Your “Blowouts As Far As The Eye Can See” Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread

If you feel like chatting about the Chelsea/Everton tilt whilst we wait for the good stuff, go on ahead. There’s also a Rugby World Cup qualifying match taking place between Canada and Kenya that’s being played in Marseille, France. I don’t have a clue whether it’s live, a replay from five days ago or a vision from the near future! All I know is that I could really go for a big bowl of roasted cauliflower ears right now…

TO THE GAMES!

Lions/Bears:

I kinda want the Lions to eke this one out just so that the NFC North maintains its morass status. A stat that breaths life into this prospect? Them Detroiters are 9-1 vs. Chicago the last five times they’ve played. (I’ll get the hang of this ‘math’ someday, you just watch!) Also the Bears 5-3 includes wins over a head-in-ass Seahawks team early in the season as well as the Bills, Bucs, Jets and Cards. Woof!

Saints/Bengals:

I don’t think you could get a higher score in this game if you tossed 3 or 4 footballs out onto the field and announced, “We’re playing flag football today, gents!” Sure, the Bengalis are down AJ Green but a certain Tyler Boyd has a nose for the six pointer and the Saints D doesn’t play well with barely competent qb’s.

Falcons/Browns:

ATL grabbed Bruce Irvin so that their miserable record of pressuring qb’s could be slightly altered. Barring some wacked-out weather the Falcons should put up a number of points on a Browns D that long ago gave up that whole “stopping other teams” bullshit.

Pats/Titans:

Michel? In. Gronk? Out. It won’t matter much one way or another because Bad Bill Bellichick has a tendency to take former coaches out behind the henhouse and give them a sound beating. HE KNOWS ALL YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES, YOU PUTZ! Mike Vrabel is the next man up.

Jags/Colts:

Little Red Fournette is finally back! The chants of “Anyone But Bortles!” grow louder and louder. Helping to exacerbate his demise, the top thinkers have installed Wrecked Flowers as a starter on the O-line. Jacktown’s D is just fine, rated #2 in total defence and #8 in points allowed. It’s just that they’re on for far too long and have been put in short-field spots on the reg due to Bortlemajik.

Cards/Chiefs:

One day football fan parents, completely fed-up with their child’s behavior will yell, “I will beat you harder than Kansas City beat Arizona on Remembrance Day in 2018!”

Bills/Jets:

The starting qb’s in the “So It’s Come To This Bowl” are Matt Barkley and Josh McCown.

Potato Skins/Bucs:

The Bucs can get to within one game of the treasured .500 mark by ambushing the severely beaten up Skins. [begins singing ‘Fair Harvard’]

Don’t forget to take off your raspberry beret at 11:11.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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This is a five star event and it is making me happy, happy feet.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like my Pats are not going to prevail today. Thank Christ they play in the shitty AFC East.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

34-10!! NAWT fay-uh!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I love the P*ts getting dunked on repeatedly with the Phlly Special.

Horatio Cornblower

“Marcus Cannon moved early” sounds like something you’d hear on a porn set as the director calls for a reshoot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

porn set reshoot…..

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, it could happen!

Petronel

Well, somebody took hands practice in the offseason.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Wasn’t me.” – Shaquem Griffin

Petronel

“Anything you can do, I can do better…”

Redshirt

What’s happening in NE-TEN? How?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tommy’s magic juice delivery didn’t show up on time.

Horatio Cornblower

Brady literally tripped over a field gremlin with a wide open field in front of him.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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yeah right

It’s always the game you’re most confident about that fucks up the parlay.

If it involves a New England loss that definitely softens the blow.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit Falcons if you are going to score garbage time points they have to be to Julio.

Redshirt

Oh, please let this be the birth of a QB Controversy. All Hail Driskel!

Redshirt

Holy crap! A long bomb?! Oh, Driskel. That explains it.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

there are still fuckers wearing pat mcafee jerseys in fat humpia

Horatio Cornblower

Titans fans starting to believe as the event horizon that is the 4th quarter arrives.

rockingdog
rockingdog

BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think in order to properly convey the appropriate amount of hate I feel for this team I need to start referring to them as the Kansas City McConnells.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

alley cocks caused luck to throw an int

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Well come on I mean who hasn’t…

NO I PROMISED I WOULDN’T MAKE THOSE JOKES ANYMORE

King Hippo

I really have followed through on my threat to WORK. Fuck off, bad football weekend.

Horatio Cornblower

The TB12 method of staying on the field at 40+ years of age seems to consist primarily of throwing the ball away as soon as a defender breaches your outer atmosphere.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Washington and Houston are going to win their divisions with 12+ wins because holy shit their schedules are laughable

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WOO HOO MAGIC!

Horatio Cornblower

Big hearts and great families are what I always look for in my quarterback, whose job is to accurately throw a football down a field.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Big hearts and great families are actually what you should be looking for in a racehorse, not a quarterback.

Horatio Cornblower

“Like there’s a difference.”

Richardson, J.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[whinnies in agreement]

– John Elway

Redshirt

Well, at least there will be no further questions about the Bengals not selling out home games.

Horatio Cornblower

Tomorrow on Bahstahn radio: “Howah cahn Grawnk smile when the Pahts ah losing!?!?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy moly that Potatoes game looks like a dud.

Horatio Cornblower

“Spain was limping slightly…”

To be fair, Dewey really hit them pretty hard in Manila Bay.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Me: Say it! Tru-bis-key.
Fat Bears fan tied to chair: Tru-BIN-skey.
Me, punches Bears fan in face: TRU-BIS-KEY!
Fat Bears fan, bleeding from mouth: Tru-bit-skey.
Me, smashing chair against wall and shoving broken leg into Bears fan’s neck: TRU-FUCKING-BIS-KEY
Fat Bears fan with bloody meat sweats: Tru-bib-skey

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

why don’t they just call him mitchy, that’s way easier

(but i suppose they would just end up calling him mitchtsky then)

Horatio Cornblower

Game going well, is it?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

My post here is dangerously close to fetish porn actually

King Hippo

Guess I could always do some legal work.

Horatio Cornblower

Evergreen post.
/still not gonna

Gratliff

Oh my god it’s still 6-3 in Tampa

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Look hitting the upright should count double. It’s really hard to do

King Hippo

4 times?? That’s downright Houdini shit.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

TRICKY JAGURAS

Col. Duke LaCross

You fucking suck Parkey!

King Hippo

DOINK!!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Got switched from NO-CIN to WAS-TB.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

A game with a million TDs to a game that will score none

King Hippo

2nd and goal at the 1, AZ still won’t give it to Johnson

King Hippo

reverse jinx WOO, thanks to Reid timeout

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I was just about to explain Nagy is an Andy Reid protege because he’ll burn a TO with 8:30 left in the 3rd and just as I opened my mouth he called a TO with 12:30 to go in the 3rd.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

to be fair i have been impressed with his mostly anti-andy reidiness since week 1

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I think it’s awesome he still takes the time to salute his mentor

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

if he REALLY wanted to do that he’d wear a bib during a game

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Every Bears fan is one of those potato batteries but with a mouth to consume beer and add superfluous constants to words

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG
King Hippo

OPI on a give-up screen. NEVAR CHANGE, Bungles

Fronkenshteen

55 yard FG for yeah rights parlay!

King Hippo

3 more to go!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Heard another “Trubinsky” from a giant Meatball who says “he never throws this good.”

Why are Bears fans so fucking stupid?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

*rests folded arms on giant gut*

I am illiterate

King Hippo

cold froze all brain cells?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Too many lipids blocking the synaptic gaps

King Hippo

not balancing beef fat and pork fat – a national health emergency

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG
Fronkenshteen

Sorry I’m in and out; we’re getting the baby’s bedroom ready. Just checked in to hat tip yeah right for having the onions to take the OVER in the meadowlands.

rockingdog
rockingdog

also if you guys missed this earlier….

WHO WANTS SOLAR PANELS?
https://twitter.com/EyeonOhio/status/1060946841200746496

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

i see the redacteds/bucs are on pace for an exciting 12-6 finish

Redshirt

(grabs baseball bat)

Well. Back to the Fine China and Precious Heirloom Room.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t you love when you put a scrub from your opponent’s QB’s team in your flex with the thinking “if my opponent’s quarterback has a big game, at least this will mitigate it some” and your opponent’s QB does in fact have a big game BUT YOUR SHITTY GUY GETS NOTHING.

rockingdog
rockingdog

shady mccoy + BARKleyyyyy!
Wooof!!!!