I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.
TO THE GAME!
Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:
I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*
*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.
As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.
Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.
that shoulda been a pick 6
*winces*
Senor.
Trubs living dangerously
That pass was closer to me than Cohen
Oh man. If Jenkins looks backward, that’s picked.
For that Chevy commercial, am I surprised that a survey of Americans voted Chevy the most reliable? Well no as a survey of Americans elected a defective human as POTUS. So of course they would mistake defective vehicles as 5he most reliable.
Jordan Howard needs 20 touches or this is a travesty
I have no desire to see the fruit of an Andy Reid tree
Well, he has been in the ground for a while
I have no desire to see fruit” – Andy R.
why? it would be ribs and porkchops
No worries, there’s no fruit whatsoever on that tree. And there’s no veggies within a 100 mile radius.
The fruit?! No goddamn fruit on that tree! Just proper goddamn rib-eye steaks! Edit: Damn, BBQ’d by Fleshwound!
Well, that settles it. At halftime I’m running out to buy a steak.
just me, or does that “Live Mutual” ad subliminally say who needs progressive policy, the RIGHT white folks will come through out of noblesse oblige?
Some of the examples were ok, but some were classic examples of supposed feel good stories that should make us feel bad. Like, maybe we should have a health care system that provides enough nurses so that we don’t need retired folks hanging out in ICUs to deal with crying babies? I’m always grossed out by stories about how heartwarming it’s supposed to be when, e.g. there’s a Go Fund Me to help this sick or homeless person. Like, what happens to the sick or homeless people who aren’t sufficiently photogenic or superficially sympathetic?
They die.
“This is the Olympics of talent. By which I mean, it’s run by corrupt assholes like me who make out like fucking bandits.” -Simon Cowell
OH LOOK AT THAT A KICKER KICKING WITHOUT HURTING HIMSELF
So my weird sense of 2006-07 deja vu is really justified. The playoff field was exactly the same except for the Giants and Jets instead of the Rams and Texans.
title games will be again bears/saints and colts/pats
just different home teams and different winners this time
fearful if foles keeps throwing to alshon, which is what wentz does not do
Which team would it be most hilarious overpaying for Foles?
Donks?
A POX ON THEE
Vikings
if Foles wins this postseason. The Eagles keep him and trade Wentz?
That would def be interesting
Boooooo
SACK SACK SACK SACK
My jokes may take a backseat to lizard brained glee today
I love that stattracker is 30 seconds ahead of the fucking TV feed
Bout time. Hit that QB.
Looks like Foles was weighed down by something there.
First sack of many
Go Bears, because we 100% do not need an NFC East matchup to happen in the playoffs
No booing of Alshon you ingrates
It makes me so happy that Sproles is still playing, and still playing really well.
The only upside of last year’s Owl results for me was Tiny Darren getting a ring out of it.
Come on Mack go rip off Foles dick.
“If he could rip off a rib he could make himself a wife.”
P. Rivers
Khalil Mack looking for the sharpshooter a little early in the match
Bears look a little overamped…
Assistant coach Nick Tesla doesn’t think that’s a bad thing.
I like that the manlet industry still has ties to pro football, even in the modern era. Little guys need work too!
I am wearing my Bears jersey and boxers while heating up matzo ball soup. Go Bears!
Trey Burton is inactive and Deuce Burton didn’t get the card he needed on the river.
You know that’s right!
– Gus
My fellow 5’6″ian Boston Scott
Oh shit I should get out the malort.
Urlacher with hair will never seem right to me.
It just looks fake, no matter how real it actually is
urlacher with hair is still wrong, he was the only bald white dude that didn’t look odd
I’m amazed Butkus can still walk
Eddie Jackson way more crucial than Burton
why did they fuck with that stadium…
Well folks, this had better not suck.
I love good, defensive football. Last game was just shit offensing.
“Brady’s not playing? I finally get some sorta choice on the dick I get to suck!”
-Collinsworth
“Why not both?”
I’m gonna be super disappointed if this game blows marmoset chunks
“That’s oddly specific.”
-Meerkats
I want dead birds left all over the field.
Killing birds is more a Minnesota stadium thing. They couldn’t come.
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
Fine, I’ll make a sacrifice to BOLTMAN… lemme just make some tortillas…
Smith: “These Bears are a force! I gotta say I think Grossman and Urlacher have what it take to win in 2019!”
Ditka: “I don’t think Jews should be allowed to own property.”
/an anomalous X-zone opens up around them and quickly becomes a hard vacuum, sucking the oxygen and warmth from their bodies
It’s uncanny how many specific matchups happening this season happened in the 2006-07 playoffs.
Go Bears!
Hey Tony, what’s up?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyE0dNqgDHQ
Sorry, didn’t know you were busy taking the lives of the unbelievers.
Chicago fans dead animal headgear game is on point
yo my roommate just got back from Florida. he was gone for 2 weeks. I think im gonna roll with him to grab some wings and beers at da bar and watch this game there.
GOOOO BEARS!!!!!!
If I’m a Bears fan the clean sweep of expert picks is concerning
florio and dung go philly, feeling confident in chicago now
*clears throat*
Folks
Hi!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aHZrBbacls