Your “Guess Which Games Count, Ha, Ha, Ha” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s dig in right away shall we? I’m running late.

TO THE GAMES!

Bengalis/Brownies:

Cincy is without both wr’s Green and Boyd so if you’ve got notion to go in motion with Mixon, follow it through. Also, Cleveland have dramatically increased their Chubb usage (a bit too late, but whatever) so he’s a lovely play given that he tore the Bengalis a few new holes last time they played.

Buckos/Boys:

Go Tampa Bay! That’s probably the only time I’ve uttered those three words. Huh…

Vikes/Leonidas:

Striking a victory for fake history, I’m betting that Leif and his Lucky Bunch push the Maned Ones down the Well of Lost Seasons.

Giant Putzes/Horsemen:

Indy’s sackage percentages have gone through the roof lately and look, over there-it’s a wobbly old guy that has no lateral movement whatsoever! It was nice knowing Eli.*

*sentiment valid from 2007-2011 only

Crying Jags/No Porpoise:

I’m supposed to comment on this game? I’m going to have my lawyer pore over the details in my non-existent contract.

Overdue Bills/Rules Molesters:

It’s about time that we get to revel in the end of the line for Brady. Perhaps a heavy dose of Jerry Hughes and Company can hasten that inevitability? Asking for a friend, er, the universe.

Cheesemongers/Canceled Flights:

Winners get pizza, losers get mocked until Homer’s throat is sore.

Redundancies/SB Hangovers:

Not only do I not care about this game, I… Actually, I’ll just leave it at that.

The Undefensibles/Newton’s Void:

So much to not choose from here…

Good luck to those that are still fantasizing.

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Spur

Aint over yet Philly.

King Hippo

DeAndre Hopkins deserves some legit MVP consideration.

King Hippo

Holy shit, Hopkins

Gratliff

Griffin got a head owie

Gratliff

…Maddox may be legit good

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Gratliff

A NAWT legit good Maddox

Horatio Cornblower

I generally don’t support genocide, but if we’re talking about Elvis impersonators as a specific ethnic group I am willing to listen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have my attention.

The Maestro

AND MY AXE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

/checks FF scoring

Yeah zombie Tom Brady is fun, but he’s really fucking my scoring up

Spur

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tomsellecksmoustache

Keep it up, sir.

Horatio Cornblower

You can tell which one of those two is going to be in charge of the prison cell.

King Hippo

CAN’T challenge forward progress, dickasses

Horatio Cornblower

Why are you holding against JPP? THE MAN DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TWO HANDS!!!!

King Hippo

Can Philly still get 6 seed if Minny loses next week?

Gratliff

Yup. They’re at like 34% chance if the afternoon games end the way they are right now. Seattle can still derp itself right out too.

King Hippo

Go Chefs!!

Gratliff

Oh, apparently, all it takes for Chawx to drop out is for Eagles to win out and Seattle to lose out. Hilarity is closer than I’d imagined.

Horatio Cornblower

Prescott fucks up most of the game and then nails that throw.

Gratliff

Iggles’ front four has become terrifying in garbage time this season

King Hippo

Striped Pylons HAS A PULSE!

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls have a #Paul

King Hippo

He has very funny retardation! – Borat, watching Rapey Jameis on 4th down

Spur

Dallas Defense Attacks! comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

D’awwwwwwww

Horatio Cornblower

I play (way too much) Fortnite, and every time I kill someone I’m terrified that it’s poor Owen.

Horatio Cornblower

Bucs really need to bring these unis back:
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King Hippo

Creamsicle power!

Horatio Cornblower

Lee Roy and Dewey Selmon!

King Hippo

oh snap, that takes me back. Dudes were legitimately terrifying.

King Hippo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

9/10 has good balance.
Would still push her over.
(phrasing)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Am I the only one who was waiting for the dog to do something?

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Gratliff

Zack Ertz holy shit is good

rockingdog

Say my name…
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Spur

trade Wentz!

Horatio Cornblower

So far I am not terribly impressed by Ed Hochuli’s son.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Me neither”
–Mrs. Hochuli

Brick Meathook

I wonder how he got that job?

King Hippo

ERTZ!!!!

King Hippo

/I moved him to FLEX and used Jaylen Samuels at TE, that snapped him out of his funk!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Demaryius Thomas’ leg is ded.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mostly dead or all the way dead?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Torn Achilles.

Horatio Cornblower

Please tell me the guy that hit him was named Paris.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He didn’t even get hit.
Non contact.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s pretty modern Parisian, not so much into Greek. (phrasing)

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

Defensive delay of game!?

I’ve never heard that before.

Gratliff

Cowboys gonna derp themselves into a division crown

King Hippo

JJ Watt has single-handedly gifted the P*ts the 2 seed

Spur

Derp off in Dallas

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ryan Tannehill very much in the spirit of the season with that gift pick six

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Very rude of Tannehill not to repair his divot

King Hippo

THROW TO BRATE, you rapey fucking fuckwit

Gratliff

“Great hands by Agholor” still feels like some Earth 2 shit.

King Hippo

2 Big Dick Delay of Games!

King Hippo

merde, Delays of Game

Gratliff

Kinda want Chicago to lose here so they’re motivated to nuke Minny from orbit next week.

King Hippo

if they lose today, likely locked in as 3 seed and will rest starters

King Hippo

I usually hate having the same guy on both teams, but the price was really right on JEWKAH, and glad I made an exception for him.

litre_cola

The 8th string db can’t catch? Well coloUr me shocked.

Horatio Cornblower

You rang?
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litre_cola
King Hippo

They’s MISCEGENEATION in that thar video!! – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL

tomsellecksmoustache

True story: The guy on the right used to work in the print shop at my last company. He hated if you asked him about his Color Me Badd days but eventually left because they were trying to start a reunion tour. He was pretty fat and bald by that time.

Horatio Cornblower

If I got home from work at 4:31 and my extended family was awake and expected me to hang out with them I would gleefully murder every single one of them.

rockingdog

hey ryan. throw it to julio jones now. get him like 5 more catches and 1 more TD…..
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

King Hippo

No, Falcons need to hand off to the backup RB

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it Bears o clock yet?

King Hippo

remember to balance your pork fat with your beef fat!

King Hippo

sometimes the double-oxy feels really, really good. This has been one of those times.

King Hippo

In our 3rd place game (which has decent money implications), one dude left Lamar Miller in his lineup. And is likely to still win, thanks to that Tits pointless pick six.

The Maestro

THESE EAGLES, I CALL THEM ARON RALSTON IN 127 HOURS BECAUSE THEY JUST REFUSE TO SAY DIE

Spur

Houston has some old stockpiled DDT. They’re going to gas them in the 4th.

litre_cola

Let us be crushed by the Potatoskins god dammit, like Bleergh intended it.

Spur

Can Dallas hire Dirk Koetter when the regular season ends?

Spur

RUN THE BALL WITH ZEKE

King Hippo

clearly Princeton Red is against him in fantasy…

King Hippo

Little help y’all. Now that Gurley Man is officially out, and one needs UPSIDE plays…stick with Goff or roll out the Titty Kisser?

Mr. Ayo

Goff

King Hippo

thanks dude, you are usually correct when you advise…

King Hippo

also down a mere 80 points now, tis only a flesh wound!

Gratliff

Sorry, Hippo

King Hippo

it’s a’ight, I am the worst person on earth and deserve what I gets

tomsellecksmoustache

It’s an honor to speak with you, Mr. President.

Gratliff

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ArmedandHammered

Naw, Mitch Mcconnell is worse, as he could help stop the madness, but he would prefer to watch the US burn.

King Hippo

86-28 in money league. No Gurley. FUCKKKKKKK

Gratliff

Wow. Watson really fucked that up.

Spur

Scott Linehan needs to go. Let Princeton call the plays.