This is my weekly outlook as to who will make the playoffs,  who won’t,  who will win,  and who won’t.

Essentially,  it will be an exercise in pissing Hippo and Moose off.

Also,  as promised,  I’m keeping track of what I say week to week so you can call me out on any bullshit you may see. At the end of the season,  I’ll recap and highlight in green any predictions I got right.

If any.

Without further ado, TO THE STANDINGS!

AFC

Balls’ crystal balls are staying strong as the official standings are pretty reflective of what I have been seeing.

Last week, I mentioned that the AFC divisional races and the Wild Card races were pretty much over and that the only intrigue left was to see the seedings. I stand by that assessment in the sense that the teams are locked in as every other team in the AFC is absolute dogshit.

I also said that the ambrosia salad days of mayo, Wonder bread,  and vanilla ice cream are over and that it’s Lamar Time! After a third straight win,  Harbaugh would be nuts to switch back back now.

I could see Baltimore possibly overtaking the Steelers for the AFC North although that won’t mean much in the big scheme of things.  I’ll keep things the same for now,  but an embarrassing loss at Oakland will move Baltimore into the division winner spot.

Here is how I see them finishing this week:

#1 – Kansas City

#2 – New England

#3 – Houston

#4 – Pittsburgh

#5 – San Diego

#6 – Baltimore

Here is the comparison to previous weeks:

AFC Playoffs

Funny how I said last week that Pitt makes too many mistakes to be able to achieve anything this season. They completely proved me right on Sunday Night and I really don’t think they’ll get it fixed.

Kansas City also makes mistakes,  but they make big plays to make up for them, which is what Pitt’s been missing.  That will cost the Chiefs in a matchup against New England, who is quietly loading up for another deep run and is notorious for pouncing on the opponent’s mistakes.

And yes,  the Chargers beat Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh,  but I don’t see them doing that twice in one season.

NFC

The Cowboys and Seahawks are continuing their climb up the standings doing what they needed to do to justify me including them in the Balls Gazings (TM pending).

The NFC East race is tightening up as the Eagles pulled themselves within a game of Dallas last night and play them next week. The Potato Skins lost Alex Smith and Colt McCoy and their season is now kaput. I’ll still keep Dallas as the division winner with a big eye on what happens next week.

The Seahawks are solidly in the #5 spot and it’s a crapshoot as to who will get the last Wild Card. The Panthers have a very difficult schedule but should be formidable if they win out. The same goes for the Eagles. Neither team will.

Given last night’s game, though,  I’m putting the Eagles in and the Panthers out.  This is only because the Eagles are the defending Super Bowl champs and that experience counts.

Among the other contenders,  suckiness abounds and neither I nor the Asian masseuse near LAX think much of the Vikings’ chances.

Here is how I see them finishing this week:

#1 – Rams

#2 – Saints

#3 – Bears

#4 – Cowboys

#5 – Seahawks

#6 – Eagles

Here is the comparison to previous weeks:

NFC Playoffs

With the substitution of Philly for Carolina in the last Wild Card slot,  I now am taking away the home playoff win that I gave the Bears last week. No titty kissing in Chicagoland.

I’m also changing the Divisional matchups as I have both Wild Cards winning over weak division champions. Hippo will get his prized Rams in the NFC Championship and it will be the real Super Bowl as the winner will handle New England in The Asshole.

Superb Owl

Saints beat New England.

***

Go ahead, yell at me and tell me I’m stupid.