Your “Pulse is Steady, Will Continue To Monitor Vitals” 2nd Round of NFL Football

It’s another one of those slogs but with each other’s support, I think we can make our way through this. Shall we keep the ball rolling along its merry way? Sure we will! TO THE GAMES!

Bills/Colts:

I can recall way back in 2018 when this was Nathan Peterman’s team. It didn’t last too long however. Shortly afterwards it became Josh Allen’s side. Alas, due to injury it became Peterman’s again. Now? In steps venerable, grizzled vet Derek Anderson. He’s had all of 15 or so days to memorize all the plays that fall short of their/his aim. They tell me he was once (and only the one time) a Pro-Bowler. It’ll likely not matter that much. The Colts D is like the Swiss Guard-more of a ceremonial unit trotted out on special occasions. They’re giving up more than 30 points a game these days.

Browns/Bucs:

With Carlos “The Jackal” Hyde traded away, it might be time for The Chubby Bubbster to assert himself in Cleveland’s offensive backfield. Both squads are looking to get their 3rd win of the season which will vault them into the oh-so-precious “.500 Zone”. The weirdo stat working against the home team is that Baker Mayfield is standing on the shoulders of the giants that came before him. The Bucs are 1-10 vs. rook qb’s since 2010.

Lions/Dolphins:

How are the Fins at 4-2? My best guess is a weaker-than-a-toddler schedule and a league-leading 11 interceptions that create more chances for the O than they legitimately deserve. Detroit is coming off a bye though and you know what they say when Matt Patricia has had two weeks to prepare for an opponent… They don’t say anything? Huh.

Panthers/Eagles:

My cherry-picked stat (it’s for you!) tells me that the Eagles, despite their troubles still have the #1 pass rush in this here league and they’re 17-3 in their last 20 at “Duck? That’s Not A Duck! Ow!” Field. You will anyway but you fine gentlemen should start your Ertz. Carolina has had some issues covering that spot.

Pats/Bears:

One of these 4-2 teams are not the same. Or are they? New England doesn’t have a road win this year. Gronk is out with a wonky spine. Mack (he has such teeth, dear) and his ankle are in. Done.

Texans/Jags:

Both teams have superior run D’s so don’t expect a helluva lot on the ground. I see plenty of stalled O’s and a game that has “12-10” final written all over it.

Vikes/Jets:

As mentioned in the previous thread, the super sexy weasely pick for those that are down and out receiver-wise is Deontay Burnett. He’s an undrafted slot wr that was Darnold’s fave at USC last year. That’s 86 catches, 1,100 yards and 9 TD’s worth of fave.

One o’clock EST beckons… We can do this!

 

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King Hippo

Now, Duke Johnson or NjokuDOWN, please!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Not a Panther, but who cares? NOT I.
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Doktor Zymm

Bunchess of!

The Maestro

I still cannot believe the Colts have a worse record than the Bills this season, because the Bills are a complete embarrassment to the entire sport of football.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

BUF, ARI, OAK are all complete shit.

This sure seems familiar….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

WOOO TRUTHBISCUITCEPTION

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

How is that a pick? He ripped it out of the hands of a WR on the ground. Isn’t the rippping the cause of down by contact.

Oh damn it — WHAT IS DOWN BY CONTACT NOW?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://66.media.tumblr.com/8198eb627cb96d45e593eee4f6e72247/tumblr_pg3wklycwO1rhyhk4_500.jpg

bk109

Womp-womp-womp, bish :p That’s what happens when you take the Truth Biscuit instead of sticking with the GREATEST FUCKING CUNTLER THAT HAS EVER LIVED

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Biscuit del Verdad really can’t throw (or read defenses) for shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Yeah but he’s got a big arm

    tm

.

King Hippo

throw it to Gabriel goddamnit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The angel?

theeWeeBabySeamus

There ya go, Biscuit. Feed Howard. Now yer gettin’ it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or not.

He is not good at checkdowns.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously. He’s had Howard wide ass open in the middle the last two plays, but threw into coverage instead on his first look. Jeebus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Correction….last three plays.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Fucking jets.

Doktor Zymm

Buffalo has 5 points. Awesome.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Wentz. Wentz? WENTZ!!!!!!
It’d be really great if you could target a receiver on the OTHER side of the line of scrimmage, huh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh good, that’s more like it . Thank you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But don’t do that again. Dumbass.

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t realize that a neighborhood in LA played for the Pats

bk109

FAT GUY TD, FAT GUY TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDEEEEEEEEEEEEE… too bad I can’t fucking watch it, because fuck Virgin Media Ireland

The Maestro

DAAAAAAA BEARS

Doktor Zymm

Normal stuff like buying a car and dating can be tough when you’re a giant lineman
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Gratliff

oh bears

Fronkenshteen

Everyone winning their bets?

King Hippo

HA!!!!!

The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. Finally back from the Costco, Lowe’s and liquor run. Time to nap. HAIL BLEERGH.

blaxabbath

Costco has liquor.

ballsofsteelandfury

Not in the Canadia

King Hippo

at least TRYING to get it to Gabriel now

blaxabbath

Next time on Department of Housing and Urban Development, Michael and Patrice are on a routine building inspection WHEN THERE IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION DURING AN EARTHQUAKE AND THEY ARE THE ONLY HOPE FOR DOZENS OF POOR DALLAS RESIDENTS WHO WILL DEFINITELY NOT BE EASILY FORGOTTEN IF THEY ALL DIED AS A RESULT OF THIS SCENARIO!

Doktor Zymm

D’oh Gano
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that cat named “Quint” by any chance?

Doktor Zymm

No idea, but let’s just say yes, shall we?

Gratliff

Kicking is v not good this afternoon

Doktor Zymm

Can we have the opposite of a pro-bowl? Or is that just the pre-season?

fleshwound_NPG

AFC South games

blaxabbath

Yeah – Pro Bowl.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit Philly D. And I was so happy with you until just now.

King Hippo

that’s NAWT Funchess!!!

Doktor Zymm

It’s still early, but we all know how the Bears do in OT

King Hippo

Chi**** Tie Factory!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Blair Walsh’s car, I presume?

Doktor Zymm

It’s nice to know there’s a dog version of me out there
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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We’ve come a long way as a society……… towards pets.

Doktor Zymm

Bitches don’t ride for free I guess?

blaxabbath

Now we just use these to haul a couple extra protesters to the police station.

fleshwound_NPG

RIP Bears Defense…killed by Brock Lobster

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

A pick6 from Cam here would really help me out.

King Hippo

NO, many, many Bunches of Funchesses

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite? It’s like you and I have just been trading shitty players off the waiver wire for the past few weeks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is there a Sunday Gravy this week?

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Fronkenshteen

That face! Looks like they dunked the little bastard in the oil head first while still alive.

King Hippo

#EatFresh!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

it looked like laughing to me, but I’m…..different.

Fronkenshteen

Quick jest score (R. Anderson bombski PLEEZE!) would invigorate my afternoon.

Fronkenshteen

THAT’LL DO NICELY TOO!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

I don’t like this new trend of comparing coaches throwing challenge flags to baseball players

Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure my parent’s realor in the 80’s was named Kessler. Think it’s the same guy?

Fronkenshteen

IS HE A CLOSER?!?!

Doktor Zymm

Pretty sure I saw him with coffee one time

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Deep cut.

Fronkenshteen

Checks out.

blaxabbath

Oh jeez, now we’re getting shows about every single agency?

Next time on: Department of Housing

Doktor Zymm

CHICAGO HEALTH INSPECTOR

fleshwound_NPG

Chicago: DMV

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

C’mon Jaguras, do some not shitty things!

King Hippo

4 scores and they cover for me!

blaxabbath

If you end up disappointed, you know it’s your own fault for expecting them to listen.

blaxabbath

This Verizon guy is quickly reaching Chevrolet guy levels of need-to-murder.

fleshwound_NPG

Which guy, the Verizon Guy, or the Verizon Guy going to Sprint

fleshwound_NPG

It’s almost time to say the Truth Biscuit has deceptive speed

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But is he gritty?

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King Hippo

I needed Gabriel to make that!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Damn tit biscuit just laying those ducks up there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That was a batted ball.

Doktor Zymm

Meanwhile…
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These new toilet brushes are very inventive.

King Hippo

At least my premonition to bench now ded Michel was right, bad news is it netted like 1 fucking point

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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bk109

So, Truthbiscuit is the best RB at Chi.. Welp, moar drinkin’ time

King Hippo

problem is the passing. And the thinking.

bk109

and the titties!

Gratliff

Panthers fucking stink

King Hippo

wrong TE, Dakota Jeebus asshole

theeWeeBabySeamus

WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING THROW THE BALL ALREADY WENTZ??????? I NEEDZ THE POINTS!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

THANK YOU WAS THAT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT????????

blaxabbath

If Ted Cruz’s father did help kill a sitting US President, then I hope he decides to follow in his family’s legacy.

Like, tomorrow.

Horatio Cornblower

Great. Because we all needed to be on another watch list.

Doktor Zymm

He really should put all his experience as the Zodiac killer to good use

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Blake Bortles’ bad blunders bequeath berth for bench.

blaxabbath

The London games would be better if the players started doing anti-UK TD celebrations. Maybe use the ball as a blank Declaration of Independence that everyone signs and then they wave it at the crowd. Or take an imaginary crown off a teammate and spike it.

See, NFLPA? Then you’d have something to negotiate out at the next CBA!

Fronkenshteen

I’d do the Ian Curtis epileptic dance.
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King Hippo

this is WINNER