NFL News:
- Rather than sign the best QB available, the Jags chose to go in a different direction and signed Landry Jones as Cody Kessler’s backup.
- Or, as a backup to Blake Bortles’ backup, which is even funnier to think about.
- It was a free agent signing, so all they lose is money.
- In further “Who’s Colin Kaepernick?” news, the Bills signed Terrelle Pryor as a wide receiver.
- Rumours abound that he might actually start ahead of Nathan Peterman at QB, which would all but cement the end of the Pick-Machine’s career.
In further Bills news, a fan has been arrested for throwing a “sex toy” on the field during Monday night’s loss to New England.
- 34-year-old Michael Abdallah was charged with disorderly conduct. Abdallah actually spent the night in jail before pleading not guilty.
- He was identified through eyewitness accounts and surveillance video footage.
- The reports say that during the game, at least three “sex toys” made it to the field, with more falling short of the target.
- 34-year-old Michael Abdallah was charged with disorderly conduct. Abdallah actually spent the night in jail before pleading not guilty.
over wins. at least 2 pic.twitter.com/DewZzFNNfR
— ᑭᖇO ᖴOOTᗷᗩᒪᒪ ᒍOᑌᖇᑎᗩᒪ 🏈 (@NFL_Journal) October 30, 2018
- Since he didn’t report prior to the trade deadline, the odds are now 50/50 on Le’Veon Bell not playing at all this season.
- Only Steeler fans & certain Hippos like those odds.
- If he doesn’t report by next week, Week 10, then he doesn’t gain a year for free agency, and is stuck in the same position for 2019.
- Unless, as also rumoured, there’s a deal afoot to avoid the whole mess.
- Kellen Winslow II has gone to the “It’s a money grab” defence to his burglary & rape accusations.
- Proof?
- “To the people who know me out there, who know what type of person I am, know my character, my NFL friends and family, just my regular friends and family . . . they know who I am. And I’m an innocent guy. I’m an innocent man.”
- Proof?
A couple of DFO Halloween classics to throw your way this evening:
- From Old School Zero way back in 2015, it’s Ken Nordine reading Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Conqueror Worm”:
- As Low Commander reminded me, there’s also this – “For Annie” as read by Gavin Friday.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Black Hawks at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet / NHLN
- NBA:
- Pacers at Knicks – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- Spurs at Suns – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN3
- NCAA:
- Ball State at Toledo – 7:30PM | ESPN2
- MLS: Knockout stage
- New York City FC vs. Philadelphia Union – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN / UniMas
- FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers – 9:30PM | TSN / ESPN+ / UniMas
- It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: “The Gang Wins the Big Game” – 10:00PM | FXX
Kids, don’t forget to check out the annual DFO Halloween stories that have appeared throughout the day. They’re really good, except for some asshole who decided to write a fucking novel. And Low Commander Yeah Right has blessed the site with a new standard Goodell image, which headlines this post. NOT ENOUGH BRIMSTONE!
I forgot to share this yesterday (or edit it. I’ll have that in time for Friday).
https://gfycat.com/scalyhighdunnart
* https://gfycat.com/insecureanxiousdogwoodclubgall
* https://gfycat.com/hatefulexaltedirishsetter
* https://gfycat.com/fatalgleamingboto
* https://gfycat.com/lastingharshblackfootedferret
They just do it better.
NEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDD
Ok, I came up port side on a horse, and he was a little quicker than me. That’s lesson learned. And thirdly, if Kaep could run anything other than a college offence with no throws outside the numbers he’d have a job as the second guy to touch the football. I saw his best, it isn’t that good.
I dunno. I was at the playoff game where he stole Clay Matthews’ soul. I’m just thinking he might be better than Nathan Peterman.
He IS better than several starting QBs right now. He is also better than most back-ups at this point.
He is more talented but not better unless you want to go back to the read-option, which like the wildcat was been figured out by NFL coaches about 2 years after some slick college coach brought it to the big boy league. He could run a great single wing too, but that’s not winning any playoff games these days. Also depends if he wants starter money.
I disagree; seeing him in normal/ conventional offenses that SF ran after the playoff run he was good, not great but good, way better than several out there now who are starting. 2016 was his best year statistically in a conventional offense, in which he was better than about ten starters now depending on your objective criteria. You didn’t notice but the RPO is used consistently and effectively to hold the edge rusher on that side, he would be a valid threat to run. Nobody is making any offers, so we don’t know what his agent is asking for.
I don’t think the $2 I won on Powerball is going to support my desire to never work again
You’re halfway there
https://youtube.com/watch?v=n8FmR3OL36k
If we’re doing Halloween songs I’m in.
Early warning, some of this shit is not for the squeemish.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbE_eXaQhV4
Oh yeah.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-Hn1RPgrIU
Benny Hill. Now there’s a guy who knew what made people laugh. God rest his soul, down there in Hell.
Hey – he had a long career.
Those guys are still in mourning…… well, one of them is dead too, but you get the idea.
I don’t want to brag or be boastful or anything, but I just took a perfect shit. Ten minutes later my phone rang and it was a reporter from Wired Magazine who wanted to do a story on it. That was so weird.
Rex Ryan, is that you?
Are you going to share the video or do we have to wait for the Wired article?
I took some photos and I’ll post them when I get the film back from the lab.
Kodachrome-worthy?
Yes, more Halloween music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR6XJsGOF1s
I’m watching Roger Coreman’s The Pit and The Pendulum and Vincent Price just strapped down Paul Simon and there’s nothing Troy Aikman can do about it.
My ex-wife!
She’s put together very well.
“I don’t like things spooky either.”
–Jerry Richardson
We’re watching the new Sabrina the Teenage Witch. It’s sufficiently entertaining.
Is that the show with the daughter from Mad Men? Still strange to see her grown up.
Couple of funny Halloween stories from tonight:
A 12 year old boy came to the house and did the trick or treat spiel. So, deciding to mess with him, I said “I choose trick. Hop on one leg ten times.”
His eyes went bug eyed and I could tell I melted his brain because I broke protocol. It was hilarious.
I also had a girl around 10 or 11 who came to the door and was talking on her cellphone during the candy grabbing. Freaking kids these days.
That’s not as bad as the time a girl next to me at a concert in South Africa talked on her phone though a Nelson Mandela speech, though.
The “Dildo” sign up there is from Newfoundland. My mother is from St. John’s and I know that island well.
Of that I have no doubt.
Just got the opportunity to read through today’s stories. All can I say is,
THAT’S GOOD FUCKING HUSTLE
/ass slaps all around
//is sued by female contingent
I’m still working through them. They are universally great so far.
Well don’t slap their asses. Apparently they sue.
Instrument panel of the Bell X-1, the first plane to break the sound barrier:
I heard one of the biggest problems with the Bell X-1 is that it never arrived on schedule.
Now I know where they got the idea.
The pilot (mostly Chuck Yeager) couldn’t eject from the X-1, so that light was just a “say your prayers” indicator.
He coulda jumped out the ha….. no, not that either.
If I wanted to watch a failed suicide attempt I’d tune in to the Raiders – 49ers game.
(one of them has to win)
Year of the Tie!
I mean, the person sealed their fate wearing a Storm trooper helmet
Why yes, I *am* drinking a martini and eating potato chips.
I’m eating extremely expensive Russian caviar on a Lance Toast Chee™ Peanut Butter Cracker that I bought out of an old vending machine at a gas station in Utah.
I like the part of the movie Sideways where he’s drinking his best bottle of wine out of a styrofoam cup.
In an Arby’s.
Apparently they cut the scene when he got some of their potato-cakes.
I heard Andy Reid was in the background of that scene. Not as an extra or anything; he just happened to be there that day and refused to leave so they shot around him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCEDfZgDPS8
Am very happy with the Always Sunny Super Bowl eps
NOW does everyone appreciate Sweet Dee? She saved TEH WORLD!!
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Ted Cruz is fucking weird…
I do the sit in the driveway thing for Halloween it’s really nice out and I get to see/meet some of my neighbors (I’m amazed how many houses on my street are lights out — over half, easily). Some smartass boy (probably like 10) got his candy then made a quip that our house would NOT get egged. I told him I was dressed as George Zimmerman. He asked who that was and told him to ask his mom (who was at the street).
He didn’t.
It really bothers me that blaxito will go through a phase as a young White male. I hate that group of people.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MnzuYiX5Ng
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/10/30/sylvester-stallone-no-sex-charges-filed-los-angeles-d/1824764002/
Tonight’s a pretty light Halloween night. God thing i saw the dentist this morning!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyknBTm_YyM
LET’S FUCKING GO
A girl at work today wore cat ears and put the word “COPY” across her chest. I thought that was pretty clever.
If you work from home that would be mom.
“Oh, dominoes the game not Domino’s the pizza!”
Lisa at the end is from accounting; rather than Dominoes, she dressed as “Eat Me.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6V2oCX3Hn4
Ghost Adventures Live! and South Park – Blockbuster Halloween Episode. Choices, choices…
I walked around a wealthy area of rural Michigan today dressed as a luchador in a t-shirt with Spanish writing and didn’t have ICE called on me even once! Progress!
It’s Halloween, they gave you a 1 day pass.
I also had my German shepherd puppy with me, and it was a Perros Del Mal shirt, so it was technically correct. Some of them looked as though they were struggling to reconcile their distaste for Mexico with “OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT GOOD GIRL”.
Because they’re gonna hunt him during the Purge.
Which will be conveniently announced exactly as the polls open in urban neighborhoods on Tuesday.
Folks.
So I just found out that Breitbart completely plagiarized all our Halloween stories! Only they replaced every instance of the Devil with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, George Soros, and brown-skinned immigrants.
Are they partnered with NFL Memes?
Makes sense — except Tommy for Quinzee was replaced by Jacob Wohl.
Is there a law where both parents of a toddler can’t have the flu at the same time? THERE FUCKING SHOULD BE!
oh fuck, that happened to me once, fortunately it was a “domino chain” thing so at least we weren’t both in the “hallucinations” phase at the same time. Hell. On. Earth.
/and hey, y’all Whites play City in the Caribou Cup tomorrow!
Yeah fuck, that will be a drubbing.
I’m sure there would be if the Dummycrats would agree to The Wall
tm
!
While I don’t mind giving credit to Low Commander since he’s always accommodating and does exemplary work, I actually made the Devil/Rog myself.
Old school MS/Paint style!
Rog doesn’t deserve photoshop, it’s awesome. I can see it being a well used image
Corrected & noted.
Gracias!
Joke’s on you, Fenway faithful, Yankee Stadium still hosts home games at the end of October!
/gets buzz through ear
Wait, it’s for MLS? Fuck. Well at least nobody broke any trophies today…
Don’t forget Notre Dame in those dipshit unis against Syracuse.
I should have said home playoff games, because fuck both those teams.
Kudos to everyone today. Seriously good Halloween stories!
That was a fucking blast. Great stuff today.