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No talk. On to the action.
2018 Quotables – Week 5 (Submissions)
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Where’s the flag?
-Clay Mathews
Scott hasn’t been the same since VH1 cancelled “Rock Show”
And here we see Gronk trying to make his fingers fing.
Chiefs aren’t 5-0 by luck. They don’t even play Dalton for two weeks but they’ll already practicing Tip Drills.
What did this guy do in a past life to be assigned concurrent Bengals and Dolphin fan allegiances?
He was Dick Nixon in his last life.
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During the bye week, the spell holding together Fitzmagic slowly began to weaken, revealing him to be an unholy combination of Dalton and Tannehill
These Bortles impressions are scary good
I don’t know if this is gonna win, but it sure as hell did make me laugh.
“YEAH! I hit that QB harder than a handjob from an angry downhill skier!”
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I WILL HUG HIM AND PET HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM AND CALL HIM JUJUBE
“Do you want to change your name to JuJu Junior? Your friends can call you JuJuJu!”
goddamn that’s good
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OK…I can do this…I just read “The Art of the Baldfaced Lie” last Wednesday…I can deny that any of this is happening, and if I do it loudly enough at the postgame presser…yeah, that’s the ticket.
Today on ‘Gronk Explains It All’, we tackle the hardest question yet…
What the FUCK is Grimmis?
*crickets*
I thought Grimmus was a creature made out of pure purple drank.
Behind a dumpster, Ryan Leaf stirs…
He’s totally a brother!
– Burton Guster
You know that’s right
Even money this guy can’t read.
I’ll take that bet
– King Hippo
psssssschaw, I ain’t even get teh shakes until +268 ,, smh
“I’ve got three years invested in Brett Hundley, two years invested in Joe Callahan, the quarterback room is exactly where it needs to be, okay?”
Now, now, Winchester, the angle of your finger is all wrong.
“………….HE STOLE MY BIT! THAT’S MY BIT! OOH, OOH, HE STOLE MY BIT!” — A patch of grass in Oakland
Finally, the NFL has replaced Tim Tebow as their kneeling Christian.
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And the Blaxxy (no ofence) for Best Fat GuyDOWN of the Week goes to…
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Hello Darkness mah old friend…
Sorry to interrupt, but we have a HORSE BALLS sighting in Buffalo!!
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Bortles blithely bounces back and becomes the Bortlesest Bortles being, benificently be-knighting bloviation before blowing away.
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“Thank God it wasn’t Adam Thielen. We can’t have any of that miscegenation.”
J. Richardson
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“Why does everyone love 69 so much. Those ladybros are old and wrinkly.”
“I’ll call this ‘Buried Treasure’ no, wait; ‘Organ Harvest’ uh, no…too murder-y. Oh, why didn’t I think about this more!?!”
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“Should I let my QB who has the improv of Favre and the discipline of Brady have a say in the offense…Nah, let’s run on 2nd and 30. Followed by a naked bootleg with one man going out to catch the ball on 3rd and 10.”
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This is why the NFL doesn’t like black QBs. They’re afraid they might have to fine a white man for hitting a black one.
“Go on…”
-C. Newton, C. Kaepernick
Oh, now it all makes sense
– Clay Matthews
This isn’t even funny. It’s just true.
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“If I became a philosopher, if I have so keenly sought this fame for which I’m still waiting, it’s all been basically to seduce women.”
-J. Sartre
♫ Hello darkness, my old friend ♫
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See Dad, that minor in Interpretive Dance is actually useful!
STEVE NELSON: Hey, where’d the hot potato go?
ANDY REID: [muffled] I don’t know.
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I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like… tears in rain. Time to die.
Even the Suicide Squad was unwilling to accept Captain Dolphin as a member after so many credible allegations of attempted rape emerged.
Current polling gives him a safe lead as the Republican candidate in Florida’s 25th District.
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“Verdomme … ik had bij het ontbijt een tweede bord wafels moeten krijgen”
Oh shit! I have gone native…I need to get home…
I haven’t seen this many Chiefs play “Hot Potato” since that last multi-jurisdictional officer involved shooting!
“Home game”, hahaha
“Competitive game.” hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Some one go tell Coach we need to reboot the Gronkbot.
OR – Meet the new poster boy for the anti-vaxxers.
He’s been poked with needles so many times that even I would pick up the antivax flag with a little push.
What PED’s?
Bortles balks at bashing bodies with a bruiser. “Bedlam and balderdash!” he blurts.
sharts, sniffs
Good one
If you listen carefully, you can just hear the sounds of Alexis Texas bouncing up and down and banging two Bud Light cans together, forever on loop in Gronk’s mind.
“I’m not one to object to a man falling to the ground in front of a pair of feet, but…not like this, Blake. Not like this.” – Rex Ryan
“…but how come they don’t make the whole *plane* out of the black box…?”
or if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
“You could get a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking your head up a cow’s ass, but you should just take the butcher’s word on it.”
MIKE MCCARTHY: Other than a few minor miscues, I thought the team looked decent today.
JOSEPH WELCH: I haven’t seen a McCarthy with such a misconception of what qualifies as “decent” since…well, ever.
The Washington Generals are looking to sign a few new players
Coach Tomlin will be looking into cancelling someone’s German cable package after these antics.
“Mom, why do you have to embarrass me with your behavior whenever we go to a game?”
Mike Pence was so scandalized by this perversion that he had to leave the stadium to get some air.
*thought bubble*
*thought bubble audibly pops*
Well, Kratos somehow being both a Bengals and ‘Fins fan certainly explains why he wants to kill everyone all the time.
“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
“No talk. On to the action.”
I didn’t realize Darren Sharper had internet access in prison.
I think you know the answer to that.
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