JV NFL – Prelude Exhibitions and Raging Semi Open Thread

I fell asleep watching the West By God Virginia self-cousin-fucking last night.  No worries, I caught Wazzu (who I mostly bet ML at -140, thankfully) eking it out from 3-5am compressed.  Yeah, that’s an old trick from when my oldest was an insomniac baby.

Today’s fun:

Florida (+5.5) v. Meeechigan, No Homoes Chikin Bowl (Atlanta, GA – Noon, ESPN)

Yes, they put Peach back in the official title, but I mock them anyway.  I trust the Gators to be even shittier than the Wolverine backups, but don’t have any bets on it.

Virginia (+4.5) v. South Carolina, Dying Redneck Town Department Store Bowl (Charlotte, NC – Noon, ABC)

My system says to fade both the ACC Coastal (except Duke) and SEC Paaawwwwwlll East, so I am at a loss.  But Wahoowa has been pretty good as an underdog this year.  May throw a $50 down.

Arkansas State (+2) v. Nevada, Martin Luther Tha’ King Bowl (Tucson, AZ – 1:15, CBSSN)

Because AZ legislators would want it that way, obvs.  This is notable only for the Lesser Wolf Pack aspect (and yeah, they spell it as two words, weirdos).  Don’t watch this.

Notre Dame (+13) v. Clemson, Raging Semi #1 (Arlington, TX – 4:00, ESPN)

Now, the real fun starts!  I am more than a little surprised at the heavy spread, given that SO MUCH of the Tiggers’ dominance can be attributed to their fearsome DL, how missing its best player.  Hmmmmmm.  Still, I hate both these sides mercilessly and equally.  Get fucked, dickasses.

Oklahoma (+14) v. Alabama, Raging Semi #2 (Miami, FL – 8:00, ESPN)

This also seems kind of high, though betting against Roll Damn Tide is a fool’s errand.  Still, UGA showed some exploitable weakness…so an upset can’t be ruled out.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Spur

Satan has alot to be pissed about. Sloppy play.

Mr. Ayo

#74 may never be seen again.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Why do I imagine this happening in senor ‘s music class?

Senor Weaselo

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME. Today. In rehearsal.

Good news, it’s just the tip plate. That’s fixable.

Brocky

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Spur

boooooooooo

Spur

Bama grinding Oklahoma into the bland sausage it is

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

ACC Zebra line judge can’t spot for shit.

herodotus450

So what’s the story about Tua getting beat by his dad if he did bad at football as a kid?

JustStopDude

When I said that Hillary Clinton got schlonged by Obama, it meant got beaten badly. The media knows this. Often used word in politics!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 23, 2015

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

yeah right

A couple of hours before the game I took roll damn Tide and the under! The under was 80.
EIGHTY!

Spur

nice, a second season of True Detective

Gratliff

I made it 3 minutes into it, or 3 wedding nights.

Brick Meathook

They gave away “Chick-fil-A for life” to a 98 year old man. That’s just good solid business math right there.

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

They have momentum! Their defense will get another stop!

Spur

Sooners are holding and Bama still makes the corner.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, why does Nike feel the need to put Michael Jordan on football jerseys?

/happy to be an Adidas school
//looks at the available apparel

Under Armour anyone?

///remembers Under Armour is owned my UMd grads

MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!

////drinks heavily

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sweatshops run the economy…ppl forget that.

Brocky

14 years later, I still think the Friday night lights movies is underrated, and it still irks me that I need to clarify it by saying it’s not the tv show
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JustStopDude

Both of you are wrong.

Not Another Teen Movie is the best football movie EVER!
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is gazing at the ball considered a “football move”?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Herbstreit is cracking me up acting like OU might get back in this.

Dude?????

Spur

Now is the time to kill them Bama. Put a kill shot on Murray.

Redshirt

I know we joke about Saban killing people on the sideline, but whoever called for that fair catch should be killed by Saban on the sideline for real.

JustStopDude

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rockingdog

so is oaklahoma gonna make this a game or what?

Mr. Ayo

Your optimism is admirable. But no, this will never be a game.

Redshirt

Is a kicker allowed to start his run up to the football from the 2nd row?

JustStopDude

“Penalty will be enforced from the parking lot”

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Redshirt

Oh, that clinches it. If Alabama wasn’t going for triple-digits before, they are now.

Spur

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Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

Oh, yeah. Real smart, Sooners. Piss off the guys you can’t stop.

Spur

Does Alabama even want to win this game? What the fuck was that? Satan needs to fix this ASAP.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, Okie WR named Lamb…..HEY!!!!!

When you’re down by 28 midway thru the first half, and your name is “Lamb”….it’s probably not the right choice to make a catch and then start talking shit.

Because in case you hadn’t noticed, you’re still down by three scores.

theeWeeBabySeamus

RIGHT????? THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Redshirt

The comeback begins…

Brocky

I fully expect an Alabama defender to just start melting opposing players with laser eyes

Spur

Now Satan is checking with the rule book if Boise State can play for them in the 2nd half. He needs to get ready for Clem.

JustStopDude

You know who’s fault this is right…the Heisman committee. It should be their asses getting destroyed by a pissed off Alabama.

Brocky
JustStopDude

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Spur

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Spur

BOOM! THE Okkie CB got trucked!

Spur

I just really really hate just about anything from Oklahoma.

Brocky

Not jim Ross though right?

Spur

exceptions are made.

JustStopDude

So you think the Bowl Committee could somehow get Georgia to come in and play the second half?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. I went to take a shower and….

Da Fuq, Boomer?

Viva La Tabula Raza

At least they’re fixing up some cool cars over on Motor Trend channel.

JustStopDude

“I just don’t feel like we have done everything we could have. We got a lead right now which is good, but I have yet to see a suicide taking place on the other side line so we just have to bring it in the 2nd half”

Redshirt

“Georgia was beating Cumberland 126-0 at Halftime in 1916. Maybe I should’ve gotten them to play!”

Redshirt

Announcers: We’ve replaced the Oklahoma Sooners football team with the child actors in “Little Giants”. Lets see if anyone notices.

JustStopDude

The “Overrated” chants just seem a bit mean…

Spur

Oklahoma deserves it

JustStopDude

Well…that was quick.

The Defense is going to get chew out at half time for allowing that offensive spurt.

Brocky

$20 says I can convince a 8 year old notre dame fan that their loss today makes their other national championships not count

Redshirt

Tell him that loss retroactively makes Rudy Ruettiger an ineligible player so he never officially played for the Fighting Irish.

JustStopDude

We have a first down! I repeat FIRST DOWN! This is NOT a drill!