2018 Quotables – Week 9 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Forgot I owed you these. Please see below.


Old people go on to point out that Seattle lost this game at home, 25-17.

Matt Stafford deserved to be clipped a lot harder than that for this stunt!

“Oh? Tom Brady stays healthy while taking illegal performance enhancing drugs?! HOW IMPRESSIVE!”

“It’s the fourth quarter and you’re just NOW realizing your dentures fell out, Mrs Beerguyrob?” -Beerguyrob


San Francisco successfully honors the large Bay Area Asian immigrant population.

Shocking that Alex Smith couldn’t MANAGE to get safely out of bounds there.

“Hello is this Dez Bryant? Is your refrigerator running? THEN I GUESS YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!”

Classic Quotables.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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2018 Quotables – Week 9 (Results) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] 2018 Quotables – Week 9 (Submissions) – November 6, 2018 […]

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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So they murder birds but won’t hurt a fat toad?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Scott Walker thinks the Lord cares about his political career?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Russell the nanobubbled QB
(QB)
Had a very big ego
(like an asshole)
And if you ever played with him
(On offense)
You might even say he blows
(As a person)
All of the other Seahawks
(Seahawks)
Used to laugh at his sex life that was lame
(Mr. Chastity Belt)
They never let asshole Russell
(Russell)
Play in their fun team building games
(like post touchdown dance contests)

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

+1 Bumble

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Damn, these Texans really do know how to bust a Bronco.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Well, it looks like Alex Smith’s spirit animal is definitely not a falcon.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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What the fuck was that? A performance by the Wu-Tang Can-Can?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Why does the wife look like she is trying to remove a pube that is stuck in her teeth? Did she just finish her 12th man?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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This is what I think of the play Coach Blue Bunny called….

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Obviously Stafford learned to block from his O-line.

Related but not the caption, if he has to stand still for so long to be able to throw a ball from the pocket, what idiot coach thought he could pull this play off?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Since when did the dance line dancers in Soul Train get uniforms?

Enrico Pallazzo

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GAAAAAAAAAAAH…MY POSTURE!!!

nomonkeyfun

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“You guys should sign me. I love the rhythm method.”

-A. Cromartie

Game Time Decision

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That face when you can’t get the bad taste of being a Seahawks fan out of your mouth.

Game Time Decision

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The oline really needs to work on their protection of Wilson.

Game Time Decision

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everybody was Kung fu fighting

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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COOCH, KURT COUSINS WOULD HAVE PICKED UP THREE MORE YARDS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Thomas tried to call Joe Horn, whose cell phone was shut off for non-payment

LemonJello
LemonJello

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If that ball was made of pork rinds, ol’ Fat Sackford would never have let go of it.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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You won’t find a finer example of the product put out by the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE than this.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Merle, MERLE! Ya gotta pull the choke out before that Stihl snowblower’s gonna start, dontchaknow?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Usually it’s the native that’s trying to collect scalps.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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PETA is protesting this play as another example of the rampant animal cruelty found in Texas.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I haven’t seen a Texan involved in a popping off like that since Lindsay Vonn came into JJ Watt’s life

SonOfSpam

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The real problems began on the sideline, when #54 continued his impression by putting pee-pee in the coaches’ Coke.

SonOfSpam

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Rodgers’ hand signal for a rub route is a bit on-the-nose, no?

SonOfSpam

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Looks like Seattle’s hiring of Bob Fosse as OC has paid off.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“Rolling the dice, rolling the dice, rolling the dice… No one could possibly take this out of context.”

nomonkeyfun

RE:Lions
How am I supposed to catch the ball with all this chicken grease on it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“After further review, the player did not complete the process of dialing. Touchdown Patriots.”

nomonkeyfun

Re: Alex Smith
Georgia, showing their historical love for Native Americans.

nomonkeyfun

Re: Classic
If you get hit by a player on an imaginary team can you really get concussed?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I haven’t seen somebody get so wrecked at their own 42 since myself on my birthday last year.

ballsofsteelandfury

Rodgers (audibling): VONN, VONN, VONN!!

nomonkeyfun

Re: Rodgers

“Must resist urge to make hackneyed gay joke… ‘And then I saw Idris Elba was named…’ No, I must remain strong.”

-Commentist party

Beerguyrob

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“Honey, you can’t have another Jaguar. With Paul Allen’s death, my Microsoft shares dropped four points. Why, we may not be able to spend three weeks in Aspen like usual.”

— season ticket holder since 2015

King Hippo

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Aw yeah, my time to shine…Riverdance! No, Tae-Bo!! What the fuck am I doing, who’d be crazy enough to still be watching this shit?

King Hippo

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They need someone to teach them, teach them, teach them teh electric slide!

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Oompa, Loompah, doopity-do.
I have another riddle for you.
What do you do with the ball on the one?
Call for a pass instead of a run.
Oompah, Loompah, doopity-deems
Jet fuel can’t melt…steel…beams!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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As someone who has HATED the way Alex Smith tiptoes on the sideline and then picks up unnecessary roughness penalties when anyone lays him out a fraction of a second after he steps out, I really love to see this happen to him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I haven’t seen something so perfectly synchronized since John Jastremski and Jim McNally were interrogated separately by NFL investigators.