Your “Blowouts As Far As The Eye Can See” Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread

If you feel like chatting about the Chelsea/Everton tilt whilst we wait for the good stuff, go on ahead. There’s also a Rugby World Cup qualifying match taking place between Canada and Kenya that’s being played in Marseille, France. I don’t have a clue whether it’s live, a replay from five days ago or a vision from the near future! All I know is that I could really go for a big bowl of roasted cauliflower ears right now…

TO THE GAMES!

Lions/Bears:

I kinda want the Lions to eke this one out just so that the NFC North maintains its morass status. A stat that breaths life into this prospect? Them Detroiters are 9-1 vs. Chicago the last five times they’ve played. (I’ll get the hang of this ‘math’ someday, you just watch!) Also the Bears 5-3 includes wins over a head-in-ass Seahawks team early in the season as well as the Bills, Bucs, Jets and Cards. Woof!

Saints/Bengals:

I don’t think you could get a higher score in this game if you tossed 3 or 4 footballs out onto the field and announced, “We’re playing flag football today, gents!” Sure, the Bengalis are down AJ Green but a certain Tyler Boyd has a nose for the six pointer and the Saints D doesn’t play well with barely competent qb’s.

Falcons/Browns:

ATL grabbed Bruce Irvin so that their miserable record of pressuring qb’s could be slightly altered. Barring some wacked-out weather the Falcons should put up a number of points on a Browns D that long ago gave up that whole “stopping other teams” bullshit.

Pats/Titans:

Michel? In. Gronk? Out. It won’t matter much one way or another because Bad Bill Bellichick has a tendency to take former coaches out behind the henhouse and give them a sound beating. HE KNOWS ALL YOUR STUPID TENDENCIES, YOU PUTZ! Mike Vrabel is the next man up.

Jags/Colts:

Little Red Fournette is finally back! The chants of “Anyone But Bortles!” grow louder and louder. Helping to exacerbate his demise, the top thinkers have installed Wrecked Flowers as a starter on the O-line. Jacktown’s D is just fine, rated #2 in total defence and #8 in points allowed. It’s just that they’re on for far too long and have been put in short-field spots on the reg due to Bortlemajik.

Cards/Chiefs:

One day football fan parents, completely fed-up with their child’s behavior will yell, “I will beat you harder than Kansas City beat Arizona on Remembrance Day in 2018!”

Bills/Jets:

The starting qb’s in the “So It’s Come To This Bowl” are Matt Barkley and Josh McCown.

Potato Skins/Bucs:

The Bucs can get to within one game of the treasured .500 mark by ambushing the severely beaten up Skins. [begins singing ‘Fair Harvard’]

Don’t forget to take off your raspberry beret at 11:11.

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blaxabbath

Hmmmmm….I’m always one to buck conventional wisdom but even ill admit starting the Cardinals D may have been a poor move this week.

King Hippo

FFS, life. This week been shite enough without losing to SEAMUS in DFO-ball

blaxabbath

My bye week post would have been better at defending the Chiefs than this Cardinals team.

Redshirt

Marvin blows an early Challenge. And Sunday Afternoon it is!

King Hippo

Lookit Mariota!! #MagicBurgerKingFTW

Gratliff

C’mon, Harvard. Don’t fuck this up. *Narrator starts tuning up the band*

blaxabbath

$500 says Capt Depth Perception gets Trump to do exactly zero things for any veterans.

Redshirt

No bet. Trump wouldn’t do anything for anybody.

At least we have a breathe of civility for once.

Brick Meathook

Anybody know how to see the CFL playoffs? ESPNEWS is supposed to have it, but I can’t find it.

King Hippo

ESPN+ generally carries CFL

Brick Meathook

They’re only listing Nov 18 games. I have the streaming app. Yet their website says they have it.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m watching it on ESPNNews

Brick Meathook

I get all of these . . . OK thanks Balls that’s a start. It’s out there somewhere.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I can’t believe that CBS is making me watch AZ-KC. Hopefully it’ll be 42-0 at the end of the 1st and they’ll switch over to something else.

blaxabbath

That’s closer than i would expect.

blaxabbath

Why aren’t these troops all talking to each other and playing grabass during the National Anthem like PATRIOTIC FANS!

Fronkenshteen

PICK ONE:
•Anthony Miller vs DET
•Davante Parker @ GB
•David Moore @ LAR

PICK ONE:
•Josh Adams vs DAL
•Elijah McGuire vs BUF

Please and thank you.
I’ll hang up and listen.

King Hippo

Parker, Elijah

Fronkenshteen

That’s what I had. Thanks!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lady (or ladies) and gentlemen, I am on the ground at soldier field. Let’s go bears!

Fronkenshteen

Tell Mack I said he looks fat on TV.

/sorry about whatever happens after that.

Beerguyrob

Counts as attending a ceremony!

Spanky Datass

I’m currently drying poblano/ancho peppers in the convection oven; The house smells FANTASTIC.comment image

King Hippo

clear fookin’ sinuses, I bet!

Spanky Datass

Yep, had a little extra room on the tray so I experimentally added some serrano and ghosts. Earlier I opened the oven door and the fan blew vapors in my face and the back of my throat is still feeling the effects.

King Hippo

Manure down 2

ballsofsteelandfury

CFL PLAYOFFS WOOOOOO!!!!!

blaxabbath

No longer have to follow EIGHT teams!

litre_cola

Soon there will be 10!

King Hippo

better, because EVERYONE gets a chance to participate!

King Hippo

Not that my being a giant asshole is any surprise, but I am REALLY TIRED of all these goddamned amber alerts interrupting sportsball and making unpleasant sounds on my cell.

blaxabbath

Just turn them off. When the Secretary of Homeland Security is running point to rip children from their parents in order to sell them into human slavery, I don’t see the practical value of the Amber Alert system.

Might as well send me a text that RTD used his chiminea last night so the air in LA is shit.

King Hippo

can’t turn the cable ones off, need to figure out the cell pat though

blaxabbath

Seeing the NFL on Fox guys line up against uniformed troops is all the proof I need to know why the GOP fears football players could overrun this nation like some kind of domestic negro caravan. Howie and Strahan are monsters.

King Hippo

Domestic Negro Caravan = great FF name for 2019!

herodotus450

All hockey game streams are free today, apparently. So if you want to watch a REAL MANS SPROT you can tune in to… the scintillating matchup of… let’s see… Florida-Ottawa?

Redshirt

Only the Bengals can come out of a Bye Week hurting more than they didn’t going into it.

blaxabbath

Dan Quinn almost joined the military after 9/11? Well yeah he’s the man to celebrate on this most holy Almost-Veterans Day.

King Hippo

SO BRAVE u guys!!11

Redshirt

Wow. Bengals are going with their undefeated Orange Jersey/Blank Pants combo. There goes that streak.

blaxabbath

The Masked Singer will not be renewed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, I really enjoyed the first season of Deaf Zorro.

Oh, wait, Masked Singer. Never mind.

herodotus450

You Canadians and your Canadian Whiskey…

litre_cola

The bottle I owe Don T made it across the border! He will have some Crown next week.

The postal clerk did not believe PR was in the USA.

King Hippo

yeah, like we really would have shared our paper towel bounty with a bunch of non-Murrikans I mean obvs!!

Fronkenshteen

Hoping against hope My Wayward Son snaps off a couple of big runs & somehow falls into the end zone vs the Chicagos today.

yeah right

Here’s today’s insane 3 game parlay:
P*ts to cover 6.5
Chargers to cover 10
Bills Jets over 36.5

I’m not a lunatic I just play one on TV.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Chargers bet doesn’t sound like lunacy at all.

yeah right

It’s the Bills Jets over that I’m concerned about. The other two feel correct.

Sorry for your loss.

Redshirt

Agreed. That’s the bet that concerns me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It just might be crazy enough to work!

/it will not work

Fronkenshteen

I like it! Especially the over in the Empire State Derby. McCown + Barkley + a whole lotta “Fuck it! Bombs away!” Bummer Robby Anderson is out though. Good luck, sir!!!

yeah right

That may be the lowest over/ under I’ve ever seen for an NFL game.

Fronkenshteen

Hope you get a defensive score or 2.

litre_cola

Hai commntists! I drank in moderation last night yet still feel like garbage. Lesson learned. If you drink, might as well go for it.

blaxabbath

Need to go with pricey booze.

litre_cola

Was Guinness so I shouldn’t have this headache.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like garbage because the sky is filled with the remnants of my state burning to the ground.

litre_cola

Is it a weird season for this normally? We burn to the ground in the summer and fall but not in the winter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually no, this is the normal time of year. Everything is at its driest right now.

yeah right

Yep. October November just like clockwork.

blaxabbath

MUST GET SMART

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is one of my favorite Simpsons bits.

/has a lot of favorite Simpsons bits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwuiSuX2h8o

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This sounds like the plot of a film about a guy who has multiple personality disorder and has been playing against himself in fantasy football every week.

blaxabbath

Sill vs Sill IMAX Edition?

herodotus450

comment image?fit=1920%2C1080&ssl=1

King Hippo

I need to go with upside here, should I put Beatie Mixon back in (despite NO’s great run defense) ahead of JEWKAH in PPR? Because of the upside thing, I am locked into playing MVS (deep threat, not facing Xavien Howard) and Kupp (Goff synergy as my starting QB).

rockingdog

Mixon

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stick with Punchy.

yeah right

That makes complete sense.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tarantino confirms it. I wish they shot a deliberate outtake of Butch opening up the bathroom door and Vincent saying “hey, you’re the asshole who keyed my car!”

King Hippo

Mancs doing Remembrance Day right

herodotus450

This article says that Bell will be a free agent next year regardless if he plays this year or not? I thought that was the whole fucking point of him holding out?
https://sports.yahoo.com/report-steelers-running-back-leveon-bell-unlikely-report-team-011352422.html

King Hippo

perhaps the Yinzers and Le’Veon came to agreement to not tag him if he ain’t report. They probably didn’t WANT him to report anymore (as dumb as that seems to me).

Redshirt

I think its because it would cost $25M to tag him again (QB-tier).

King Hippo

oh FFS, that’s no free kick

King Hippo

Current count of Morata’s a cunt references on NSNO? Approximately eleventy billion

tomsellecksmoustache

It’s not an incorrect take.

herodotus450

When I am elected dictator for lyfe I will split society up into two factions a la The Time Machine based on foot size: the filthy, lower class narrow footers, and the wealthy, intelligent, good looking wide footers. All cobblers caught making narrow shoes will be drawn and quartered.

King Hippo

10.5-11W represent!!

King Hippo

also, this is why I tend to save my Amazon orders and re-up the EXACT same pair of shoes once mine wear out. Getting the right fit (I also have high arches) is a real pain in the bollocks.

yeah right

Tell me about it.

12 4E

King Hippo

#GirthHumbleBrag 😀

blaxabbath

12.

Don’t tell Roy Moore how much that makes the 8th grade girls blush.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid heard about your anti-cobbler rhetoric and immediately joined The Resistance.

herodotus450

The Walrus as I call him is a formidable opponent, the timing of his movements is so erratic I’ve never been able to catch him.

tomsellecksmoustache

comment image

“Finally, a politician that will give the people some sensible legislation.”

rockingdog
blaxabbath

Jayson is not a name.

Senor Weaselo

FALSE ADVERTISING!

King Hippo

come on, DCL or Lookman score us a winner

rockingdog

ugggggg this chelsea v everton match is turning into a draw……

Redshirt

I just love how you can tell when Trump is reading from a script. He sounds like a 2nd Grader reading a book report.

“World War I was a very bad thing. It cost several lives and changed the world…” (turns page) “…forever.”

blaxabbath

Abraham Lincoln was a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very good President. But go dig up his grave because he freed the slaves.

King Hippo

if only they had a STRONG LEADER like me or my pal Vlad

blaxabbath

King Hippo

you can’t even see his teeny erection, but one knows it’s there

Redshirt

Of course you can’t see it. Its concave. Everyone know that.

tomsellecksmoustache

“Maybe if more of the French and British soldiers had guns, there would have been a different outcome.”

Redshirt

So LeVeon Bell isn’t showing up by the deadline? I’m confused. Why does Bell hate the Steelers again?

blaxabbath

He’s the average NFL fan?

tomsellecksmoustache

I’m just puzzled why he would leave South Beach, return to Pittsburgh and still not report. As someone who is from Pittsburgh and has seen the…talent, in South Beach I simply cannot wrap my head around this one.

blaxabbath

Contract talk fell apart? Bell seems pretty thin skinned (when it comes to taking these negotiations personally; not as a general descriptor) and I could easily see a, “The fuck? We were supposed to meet at 8:00 and it’s 9:30 and you’re still making me wait. Fuck it. I’ll just call it a season then.”

Redshirt

Agreed. How hard is it to sign the tender, show up and the first play go “Ow! My oblique muscle!”?

blaxabbath

Tear his Achilles at the first practice?

ArmedandHammered

comment image

rockingdog

shit. dude was offsides.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The sunrise looked like an apocalypse today.

I am girding my loins for a day of my wife insisting that we should go outside into this polluted mess of a day and “do stuff”.

rockingdog

tell her to “go outside”! and you stay inside and eat snacks and watch football… cause thats the responsible and “safe” thing to do.

blaxabbath

I would watch Kellyanne Conway being skinned alive. Hell, i’d hold her down myself.

Fronkenshteen

I hope to see her & SHS on the gallows together.

ArmedandHammered

Hanging is too good for them. Just wrap them (alive) in chicken wire and throw them into a hog waste pond. The NC version of the concrete overshoes.

blaxabbath

Ooooh — I like the idea of having traitors executed using state-honoring methods. we can even reissue the state quarters with each state’s execution on the back. North Carolina – Kellyanne in chicken wire at the hog farm. California – tied to a burning tree. Ohio – Death by chili. Florida – Having to live in Florida.

ArmedandHammered

For the Koch brothers, stuck in a room breathing the gasses from a coal burning power plant with coal ash infused water for drinking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[pulls off eyelids with a pair of pliers]

“HA HA ISN’T IT FUNNY KELLY? ISN’T IT FUCKING FUNNY NOW? HA HA HA HA ISN’T THIS STILL A GREAT BIG WONDERFUL FUCKING JOKE TO YOU???”

– Fitzpatrick Bateman

tomsellecksmoustache

I know that she’s been irrelevant for a few years now, but can we toss Ann Coulter into the group of people that need to die a miserable death?

blaxabbath

Deboned alive.

Redshirt

(overhears everyone in all-Republicans-must-die-painfully-and-slowly mode)
(takes off all red colored clothing)
(puts on blue and buff colored clothing)

“Hey guys! What’s up?”

blaxabbath

All good Redshirt! Now, if you could just take a couple steps to the left and sign this suicide note please….

Redshirt

Under the Grand Piano hanging by a rope or on the red X?

Senor Weaselo

…Yes.

rockingdog

Mad dog. still 0-0 in the chelsea match.comment image

Fronkenshteen

I used to work in a pizza joint with a tv in the back room, where we’d all congregate and drink beer after work. One Monday night, I was back there watching the end of the game, hoping the Dolphins would cover vs the Pats (they won outright!) as one-by-one, everyone headed home or to the bar, untill all that was left was me & this guy who we called Newman. Newman is gay, but hilariously shatters every gay stereotype. Looks like a big fat pile of dirty laundry. Great guy. Anyway, during the commercials, I asked him if he was still there because he liked either team, and he nodded at a helmetless Mike Vrabel on the NE sideline and said, “I’m just watching because that’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen!”
And here he thought the only Tits he’d ever like would be Liza Minelli’s!!

rockingdog

hahaha

King Hippo

very physical match, letting things go to build a false sense of security, no question they’ll red card Gana ahead of the Merseyside Derby

blaxabbath

Ugh – damn daylight savings. Now I’m waiting an extra hour for FOOTBALL.

I am up too early!!!!!

King Hippo

hey, you gots Chelsea/Everton, and the Blues ain’t even tripped over they own dicks yet!!

herodotus450

After watching soccer on mute for a few weekends, I can safely conclude that socceredball players are the stupidest of all athletes.

King Hippo

there’s a Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL quote/joke in there somewhere, I just can’t get the offensive phrasing exactly right

rockingdog
King Hippo

This is very beautiful stuff indeed: One day football fan parents, completely fed-up with their child’s behavior will yell, “I will beat you harder than Kansas City beat Arizona on Remembrance Day in 2018!”

COYB!!!

blaxabbath

And remember, ARI had a bye to prepare for this.

King Hippo

lots of stretching and lubing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Presumably the players and coaches used it to say “bye” to their family and loved ones.

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