Your “I’m So Eveready For This Game!” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

He didn’t look any different than any of the other broken fellas that jumped into the back of my pickup in the Home Depot parking lot that sunny but chilly Tuesday morning. He had steel-toed boots and what looked like a strong back and that was good enough for me. We were pouring concrete that day for a buddy of mine that happened to end up doing a lot better than I did in the contracting game. Thing is, I saved his ass a few times when his ‘aggressive’ approach to managing folks resulted in his workforce disappearing. So, he paid me regular-unlike more than a few of the other guys. Maybe he saw something in my eye…

That first day the sweat was pouring off us like we were in a shower. One by one the other hired help dropped away and wandered over to the shade. This guy was made of stronger material. I told him, “if you’re there tomorrow, you’ve got yourself another day’s work”. He just nodded. Of course he was there. I imagine he had a few mouths to feed and the prospect of more pocket cash made him eager. Not that he ever showed it though…

So there we were-it was a few months down the road and we’d got to know each other about as best as two taciturn fellas ever would. By this time I’d hired a foreman that would take the rest of ‘the dailies’ back to the parking lot and would sit down with-he said his name was ‘J’. Just ‘J’. We’d sip beers and talk about what needed to be done the next day, week, whatever. It got to be a habit.

This time around we’d started a bit of a fire to warm our hands by and I threw out the idea that ‘J’ might be in line for a foreman job at another site he knew that I’d been overseeing. I could tell he was interested. I got up to grab us another round when I saw the sledge hammer leaning against the pile of concrete blocks. I grabbed it, felt the weight of it in my hands. It felt good.

He never had a chance. The squishing, cracking sound that was made as I crushed the top of his skull almost made me sick. Almost. I drove off to the dumping ground thinking, ‘here’s another that I first seen climb into the bed of my pickup and this is where I’ll see him for the last time’. Taking a man’s life away from him is one thing, but doing it in a symmetrical manner makes it seem like art to me.

TO THE GAME!

Cowpokes/Schmeagles:

Second-most I’m rooting for a tie here so that when the Giants go on an 8 game win streak they’ll win the division. What? I want what Odell pretends to want. First-most it would be great if Philly caught their stride and humiliated Dallas on a national stage.

Don’t bother with the bleach, just burn the clothes afterwards.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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We’re just one short of an apocalypse.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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But enough about tonight’s game! lol

Gratliff

It would be so Dallas for the Eagles to go to half with a lead

Brick Meathook

Chuck Bednarik killed Frank Gifford like a Jap on Okinawa

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

“Hey assholes! You forgot us!!”

United States Coast Guard Academy

nomonkeyfun

“I never forget you.”
-P. Escobar

Doktor Zymm

Are there people that these ads are actually targeted to?

nomonkeyfun

People who watch CBS dramas on the broadcast schedule?

Gratliff

Oh right. They’re Dallas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t blame Zeke. I blame society. Society made him what he is. But he’s still a shit and society should flush its goddamn mistakes.

yeah right

I’m thinking of starting up the idea of the Diaper Pail.

Stay with me.

Like tonight is a diaper pail game for Dallas.
You fail?

Into the pail!

Tampa got tossed in the Diaper Pail!

SonOfSpam

If ever an athlete was gonna rap “Tell me how my ass taste” it should be Zeke.

Doktor Zymm

Grab his goddamn ankle when he does that. Faceplant his shit.

Gratliff

Gotta go back to the super bowl tapescomment image

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That’s a legit powerbomb

nomonkeyfun

Leading with the head. Half the distance to the goaline.

Gratliff

The defender or the runner?

Doktor Zymm

Pretty sure you’re allowed to lead with the head to the crotch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What sport are we talking about again?

Doktor Zymm

Yep, like that, but you don’t even need that much traction. That’s being nice.

Sharkbait

That was damn impressive

Romonobyl

Nice hurdle, just couldn’t stick the landing.

nomonkeyfun

Da fuq was the defense?

Gratliff

ah fuck that’s a gif

Doktor Zymm

I wonder if Gallup knows what people think of him?

Col. Duke LaCross

So I’m in the kitchen fixing dinner, my roommate is in the living room watching “Riverdale” or something like that, and I hear in the show one of those semi-familiar riffs. I walk in and there’s a teenage band on the show playing what I can only describe as a Kidz Bop version of Dokken’s “Dream Warriors.” Of all the songs to feature on your teen drama show in 2018.

What a time to be alive.

herodotus450

I don’t think teens actually watch tv anymore, CW shows seem to beaimed at people who were teens in 2003

Col. Duke LaCross

Good call.

rockingdog
Romonobyl

That worked?

Gratliff

what a weird fucking game

King Hippo

trickeration!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Pita chips and a pretty good garlic hummus. I approve so far.

Sharkbait

Solid snack move.

Romonobyl

Local Middle Eastern deli here has some seriously good shit, best tzatziki I ever had.

Doktor Zymm

The more garlic the better. If everything I ate included whole roast garlic cloves, or raw grated garlic, I would be better person.

Romonobyl

I chew my garlic supplements, if that tells you anything.

Doktor Zymm

You a good man

Romonobyl

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King Hippo

Some solid Cowpersons defensing!

Doktor Zymm

meh, the solidest Cowpeople are from Montana

Romonobyl

Like they have anything else to do?

Sharkbait

That didn’t work at all

rockingdog

throw it to Ertz!!!!!

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Me: These goddamned fans! They see there’s no N there but add it anyway! WHAT THE FUCK?
Welshman: Trubywllmbywllymsky

Doktor Zymm

That’s not consistent with Welsh pronunciation, but I think you did very well with the frequency of w and y. Not enough n though.

nomonkeyfun

Don’t forget LL, or the sheep fucking.

Doktor Zymm

You only fuck with a Welsh sheep if you’re desperate, they’re tougher than some of the people who look like sheep

Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

Dallas sure knows how to dumb-ass their way into the loss column.

Doktor Zymm

It makes them watchable. One of my favorite moments was when they got an excessive celebration penalty cause a big dude lost his balance and fell on his ass

Gratliff

lol

King Hippo

Anybody else watching random NatGeo North Korea stuff at commercial?

Romonobyl

Here’s a fun game. Open Google Earth and try to find a parking lot in N. Korea with a car in it. Harder than it sounds.

Gratliff

jesus christ never defend from that formation again

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Me: WHY DO YOU KEEP ADDING POINTLESS CONSONANTS TO HIS NAME, DAMN IT?!
Bears fan: *weeping* I’m Polish.
Me: *raises hand to strike but pulls back* Oh. You’re free to go then.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, that’s not a Polish thing. And that’s coming from someone who almost got hit by a Canadian for repeatedly correcting their pronunciation of the Polish currency.

Gratliff

I live in a Polish area and create user accounts for a school district. I dispute this claim.

nomonkeyfun

“Hi, I’m Zbigniew Brydsjejdjsixxjrhfski, NSA for Jimmy Carter. Watch my daughter on TV.”

Brick Meathook

In Bawlmer they call the town to the south “Warshington”

Romonobyl

I’ll bet your local Sears wishes they were as open as Beasley on that play.

King Hippo

They must have confidence this is just a little slump for DAK! Given that they has like the best backup QB in the League in Cooper Rush.

Romonobyl

I think Cooper Rush is for sale at your local dispensary.

Romonobyl

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A cooper makes barrels!

Doktor Zymm

I’m kind of tempted to go back and watch reruns of “A Different World” to see how many cultural references I missed when I was single digit ages

Romonobyl

That was back when it mattered which ear a guy got pierced.

Doktor Zymm

Oh yeah! I remember that! Just get each pieced 3 times and watch idiots try to count and figure it out. And who the hell knows how gauge translates….

Brick Meathook

Was it this guy (or somebody on this show) who killed somebody in a drunk car wreck and went to jail? His father was big executive at AT&T I think.

Gratliff

Even Cris is just outright calling Dak bad

King Hippo

When did DAK! Stop reading through his progressions?

Doktor Zymm

When he realized…eh, why bother?

Spur
Spur

Bears NFC Champs? or will Rodgers ruin the fun?

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Give me a win over the Packers and Vikings and a strong showing against the Rams and I’ll bet every mistaken constant uttered in Trubisky’s name on it

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m tired. Sitting outside takes a lot out of you.

King Hippo

Cheering for Non-gendered Cowpersons feels super gross. Dunno how some of y’all manage this on the regular.

Gratliff

Good ass play to hold onto the arm. I thought for sure that was another whiff into a long pass.

Spur

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Me: Tru-bis-key
Bears fan tied to chair: Tru-BIN-skey
Me: (punches Bears fan in face) TRU-BIS-KEY
Bears fan: (bleeding from mouth) Tru-BIT-skey
Me: (smashes chair against wall, jams broken leg into Bears fan’s neck) TRU-BIS-KEY!! SAY IT!!
Bears fan: (weeping) Tru-BIB-skey

nomonkeyfun

Don’t you mean “Ditka”

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I’m saving the waterboarding for those fans.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, these are the same people who couldn’t stick a damn ‘s’ on Jeffery

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I gave up on correcting my childhood best friend–who is a doctor–after three Trubitskys

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Fine. Let the terrorists win.

The Maestro

Me (serenely): Tru-bitch-skey

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*raises whip ready to strike*

I SAID IT’S–

Oh. That’s kinda funny. lol

Romonobyl

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I can use the huskier meatballs as a counterweight! Good thinking!

Sharkbait

Creed 2:Rocky 4 part 2

Brick Meathook

I watched Rocky 4 last night for the first time since it came out, and I was surprised how good it is. It’s a simple morality tale, plot #7 with Soviets, but the visuals were fantastic. Every single shot was loaded and drove the story.

King Hippo

Thanks a lot, Merriman commercialism. You done made me hate Jeebus’ fake birthday.

Doktor Zymm

Oh hai Amari – player I liked on another team but don’t feel nearly as betrayed as Alfred Morris because while I like the Raiders I’ve avoided forming any sort of emotional attachment to – Cooper

Romonobyl

That’s a longer middle name than a South American drug lord’s granddaughter.