I have no overriding theme this week, as work beat mah cracker brains to a pulp this week. Here are some fixtures:
TCU at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)
Nobody does “letdown performance after emotional win” quite like Fuckers du Cousins. Then again, Bloodeyes actually lost to goddamned Kansas. As did Kris Kobach (snort).
Ohio State at Michigan State (Noon, Fox)
Stick with me here – Sparty wins today, then we can hope for tOSU to beat Meeeechigan at home to ensure we get a fun team in the playoffs. Okies, Fuckers du Cousins, Wazzu – somebody other than watching the B1G champ lose by 40 to Roll Damn Tide. Otherwise, one can always make side bets on which coach might have a heart attack on the touchline first.
South Carolina at Florida (Noon, ESPN)
Just fuck everything about Florida, straight in all its various and sundry fuckholes.
Mississippi State at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
Cowbells are ranked 16th, so one can imagine this as a first round matchup in a proper playoff system! There Will Be Blood.
Oklahoma State at Oklahoma (3:30, ABC)
Why the hell is the Bedlam Game being played so early? I could see this being a trap for the Okies against their BDSM-friendly cousins, but I just can’t get myself over the line to bet on same.
Washington State at Colorado (3:30, ESPN)
This could easily be a trap game for the Cougars, if the Buffs only weren’t so awful. It still might be. Because I can’t have nice things, and I really want Mike Leach to win out, FFS.
Baylor at Iowa State (3:30, FS1)
Here because I have #HAILGAMBLOR on BayBay, both ATS and ML. Fuck you, you have a problem.
Oregon at Utah (5:30, PAC-12)
Middling PAC-12 action! Sign me up, yo.
Auburn at Georgia (7:00, ESPN)
Be warned, Aubie feels good after itself after watching TAMU Jimbo theyselves down the stretch last week. This is one of those very strange rivalry fixtures, too. One that involves odd-coloured ties and blazers.
Clemson at Boston College (8:00, ABC)
Win one for the masturbatory memories of cheerleader Molly McGrath!!
Cal at USC (10:30, ESPN)
Golden Shower Bears damned near got Wazzu again last week. Will they similarly cause headaches for Troi Boiz in our tweaker fixture? MAYBE!
I heard to make it more interesting the loser of Miss St.-Alabama has to tear down one of their Jefferson Davis statues.
Eh, they still have a couple hundred.
Watching Casino Royale for something like the 279th time and I still wait eagerly for Eva Green’s tits to pop out of that dress each time I watch.
Ya know it France they call that one “The Quarter Casino”
I hope the metric system doesn’t prevent people from understanding this one.
I only get 0.25 of that joke.
” I was a big fan of ‘The Green Movement’ before it was cool.”
-Edward Abbey
http://www.the007dossier.com/007Dossier/james-bond-007-movie-posters/casino-royale-1967/02-Casino-Royale-Poster-(1967).jpg
I also think that I should make a cocktail and act all suave but instead I just walk to my bar and drink straight from the bottle.
BURGER KING HAS CHICKEN NUGGETS!
70% sawdust, but yes
AND FLOOR SWEEPIN’S!
“YOU BASTARDS! YOU PUT A CHIMP IN YOUR MOVIE!”
-Jane Goodall, channeling the spirit of Charlton Heston
“He’s not the one who got talked into wearing an exploding rocket pack.”
*his agent excluded it in his contract
Blackhawks are dog shit these days
Joel Quenneville wins three Cups, and will completely forgotten by those moronic DA BEARS fans in five minutes.
OSU-MSU highlight package is just a bunch of punk coverage plays.
Greatest Cars song? It’s Bye, Bye Love. Come at me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbXzAAXOBsY
What about a van song?
Done!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpPSBzGEklE
Why did MSU not have to punt after the safety?
I took a gander at MSU’s depth chart. Their 3rd-string QB goes by the name of Randy Hardcock.
So we’re going from Midwestern name to sportsmovie hero name to pornstar name?
Hardcock brings all the girls to the casting couch.
Honestly is a safety such a bad thing there?
Well this comment aged well…
I guess not.
His feet was in the endzone. Idiot.
Its legal?! ….okay…
Doesn’t matter in JV
The broadcasters actually did a good job of explaining why that doesn’t matter in the college game.
It’s Ohio State 7 and MSU 6. Fans of both sides are on the edge of their maximum BMI’s!
If gay marriage leads to ANY increase in jewelry commercials… I might have to reverse my opinion.
Not sure there can be any more. The split between those and giving an expensive car for xmas fill up the available time.
Great tweet.
https://mobile.twitter.com/BenjaminEPark/status/1059984763098988544
Just click on the little down arrow at the top right of the tweet, copy the embed code, and paste.
Thank you!! I am a dumb.
De nada!
I’m not sure I agree with his implication that the ice cream would actually win, though.
If the brown people get kicked in the head too. That would win everytime.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_td76aTJSyI8/SFr_Q1ASYqI/AAAAAAAAAPg/khvyz97I-HU/s400/asu+girls.jpg
I love it when the bull wins, even though it is steaks later. Maybe some stud time in between.
Oh man, this is wonderful. I could watch shit like this all day.
The “rules” in bullfights should be structured so that it’s 50/50. Like, you only do it if you’re fucking crazy and most matadors fight ONE match in their entire career.
The hat flying is a good affect.
oh, I’d watch the shit out of that!
/give all involved loads of PCP?
When Trying To Imitate Bugs Bunny Goes Wrong.
[comes running in from bathroom fastening ridiculous pants]
[mounts horse]
[watches matador fly into stands with two ENORMOUS puncture wounds in chest]
[looks around nervously]
– el picador
I haven’t seen Toro get that much air on its opponent since 2005!
http://battlebots.wikia.com/wiki/Toro?file=ToroSummer02ms.jpg
Can guarantee Belichick is watching this Mich St. game, since their punter is left-footed.
Does that woman in the Alexa ad have smoke alarms in her apartment? Why aren’t they going off?
Also, did she not know how to cook spaghetti?
Alexa?
There is a lot of Alexa’s you’ll have to be more specific.
I’m considering putting some dough on BC to cover +18.5 at home vs Clemson.
Thoughts?
Hippo approved!
hey, it started at 20!
See Moose’s gif below
Meh, thems was just baby teeth anyway.
It’s that wonderful time of the year when the faceplants are in bloom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udEZ_JjNz4E
Gronk OUT. Retire already man.
If this is indeed true, this may be the beginning of the end.
He’ll have trouble walking at 45.
Blood Eyes ain’t got no danger-mans at skill positions on offense … no offence.
Come at me bro.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM7_oyCZqj0
Time for lunch.
Its has to be a fake. No way they kick for real.
Four timeouts. Zero plays.
Big Ten Football!
I’m only at three, spoilers!!
I won’t tell you about the septuple reverse OL-pass TD then.
‘Eers > Frogs
Sparty should throw for the end zone here
I mean, kicker sucks, not much time left to run many plays, this is the best shot you have to catch ’em napping. Leverage opportunity.
If its a pass: send two to the end zone, send two to the flat for the first down.
If its a run: up the middle
Rocky Lombardi sounds like a fictional character’s name. It can’t be real.
Rocky Lombardi now playing qb for Mich St. Do you think his middle name is Rudy?
he’s just like a little (mulleted) kid out there!
“This feels like baseball”
Bucks-Sparty Commentator calling it like he sees it
/one 7-run homer later….
Based on the first half, that may be insurmountable. Its like their playing in a blizzard but with no snow or wind,
A blizzard of offensive offensiveness, MOAR LIEK!
/also, thanks for the Demmycrat votes, as ineffective as they was
Ummm…. Duke/UNC is not boring.
I put $50 ML on the Holes, because Duke is up and down like that.
What was the ML on them?
+320, seems value in what is no worse than 60/40 to me
Yup, worth the $50 on that one.
Anybody else have one or three too many drink last night?
it puts the lotion on its skin?
No, it heats the doorknob until it’s red hot.
I’ve seen a few things that suggest Culkin is actually quite happy these days. Shows up for fun projects when he feels like it, fucks around otherwise. Something to aspire to.
OSU-MSU is a lot like my love life – lot of frustration and no scoring.
Tried from distance, missed about 30 yards to the right?
Had babka for the first time this weekend (cinammon). Really liked it. My children continue to make disappoint by making a pucker face.
“WUUUT?”
+ SHOULDERS!!
Little Known Fact: “She’s Got Shoulders” was ZZ Topp’s first draft of their eventual #1 hit.
/”She’s got shoulders, and she knows how to use them.
/She’s a landholder, she knows how to abuse men.
/Her scapula reminds me of Dracula
/My hard-on is as sturdy as my acromion.
/Girl, you got it right.”
query based on the new advertisement peppering sportsball (muted while I listen to stream of Spurs lesser footy) – if a woman proposes, and the man says yes, do he STILL have to buy a budget-crippling blood diamond?
juuuuuuuust a bit outside!
ITS REEL 2 ME!!!111
Did You Know: A sell-out crowd at Spartan Stadium, were it a stand-alone community, would constitute the third-largest town in Michigan with safe drinking water?
If they’d vote Republican, I’m sure the GOP would manage to gerrymander it into its own district.
Just cause it’s November don’t mean you can’t post a Decemberists song you were happy to hear on XMU this week:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7fzUGR8ZH4
Today’s the day the Irish lose, for those of you interested in that sort of thing.
::Drinks::
– Brett Kavanaugh
Dude, FSU lost by 3 touched downs to teh side who just lost they goddamned homecoming fixture to goddamned Wake Forest.
I know! Doesn’t make sense, right? Watch.
Fronk speaks? HIPPO LISTEN.
Dez tore his ACL at practice yesterday.
THE QUOTABLES BANNER CURSE STRIKES AGAIN!
Even worse. His Achilles.
All I know is I had to cancel my X trade request.
Ohio State/MSU it is! Boy, this takes me back to the days when this would be the only game on. Might be why I despise all Big Whatever teams.
Michigan St. somehow is still 3rd in the Big Ten Division of Legendary Teams, ahead of Penn St. even.
I watched Pacino do his best Paterno last night. It wasn’t that good. Maybe DeNiro should do him next time.
/huh. This has very little to do with your comment.
I want to make a mixed metaphor, but my brain remains too fuckety.
“We don’t tolerate no mixed metaphors around here.” – Jerry Richardson