Your “The NFL Doesn’t Allow Fun Or Spooky” Halloween Night Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Rather than sign the best QB available, the Jags chose to go in a different direction and signed Landry Jones as Cody Kessler’s backup.
    • Or, as a backup to Blake Bortles’ backup, which is even funnier to think about.
    • It was a free agent signing, so all they lose is money.
  • In further “Who’s Colin Kaepernick?” news, the Bills signed Terrelle Pryor as a wide receiver.
    • Rumours abound that he might actually start ahead of Nathan Peterman at QB, which would all but cement the end of the Pick-Machine’s career.
  • In further Bills news, a fan has been arrested for throwing a “sex toy” on the field during Monday night’s loss to New England.
    • 34-year-old Michael Abdallah was charged with disorderly conduct. Abdallah actually spent the night in jail before pleading not guilty.
      • He was identified through eyewitness accounts and surveillance video footage.
    • The reports say that during the game, at least three “sex toys” made it to the field, with more falling short of the target.

  • Since he didn’t report prior to the trade deadline, the odds are now 50/50 on Le’Veon Bell not playing at all this season.
    • Only Steeler fans & certain Hippos like those odds.
    • If he doesn’t report by next week, Week 10, then he doesn’t gain a year for free agency, and is stuck in the same position for 2019.
  • Kellen Winslow II has gone to the “It’s a money grab” defence to his burglary & rape accusations.
    • Proof?
      • “To the people who know me out there, who know what type of person I am, know my character, my NFL friends and family, just my regular friends and family . . . they know who I am. And I’m an innocent guy. I’m an innocent man.”

A couple of DFO Halloween classics to throw your way this evening:

  • From Old School Zero way back in 2015, it’s Ken Nordine reading Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Conqueror Worm”:

  • As Low Commander reminded me, there’s also this – “For Annie” as read by Gavin Friday.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Black Hawks at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet / NHLN
  • NBA:
    • Pacers at Knicks – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
    • Spurs at Suns – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN3
  • NCAA:
    • Ball State at Toledo – 7:30PM | ESPN2
  • MLS: Knockout stage
    • New York City FC vs. Philadelphia Union – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN / UniMas
    • FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers – 9:30PM | TSN / ESPN+ / UniMas
  • It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia: “The Gang Wins the Big Game” – 10:00PM | FXX

Kids, don’t forget to check out the annual DFO Halloween stories that have appeared throughout the day. They’re really good, except for some asshole who decided to write a fucking novel. And Low Commander Yeah Right has blessed the site with a new standard Goodell image, which headlines this post. NOT ENOUGH BRIMSTONE!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well NighBC DickUnsurprisedBeerguyrobBrick Meathook Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I forgot to share this yesterday (or edit it. I’ll have that in time for Friday).

https://gfycat.com/scalyhighdunnart

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They just do it better.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

NEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDD
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BC Dick

Ok, I came up port side on a horse, and he was a little quicker than me. That’s lesson learned. And thirdly, if Kaep could run anything other than a college offence with no throws outside the numbers he’d have a job as the second guy to touch the football. I saw his best, it isn’t that good.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t think the $2 I won on Powerball is going to support my desire to never work again

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

You’re halfway there

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

If we’re doing Halloween songs I’m in.

Early warning, some of this shit is not for the squeemish.

yeah right

Oh yeah.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Benny Hill. Now there’s a guy who knew what made people laugh. God rest his soul, down there in Hell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t want to brag or be boastful or anything, but I just took a perfect shit. Ten minutes later my phone rang and it was a reporter from Wired Magazine who wanted to do a story on it. That was so weird.

Senor Weaselo

Rex Ryan, is that you?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Are you going to share the video or do we have to wait for the Wired article?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I took some photos and I’ll post them when I get the film back from the lab.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Kodachrome-worthy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Yes, more Halloween music.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

I’m watching Roger Coreman’s The Pit and The Pendulum and Vincent Price just strapped down Paul Simon and there’s nothing Troy Aikman can do about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

My ex-wife!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s put together very well.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I don’t like things spooky either.”

–Jerry Richardson

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching the new Sabrina the Teenage Witch. It’s sufficiently entertaining.

yeah right

Is that the show with the daughter from Mad Men? Still strange to see her grown up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Couple of funny Halloween stories from tonight:

A 12 year old boy came to the house and did the trick or treat spiel. So, deciding to mess with him, I said “I choose trick. Hop on one leg ten times.”

His eyes went bug eyed and I could tell I melted his brain because I broke protocol. It was hilarious.

I also had a girl around 10 or 11 who came to the door and was talking on her cellphone during the candy grabbing. Freaking kids these days.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s not as bad as the time a girl next to me at a concert in South Africa talked on her phone though a Nelson Mandela speech, though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The “Dildo” sign up there is from Newfoundland. My mother is from St. John’s and I know that island well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Of that I have no doubt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Just got the opportunity to read through today’s stories. All can I say is,

THAT’S GOOD FUCKING HUSTLE

/ass slaps all around
//is sued by female contingent

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m still working through them. They are universally great so far.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well don’t slap their asses. Apparently they sue.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Instrument panel of the Bell X-1, the first plane to break the sound barrier:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard one of the biggest problems with the Bell X-1 is that it never arrived on schedule.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now I know where they got the idea.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The pilot (mostly Chuck Yeager) couldn’t eject from the X-1, so that light was just a “say your prayers” indicator.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He coulda jumped out the ha….. no, not that either.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I wanted to watch a failed suicide attempt I’d tune in to the Raiders – 49ers game.

(one of them has to win)

WCS

Year of the Tie!

Wakezilla

I mean, the person sealed their fate wearing a Storm trooper helmet

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why yes, I *am* drinking a martini and eating potato chips.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m eating extremely expensive Russian caviar on a Lance Toast Chee™ Peanut Butter Cracker that I bought out of an old vending machine at a gas station in Utah.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like the part of the movie Sideways where he’s drinking his best bottle of wine out of a styrofoam cup.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

In an Arby’s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Apparently they cut the scene when he got some of their potato-cakes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard Andy Reid was in the background of that scene. Not as an extra or anything; he just happened to be there that day and refused to leave so they shot around him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Am very happy with the Always Sunny Super Bowl eps

King Hippo

NOW does everyone appreciate Sweet Dee? She saved TEH WORLD!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Happy Halloween pic.twitter.com/jIgTaIMzep

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) October 31, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Ted Cruz is fucking weird…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

I do the sit in the driveway thing for Halloween it’s really nice out and I get to see/meet some of my neighbors (I’m amazed how many houses on my street are lights out — over half, easily). Some smartass boy (probably like 10) got his candy then made a quip that our house would NOT get egged. I told him I was dressed as George Zimmerman. He asked who that was and told him to ask his mom (who was at the street).

He didn’t.

It really bothers me that blaxito will go through a phase as a young White male. I hate that group of people.

Gratliff

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Tonight’s a pretty light Halloween night. God thing i saw the dentist this morning!

Senor Weaselo

Gratliff

LET’S FUCKING GO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

A girl at work today wore cat ears and put the word “COPY” across her chest. I thought that was pretty clever.

litre_cola

If you work from home that would be mom.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

“Oh, dominoes the game not Domino’s the pizza!”comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lisa at the end is from accounting; rather than Dominoes, she dressed as “Eat Me.”

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

Ghost Adventures Live! and South Park – Blockbuster Halloween Episode. Choices, choices…

Gratliff

I walked around a wealthy area of rural Michigan today dressed as a luchador in a t-shirt with Spanish writing and didn’t have ICE called on me even once! Progress!

Spur
Spur

It’s Halloween, they gave you a 1 day pass.

Gratliff

I also had my German shepherd puppy with me, and it was a Perros Del Mal shirt, so it was technically correct. Some of them looked as though they were struggling to reconcile their distaste for Mexico with “OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT GOOD GIRL”.

blaxabbath

Because they’re gonna hunt him during the Purge.

Which will be conveniently announced exactly as the polls open in urban neighborhoods on Tuesday.

Spur
Spur

Folks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I just found out that Breitbart completely plagiarized all our Halloween stories! Only they replaced every instance of the Devil with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, George Soros, and brown-skinned immigrants.

Senor Weaselo

Are they partnered with NFL Memes?

blaxabbath

Makes sense — except Tommy for Quinzee was replaced by Jacob Wohl.

litre_cola

Is there a law where both parents of a toddler can’t have the flu at the same time? THERE FUCKING SHOULD BE!

King Hippo

oh fuck, that happened to me once, fortunately it was a “domino chain” thing so at least we weren’t both in the “hallucinations” phase at the same time. Hell. On. Earth.

/and hey, y’all Whites play City in the Caribou Cup tomorrow!

litre_cola

Yeah fuck, that will be a drubbing.

blaxabbath

I’m sure there would be if the Dummycrats would agree to The Wall

    tm

!

yeah right

While I don’t mind giving credit to Low Commander since he’s always accommodating and does exemplary work, I actually made the Devil/Rog myself.

Old school MS/Paint style!

Game Time Decision

Rog doesn’t deserve photoshop, it’s awesome. I can see it being a well used image

Senor Weaselo

Joke’s on you, Fenway faithful, Yankee Stadium still hosts home games at the end of October!
/gets buzz through ear
Wait, it’s for MLS? Fuck. Well at least nobody broke any trophies today…

litre_cola

Don’t forget Notre Dame in those dipshit unis against Syracuse.

Senor Weaselo

I should have said home playoff games, because fuck both those teams.

ballsofsteelandfury

Kudos to everyone today. Seriously good Halloween stories!

yeah right

That was a fucking blast. Great stuff today.