Your “I MUST HAVE IT!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

[looks at entire slate of games] “Jesus! I guess the bye weeks are all over and done with.”

Shall we? TO THE GAMES!

Bal/Atl:

On the outside looking in it appears that the Falcons have had a disappointing year as they sit at 4-7. However it’s important to note that 6 starters have been sent to the IR. There’s only so many times you can yell, ‘next man up!’.

Den/Cincy:

Who has two working thumbs and is starting for the Bengalis? Not Dandy Andy Dalton, that’s for sure. Third year fella Jeff Driskell out of Florida or Louisiana Tech or both gets the start. What does he bring to the table for the last five games of the year? He can run on designed plays or to escape pressure and according to one observer, is willing to throw the old pig bladder into risky spots that Dalton wouldn’t dare consider. That might be fun to watch or he might go down in flames against a D the likes of the Broncos.

LAR/Det:

Tate is gone and Jones is out so Golladay gets to go up against a returning Aquib Talib. Ouch. Speaking of cb’s, the Lions Teez Tabor is the 114th ranked guy at his position so feel free to start Woods or Reynolds if you have them.

Ari/GB:

This is the kind of blah game that not even Rodgers can make watchable. Much like him, I’ll pass.

Buf/Mia:

The starting qb’s in this one have a combined 9/9 TD/Int. ratio. The starting rb’s have a combined 2 TD’s. The top receivers for each team have totaled 862 yards and 3 six-pointers. No thanks.

Chi/NYG:

Truth Biscuit was throwing this week but you don’t need that much to get the W vs. the Giants so we’ll be treated to at least one more Chase Daniel Experience.

Car/TB:

If you throw out the first 4 weeks of the season when he was finding his footing, the first wr selected this year in the draft has put up some quality numbers. D.J. Moore leads all rooks in yards after catch, yards after contact and yards per catch.

Indy/Jax:

The Colts have put together 5 straight W’s and are ready to take on Tom Coughlin’s Unguents. Man, Jax is in a lousy free fall, aren’t they?-Fournette is suspended for this one and is definitely unhappy. Norwell, their best lineman is on the IR and the team is moving on from Bortles. Here’s your (second? third?) chance, Kessler.

Cle/Hou:

Is this here a trap game? Them Brownies have all those young playmakers at the skill positions and sport a league-leading +14 turnover differential with 27 in total.

Talk away.

 

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Sharkbait

By my count, the Gints have dropped 3 easy picks

King Hippo

great, Chris Harris, Jr. is ded too

Doktor Zymm

If there is such a thing as a Houston Fan, do they know anyone else on the team other than DeAndre Hopkins?

Sharkbait

Watt, but that’s about it.

Doktor Zymm

He’s still on the Texans? I had some sort of idea that he retired, but maybe just because the press fucking shutup about him

Doktor Zymm

Hey, remember when the Rams were in St. Louis and were Internet Dad’s team and weren’t the maybe best team in football? Fuck NFL ownership.

Redshirt

Channel Guide says NFL Football is on FOX, but it looks at lot like Shrek 3 to me.

rockingdog
rockingdog

bahahaha

Doktor Zymm

Hey, what a nice day for that guy in a Jackson jersey right by the Jackson TD :Heart;

King Hippo

fantasy teams both losing as heavy favourites, too. I bet on nil-nil and feel this is all my fault.

Sharkbait

Bears bad or Giants good?

Doktor Zymm

MWAHAHAHAHA
hehe
he
hehehha
teehee

litre_cola

Bucs always play the Black Panthers tough, last time was a shootout,.

King Hippo

I am looking at the teevee, but can’t see anything. GREAT JOB DARKEST TIMELINE, you’ve broken me fully now

bk109
bk109

Just grab a bottle of Bacardi 151 and drown the disappointment away… Also known as the George Best diet!

King Hippo

Have a “fasting” physical at 8a tomorrow, all that’s stopping me

bk109
bk109

Wait, you were sober for the game?! COMPLETELY SOBER?!

King Hippo

1 pill, that’s it

bk109
bk109

Good God, man, I’m sorry for the jokes.. I assumed that you were watching the game God and massive multinational booze corps intended – sloshed and not in the worst possible way this side of a FOB in Afghanistan

King Hippo

no worries, you anti-bottled your Derby, and deserve the high spirits

Doktor Zymm

Fun Fact, my parents had a realtor in the 80s who also had the name Kessler. Probably no relation, but WHO KNOWS??

rockingdog
rockingdog

come on chicago defense!!!!!
stop those G-men!

Doktor Zymm

Go horrible sweater Dolphins? Funny how they celebrate horrible sweater patterns, despite living in a place where you really never need a sweater

Doktor Zymm

Ouch! Two veins, Buccs, aqua Panthers

The Maestro

Figures that the Bears are already getting spanked early in FetLife Stadium.

Doktor Zymm

I think I just had a vein burst because I saw Houston/Clevelande

King Hippo

Balls, you can do my Monday column now

Doktor Zymm

Please still do it. I would rather read some actual commentary than just look at shitty chick pics

litre_cola

Hippo is currently burning down his house if you need him.

bk109
bk109

Yeah, I just saw that the USGS seismographs have recorded his wail. I’m bracing for the sound blast that’s bound to follow

Don T

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
sorry
Jesus Christ Everton.

Don T

That ball was out. I take back my celebration. I’ll do mah penance at the laundromat

Redshirt

SIGN OF THE APOCAPLYPSE: Hit to head of defenseless player on an Offensive Player!

Spur
Spur

Da Bears

Sharkbait

DANIELCEPTION PICK SIX

Doktor Zymm

Damn, I’m still wrapping up my Civ game and I’m already missing stuffs

Sharkbait

I assume you started at 4am

Doktor Zymm

Earlier. I fell asleep at 3 pm, been up since 10 pm I think? Don’t even knoe

Redshirt

Does Case Keenum have no neck or does he wear pads high?

The Maestro

…Both?

Spur
Spur

Am suppose to care about George HW Bush?
Pass.

Redshirt

He was the last Republican President that everyone can admit wasn’t completely incompetent and/or evil.

blaxabbath

No new taxes! Just tariffs!

Don T

He got into groping late in his career, ever the GOP man.

Redshirt

I’m on the phone with Satan trying to get the Bengals to be good, but he says I already sold my soul twice. Anyone got a soul I can have?

Doktor Zymm

I’ve got a bunch from high school that I bought for candy, but not sure how legit they are. Totally yours if you want them, but you’ll owe me like…I dunno, three drinks?

blaxabbath

SCHNAPPS

Doktor Zymm

Got MY OWN

blaxabbath

DoktOR Hippo

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oklahoma gets into the playoffs, isn’t that 3 out of 4 teams the same as last year?

blaxabbath

Doesn’t matter. Alabama will beat anyone.

The Maestro

“BuT cOuLd AlAbAmA bEaT tHe RaIdErS???!” – idiots and assholes
comment image?w=1000&h=600&crop=1

Doktor Zymm

OK is a horrible state. We shouldn’t give it validation for sports or anything. It should just die.

Redshirt

Well on the bright side, I get to see Oklahoma and Notre Dame get destroyed. That’ll be fun.

litre_cola

Can we see ND get killed twice please?

Doktor Zymm

The only sports betting advice I ever give, ALWAYS bet against ND, because they have stupid fans

yeah right

Remember your basic pesto recipe?

2 cups of basil leaves
Handful of toasted pine nuts
3 cloves of garlic
1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup of freshly grated parmigiano reggiano?

Good. Because it’s going to come into play today.

Doktor Zymm

Double the garlic. ALWAYS double the garlic. Even if it’s a recipe for roasted garlic.

yeah right

There WILL be garlic bread!

Sharkbait

All the garlic. Never too much

yeah right

While it’s indeed a full slate of games I’m having a rough time finding a watchable one. Maybe the Rat birds and ATL? I can always have fun watching Detroit lose.

Fuck it. Breakfast first.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, Cleveland! They’re fun now!

Sharkbait

Guinness is an under rated breakfast.

Doktor Zymm

When I went to music festivals in the UK I would have a Guinness and a Screwdriver and I called it toast and marmalade.

blaxabbath

Bagpipe convention?

bk109
bk109

Guinness is a swill we give out to foreigners making the pilgrimage to the old country and tourists, so they don’t touch the good stuff (So akin to Fosters, only marginally less pissweiser-y)… They let you in on the secret when you get your passport 😀

blaxabbath

What’s the good stuff?

yeah right

Bleeding Watney’s Red Barrel!

bk109
bk109

Become a citizen and it’s in the papers, lol… It’s right next to some killer hangover cures and 1001 basic jabs at the Brits. Seriously, tho – a proper Irish cider, so chill even Idris Elba gulps when it sees a solitary droplet of condensation trickling down the pint glass. Devil’s Bit or Carson’s…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who the hell is out there rating it badly? Give me a name and a location and I will deal with them appropriately.

Doktor Zymm

Who here skis? Aspen, Tahoe, or that place in Utah?

litre_cola

Alta and Park City in Utah are great and cheaper than the other two. I am going to Aspen/Snowmass in Feb if you go please give me the lowdown!

blaxabbath

I grew up down the mountain from Tahoe. County program took us to Heavenly every Sunday. Of all the bad things about Arizona, the lack of good skiing is a big knock.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Tahoe.

King Hippo

me on skis is every bit as humourous as one might imagine, a non-raycess Cosmo Kramer

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I used to ski and now snowboard, and I have been to none of those places.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, wait, I guess I’ve been to Tahoe. But the conditions sucked at the time.

Redshirt

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2018/12/02/snl-does-parodies-mariah-carey-and-wham-christmas-songs/2182423002/

♪♫♬ Mueller, please come through / Because our only other option’s a coup. ♪♫♬

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

SNL is just a satire of the people who watch SNL.

blaxabbath

Very true. Well put.

blaxabbath

Not sure this OAK squad is SEC material.

King Hippo

Christ almighty

Fronkenshteen

Picked up Darrell Williams of the waiver wire. UDFA RB out of LSU. Read that KC elevated him to the 53-man off the taxi squad because they didn’t want him to get poached. I’m not starting him or anything. Just curious to see if they get him some run in the second half v OAK today. Why not, right?His LSU highlights show a one-cut banger who has pretty good hands out of the backfield (SO MUCH PHRASING!). Maybe baby!

Spur
Spur

10am RAMMIT? I think they’ll start off sluggish today.

Fronkenshteen

I agree. Off the bye too. Also, the plane landed in fucking Detroit.

Doktor Zymm

OK, watched the video, and while I’m glad the NFL/Chiefs are taking a hard stand on this, it’s no where near Ray Rice, it’s not even really Beaty Mixton territory. Kareem Hunt is a violent idiot who hangs out with other violent idiots, but that doesn’t say domestic abuser to me. That says drunk fucking idiot in a melee.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Never forget that the NFL hired Robert Mueller to investigate the Ray Rice punching and he fucked it up.

Spur
Spur

Mueller is a homer.

blaxabbath

Rice did a better job covering up his crimes than Trump did.

Also, the deep state loves anti-American actors (read: black men).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did he fuck it up? Or did he do exactly what he was hired to do?

Redshirt

Aw, hell. We’re screwed.

blaxabbath

I thought the Mixon video was way worse. But since it was pre-NFL employment, he got a pass.

Or did I misunderstand this?

King Hippo

and Beatie didn’t lie to his employer about it

blaxabbath

Lying – please. Does every player who pisses hot get cut for lying?

King Hippo

can’t lie about this stuff, PR hit is too much

blaxabbath

PR hit? The first time he breaks one off on SNF, Cris and Al praise his work ethic and how he’s learned a real lesson.

The NFL partners can’t NOT praise electric players. The PR hit is effectively nothing. Nothing. Zero.

Redshirt

Both are completely bad, wrong and dumb, didn’t K.Hunt hit her more than twice, once when she was on the ground? That seems worse or at least equal to one right cross.

Doktor Zymm

From the video, he never seems to hit her, he pushes her, but there are multiple people around and if he’s drunk there’s no way he’s targeting her. She’s collateral damage. He does try to kick her later, but at that point it seems like he’s in full melee mode, this isn’t a 1-1 situation where you know who you’re hitting.

Redshirt

Ah, didn’t see the video, as I try to avoid those.

Still the same lesson remains from this that was the lesson in Mixon and Rice: If you have a nice, profitable life or near certainty of a nice, profitable life in the future, DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Honestly, this was a big group, the lesson is don’t drink to excess. It’s probably a good lesson, but I haven’t learned it.

Redshirt

Drinking only brings out your inner, true personality. If you’re an asshole or monster on the inside, don’t drink to excess.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know about that. It pulls out instincts, if you feel cornered, you’ll strike out, but if you’re sober you might recognize that you’re not cornered, you’re with friends who are being dumb. It goes to fight or flight or fuck.

Doktor Zymm

I assume it was the pre-NFL thing why he got a pass. Def worse than Hunt. Intentionally targeted a woman because she wasn’t responsive to him.

blaxabbath

Mixon rocked that chick. Like, that’s how you hit another guy when you’re trying to put him down. Some chick running her mouth — that is like way too much (considering any striking is uncalled for).

Doktor Zymm

It was straight up uncalled for, unless you’re IN a fight, there’s no reason to throw a punch like that on anyone. The lack of consequences = NFL hypocrisy.

Spur
Spur

Flacco to the Jags.

The Maestro

This… would actually be a pretty good idea for JAX.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

JAX, eh?
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The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. It’s a fine day to listen to some Canadian Brass and do some day drinking while wrapping presents and watching the games. Hope you’re all well!

blaxabbath

The chili tumbler is a nice offering.

comment image

Redshirt

Neutral site spreads per ESPN:

Georgia vs Oklahoma: GA by 3.5
Georgia vs. Ohio State: GA by 8.5
Oklahoma vs. Ohio State: OK by 2.5

Also surprisingly, Notre Dame would be underdogs to all three teams above.

rockingdog
rockingdog

here to hoping Jordan Howard has a big game against the Giants!!
freaking fournette had to get suspended….damnit.
comment image

litre_cola

My option is either howard or Ware. (Yes I picked him up)

rockingdog
rockingdog

If I was you, id go with Ware. seems like more of a sure thing.

Redshirt
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Lazy