Your **checks notes** “This Isn’t A Bowl Game?” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Let’s get right to it! Welcome, fellow Commentists, to the first NFL Saturday night of the season.

And how is the NFL rewarding you for your patronage and fandom?

The Cleveland Browns versus the Denver Broncos.

Actually, in the previous decade, this game would have been such absolute dogshit most other networks would have programmed against it to win the ratings. But this year there is the intrigue of the success (?) Cleveland has made of their year. At this point last year, we would have been rooting for the Browns to either win their first game or run the table to 16-straight. This year, they have disposed of their head coach and somehow not yet permanently damaged their rookie QB. The net result so far is a 5-7-1 record, placing them…

third in the AFC North, a half-game up on the Bengals – which should FINALLY bring an end to the Marv Lewis era – and within catching distance of the Ravens (7-6) and the Steelers (7-5-1). Do you realize that we live in a world where there’s an outside chance the Browns could win their division?

The Broncos are faring cromulently, given that Case Keenum is their QB, the AIDS quilt is their offensive line, and Von Miller is about ready to kill the next teammate that costs them a victory. A 6-7 record is kind of surprising given the number of injuries & weird coincidences that have occured with them this year. If they could ever get ownership stability, they might have a chance to compete against the Chiefs & Chargers, once Andy Reid runs out of ideas & Marmalard retires to sire more children for his cult.

So pour yourself some bourble, grab some snacks,

sit back and let’s get through this together.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ALXMACUnsurprisedMoose -The End Is Well NighBrettFavresColonoscopyyeah right Recent comment authors
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Is “slave-free” a pro or con when it comes to Korean spas?

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Oh look he’s got money.
Want some?

Hello

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Make it rain!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What he thought he saw:
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yeah right

Bulls!

Under!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just made myself a Remember the Maine for the first time in a while. I am rusty.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We are watching Killing Eve and episode by episode I get more and more frustrated with the bad choices that supposedly capable people keep making.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So it’s super realistic?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s the part I like; it is just as much comedy as it is anything else.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

yeah right

Yessir.

Horatio Cornblower

That is one of my favorite opening riffs ever.

Senor Weaselo

Matt Damon’s hosting SNL.

yeah right

Matt
Damon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

#ThePauls hadn’t beaten the Donks in Denver in 46 years, and had lost 11 in a row in the series.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I dont like the thought of someone saying:

man, bears and the browns making the playoffs? It must be a good year for shitty teams

Doktor Zymm

I can see someone saying this, and I can also see the person they’re talking to responding with “PARITY!!”
and that’s how I know that it’s all just silly

yeah right

I’m standing in the background sipping a Manhattan.

yeah right

/falls down

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The Browns winning on Saturday proves they’re a perfectly good college team.

King Hippo

ah mean, they cud come out the East, but I don’t see ’em beatin Bama PAWWWWL, whut say yeeeewwwww?

King Hippo

I guess anything that makes the Yinzers missing the playoffs more likely is a good. But as a Donks homer, I like seeing Believe-land cry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

‘We thank you for spending your Saturday night with us.”

Mike Tirico, mocking me for having no social life.

King Hippo

in his defense, that guy FUCKS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cantaloupes are out of season.

King Hippo

the MOAR teh mushin’ teh better teh pushin!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“You are welcome.”

-Moose

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Doktor Zymm

Wait, so what’s the updated Browns playoff scenario?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Two man sack races on consecutive Sundays until a winner is crowned.

Doktor Zymm

Hooray for Nature Tones!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

BOOM BABY!

Please don’t find a way to fuck this up!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, I watched none of this game, but from the box score looks like Tera Patrick had a good game but didn’t take it deep enough to win.

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