Your “We Are All…, You Know The Drill” AFC Champagne-ship Game Open Thread

My diary is filled with various loving tributes to the many, many blades I have in my collection. (Thankfully, no one talks about Knife Control) Much like any artist I’ve felt the need recently to expand my skill set, but how?

The non-profit I visited did so many things for those without a home. They seemed to have an answer for every issue for guys and women trying to get back in the work force. No address? They set up a phone number that prospective employers could leave a message at. Lost ID? They provided assistance to those jumping through the various hoops required to get birth certificates and Social Security cards. Lack of transportation? Temporary bus passes and volunteers to drive the newly-employed to work. I had a Dodge Caravan and this was my way in.

Four guys every day. That was the routine. I’d drop them off in the morning, maybe pick up one or two at night-the rest would get back to whatever passed for shelter one way or another. The organization would subtly lean on me to grab their most promising prospects at night. Giving them a bit more structure than most made their ‘numbers’ look good in the long run. I knew the game-funding doesn’t just bubble up from empty space. Stats matter when the board is making a presentation.

Jason was a likable kid-he was that long-limbed, gawky type that never quite grew into his body. He was-I’m guessing-about 24 or so but looked as though he was 10 years older. Deep down the youngster was an optimist but his back-story was one I’d heard before. When he was 16 he got his 15 year-old girlfriend pregnant. He lived in a small town and his parents were prominent members in the church and business community. His Dad claimed to have sent him off to a boarding school but when they arrived at the bus depot he was handed $200 and a one-way ticket to a city three states away. After the money ran out he was sleeping in parks and hanging out with addicts-“I’d been beaten up so many times, I stopped counting after a month and a half”, he once told me.

After I did a rudimentary calculation I asked him one time, “Did you ever get your driver’s license?” He said that his dad let him drive down some back roads when they went hunting but he was out the door before he was legal. “Tell you what-maybe sometime I can let you behind the wheel and you can see what it’s like to drive again. The way things are going, you’ll have your own car in no time.” His face lit up and his grin stays with me to this day.

Back at the office I’d been letting hints drop to the effect that I had suspicions that my boy was back on drugs but I wasn’t quite sure. Everything was set.

It was a Friday heading into a long weekend and Jason was so excited. He shared with me that he’d recently met and was dating a girl he chatted up at Walmart. She was a cashier and things were going great. “Well, somebody better start practicing their driving”, I said. “I know of a lonely old road about three miles from here but I’m gonna be the passenger in the back seat and you’ll be the chauffeur like I’ve been to you.” He tipped his battered cap-“Yes Sir!” and smiled that smile.

A garrote that you’ve fashioned with your own hands is a thing of beauty in its simplicity. A small length of rope, two pieces of wood with a hole in the center that the rope can loop around and be tied to? Less is indeed more. I asked him to keep his eyes on the road and to slow down as I slipped directly behind him. I had been looking forward to the sound that would be made as I crushed his windpipe but, as I learned after doing a bit of homework online, no air to carry it, no sound. Jason, you let me down…

TO THE GAME!

DACA Killers/Time-Out Squanderers:

[prays to non-existent football gods for result that temporarily brings balance to the world]

You know what you’re here for.

 

 

 

 

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Unsurprised

FUCK SHIT
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Spur

KC can do nothing right comment image

Spur

or NOT!

Recovery Whiskey

Two iffy calls both favoring new england. Shocked

Brocky

Inconclusive my ass. You’ll have no trouble turning this one

...

Folks, being just a bit drunk makes Patriots games much easier to deal with.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids

Bellicheck putting the game back in the hands of his best players the refs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Y U NO GET TO LINE AND RUN A PLAY?

I don’t think the NFL has enough rules.

Redshirt

KC to Refs: “Touch these balls!!”

The Maestro

SAMMY AIN’T CATCH THAT

Gratliff

Are we sure that it hit his hands that time?

Senor Weaselo

He touched that one!

Sharkbait

MOTHER FUCKING SHIT

...

YOU TOUCHED IT THAT TIME MOTHERFUCKER LOL

A favorable ruling for the Greatriots, why that never happens.

Recovery Whiskey

JUSTICE is under review.

The Maestro

FUCKFUCKFUCK

WCS

NOT GONNA CALL THAT ONE BACK

Mother Puncher

Are we all pats fans now or do you guys have money on the game?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No.

...

I’m mostly confused

...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

BALL DON’T LIE!

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo

Unlike the PI, I think that was the right call but the P*ts can go fuck themselves.

herodotus450

Ball dont lie!

Gatoraids

More bailouts today since 2008 banks

Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

New York’s decision, so obviously goes for NE

Viva La Tabula Raza

Because New Yorkers love the Patriots, amirite?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Belichick’s deal with Satan gets an extension!

herodotus450

Don’t think he touched it but how can you overturn there? Ref must have gotten a nice sandwich with extra “lettuce” before the game courtesy of Kraft.

Petronel

OK, we really can’t afford to fuck this one up

Petronel

OH GODDAMMIT

Gratliff

lol

Recovery Whiskey

Typical. Inconclusive but its New england. Thus changed.

The Maestro

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK ALL Y’ALL HAIL BLEERGH HAIL SATAN

Col. Duke LaCross

That is horseshit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed.

Sharkbait

FUCK YES!

Gratliff

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spur

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Gatoraids

Ref seeing his wife gagged by Kraft and goodell on the monitor

Mr. Ayo

If it takes this long to decide, you have to let it stand, right?

Brocky

Depends how long it takes the nfl to show the live feed of the refs family at gunpoint

Unsurprised

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Brocky

Honestly looks like a touch to me, all jokes aside

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

If this is overturned, where is the ball spotted?

...

THE ENDZONE BABY

Mother Puncher

Quit being buzzkills. He touched it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Was it in your naughty place?

Brocky

God I want the refs to fuck over the patriots just once….

Gratliff

Why stop at one?

Gratliff

Touched Thumb, Touched Down

Sharkbait

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Gratliff

Just the tip imo

...

? ? ??? ?♡? ?♡??? ? ?

...

≋D≋i≋d≋ ≋n≋o≋t≋ ≋t≋o≋u≋c≋h≋

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

D҉i҉d҉ ҉n҉o҉t҉ ҉t҉o҉u҉c҉h҉

Redshirt

Can’t we go one week without wondering if a famous person touched a live ball?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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