It had been a typically gorgeous Southern California winter day. Yeah, it had started out in the 40s as I walked out the door to head to work, but it had warmed up considerably on the drive to Downtown.
The hookers weren’t there this morning. Was it because of the cold or something more nefarious?
I brushed that thought off and optimistically decided they were working. The holidays must be rough for the ladies. Those babies and/or abortions don’t pay for themselves.
As I drove home in perfect 73 degree weather, I realized I was hungry. I thought about it and knew there was a football game to watch, so I made the decision.
I called and ordered. ETA 30 minutes. Perfect timing.
After I got home, I was undressing when the doorbell rang. I quickly jumped to answer. I was REALLY hungry.
She was standing there wearing stiletto heels and a brown trenchcoat.
“Hi”, she purred as she opened the coat to reveal what she wasn’t wearing.
“Hi”, I answered.
She asked, “Who’s playing?”
“Eagles and Potato Skins”
“Cool. No need for doggie then.”
“Yup”
TO THE GAME!
The Eagles need to win tonight to have any chance of defending their Super Bowl championship.
That’s as short and to the point as I can make it. Anything else would be verbose and self-indulgent.
Comment away!
Shout-out to dude wearing a Maclin jersey. He was a great wr2.
Bad cell reception plot point: check.
If she sprains her ankle while running away from the baddy…
It’s clear the Packers will want a Sean McVay – type coach for themselves (as will most teams this year). If they do get a sharp young coach will Rodgers listen to him? The stories came out already Rodgers was changing the plays. I dont think Rodgers will take well to having a young coach. The Packers are going to be struck with getting a retread coach.
I thought you said “r*tard coach” at first glance and I’m thinking didn’t they just fire that guy.
“You rang?”
The white supremacist’s favorite coach— always finishes 8-8.
I know there’s a Rex Ryan foot fetish joke to “retread coach” but I’m blanking.
Not pregnant-pregnant teen isn’t the villain, of course, she’s being controlled by another MAN. Another DRUNK man.
you watching Lifetime channel or MSNBC?
It’s called A Deadly Adoption. Gay best friend tried to be a hero, rip.
I don’t accept that penalty, extra chance for an automatic first down BLEERGH
Female superhero movie trailer drops tonight. I’m sure this won’t cause a shitshow online.
It will cause one in my shorts though
Needs MOAR Ertz next drive
Indeed. I’ll happily take 20, four yard receptions out of him.
Legit surprised they didn’t just throw a roughing flag for the fuck of it
refs don’t want to see any more of this McCoy shitshow than we does
McCoy able to escape Cox
yes, I giggled
False start, everybody but Colt McCoy
DO NOT LIKE AP getting near the red zone.
We all dont. He shouldnt hit his kids with sticks.
IT’S A SWITCH MOTHERFUCKER
Colt McCoy wants some sex
http://dopplepoppolis.tripod.com/hesh2.jpg
Get him away from Dolphin Boy
AP Flour is actually just dead skin from after a beating, I read.
Not even watching the first half, got One Strange Rock on Nat Geo instead. Pretty good series IMHO. I might disinterestingly have the game on later for background noise.
I prefer “One Strange Cock, the Kaitlyn Jenner Story”
Evening, folks. Just tuning in now. Seems like a very NFC-East-ish game so far.
Really? It’s not that boring! Yet.
Not so much boring as just chock-a-block with inane color commentary. But I guess that’s most games, then.
Not very many folks know this but the Bumblebee Transformer origin story starts with a Hollywood executive wanting to make a 5 million dollar year-end bonus.
I called in sick today. I’ve been watching the early season Office episodes all day. Pam was a bitch.
I’m glad we’ll get to hear Jason Witten mutter like a fucking imbecile while Ertz breaks his records
It will take a long time for Ertz to catch up the Iron Spleen. Ertz is injury prone.
Pregnant teen shower scene, is she faking the pregnancy this whole time?!
Gonna wince every time Sproles so much as stumbles from this point forward
Yay Tiny Darren!
*squashed*
TINY DARREN SIGHTING!
Letting Sproles return punts seems a little stupid.
Skins RBs gonna walk off mid-game
would rather AP wheel off
Can both teams die of dysentery by the of end of regulation?
Messy, but fair.
I like the big fat 0 by AP. Did NAE like getting him a receiving target.
/STOMP TEH SHOULDER
BAH GAWD THAT’S HIS BEATING ARM
FUCK AP
Looking forward to the evisceration of Colt McCoy
Folks
Lake boat motor restriction sublot?!
Tell me there’s motor boat restriction. Please.
Pregnant teen is trying to seduce Will, a motor-boat-bait if you will. And the town they live in is called Storm Lake, I wonder if things are going to get rough?
Keep an ear out for lightning cracking during a certain piece of dialogue. Total giveaway.
There will never be a restriction on motorboating at Casa de Nobyl, not since The Dame had her “personal investment” medical procedure. They were…I mean it was…money well spent.
My chances of squeaking out a win look Golden.
Hoo baby, that was some Wentz shit
Adams looks like he’s getting injured on every play. He’s just gonna fly apart next time he gets hit.
Need lots of catches and yards by Ertz but no touchdowns.
Fantasy football sometimes doesn’t make sense.
I can live without the TD if enough PPR plus yardage
I need another 20 PPR points out of him in my booze league, but need him held below 18 non-PPR points in my money league.
Gay best friend for the wife: Check.
All women seem to need at least one gay bestie.
STOP DROPPING THE FUCKING BALL PLEASE
Skins on some serious Skins shit
Have they done the military fly-by yet?
Bombing civilians is the most accurate way to remember HW
[Flips dictionary open to “foreshadowing”]
[Dictionary plays the scene in this movie of Kristin Wiig saying “I think we’re gonna be very happy” after inviting a pregnant jealous teen into their home]
One helluva dictionary…
Eagles should win this by 80, so I hope you all did the smart thing and picked the Slurs straight up.
just knock AP the fuck out the game so I can go to sleep
I suggest instead of whatever shit moonday night commercial fest is on, all assembled instead watch this Will Ferrell Lifetime movie for free on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izoEf7FW4oI
Director of Photography: Adam Silver, in case you need a sprots connection that badly.
I’ll just say it: Kaufmanesque.
Maybe a guy needs to watch these sorts of movies and provide the rest of the commentariat with his take on it. Hmmmm…?
Kristin Wiig and Will Ferrell, SNL-caliber dialog played all straight. I think a teen whose pregnant is going to stab people.
Fox News Spins Historical Events:
“Vlad The Impaler showed us the powerful effects of gravity and what it was capable of.”
“Bernie Madoff mastered the art of ‘Trickle-Down Economics’ for quite some time.”
“I have some of the best trickle down in the world, Natasha says so, Anatolia says so, they all say so.”
Donald T.
[Says not a word]
-Natasha and Anatolia, lying in a shallow grave 30 miles outside Moscow
“Ted Bundy was just exploring his sexuality.”
Doggy style is also what commissioner Goodell calls it when a team begs him to share if he’s going to suspend someone indefinitely so they can preemptively waive them before more bad pub comes.
Kareem Hunt: “Well, she needed kicking. What of it?”
“Seriously. Imagine if she hadn’t been given a good kicking. I shudder to think where she would be 20 years from now if I hadn’t done her that favour.”
-Kareem H.
I am in the winter wasteland of Edmonton. I did find a pub with wing night and my fave craft beer…….from Calgary.
Whatcha doing in Deadmonton?
Work. My old boss is the director here and fired my peer for uselesness.
really need Jake elliot to make field goals tonight.
fly eagles fly!!!
Need a TD and at least 40 yards out of Alshon to beat a guy that’s 2-10. Gah!
C’mon, Eagles! Not to be confused with come on Eagles.
If in a National Park the parkies will confiscate your truck boat and gun…
Not for long if I have my way.
—Ryan Zinke
Fuck Adrian Peterson!
A backfield of Peterson and Khunt next year is going to be measty and very abusive
/Swtich Flies Off A Tree
“Needs more dead hobos. Sorry.”
-C+