First things first-we’ll have a look at some of the fallout (or falldown in Allen Hurns’ case) from yesterday’s action.
According to a certain Mr. Schefter, Hurns has already had surgery on his un-located ankle, which is now relocated. Older white residents at the hospital are worried that Mr. Hurns’ presence will bring down the overall property value of their recovery rooms.
Some fella by the name of Kris Richard (Secondary Coach/Passing Game Coordinator for the Cowboys) will be interviewed by the Dolphins, Jets and Bucs today. Enjoy your ‘hot name’ status, guy that should be spelling his first with a ‘C’ and an ‘H”.
Another coaching candidate is the Colts D boss, Matt Eberflus. His unit finished 10th in points against with 21.6 for the season as a whole but I mathed the last six games, including a loss to the Jags and Indy is tightening the screws down to a ridiculous 13 points per tilt allowed. Given that they’re playing again next weekend I’ll save my joke about his last name till then.
TO THE GAME!
Bolts/Black Birds:
Seems fairly simple to me-the Chargers have to find a way to stop the league’s most effective run game (since Week 11) that manifests itself in the Ravens read option thingy. LAMAR!’s average is 5.5 yards per rush and when he hands off to rb Dixon (7.9) or Gus Edwards (6.4) even more damage is done. I don’t see that happening.
Last time these guys went round the maypole Baltiless forced the Rivers and Co. into 3rd and more than 10 on 66% of their total drives. Combine that with a 44% pressure rate when The Fecund One dropped back to pass and there’s your recipe for failure, if not total disaster. A partial solution might be to involve rb’s Gordon, Ekeler and Jackson in the passing game some more. This unit combined has 6 catches or less in 5 of their last 6 tilts. That won’t cure all ills but it might be a start. All in all, this is Bally’s game to lose, methinks.
Crank up the Mimosa Fountain!
Can the Chargers illegally hold Baltimore for 54 seconds?
Martyball nevers fails to fuck you over.
Dare we dream of a blocked punt?
Dare! Dare!
Kenny Rogers with his beard dyed purple looks funny
I mean, Balmer will be lucky to get into Hail Mary position
I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY THREW
“I like my playcalling like I like my sex: unsafe.” — P. Rivers
Rivers is going to float this
SD-ish should take the intentional safety on 4th down. There’s no downside.
saved by BLEERGH!
“Saved By Bleergho was our second choice.”
-The Fixx
By gawd that’s Flacco’s music
Is this good or bad for low commander?
Either way, he’s drunk.
this would be one incredible bedshitting if the chargers complete the fuckup
I would laugh for days
Yet so very, very expected.
I would’ve kicked the ball on the ground but away from the returner. A LONG onside kick attempt.
guess they think maybe they can block the punt again?
A familiar refrain enters my head, like a song I haven’t heard in years but now can’t get out of my brain: Don’t fuck this up Chargers
they should just roll a 20-sided die in place of the onside kick
Critical fail. Touchdown Seahawks.
“My Level 17 Kicker uses Onside Kick…”
(die rolls)
“…and rolls a 20. The kick bounces off of all 53 opponents’ heads putting them in Concussion Protocol, forcing their forfeit. I win!”
It all comes back to Fumbles & Fieldgoals.
My current campaign isn’t going well. My character failed a Save vs. Gingerhammer, and is serving a ten-week suspension.
They should still onside
Of course you kick the onside kick. If it doesn’t work, you still have the timeouts.
Oh shit it’s getting interesting.
TD for sure
breakfast for lunch was a great idea.
Breakfast for all 3 meals of the day is also a great idea.
It’s only one meal if you never stop eating.
— A.R.
Bacon, eggs, hash browns and the blood of the innocent?
is it ever NOT?
Depression is kind of nice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88K5qw4uPhE
If they go to commerical for the 2nd two minute warning…
I just thought about drinking two Bud Lights and unconsciously scowled.
I don’t think those ads skewer who they think they’re skewering
The mead ad is shite
NEW GUY! NEW GUY! NEW GUY!
[gains composure]
“Hey. How’s it goin’?”
After such an epic 4th quarter that had a “no team finished a game with a minus passing yards”, some of that Eli magic in Jackson and such a meme face after the ball disappears. This game was the epitome of “Go fuck yourself, San Diego” in so many ways. How’s it going over there?
that’s a touched down. But they had to score by about 2:10 to have any chance.
That’s a TD
What kind of lag am I on?
This is all a cocktease to a backbreaking Lamar pick, right?
Damn, should’ve been that!
A Jackson prayer answered also occurred when Michael was born.
Why does Romo want Chargers fans to be more physical and aggressive?
To prove they exist?
Wait… do we have a… game? On our hands??
ish
UH OH
Ha!
Mrs. Zero just came home from the store with a bag of Ruffles All Dressed for me. Life is good.
im jealous
Except for busted coverage like that…
I had mostly cut out potato chips a few months back. Last week, I bought a bag at the grocery store and inhaled 80% of it within 15 minutes of getting home. Oh yeah, THAT’s why I stopped buying them!
One of these days I’ll have enough furniture to invite you, Pirate Sloth, Big Black Richard, and any other local DFOers over to watch a game (by which I mean we’d actually just fuck around, drink, watch movies, eat pie).
“Man I miss Warren Moon”
“Yeah, I saw him throw two bombs to Joey Galloway against the Jets in ’98!”
“No, Buddy, that’s the Greatest Black QB Ever. Warren Moon is what I call Warren Sapp because he’s shaped like one.”
They gotta fix the Onside Kick in the offseason. If you’re behind by 3 scores with 5 minutes, what’s the point in even taking snaps?
Yup
“what’s the point in even taking snaps?”
— J. Cutler
The Schiano fix still sounds good. Replace kickoffs with 4th and 15 from the 50
/LEPROSIED FOOT FLIES OFF
RIP Allen Hurns
Maybe move it back to the 30 or 35. Make it so they don’t get great field position if they get it.
I’m just a little disturbed by the notion that Schiano had a good idea.
Even a broken watch is right twice a day.
He thought about it he just decided not to tell anyone about it.
…
— Tony Sparano’s football
FUCK YO SAFETY!
If a kicker could, I’d kick a line drive as hard and fast as I could at a players head on a Onside Kick Attempt. Get them to not catch it and make it a live ball.
Most kickers suck at onside kicks/specialty kicks.
Practice that shit more often people!
Maybe from close range that could work, but the player has a good 20 yards between them and the ball – they can just dodge and it will go out of bounds.
No, Nantz, they didn’t HAVE to do it!
I love teh sliding ufc knee to the ribs to try to dislodge the ball on an already down player
Crabtree? Uncle Ed used to get that after Skipjacks games!
And this is irrelevant because onside kicks are impossible now.
Should they change the rules? I’m intrigued by the “team that scored gets a 4th-and-15” proposal.
Back the returning team up another five yards, but keep the minimum travel distance at ten.
That seems like a safety issue — guys running head-on at each other
Oklahoma drill but with two or three defenders.
Well, that was a thing that happened.
All the pre-Crisis Browns fans who saw their team stolen, saw Ravens win two Super Bowls, saw Browns have nearly two decades of supercrap, then have a season that ends with excitement and hope like its the mid-80s, and then this…
This game is their Super Bowl.
And then the Ravens scored a Touchdown because they are Browns fans, after all.
Flacco looking like 2012 Alex Smith
Holy fuck. 6 yards passing.
When you want more than just the meatballs
She enjoyed his meatballs
I can’t believe how much time is left in this game. I’m already thinking we’ve gone into Monday.
On the bright side, we won’t have to wait long for the real game.
Brian Schottenheimer: I can make my QB irrelevant
John Harbaugh: Hold my beer
Unlike the 19th Century wizards in the Harry Potter universe, the Ravens can not just take a shit anywhere and make it disappear.
That’s Exhibit 1 – ∞ (Infinity) on why extended universes are bad and dumb.
(How did I ever forget there’s an infinity symbol?)
Rowling is like a continually reinforcing argument for the Death of the Author thesis.
She’s so awful. As an author and a person.
Baltimore, you disappoint me
— Everyone