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MNF Open Thread – Week 13

ballsofsteelandfury

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It had been a typically gorgeous Southern California winter day.  Yeah,  it had started out in the 40s as I walked out the door to head to work, but it had warmed up considerably on the drive to Downtown.

The hookers weren’t there this morning.  Was it because of the cold or something more nefarious?

I brushed that thought off and optimistically decided they were working.  The holidays must be rough for the ladies.  Those babies and/or abortions don’t pay for themselves.

As I drove home in perfect 73 degree weather,  I realized I was hungry.  I thought about it and knew there was a football game to watch,  so I made the decision.

I called and ordered.  ETA 30 minutes.  Perfect timing.

After I got home,  I was undressing when the doorbell rang.  I quickly jumped to answer. I was REALLY hungry.

She was standing there wearing stiletto heels and a brown trenchcoat.

“Hi”, she purred as she opened the coat to reveal what she wasn’t wearing.

“Hi”, I answered.

She asked,  “Who’s playing?”

“Eagles and Potato Skins”

“Cool.  No need for doggie then.”

“Yup”

TO THE GAME!

The Eagles need to win tonight to have any chance of defending their Super Bowl championship.

That’s as short and to the point as I can make it.  Anything else would be verbose and self-indulgent.

Comment away!

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Brick Meathook

That’s a pretty amazing truck.

1
Brick Meathook

Invade Russia? We can do it! We can win!!! WE DON’T NEED GASOLINE!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sJxxikKk8Q

1
Brick Meathook

Wow, that was pretty fucking cool. Watch this video when you’re stoned.

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Brick Meathook

I was just looking outside and watched two raccoons fucking.

At least somebody’s having fun.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

By “somebody”, I presume you mean you? With your racoon voyeurism and your rock and roll music?

4
ALXMAC

In honor of tWBS beating BFC this week in FF:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K6MoWuAXjQ

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooooo

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Howdy. You know what’s the worst? Red-eye flights.

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Brocky

So while I’m going to miss the playoffs in my money league (fucking fournette) i been tasked with calculating playoff scenarios, as I’m commissioner.

Amazing, not a single one of the four playoff spots has been clinched, and theres 6 potential teams.

Is there some site where I can plug in numbers? I insist my league uses head to head as atiebreaker, so it’s not super easy to figure it out

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ballsofsteelandfury

If more than 2 teams tie, how do you do the tiebreaker?

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Brocky

First tiebreaker is head 2 head.

2nd tiebreaker is points.

I am legtimatley too lazy to look up tiebreakers after that.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Gotcha. If you want, send it to me via email and i’ll figure it out for you. If your league is public on one of the major sites, I should be able to figure it out. I like puzzles.

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Brocky

You on slack?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yup

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ballsofsteelandfury

Or, you can write a post about it and have commentists figure it out!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This balls, I call him a wealthy white person because he’s always suggesting having someone else do the work for you.

1
ALXMAC

If you ax the CFBPC it’s TV money. Not sure that helps here.

0
Senor Weaselo

Darts? Oh, even better, throwing knives? Or axes?

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Doktor Zymm

Lucky for Colt McCoy, there’s an excellent equine surgery facility not too far away in VA
http://www.blueridgeequine.com/

2
yeah right

He’s also just a stones throw away from Colts Neck New Jersey.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovfM7dvFto0

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Hi sorry I’m late

1) They shoot Colts, don’t they?
2) Many DC-area 16 year old girls will still be virgins by next weekend due to Starter Reps
3) Wentz Ertz Cuntz
4) Shitty game

About cover it?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just got here.

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Gratliff

3-1 in the division. The East remains a dumpster fire.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I hope Dallas does not get out.

1
WCS

“We hope Dan Snyder doesn’t get out.” — 30 “anonymous” NFL owners

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Viewing the team tonight; they are in a wheelchair behind a door the opens the wrong way in the burning house.

“We’re not going in, too dangerous.”

-30 “anonymous” NFL owners

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“About fucking time.”

-Native American village inhabitants during Pequot War

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Deep cut.

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King Hippo

this could end in under 3 hours!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sometimes a murder takes a while.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you mean the game.

1
litre_cola

So, Gratliff, what do you think? I think the 500s and RAMMIT will be too muvh.

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Gratliff

Go 5-1 in the division and the rest shouldn’t matter, unless Cowboys can continue their bullshit from Thursday.

1
King Hippo

not Gratliff, but I’d be surprised if you get past the suddenly competent Non-gendered Cowpersons

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Redshirt

The Repressed Republican in me wants to see Kaepernick play for the MaroonEpidermises just to see Democrats reaction.

1
King Hippo

they’d sooner start some wino off the street, hence Sanchize

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Brick Meathook

TEBOW TIME!

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yeah right

Hey everybody!

30 second movie review:

The Green Book was really good.
Vigo Mortenson put on 35 pounds of pasta for the role and he was great at it. Mahershala Ali is a classically trained pianist and has a slow burn sustained role. The music is incredible. You will be reminded why we still hate the South.

Go! See! Take your racist Grandma!

Very good stuff.

4
Unsurprised

I’ve put on 35 pounds of pasta since my diet ended. Where’s my Oscar?

0
Gratliff

This is a game where the Eagles threw a pick on the goal line, and got stopped on 4th & goal, and gave up a 90 yard TD run, and they’re still stomping on Washington. There is an impressive amount of quit in the Skins locker room.

4
King Hippo

not even using their timeouts, which is kind and merciful

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King Hippo

sack and TWO declined penalties. Peak Sanchize Redacteds

2
Mr. Ayo

Stop throwing flags! Let this game end mercifully.

1
Brick Meathook

This is the first I’ve heard that Colt McCoy broke his leg!

Is that the classic Redskins injury? How many times has this joke been made tonight?

2
King Hippo

meh, that bone didn’t even pop out the skin. WEAK SAUCE FROM A WEAK REDACTED.

2
litre_cola

So BFC and Sharkbait’s tie has held BFC out of the playoffs.

THE YEAR OF A TIE

5
King Hippo

plus tWBS breaking his 10-game losing streak to sneak DonT over the border!!

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litre_cola

HE IS PART OF YOUR COUNTRY

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooooo

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Gratliff

Sanchez shouldn’t have a job by the end of this drive

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Brick Meathook

There needs to be a book “The World According to Booger”

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King Hippo

yes, I would pre-order this book

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King Hippo

ahead by 2.14 in DFO-ball. The last desperate chess move I made in my spiral of despair was getting Chris Conley off waivers (cut AJ Green) and benching Jewkah.

Which netted me 2.50 points! 😀

1
Redshirt

I’m going to watch a Christmas movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WKgNyvsNDM

1
WCS

The Wet Bandits used the I-D-D-Q-D cheat code.

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King Hippo

Redacteds might as well just take a knee and ask for a running clock

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King Hippo

insufficient time burning, fuckos

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litre_cola

Fuck, I hate Witten but that was superb. Boog too.

0
hippofant

I kinda wanna say that, “Never put your hands on a woman,” is kinda simplistic and sexist, like… domestic violence occurs to men too, plus NFL players have also committed inappropriate violent acts against men too… butttttt I’m also kinda just like, “Yeah, okay, maybe we just need to start there, cuz….”

1
Brick Meathook

Never put your hands on a woman? Ever? What if you’re trying to feel her up? This is confusing.

1
Redshirt

What if she’s into BDSM and she’s a Submissive? She wants me hit her. I mean she really wants me to hit her. But I can’t hit her because I can’t hit a woman ever?

0
litre_cola

I woke up wit a woman on me and my friend had to fight her off me. Was with 1st wife at the time but still a bit scarred from it.

I was out cold.

1
Redshirt

Both are bad. If you do either, you are a shithead who shouldn’t get to be in the NFL.

1
Gratliff

I’m just trying to imagine how many MRAs are shouting about Witten being an SJW right now

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Doktor Zymm

They need to have some sort of education about deescalating situations instead of escalating them, and about responding with the minimal force needed to defend yourself. Anyone who’s built like a NFL RB shouldn’t be hitting anyone smaller than them, male or female.

4
Redshirt

THIS! How hard is it to walk or run away? You are paid millions of dollars to literally evade and run away from people who want to hit you. Just don’t use the stiff arm and focus on your spin move or juke and run.

4
blaxabbath

Hunt was only making like 6 or 8 hundred K, I believe.

1
Redshirt

In two seasons, that’s a million. Plus he would easily get a ten-figure contract in a couple years.

Now he’ll get $9/hr. $9.50/hr if he works the night-shift.

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