I’ve been in this doctoring game for some time but I’d never seen a patient like this one. She explained that she’d been through three other physicians before me and that I had been highly recommended by someone in her Bible study group. Her name was Tiffany R. and she lived in a small community by the name of Stepford, California.
“Why come to me?”, I asked, more than a little curious as to the answer. “The others, they’re all tired. I wore them out”, she replied. Her smile was genuine, it seemed. But those eyes, I’ll never forget those eyes. They were blue but god, there was a great deal of pain in there. You could just tell that she’d been through so much and was trying hard to make the best of a very difficult situation. My heart went out to her.
I didn’t realize the full extent of the hell on earth she was enduring until her third visit. I was on the phone trying to give my wife some good news. You see, I had entered a best ball golf tournament and as luck would have it our team squeaked out the lowest score. The reception was quite patchy wherever my wife was at the time and I nodded to Tiffany to take a seat in my office. The third time trying to get through was a charm but I had to yell out quite loudly, “HONEY, WE WON THE GAME!”. What happened next was the stuff that nightmares are made of.
As soon as Tiffany R. heard those words a glazed look came over her face and she started unbuttoning her blouse. I sat there, my jaw, as they say, dropped open and I was speechless. “That’s wonderful”, she uttered, without a hint of emotion. She lay down on the floor and spread her legs open. “I’m ready now”, she said, and I noticed a single tear running down her cheek. I quickly took off my coat and covered her up. “TIFFANY! TIFFANY!” That finally broke the spell. She cried for 45 minutes as I held her in my arms. “Make it stop, make it stop”, she said over and over again as she clutched her knees and rocked her body back and forth.
What kind of bastard would do this? I never saw her again. My guess is her husband discovered what happened and sent her off to someone else. I checked her contact info but her cell number had been changed. I think about her quite a bit. How she gathers the strength to get up every day, waiting, wondering how and when she’ll be ‘triggered’ by that beast of a man…
TO THE GAME!
RAVENS/BOLTS:
I just hope I can get back in time from a family obligation to see most of this. Should be a good one.
My trigger word is ‘shenanigans’.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcwX2TnsTPE
brilliant song, brilliant band
Well that was unexpected.
yeah, I was just congratulating myself for not starting LAMAR!
a forward pass?
Good lord.
RATBIRDS WOO!!!!
Champ just got jobbed by the judges. F-bombs a-flyin’ on national TV in the post-fight press conference.
Cannot believe anyone thought that was a good idea.
Is Joe Flacco a Elite Second String QB??
FUCKING RATBIRDS
Always nice to count how many n-bombs you can hear during live discussions from boxing cornermen.
Ratio of soft “uh”s to hard “er”s?
Only one, but hard r.
Right now is when Trans-Siberian Orchestra (live, lights and all) needs to kick in behind these guys.
“As long as they stick to their rightful bathroom they can do whatever they want”
Christmas special
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWCMtgmyv-w
Would’ve been good from 62.
those two misses saved my money league side 12 points!
Kate Abdo is playing the part of the sideline reporter for this boxing match.
Looks like she knows how to cut weight.
I expected they’d kneel
Hooray, saved my first half GAMBLOR!!
One of the fighters I’m watching is a cousin of Antonio Gates, of the NFL.
Did you know that Gates played basketball in college?
Did he go to Harvard like Ryan Fitzpatrick?
Judging from the head-butting going on he strikes me as having the boorish manners of a Yalie.
That’s pathetic
Reminds me of all of my teenage trysts.
Yeah. “Teenage”
Whisky dick is an amazing thing!
Whisky Dick would be a great name for a wrestler whose schtick was ending all his matches prematurely.
bahahahaha
You know a guy is committed to a career as a professional boxer when his tattoos come up over his neck and around his ears.
Did anyone else just see a law firm commercial who want clients with “gangrene of the genitals?”
bahahaha
Those free initial consultations must be kinda awkward.
Tough second date conversation, too
I swear this was a real thing
What you all drinkin tonite?
I’m sippin a nice Ballast Point Sculpin…
Manhattan.
Sharing with the two year old, or does s/he get his/her own?
No. Parents frowned on that idea
Local craft beer, “Brockoberfest”. It’s 6.1% ABV so got a bit of a punch
I just had a chocolate milkshake.
Starbucks?
VODKA
A lovely red from Burgenland in Austria.
Your great-grandpappy was right. #TheVeerWorks
really need the first down, then TD
Shitty Clippers can’t stop a nosebleed.
/insert LA cocaine joke
Nice suit.
Mr. Potter
could you imagine the shittasrophe that would follow if Clippers du Merde had homefield the entire AFC slate?
perhaps we really COULD see the games moved to Wichita! Order extra nutmeg…
In BC with racist family. I’ve been told that the NFL is still having horrible ratings because Kaepernick is still playing in the league.
Yes, they watch Fox News, why do you ask?
/Drinks aren’t cutting it at the moment
pills, mah brother. PILLS!
Just block the channel. They’ll never figure out how to undo it
https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/1075445021208387584
That’s an impressive level of ignorance.
Oh. So that’s where Cyrus Jones ended up.
The Goodyear blimp’s mooring station is about 500 yards from StubHub Center
#BlimpWorthy
How the fuck does a blimp knock over a steel tower? Plus, is that thing like four times the size of the Hindenburg? FAKE
Still like the decision to go for it.
Lamar gets a acl/mcl tear by season end? I cringe when I see him spin
The field has caused a fall, an injury and a missed field goal so far.
–D. Snyder
Should benefit the team running the veer?
Seriously, this stadium situation is beyond ridiculous, and Clippers du Merde should have been forced to play all 16 games in the opponent’s stadium (as is often the de facto case anyway).
The Oakland Chargers?
Good commercial to remind everyone, Army invaded Houston today and took all it’s oil.
Action Jackson
Scotchy that was quite the intro, I guess the Northern Ontario hobo population can sleep well tonight.
As someone who (i) wants the Chefs to stay on the 1 line so NE does nae ruin the Owl again, and (ii) has $50 on Ratbirds to win the half, and another $50 to win the game; and (iii) fuck the Yinzers…
WOO!!!! PRAISE BE UNTO BLEERGH
Extra Pissy Laserface!
kind of psyched to see these pot shops opening up here in New England….. cool!
OPI so obvious, even an NFL ref could see it.
Sister in law, husband and their 2 year old have arrived and are staying over tonight. It’s acceptable to give a 2 year old a Manhattan to make them fall asleep right?
As long as it’s made with rail bourbon
The kid’s gotta earn the good stuff.
No top shelf stuff if you don’t have a job.
Add a little chocolate milk to it
That kick is headed towards Long Beach
Marty Morniwheg thinks it’s the 60s and he’s in Hanoi
That intro, scotchy, wow
scotchy is quite the creative, disturbing writer!
IT’S THE ONLY EXPLANATION THAT MAKES SENSE!
JESUS CHRIST LAMAR WTF
/redux
im really hoping rivers throws 2 more INT’s…..
Got a bottle of casamigos for the Xmas party. Am not big on tequila but I’ll try this
Tequila is like riot punch for me
Ravens like the smokey conditions, reminds them of home
hey, who set CA on fire again?
“I’ve got a few theories.”
Pete C., Seattle
Huh. Laserface-guidance perhaps a bit wonky.
RIVERCEPTION!
(that was quick)
Even Pitino was impressed.
The pitch looks splendid for this fixture.
It’s Christmas break so there haven’t been any P.E. classes on it.
Folks
Made it back from the family xmas party and amazingly, am still alive in the LDB sweepstakes! Woo!
/I did catch a bit of schrapnel from Frosty The Snowman though
Making Communion more fun!
(But when does that become wine?)
Keep watching (but you have to believe)