Lions and Bollo-Free Bears, Oh My!

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.  Welcome to installment one of today’s carnival.

Chi**** (-3) at Detroit (12:30, CBS)

We have replaced Bollo de la Verdad with sommet called Chase Daniel.   Yeah, I bet you did notice.  Somehow, this only moved the line 1.5 points, which I think vastly understates how key a competent titty-kisser has been to the Bearistocrats! offense.  Plus, the Cuck Lions usually turn into Fuck Lions this one, magical day every season.  This was gonna be fun fantasy watching for me, as Bollo is my Baby Buster backup (say that 5 times fast), plus I got Fat Kicker (MI) off waivers to sub for Zeuerlein.  But now I am stuck starting…Elisha.  Yikes.

This is also on CBS, thanks to the powers-that-be not shoehorning an AFC side into the turkey’s ass this year.  Somebody has to cross-flex, whether that’s their truth or nae.

Previewing today’s slate:

Also, here’s a bonus bit of music goodness for ye degenerates:

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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ballsofsteelandfury

New Thread up!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The tears will be flowing like gravy in the Stafford household tonight.

scotchnaut

[parts the Sea of Gravy]

-Kelvin Benjamin*, dreaming

*just for you Rikki

scotchnaut

Plenty of college ball on. Miami up 55-23 on La Salle? Huh.

...

The Bears can’t finish under .500 and that’s a strange place to be.

Brocky

So… that’s game?

scotchnaut

When life gets you down it’s important to think of things that bring a smile to your mug. Maybe it’s an old Kids in the Hall skit. Maybe it’s your child taking his/her first steps. Me? I think of Hippo having to cheer for Eli Manning in fantasy this weekend.

...

For me it’s Matt Stafford’s bad decisions

Senor Weaselo

DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP: A treatise on quarterbacking by Matt Stafford

scotchnaut

“But he’s trying so lard!”

-Matt’s mom, with the Freudian slip

...

How many birds are nesting in Patricia’s beard right now?

Spanky Datass

comment image

Fronkenshteen

Yes. Yes. Time to establish the run. Wonderful.

...

Turkey, racist uncles, and Matt Stafford being stupid: these are the things Thanksgiving is about.

Fronkenshteen

Cunt

Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile at Brocky’s:comment image

Brocky

Pretty much

yeah right

That fat bucket of fuck.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Eddie Jackson, you are welcome at our Thanksgiving table

Fronkenshteen

3 more catches for Kenny G.? Not probbo.

scotchnaut

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Clint Eastwood In: I’m A Deadly Weapon Behind the Wheel Because I’m 80

scotchnaut

“It’s like he keeps on cashing in on an image that people had of him several decades ago.”

-Mike Ditka

scotchnaut

I WANT OT ON YOUR THANKSGIVING DAY!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game needs a safety or two to get me drunk.

Fronkenshteen

One Nine.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You shut your whore mouth

Fronkenshteen

Kenny G. Beast.

scotchnaut

That’s the name of my instrumental Death Metal band!

Brocky

Listen, I’m not saying I participate in no nut November, I’m just saying a defensive chicago td may break that particular oath

Senor Weaselo

This post aged well.

scotchnaut

It’s like he knows how to play the game or something.

...

comment image
.

The Maestro

Leonard Cohen with another smash hit!

Brick Meathook

I just crossed the Ohio River at 37000′ at 500kts . . . and I’m not wearing any clothes.

Redshirt

(grabs BB gun and aims up)

scotchnaut

LSD is a helluva drug…

...

The lesson of this game for Bears fans will be that Trubisky can’t be a system quarterback because this offense is totally different without the ability to throw it deep effectively.

Instead, they’ll see Daniel’s competent game management as a budding QB controversy because their heads are full of Portillo’s grease.

Game Time Decision

mmmm Portillo’s

scotchnaut

Did the game take a day off work, eat some chicken noodle soup and grab some bed rest? It’s getting better…

Fronkenshteen

Tarik please.

ETA: MAZEL TOV!!

Redshirt

The Eagles have started a trend of getting the QB involved that will only end with a QB getting destroyed on the field.

Game Time Decision

think that happened last week
RIP Alex

Redshirt

Why go for two here? They score a TD, a field goal wins it. Now a field goal will only tie it.

Col. Duke LaCross

The man uses a pencil on a laminated play sheet. He’s clearly a taco short of a combination plate.

Brick Meathook

That fucking pencil . . . It’s like he thinks it’s a feather.

scotchnaut

An lb on a wr has its intended effect.

Redshirt

Uh oh. Is Daniel hurt? We may be getting…(checks notes) Tyler Bray, a six-year veteran with a career stats of 0 for 1 for 0 yards.

How does Chicago find these long-term veterans with no experience?

Fronkenshteen

Welp, so much for 7 catches out of golladay.

BC Dick

Is that Wonder Years hocking Hondas? I haven’t watched a live game in months, these pleas for help have gone unnoticed.

scotchnaut

Lil Help,

Calvin Ridley or Tre’Quan Smith tonight?

scotchnaut

SOLD!

Fronkenshteen

Detroit playing like they already ate.

rockingdog

Turkey Day funny:

OBAMA: Thanks for the invitation, you’re a gracious host
TRUMP: How do you like the turkey?
OBAMA: It’s delicious, and so tender
TRUMP: I spent 3 million dollars tracking down the one you pardoned two years ago

Senor Weaselo

Wait, where’s the joke here?

Redshirt

My thinks-he-knows-it-all-but-knows-nothing, opinion-on-everything, expert-on-nothing, steers-every-conversation-to-himself has laringytis.

Its a Thanksgiving Miracle!

scotchnaut

I think I know that guy…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it really a miracle if you gave him a tracheotomy with a pocket knife?

Game Time Decision

Get better soon, man