NFL News:
- The Bears are going to take a run at Kareem Hunt.
- Matt Nagy knows him from working with Hunt in 2017 when both were still with the Chiefs.
- Hunt is currently on the Commissioner’s Exempt List, meaning ol’ Rog will have to let him back in before anyone can use him in a game.
- Gary Kubiak signed with the Vikings as their new assistant head coach/offensive adviser.
- Probably key to the deal: his son Klint (ugh) was also named QB coach.
- The NFL is losing more zebras to retirement.
One ref not retiring is John Parry, who has been tagged to be the lead official at Super Bowl LIII.
- It’s his third time working The Big Game™®©
- He was a side judge at SB XLI & referee at SB XLVI.
- The whole crew has been selected, and like previous years it’s the “best of the best” at their position.
- It’s his third time working The Big Game™®©
Finally, the projected weather forecast for Sunday at Arrowhead is…not good.
https://twitter.com/RyanMaue/status/1084832590387908609
So it may not matter that the game will be played under a lunar eclipse.
As noted in Foxboro,
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Kings at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Caps at Preds – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
- Penguins at Sharks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
- NBA:
- T-wolves at 76ers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
- Warriors at Nuggets – 9:00PM | TSN4
- NCAA:
- Arkansas at Tennessee – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Kentucky at Georgia – 7:00PM | ESPN
- West By-God Virginia at TCU – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- Marquette at Georgetown – 8:30PM | FS1
- Davidson at St. Joseph’s – 9:00PM | ESPNU
- Notre Dame at U*NC – 9:00PM | ESPN
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00Pm | USA / Sportsner360
For you night owls, there’s always tennis.
THANK YOU. QUIET, PLEASE!
As the sun rises on Day 4 of KILLSTORM ’19, I step outside to take stock. The rain barrel is overflowing and a trickle of water runs, unimpeded, across the patio. The plants in my garden, confused by the lack of constant sunlight, droop slightly, as though they share my feelings of dejection. The cat cries at me, frustrated that her paws will grow damp if she ventures out. As I stand there, the temperature in the house falls below sixty degrees and I hear the heater kick on.
Nevertheless, we persist.
Thoughts and prayers.
Oh no. A copy of Queen at Wembley in 1986.
h
ttps://openload.co/f/DcJlfg3a9FY/Queen_-Live_at_Wembley_Stadium_%281986%29.m4v
You bastard!
tWBS: Squirrel trapper extraordinaire.
How do these little assholes keep getting in?
Seriously, I go downstairs and see something move.
Ahhhh fuck.
I got him/her and didn’t even get bitten this time.
But holy shit this is getting old.
No shit, I had one drown in the toilet about a year ago.
Stupid drowned sexy squirrel.
Go into the bathroom to take a shit and see that and tell me how it feels.
Did the tail tickle your taint?
I give it 50/50 I’d have noticed before I sat down.
I went in and saw it and thought….da Fuq is that?????????????????
Ghost Pooper!
You don’t close the poop flap in your pajamas?
LOL
Some asshole uploaded a copy of the original Schmitt’s Gay ad with Van Halen’s Beautiful Girls.
h
ttps://openload.co/f/8yPK6OUtVWY/192schmittsBIG.flv
All of you east coast and midwest folks hoping for a friendly winter got a surprise coming.
Motherfucker it’s cold and wet and shit is coming your way.
Got damn it’s cold.
Be safe.
It’s 54 degrees. Calm your tits.
Ha ha! You’ve only been in LA a few months. Blood hasn’t thinned quite yet…
Yes sir. And if it’s 54 here think what happens when it crosses the Rockies.
We’re the first outpost of weather.
It will get worse East of us.
Oh yes.
Yeah it’s 54º but’s it’s a Pacific Coast 54º.
Plus, I’m only wearing a T-shirt and shorts so it’s extra cold as shit.
Me too!
The two phones gives away your identity.
You look taller.
It’s the ballsack.
HEY GODDAMMIT I TOOK THAT PHOTO AND YOU DON’T HAVE COPYRIGHTS TO IT!!!!!!!!
Taking requests for Sunday Gravy Season 4.
Drop a suggestion.
Jesus I must be fucking insane to do this.
Let’s do this damn thing!
Chateaubriand?
Done and done.
Will accept.
Where’s my Puerto Rican lawyer so I can expense this?
DonT?
Yep
Eggs Woodhouse?
Beef Wellington.
I can’t think of anything. WTF.
Beer? Beer.
Changed my mind. Whisky.
I’m doing both just in case
MAGA hats, insisting that they would be “honored” to be served fast food at a White House reception (artist’s conception):
More loving care went into that than most families will ever expend and receive.
A song and a dance makes it all better.
Speaking of ducks, the Anaheim Ducks of Anaheim about to lose their 11th in a row. Eleven in a row is bad in any
temperature scalesport.Apparently it’s 12 in a row, not 11.
BRING BACK GORDON BOMBAY!
Quack. Quack! QUACK!
As a Devils fan I’m more partial to this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj2URP8wJlU
I wish my alma mater didn’t suck at everything.
C’mon, they do great at failure.
Don’t get down on yourself. You’re a tremendous slouch.
Yearly reminder that Bobby Ryan had a fucking ridiculous childhood
http://www.espn.com/espnmag/story?id=3782270
There are several temperature scales I’ve been educated on during my lifetime: Fahrenheit, Celsius, Absolut, Kelvin, the list goes on and on, etc etc, blah blah blah.
Regardless of your own preferred scale, let us agree that “-5º” is fucking cold and doesn’t need a qualifier.
Thank you and God bless our troops.
just don’t EVER day degrees Kelvin!
/I know you wouldn’t, Brick, being the Renaissance Man you are
Thanks for the warning; I WILL NOT day Kelvin.
Absolut? What a pussy. Ketel One is the only temperature scale I use.
Also -5 Kelvin or -5 Rankine would be pretty fucking cold.
-5 K would violate the laws of space and time!
-5 K is the danger zone, and that’s where I live.
Which one are you, Brick?
One of the best homoerotic movies of all time.
Q: What’s the difference between -5ºF in Kansas City and -5ºF in Las Vegas?
A: Legalized prostitution
I had an abcess drained today, which is because I’m old and stupid.
ah, the ailments stage!
#ItGetsWorse
Woohoo!
It’s always reassuring to get an audible “oh my goodness” from a doctor. It’s a big damn abcess. I’m I big boy.
in four consecutive years, I had multiple foot bones (each foot) reshaped, then my knee scoped, then had the PeyPey neck surgery, THEN went randomly deaf in my right ear.
I was really worried the following year, but apparently God had laughed enough. These were ages 37-40 IIRC
That fucking blows.
I already have hearing loss and random retina damage was found last year (along with an eye infection that didn’t heal correctly, so I will always have big floaters in my vision). I was supposed to get a checkup on that but had to cancel due to the surgery. So everything is coming up Milhouse.
surely one your ailments should be opiate-worthy, at least?
Nope. Not even for the draining. I’ve been taking Aleve for a couple of days since I had this thing the size of an old iPhone aching for a week. OTOH, I live down the street from a dispensary if it gets bad.
merde, you got hardass doctors up there
Oh, yeah. No shit. You need a prescription for Claritin-D here.
I Hate Danny Manning.
That is all.
When a meeting is running an hour long and it’s almost 6pm, you can just walk out, right?
Unless it’s billable, yes. If it is billable, the rate should double.
tell ’em you will file a grievance with the union. Management just LOVES union humour.
D’awwwwwww
delicioso!
Not stuffed-in-a-cage-to-promote-fatty-liver enough for me smh
True genius is rarely recognized in its own time.
Is everybody here in LA holed up properly to avoid KILLSTORM ’19?
what, is it gonna rain for a whole straight hour?
Possibly two.
Better start building that Ark.
It’s been raining here for a week. I went outside once and I almost died.
Another game needlessly gets a franchise.
/Verifies that there is indeed a game called Killstorm
Suggested intro music for the KC game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lbiS1fris
They can get him cheap because he’s desperate after losing all of that money on cryptocurrency.
I’d have used this gif
Andy Reid has the weirdest boner right now.
/DOOR FLIES OPEN
DID SOMEBODY SAY A FOOT!?!
God, I love that photo. It needs to go into the Library of Congress.
-5°F and a lunar eclipse? That’s awesome! Although somebody’s probably gonna die.
Okay, New England, fuck your Atlantic Seaboard cold! Wait til you get a taste of prairie cold!
Can I nominate Brady? OK, I nominate Brady.
Brady will somehow thrive, and they’ll get a close-up of him and his eyeballs are glowing red.
Is he a Terminator or the Jack Frost demon that fucks Shannon Elizabeth to death in a bath tub?
PEDs.
Demon.
Yes? I’m gonna go with yes.
Shitty Wolves head to Winston Salem tonight. Wake Forest is really, really poopy.
So Carol Channing died. I’ll always remember her as done by Ryan Stiles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dxc1KTOwGsE
He did her?
Well … Pussy’s pussy. Just had to dust that one off a bit. Move a doily or a couple old cats.
Arctic Blast is a Pokemon move, right? Brocky, Low Commander?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFdwqZ2CmKw
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=4tO2n8HKiXw
/ppl forget that
The sled dogs don’t.
Sounds right. Could also be a Mountain Dew flavor.
Is that… blue Powerade and Mountain Dew? That’s either a terrible idea or the worst idea anyone has ever had.
I mean, I’m of the opinion that after drinking enough Mountain Dew, people should just become sterile, so you’re not wrong.
Don’t they already?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7IakX-f_3w&ab_channel=AdultSwim
It’s like he has set a trap to catch the Hamburgler!!!!
Ruble ruble?
I actually liked this one a lot.
Mmmmm. Steamed hams. AKA Patented Skinnerburgers.
I don’t get it but I don’t care.
Re: the original image above, the best caption just said “The portrait of Lincoln really makes it perfect.”
Jesus, even the backdrop is pathetically sad.
All he’s ever going to catch is Diabetes.