ESPN has been shoving this game down our throats and I don’t blame them one bit. Back in my bartending days, the Monday Nighter was must-see football. I had the dining room shift at the time and myself and the wait staff would shoo prospective diners up to the second floor area and towards the appetizer menu. We’d close up shop and rendezvous at a bar by the name of “TRAMPS”. The joke that I told to my girlfriend at the time (now wife) was that the place was owned by all my ex-girlfriends. That went over well, btw.
The greatest tilt I’ve ever witnessed on the first day of the work week was a 7-3 Niners win over the Giants way back in ’90. You (and makers of listicles) can have your “Jets Miracle Comeback” or your “Montana Squeaks by the Broncos” or your “Rook RB Earl Campbell Runs Wild” or your “Marino Gives The ’85 Bears Their Only Loss”. (that one is a very close second) The intensity of play between San Fran and NY was only matched by the NFC Championship game later on that year. I’ve never seen anything like it since. TO THE GAME!
Chiefs/Rams:
What can I say? KC’s only loss is to the Pats. The Rams sole L was to the Saints. No one has found a way to stop Mahomes to this point and Goff’s at-home QBR rating is a bananacakes-sponsored 126.5. This isn’t a chess game. This is speed-checkers.
King Me!
*revered *expert *lurker *hosebag *gearbox *kumquat lover *boob squeezer
Switching to bourbon to help make some sense of this shit.
I can tell you that scotch isn’t helping.
47-44 has never been a final score, but 54-44 has been and I’ll be kinda pissed if we end there.
What about 54-47?
That would be. Pretty much any game with 54 points is a unique score.
WE WANT 100!
WE WANT 100!
Dude there’s still 9 minutes. That’s another 30 points or so.
*rubs hands together excitedly*
I think Horatio’s first to 77 comment might be about right.
Kansas City should just put in Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson at this point, because why the hell not?
that makes 47!
/and a very precarious lead because we have entered an alternate dimension of space and time
The average duration of a lead in this game has to be ridiculously low.
This is basically real life NFL Blitz
Only a matter of time until Joe Tessitore worked in a boxing analogy, the sport that he is much, much, much better at announcing than football.
SCORE ALL THE TOUCHDOWNS
Defenses optional here
I think all the coaches have said “fuck it, just go for the ball”
The 92 points the announcers touted at end of 1st half certainly seems quite within reach.
The NFL should really reschedule more games from Mexico City.
that was a really nifty play for a fat guy there
This is so much fucking fun. My god.
This game is such a wonderfully high-grade lasagna of batshit.
A game that actually lives up to its hype. Loving it.
Banana. Cakes.
now the Chefs can has Fat GuyDOWN!
Drinking some of this tonight
If you like scotch, I highly recommend it.
If you don’t like scotch, I highly recommend you buy some and give it to me.
This is officially bananacakes now, right?
Bananacakes. Achieved!
Holy shit this game is a fucking trip
Dr. Timothy Leary for NFL Commish
Ken Kesey as biographer.
I have to say it, Andy Reid has coached a really good game here.
Just wait…
there can be no losers in this batshit
We have a better than 50/50 chance of scorigami because these fuckers can’t stop scoring.
Taunting is awesome. I think we need more of it.
The uniforms and pads kind of preclude it, but I think actual dick-waving would make the game more interesting.
https://youtu.be/hY3W9Z4bdS8?t=152
Holy shit!
this would make a great Superb Owl. Set ratings records.
Fuck you with your taunting calls, NFL. Go fuck yourselves!
You roast your defender like that and score, you get to do whatever the fuck you want to celebrate. I will become commish and make the changes needed.
Does the taunting fit the crime? In this case YES, so no foul
FUCK IT I’M THROWING IT DOWNFIELD
Never mind.
Good god.
THAT PLAY, I CALL IT TYREEK HILL’S PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND, BECAUSE HE BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THAT DEFENDER!!!
Well that was impressive.
Holy fuck.
Chefs starting to try to do too much methinks.
/they got better
“And Hill’s gonna return it from the 1!?”
Uh, what else was he gonna do with it, Joe? Down it?
I love how ABInBev can square the circle of running their anti-elitist Bud Light ad campaign with the fact they’ll be selling Bourbon County beers for $40 a bottle this week.
The mouthbreathers that respond to that ad have no idea that Bud has anything to do with Bourbon County.
“Fuck Bourbon, gimme Jack Daniels or Southern Comfort.”
why pay $4 for good beer at the bar wen u can have a glass of horse piss for $3.75 ,, suck it libtards
I haven’t seen a beer for $4 at a bar in years.
Last night I paid $3 for a Three Floyds beer, so it still happens.
You are also in the midwest.
I’m in Chicago, which is despite what you’ve heard around here not *that* Midwest.
And even in the actual Midwest, $3 beers aren’t common. Anything “craft” is probably $5.
that’s a good advertisement for not-moving
You need to go to an ethnic social club. $1 Heineken’s at the local Ukranian Club out this way.
“I don’t see any problem. ”
—Red State Voter.
Why did they take the penalty instead of the sack?
Eh, try and go play-action, then pass deep and make up the yardage and keep a spare down? I mean, that was the intent… and then it was incomplete. But that’s my best guess.
“Sack? Of White Castles?”
~A. Reid, Kansas City, MO
First to 77 wins?
“Eddie Griffin, I don’t want to say your films set race relations back 50 years, but when they showed Undercover Brother at the Loews’ Theater, they made the audience members use separate bathrooms.”
I make it a point to never watch more than 3/5 of his films.
I kid, I kid.
I don’t watch a minute of any of them.
I mean, I know I’m a fucking lunatic, but think you have to consider going for it there
Fuck it, I’m throwing a bullet.
SEX CANNON
I haven’t seen a call that bad since Mrs. Lincoln demanded to go to the theater.
“Aside from that, what did you think of the play, Mrs Lincoln?
Hand looked like it was going fwd.
That’s getting overturned, arm was moving well forward.
but the ball didn’t leave his had before the defender had hold of it
holy shit, that really might be FUMBRE?
Moar leik Time Tramp, if you ask me.
THREE DEFENSIVE TOUCHDOWNS???
Must have seen the Rams colour-wash unis.
even wen u just had glitter for lunch…can u really risk the calories, girls?
Patrick Mahomes could barely ketchup to Ebukam on that second touchdown there.
only seems fair that a guy named “Samson” would torment a guy with hair like Kermit’s
Just checked my fantasy team. That Wade Phillips can run a defense man.
#50 must be against Gurley Man in fantasy
Paging Redshirt?
Goat Boy v Hans/Frans
Later taters.