Your “Pulse is Steady, Will Continue To Monitor Vitals” 2nd Round of NFL Football

It’s another one of those slogs but with each other’s support, I think we can make our way through this. Shall we keep the ball rolling along its merry way? Sure we will! TO THE GAMES!

Bills/Colts:

I can recall way back in 2018 when this was Nathan Peterman’s team. It didn’t last too long however. Shortly afterwards it became Josh Allen’s side. Alas, due to injury it became Peterman’s again. Now? In steps venerable, grizzled vet Derek Anderson. He’s had all of 15 or so days to memorize all the plays that fall short of their/his aim. They tell me he was once (and only the one time) a Pro-Bowler. It’ll likely not matter that much. The Colts D is like the Swiss Guard-more of a ceremonial unit trotted out on special occasions. They’re giving up more than 30 points a game these days.

Browns/Bucs:

With Carlos “The Jackal” Hyde traded away, it might be time for The Chubby Bubbster to assert himself in Cleveland’s offensive backfield. Both squads are looking to get their 3rd win of the season which will vault them into the oh-so-precious “.500 Zone”. The weirdo stat working against the home team is that Baker Mayfield is standing on the shoulders of the giants that came before him. The Bucs are 1-10 vs. rook qb’s since 2010.

Lions/Dolphins:

How are the Fins at 4-2? My best guess is a weaker-than-a-toddler schedule and a league-leading 11 interceptions that create more chances for the O than they legitimately deserve. Detroit is coming off a bye though and you know what they say when Matt Patricia has had two weeks to prepare for an opponent… They don’t say anything? Huh.

Panthers/Eagles:

My cherry-picked stat (it’s for you!) tells me that the Eagles, despite their troubles still have the #1 pass rush in this here league and they’re 17-3 in their last 20 at “Duck? That’s Not A Duck! Ow!” Field. You will anyway but you fine gentlemen should start your Ertz. Carolina has had some issues covering that spot.

Pats/Bears:

One of these 4-2 teams are not the same. Or are they? New England doesn’t have a road win this year. Gronk is out with a wonky spine. Mack (he has such teeth, dear) and his ankle are in. Done.

Texans/Jags:

Both teams have superior run D’s so don’t expect a helluva lot on the ground. I see plenty of stalled O’s and a game that has “12-10” final written all over it.

Vikes/Jets:

As mentioned in the previous thread, the super sexy weasely pick for those that are down and out receiver-wise is Deontay Burnett. He’s an undrafted slot wr that was Darnold’s fave at USC last year. That’s 86 catches, 1,100 yards and 9 TD’s worth of fave.

One o’clock EST beckons… We can do this!

 

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Moose -The End Is Well NighSpanky DatassRikki-Tikki-DeadlyRedshirtPetronel Recent comment authors
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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I agreed to clean the gutters n my parents house tomorrow. I wonder if I was unknowingly hypnotized?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Play Down to the Level of the Browns!

Redshirt

Oh, Bears.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s My Draft Pick!

Petronel

P*ts D hilarious ATM

Petronel

And it paid off. #21 with the goal line stop (different one this time).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Bucs easily could have run the ball one more time, potentially making for an easier kick. Why didn’t they? Because they are the Bucs.

Redshirt

The Patriots just punted from the opponent 33. Thirty-three.

Redshirt

THIS BROWNS TEAM, I CALL THEM SOCIALISTS BECAUSE THEY CONSTANTLY KEEP GIVING AWAY FREE EXTRA QUARTERS OF FOOTBALL!!!!!!!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

More like CatanZERO!!!!!1!!!!

Fronkenshteen

YEAH!! Caught the over in the Jet game. 2 legs down, five to go on WEEK 7 ANGER BET!!!

Doktor Zymm

Damn, Vikes are Patsing the Jets

Doktor Zymm

Fun Fact: There’s a 4 am bar in old town called Burton’s Place

Redshirt

37-5 Scorigami! Everyone finish your drink.

Doktor Zymm

Don’t the Pats know how to deal with Bears? Make sure all your food is sealed, and if threatened, just try to look as big as possible

Doktor Zymm

Also, LOL at the fact that I finally started the right QB and it’s Baker Mayfield with 20+ fantasy points

Doktor Zymm

I sincerely hope the Browns end the day 2-3-2

Doktor Zymm

There’s a new J. Peppers!

Gratliff

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Doktor Zymm

If you think about it, football pants are kind of like tights

Gratliff

oh what the actual fuck was all that

King Hippo

that run was a very smart playcall

blaxabbath

Does anyone here claim home office deductions on their taxes? I’m doing some work from my home office now (real work) and am curious if it’s worth it.

King Hippo

apparently it gets you audited

Doktor Zymm

It is, but the restrictions for it are probably more stringent than you think

Redshirt

Browns failed a 1 yard QB Sneak? I didn’t even know that was possible.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, it’s not only possible, but NC State once did it on three straight plays at Ohio State.

blaxabbath

“Think and Do!”

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blaxabbath

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fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Gotta admit, this is the latest I’ve stopped watching Bears football in several years. That’s improvement, I guess.

bk109
bk109

So, Josh Gordon’s 4 for 100 (so far) with Darth Belichik still uploading like 2/3rds of the route trees into his BrainPal9000 may mean that he good,rite?

blaxabbath

He’s a thug.

bk109
bk109

OY, That’s RAYCESSSSSS (or factual.. no tv feed atm.. the Pats radio guys sure seem to believe he’s all fluffy kittens and unicorn farts)

blaxabbath

HE SAT OUT FOR YEARS RATHER THAN STAND FOR THE FLAG!

King Hippo

He got it, y’all. PICKERCEPTION!!

Doktor Zymm

That’s SO close

theeWeeBabySeamus

I won’t be overturned.

Fuck Fantasy Football.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I stand corrected.
Honestly thought he had control.

Doktor Zymm

I think it was a classic case of the ground assisting in the catch type thing

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep. It was one where I thought the call on the field would rule the day, however.

Doktor Zymm

Ponce De Leons just fucked Florida
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Gratliff

NAWT A CATCH

King Hippo

at least let Ertz score it

King Hippo

DERRRRRPPPPPPP

Redshirt

You still can’t spear with your helmet, ref!

Gratliff

FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG

blaxabbath

So the North belongs to MIN?

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

well, it’s gotta belong to SOMEBODY

theeWeeBabySeamus

Philly D went from making me very happy most of the day, to making me very not happy for the last qtr.

What a bunch of assholes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least Wentz has to throw it and throw it big now.

Let’s roll, baby!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

MOTHERFUCKER I DON’T GET ANY POINTS FOR A FUCKING PASS INTERFERENCE PENALTY YOU FUCKING CAROLINA DB ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OHSONOFABITCH.

/losing streak continues
//five weeks and counting
///hates everything

King Hippo

yeah, don’t guard James White, they’ll NEVER throw to him on 3rd and 2

Gratliff

Well fuck my ass

Doktor Zymm

You probably don’t want to invite the entire Panthers team to do that

Redshirt

Can’t we just hold hands first and see where this goes?

blaxabbath

“Whatever’s left!”

-Brett Kavanaugh

Doktor Zymm

Hey, it’s Brisket!

Doktor Zymm

Panthers making a solid effort to suck less

King Hippo

Fucking Funchess

blaxabbath

Trubisky’s career over?

King Hippo

underthrown again

Spur
Spur

The Eagles might do this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

NAWT GREAT GUYS

Doktor Zymm

Honey Badger appearance!

Spur
Spur

I’m going to venture out to watch Cowboys game. I hate putting on pants on the weekends.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Careful, you might get arrested.

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Doktor Zymm

Really want to know the charge

theeWeeBabySeamus

Misdemeanor curler theft.

Fronkenshteen

CHOCOLATE COOKIE MONSTER!!!!
37 points with 13.5 minutes to go!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Time for a party.

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Doktor Zymm

I suspect the Browns are that sparkly poop.
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King Hippo

RISE, Black Panthers!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Danny Am….en….dola??

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I didn’t realize he was alive either!

Doktor Zymm

Aw, Browns got a little Chubb going on

Gratliff

Do not like this strategy of dominate for 3.5 quarters then clock out

Doktor Zymm

Seems popular this year

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Okay, OKAY! I get the point.

Doktor Zymm

Ew, her feet are gross

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You can kill a joke faster than Ebola.

Doktor Zymm

At least the joke bleeds out in spectacular fashion!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It would appear she is well practiced at her busker act in the park, which she remains in character by walking around in bare feet, the outfit, etc.