” if it’s all the same.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“I was just saying Boo-urns.”

Spur

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King Hippo

missed tackles give Hippo a sad

King Hippo

/may switch to the Mexi-nouncers

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

some power from that KHunt

Spur

it doesnt know its POWER!

King Hippo

oh, it NOES

Spur

then explain the Senate?

King Hippo

that’s just American stupidity on full display

Spur

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Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well hellooooooo there.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Does the carpet match the drapes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

My educated guess? The floors are hardwood.

That means two things.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess I’m old school, but I like a little mystery down there. All that wax and shave stuff, makes me feel like a pedophile. Are you 12 years old or what?

King Hippo

I like the landing strip. CLASSY.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I like anything from a landing strip to a bush like a crow’s nest. Just no pre-pubescent Great Baldini stuff. God, why am I posting this?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, if you want someone to play the game, you have to tend the field.

That goes both ways, btw.

/considers starting the “plucking” discussion again
//doesn’t want to give Hippo a stroke

The Maestro

I would imagine there’s hardwood somewhere in there, at any rate…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Great minds.

hippofant

In before Witten calls Earl Thomas a filthy left-wing socialist for demanding higher compensation from the capitalist class.

King Hippo

filthy goddamned company men, I’d like to see ANY of ’em talk shit to Earl or Le’Veon’s FACE

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Get me on meth and I’ll talk shit to anyone!

Spur

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King Hippo

obvs not a Texas Tech fan ,, smgdh

King Hippo

23-27 is still a feared, realistic outcome

Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda looking like RAMMMMIT will be the last undefeated team standing in about a half hour or so.

Spur

KC defense, softer than a bunnies ass.

Spur

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King Hippo

great shoulders!

/and everything else

The Maestro

You know what they say about ladies in chokers:

They have fine taste in accessorizing.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I try to get into cooking because I am shit at it, but I find so many people on cooking channels unhelpful. I either get turned off by their personality or spend too much time beating off I don’t get the recipe.

herodotus450

“The Barefoot Contessa” is the most egregious case of false advertising since “The Neverending Story.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Beat Bobby Flay was such a letdown!

herodotus450

30 Minute Meals, who do you think I am, Sting?

herodotus450
Horatio Cornblower

Contrary to what Jason Witten just said, if there’s one thing I’m sure Andy Reid does not have, it’s a good pulse.

Spur

a good pulse on pork bellies futures

herodotus450

“My blood pressure is BBQ/Gravy? Is that good?”

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I like your HEB more than mine.

WCS

Good GOD

King Hippo

I am enjoying this immensely.

Spur

Scandrick is trash

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You can’t spell Scandrick without DNA, which I left a lot on in my trash in college

Viva La Tabula Raza

You and Kavanaugh both.

Spur

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Spur

So not even Mahomes can overcame Andy Reid