Your “The NFL Doesn’t Allow Fun Or Spooky” Halloween Night Open Thread

NFL News:

• Rather than sign the best QB available, the Jags chose to go in a different direction and signed Landry Jones as Cody Kessler’s backup.
  • Or, as a backup to Blake Bortles’ backup, which is even funnier to think about.
  • It was a free agent signing, so all they lose is money.
• In further “Who’s Colin Kaepernick?” news, the Bills signed Terrelle Pryor as a wide receiver.
  • Rumours abound that he might actually start ahead of Nathan Peterman at QB, which would all but cement the end of the Pick-Machine’s career.
• In further Bills news, a fan has been arrested for throwing a “sex toy” on the field during Monday night’s loss to New England.
  • 34-year-old Michael Abdallah was charged with disorderly conduct. Abdallah actually spent the night in jail before pleading not guilty.
    • He was identified through eyewitness accounts and surveillance video footage.
  • The reports say that during the game, at least three “sex toys” made it to the field, with more falling short of the target.

over wins. at least 2 pic.twitter.com/DewZzFNNfR

— ᑭᖇO ᖴOOTᗷᗩᒪᒪ ᒍOᑌᖇᑎᗩᒪ 🏈 (@NFL_Journal) October 30, 2018

• Since he didn’t report prior to the trade deadline, the odds are now 50/50 on Le’Veon Bell not playing at all this season.
  • Only Steeler fans & certain Hippos like those odds.
  • If he doesn’t report by next week, Week 10, then he doesn’t gain a year for free agency, and is stuck in the same position for 2019.
    • Unless, as also rumoured, there’s a deal afoot to avoid the whole mess.
• Kellen Winslow II has gone to the “It’s a money grab” defence to his burglary & rape accusations.
  • Proof?
    • “To the people who know me out there, who know what type of person I am, know my character, my NFL friends and family, just my regular friends and family . . . they know who I am. And I’m an innocent guy. I’m an innocent man.”

A couple of DFO Halloween classics to throw your way this evening:

• From Old School Zero way back in 2015, it’s Ken Nordine reading Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Conqueror Worm”:

https://youtu.be/3qnj17goUP0

• As Low Commander reminded me, there’s also this – “For Annie” as read by Gavin Friday.

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Black Hawks at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet / NHLN
• NBA:
  • Pacers at Knicks – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
  • Spurs at Suns – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN3
• NCAA:
  • Ball State at Toledo – 7:30PM | ESPN2
• MLS: Knockout stage
  • New York City FC vs. Philadelphia Union – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN / UniMas
  • FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers – 9:30PM | TSN / ESPN+ / UniMas

• It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: “The Gang Wins the Big Game” – 10:00PM | FXX

Kids, don’t forget to check out the annual DFO Halloween stories that have appeared throughout the day. They’re really good, except for some asshole who decided to write a fucking novel. And Low Commander Yeah Right has blessed the site with a new standard Goodell image, which headlines this post. NOT ENOUGH BRIMSTONE!