Your “The (Helmet To The Head) Hits Keep Coming!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Enough dilly-dallying! TO THE GAMES!

Raiders/Cards:

The Gruden-led (rhymes with rudderless) Oakland squad is not doing very well. Hell, when your te has a whopping 30% of your qb’s 10 passing TD’s, something’s gotta change. That change took the form of trading their lone offensive threat. Wha? Now because of injuries the Raiders are staring at the possibility of Dwayne Harris and Seth Roberts being their starting wideouts. Tis not a wonder they’ve scored but 147 points all year long. The Cards have something to say about that though. They’ve managed a paltry 124 total for an average of 13.7 per game. Still, they’ve got a rook qb that’s doing the usual struggly thing. Rb Johnson seems to be heating up, having got past the century mark in total yards the last two games. I can’t see him regressing vs. this lot. Christian Kirkwood would appear to be a rising talent, so one might say that there are pieces in place for the Cards.

Broncs/Bolts:

Here’s your hot AFC West action. Careful, it might burn up your chosen media device! Joey Bosa is scheduled to return, giving the Chargers something to bother Keenum about. On t’udder side, Chubbs and Miller are pressuring and sacking like no one’s business. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the reality that L.A. is 7-2 and only one game behind K.C.

Eagles/Saints:

Much like the Steelers/Jags tilt from the earlier slate, this was to be a lovely game to take in. Like the Jags, Philly just didn’t deliver. One can’t help but think that they’ll reel off 5 straight wins at some point but maybe not this week. If they somehow get the W they’ve got the Giants next and maybe they start rolling.

Polish your eyebulbs, there’s more work to do.

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King Hippo

King Laserface been Chubb’d y’all

King Hippo

this will no doubt be the last happy tidings of the Donks WOO!! day

tomsellecksmoustache

Ugh, having Apollo’s son fight Drago’s son is such a cheap premise for a sequel and I will absolutely watch that slop.

Gratliff

I’ve been meaning to watch Creed forever because I’ve heard so many good things about it, but just the existence of the sequel turns me off again.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Will you watch it with arms wide open?

tomsellecksmoustache

Wouldn’t having him fight Clubber Lang be much better? I’m sure Mr. T is still in fighting shape.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fox just did the confirmation crawler, Alex Smith out for the rest of the season following emergency surgery on not one but two broke leg bones. Ouch.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Hey Alex it’s your old coach Andy, sorry to hear about the news…. wondering if you could donate your old tibia for a stock the missus is making for Thanksgiving. Call me back.”

Gratliff

Wow. Broken Tibia AND Fibula. RIP Checkdown King.

Doktor Zymm

Not surprising….your leg don’t move like that if you have intact bones in the area. Set it, heal it, honestly it’s better than a soft tissue injury as far as long term prognosis. He’ll be making annoying guest appearances when he’s 80

Gratliff

He’ll be the Gallagher’s brother to Joe Theismann

King Hippo

Holy merde, a N’Awlins PUNT?

Gratliff

Christ, every time Brees’ arm cocks back, I’m waiting for a long TD

Doktor Zymm

He’s good, his receivers, meh

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

When I cock back, I wait for an STD

Gratliff

How the fuck are there still new episodes of Family Guy? I love family guy. It was appointment TV for years. It’s not nearly good enough to deserve this kind of run.

Doktor Zymm

There are how many Simpson’s series?

Gratliff

In my mind, they stopped right around the year 2000.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think all long-running shows have a shelf for any one individual, you basically outgrow what you loved so much and then think any newer iterations suck. Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, hell even (or especially) Saturday Night Live.

Gratliff

South Park completely rewrote its formula at least and switched to culturally relevant topics, although that’s been going on long enough that that’s getting stale as well.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I miss where you could just put on South Park randomly and you didn’t worry about an arching story.

Doktor Zymm

Ugh. The Skins are not good. The Cowboys are not good. My fandom is….tempered, extremely tempered until someone murders the idiot Snyder, but I’ll still be pissed if they don’t kick the shit out of the Cows on T-giving. And hopefully put the pain on Zeke. Probably won’t watch, as I’ll be in Athens and it’s hard to find middle of the night American football in Europe, but go team I want to like but can’t!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Ugh. The Skins are not good.”

Relax, Buffalo Bill.

Gratliff

VINTAGE SAINTS

Doktor Zymm

That could mean SO MANY THINGS

Gratliff

And only some of them are felonies!

Doktor Zymm

at least it’s not vintage Penn…

Doktor Zymm

Seriously don’t understand how there aren’t more gay football players. If you’re getting sacked you might as well enjoy it

herodotus450

Gettin sacked is the whole point isn’t it?

Doktor Zymm

Especially if they’re tackling you by the inner thigh

yeah right

Bobby Knight wants to subscribe to your newsletter.

Gratliff

Happier timescomment image

ArmedandHammered

I did not realize that today was the MST3K Pre-Thanksgiving Day marathon. I think I will go and watch that.

Doktor Zymm

Oh damn! New or old?

ArmedandHammered

Both!

Doktor Zymm

SO GOOD

herodotus450

New Jersey is playing so bad apparently that yahoo! sprots reduced them to a college teamcomment image

litre_cola

God dammit, at least look like you are trying for fuck sakes.

Gratliff

Man, I think they are

Old School Zero

You sound like all of my work supervisors ever

Doktor Zymm

When did the Broncos D get so bad?

King Hippo

when we lost Two of the Good Ones

Gratliff

This is what I’ve been expecting since the bye

rockingdog

come on Carr. throw it to Cook!!!!!

yeah right

The good news?

My knees are doing pretty good and back to the new normal.

The bad news? I fucking blew out my right shoulder at the gym.

Why do you hate me, Jesus?

Is it because of the whole agnostic thing?

Religious tolerance, Bro!

Doktor Zymm

Hey, at least you aren’t a Redacted’s QB!

yeah right

Who’s left? I saw the Colt McCoy show.

Doktor Zymm

You probably have more functional limbs than the entire WAS QB corps right now, at least weighted to competence

Gratliff

That shit ain’t even fair

tomsellecksmoustache

I know that I’m a bad person for liking the Steelers and being happy that they won.

ballsofsteelandfury

He he he. Don’t feel bad. Enjoy it!

Gratliff

Did Darren Sharper dose the offense?

Old School Zero

Turkey day menu a la Casa de Zero:
Pre funk snacks are sweet and spicy mixed nuts and aged gouda and smoked paprika cheese puffs
Herbed turkey rotisseried on the grill
Stuffing from scratch
Green beans with herbed goat cheese
Roasted delicata squash with spicy onions
Uber-buttered mashed potatoes
Corn bake from my fellow Iowa transplant friend
The wife’s fresh cranberry sauce
ALL THE GRAVY
Fresh baked fluffy dinner rolls
Pumpkin Pie
Boozy Pecan Pie
Diabetes friendly cranberry raisin pie
A rainbow of alcohol

yeah right

Goddamn!

Got an extra seat at the table?

Old School Zero

BYO Recliner

yeah right

I’ve got a homemade stock that I spent 5 hours on yesterday, plus Grandmommie’s dressing, mashed potatoes and the green beans thing. Also debating homemade bread, son in law is smoking the turkey again plus Eldest right with dessert.

We’ve also got a couple of new folks who have no place to go in attendance. The usual.

Old School Zero

I have yet to commit to the homemade stock portion–one of these years. Homemade bread is worth it, I think. Unless there’s a good bakery close by.

yeah right

The stock is mandatory because smoked turkey does NOT make for a good stock.

Gots to have gravy plus the stock goes in the dressing.

Old School Zero

That makes total sense.

yeah right

Oh, also mac and cheese by request of Eldest granddaughter.

Gratliff

fuckin welp

King Hippo

Dakota Jeebus starting to pay for his thought process

Doktor Zymm

At this point I’m happy at any Oakland good, because goddamn that must be a depressing team to be on right now

...

Saquon: *pays with contactless payment*
Eli: Oh WOW. How did you do that?
Saquon: Uh… the card is equipped to do that.
Eli: DOUBLE WOW! Can I see?
Saquon: Okay… *gives Eli his card*
Eli: *puts card in mouth and chews it like a teething ring*

...

Eli Manning would find a way to get his tongue stuck in the card chip reader.

Old School Zero

Chargers in full “just WATCH us fuck up a game we should win with all the errors and sloppy play” mode. Like CLOCKWORK.

King Hippo

Donks will work hard to re-gift, though

Old School Zero

It’s the battle of the SERIOUS INTERNAL DOUBTS! ONLY ONE CAN BE RIGHT (and therefore lose)!

Gratliff

Man, if it weren’t for that whole champions thing, I’d be fucking livid all season.

litre_cola

Yeah, I am so happy with last year that this year doesn’t make me fly in to a rage, which is great.

Doktor Zymm

While I’ve definitely been an Eagles hater, I’ve never been an Eagles fan hater (although I do love to bring up the ass who purposely vomited on a little girl, but that was baseball) and y’all being rational just confirms the non-hatability

King Hippo

FLOATCEPTION WOO!!!

Fronkenshteen

Did Alex Collins get hurt today? If not, did he lose his job to Gus Edwards?

King Hippo

Motown Philly NAWT back agin ,, smh

Gratliff

Gonna have Duce Staley out there playing safety soon

Gratliff

Gonna be one of these games

Fronkenshteen

Mummer hurt

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!

Fronkenshteen

Thought you dug that sequence

Fronkenshteen

Walk it off manny!

Doktor Zymm

Reading post-wine texts from yesterday. Impressive.

litre_cola

Wine is a double edged sword, have a little and you are witty and bright, cross that line and have too much, look out.

herodotus450

Not a sword guy, but do any of them have a single edge?
/Also what’s the deal with airplane food?

Doktor Zymm

Sabers

Doktor Zymm

Katanas (and I think most Japanese swords)
Rapiers have no edge, they’re pointy only, no slashing

herodotus450

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backsword
How could I have forgotten the Golok

rockingdog

come on wentz. throw it to ertz!

Doktor Zymm

Since no one will buy my place in Chicago, because Chicago is the still animated corpse of city which is nevertheless still very fun to visit but thank whatever I don’t live there anymore, I can rent it out and cover my mortgage payment, but I’m not getting my down payment back, and therefore can’t buy a plot of land in VA wine country, or a condo in the French Quarter in NOLA, and that makes me sad. Especially the French Quarter condo. I could totally Air Bn’B that when not using it for weekends.

King Hippo

SET. IT. ON. FIRE!

The Maestro

I feel like “Lebanese Lightning” is a horrifically racist term to use, but damned if I haven’t seen it be repeatedly effective on a number of properties over the last couple years.

litre_cola

That is a very Halifax expression.

Doktor Zymm

Great Chicago Fire…..REDUX

herodotus450
Fronkenshteen

Where in VA wine country? Charlottesville-ish? You’ll love it here. Gorgeous, dripping with history, highly mockable sprots squadroons.

Doktor Zymm

I was thinking somewhere near White’s Ferry

Fronkenshteen

Looks beautiful. Hope you sell the other place.

litre_cola

4th and inches and Pederson doesn’t go for it?

Game over on bar napkin.

Fronkenshteen

Could be worse.
comment image?fit=609%2C319&ssl=1

Fronkenshteen

I hope Sproles is being groomed for booger McFarland’s job. Not sure why. I’m high.

Fronkenshteen

Shouldn’t have rage-dropped Fitz. That was impulsive, which is unlike me.
/ is struck by all the lightning

King Hippo

I did same thing

Fronkenshteen

Well, when teams won’t come clean about injuries…

Doktor Zymm

Something like 1/3 of all Raiders points were scored in the game against the Browns that I went to. I’m pretty happy I managed to go to the best game of the season for the Oaklands.

Spur

comment image

rockingdog

go go oakland RAIDERS!!!!
throw it to Jared Cook bababababyyyy!!!!

rockingdog

found a funny:
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog “NO!” and then more quietly, “We talked about this!”

litre_cola

I totally have done this.

Horatio Cornblower

Steelers should have lost that game, but Ben just wouldn’t take no for an answer.

ArmedandHammered

And the officials for enforcement of the laws, help him out. Still want to know how a damn roughing the passer negates an interception (or did that happen in another game), stupid migraine.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fucking Pittsburgh.

Gratliff

Either the Eagles turn their season around today or lose by 40.

Spur

Can they lose by 40 and kill Drew Brees?

litre_cola

That is a possibility.

Gratliff

Especially on this curse’d day