Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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Brocky

My tv stopped in the middle of the kick. Like it was in disbelief that it was straight

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m dying here, especially since I can’t drink my way through this

...

It’s funny how I went from “I’ll be happy if the Bears go 8-8” to “if they lose today I’ll flip a parked car” in just a few months.

SonOfSpam

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Spur

“member when the Superb Owl had cool logos.

Gratliff

Can’t wait to see the Eagles win Super Bowl L(I)III

SonOfSpam

Looking forward to Superb Owl 59.

LIX MOTHERFUCKERS

King Hippo

maybe we will get 2 lesbian teams?

SonOfSpam

Lingerie Football league. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Redshirt

That was the time the NFL decided to officially take all the fun out of the sport.

King Hippo

without the pulled ass, he picks up that 1st down

SonOfSpam

Without the poled ass, Rock Hudson’s still alive.

King Hippo

oh, I laughed like on an ether binge

SonOfSpam

Not proud of it, but I couldn’t stop typing.

Redshirt

Without that pool, that kid I babysat when I was a teenager would still be—

I may have said too much.

...

Well fuck

King Hippo

15-10 final? Or 12-13??

Mother Puncher

Going meat free and (mostly) alcohol free for January. I’m not the kind of guy who usually laughs at farts, but the combination of fried tofu, Odoul’s and kombucha is creating some great ones.

SonOfSpam

I’ve found that split pea soup will really add depth to your emanations.

Doktor Zymm

The Bears are Offensive!

The Maestro

NOPE

King Hippo

FG range!!

...

SHUT UP NO FIELD GOALS WE NEED A TD

Gratliff

Someone should inform Mitch

Gratliff

Yup. Just like Asante Samuel.

fleshwound_NPG

a thing! a good thing!

...

OKAY THAT’S GOOD

Gratliff

I’m surprised any time Jeffery doesn’t make a freak catch

Doktor Zymm

Oh goddamn it I just heard the verb form of ‘journal’ on a NFL broadcast

Spur

All the Bears had to do was let the Vikings last week.

Gratliff

There’s something to be said about picking your own way out

SonOfSpam

That’s why I don’t use Kleenex.

Gratliff

/Ref puts foot on ball, blows whistle, waves arm
“No recovery. Incomplete”

Redshirt

(gunshot)

“The ball carrier has been declared dead.”

Dunstan

Amazingly, they used to allow the officials to carry and fire guns. (Yes, I know, not live ammo, but still….)

Spur

Fucking Bears.

bk109

Is one way to spice up your sex life?

SonOfSpam

Didn’t work out for Timothy Treadwell.

...

I hate this.

Doktor Zymm

So, I think I actually miss the stereotypical old Bears fan. Being ‘a Chick who knows Sports’ is pretty damn fun in the right sort of old school Chicago bar

Col. Duke LaCross

Bears fans from before or after the crippling depression of the last thirty years?

Gratliff

That goddamn punter is the best thing going for Chicago

King Hippo

hey now, Chi**** this here a FAMILY website, Goddamnit

King Hippo

Sending your defense right back out after that long drive? That’s a paddlin

King Hippo

GO FOR IT

Sharkbait

Boo punted

WCS

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Brocky

Nfl refs

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Redshirt

I would’ve guessed NFL Referees would be Weeping Angels.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U3ampthDdk

Gratliff

It had to happen someday: Dallas is good.

SonOfSpam

I’ve been Waiting for Goedert to score a touchdown

Gratliff

Night, Bears.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You shut your whore mouth

...

I mean, every Bears fan I follow on Twitter has given up so lol

Gratliff

If titty boy gets a single first down on the next drive, I’m turning the game off

SonOfSpam

Jesus, that must be a hellscape of misspelling and casual racism.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see we’re back to chuck it up and pray to bleergh

King Hippo

teh only GOD who listens

...

WELL THIS IS GOING WELL

King Hippo

get your head turned around, you stupid virgin fuck

fleshwound_NPG

BLEEEEEEEEERGH

Gratliff

THE DERP IS TURNING UP

Doktor Zymm

Man, Jason Peters is gonna be SO FAT when he retires

Fronkenshteen

Without having any idea how such a thing would work, what if DFO had a Twitter account? God knows you guys produce enough humor on a nightly basis.

Gratliff
Fronkenshteen

Well I’ll be damned

SonOfSpam

Nice catch by that Samoan guy Tateiii.

Doktor Zymm

prepare your Amos?

King Hippo

That was stupid, Amos.

...

Bears fans are not taking this well
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...

Well that was fucking stupid as fuck.

Gratliff

Whoopsie doosie defenseless receiver

...

I will never be convinced that Vic Fangio wasn’t generated by a machine learning algorithm.

Col. Duke LaCross

And I’m really gonna hate to see him leave.

Doktor Zymm

Which is worse, Peterson or Pederson?

...

The thought of “Andy Reid fruit” just turned my stomach.

Redshirt

I assumed it would be like that piece of candy in “Willy Wonka” that is a full dinner in one piece.

Doktor Zymm

Speaking of Casinos, I’ll be in Vegas Memorial Day Weekend for Punk Rock Bowling, y’all should come

SonOfSpam

Dammit, I’ll be in Torrance for some R & B Bowling that weekend (R&B stands for “Ruffians & Bullets”)

Doktor Zymm

Zero Blitz is a stupider name than Casino Blitz

...

Would be nice if Nagy came up with a way to counter this Eagles’ pass rush.

King Hippo

Bollo…is not good rolling to his left

WCS

Turnover in 3..2…1…

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