Your “Gotta Watch Something” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The Patriots have signed another tight end / potential murderer by trading a 2020 7th-round pick to the Lions for Michael Roberts.
    • He has been oft-injured in his two years in Detroit, and no longer fit their plans.
      • Meaning the Pats will likely turn him into a league MVP.
  • Nick Bosa says he’s fine; the Niners say he’s fine; all this press makes me think he’s not actually fine.
    • The strained hamstring that’s kept him out of OTAs is what’s fueling these rumours.
      • Along with hthe reticence to sign his rookie deal.
        • Is he holding out like his brother? Or are the Niners trying to insert injury language as an out?

What the fuck is my Facebook feed talking about?

If you only give me two options, Facebook, I can’t answer your question. Methinks this was a Russian bot trying to angry up my blood.


Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
  •  NBA:
    • Raptors at Warriors – 9:00PM | ABC / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Tigers vs. Royals – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Cubs at Dodgers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • PGA:
    • U.S. Open first-round play – 7:30PM | FOX / TSN2

I am Jack’s broken remote, likely stuck on the Raptors game because there is no God.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook

On this page of my notebook I’m logging all my farts, scientifically.
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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

No one seems to have anything to say about the Deadwood movie.

yeah right

Rant:
This season of Black Mirror is….

Not good.

It doesn’t help that I find Mylie or what ever fucking Cyrus beyond talentless and reprehensible but it’s fucking terrible.

The baseline song is a Trent Reznor ripoff and shit..

I had higher expectations.

Episode 2 was decent but what a let down.

You couldn’t have spent THAT much money on Bandersnatch.

Go Canada?

Unsurprised

Even at its best, I doubt anyone who watches Black Mirror is getting radicalized, which just makes the whole spectacle and fact of Black Mirror more irony and hilarious than anything Charlie Brooker has ever done on purpose.

BC Dick

Was radicalization the point? I thought the first two or three seasons or series or what have you were good. I think this last season the production was taken over by Netflix so of course it blows. British tv is the best tv. Netflix tv is decidedly not.

yeah right

Palate cleanser.

Leave this shit ALONE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV2EUUF47Ms

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Argos have won though

Brick Meathook

Argo fuck yourself

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, was there a basketball game tonight?

Mr. Ayo

Yes. But it’s okay if you missed it. The next game is Sunday.

Brick Meathook

Well, the United States had a good run. 1776 to 2019.

I always thought it would be the Chinese who defeated us; I never suspected the Canadians, who I always thought were a bunch of pussies who invaded the easiest beach at Normandy. I was wrong. The Chinese own Canada now.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, Starbury’s in China, he could pull it off!

Unsurprised

Wasn’t it Canadians who burned down the White House and much of D.C.?

Brick Meathook

No that was the hated British.

Unsurprised

I thought they were Canadians serving the British. Whatever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aren’t all Canadians just serving the British?

Fuck you, Quebec.

BC Dick

No, we are the British. We didn’t have a temper tantrum about taxes and rights. We waited patiently and asked nicely. And yes fuck Quebec but not really cause they’re by far the coolest and most fun part of Canada.

blaxabbath

“Of course the libs in California would lose the NBA title to Canada. Might have to use tariffs!”

– The 300 pound guy fucking Ivanka Trump

Unsurprised

300? Did Fatass go on a diet?

Gratliff

Congratulations to the Toronto Raptors, a professional Halo 4 team judging by the logo

blaxabbath

I like their logo.

I do not like the number of games they play per season.

Dunstan

One thing the NHL gets right — present the fucking trophy to the players, not the damn owner(s).

Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately they also have Gary Bettman.

Gratliff

Hey man, that old white fuck spent his hard-earned blood money to sign Kawhi Leonard

BC Dick

Of course without the owners you have the women’s pro hockey league. Did have. They’re assholes but they sign the damn cheques.

Brick Meathook

This championship will finally put Canada on the map.

Gratliff

It’s somewhere in northern Michigan

Senor Weaselo

Damned yuppies! Sorry, I’m getting word it’s yoopies.

Gratliff

Sir, we prefer to be called racists

Senor Weaselo

We’re gonna get a shitty hook to celebrate the Raptors winning now. I’d say a shitty song but that would require Drake to be able to write a verse.

BC Dick

Already done. Pursuit of happiness and fitting I thing https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pFxivmjW34o

BC Dick

If you swine don’t think a song by a Toronto band about being an adult now who can get drunk because he wants to and is going to call his dad (America) and invite him is the appropriate anthem then I am going to have to politely disagree. England is mom, FYI.

Senor Weaselo

I said shitty! Also, my best friend noted that Drake can’t write a hook either, which is true.

Gratliff

How the fuck is Draymond Green involved in literally every NBA incident?

Gratliff

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Brick Meathook

That guy needed to be kicked in the balls.

Senor Weaselo

I DON’T KNOW YOU!

Senor Weaselo

Well I’d like to thank the Blues for this to be not the worst. Because now we get a happy Drake.

Gratliff

el oh el

Brocky

I believe in the guy with the “we believe” sign

Brick Meathook

Last play of the game. USA vs Canada.

The winner gets all the aircraft carriers, with nukes.

BC Dick

Thanks but we really don’t want that responsibility. It’s easier to sit on our high horse and criticize while we wring our hands over which aggrieved group to apologize to next.

Unsurprised

Mothball the carriers. Use the nukes.

Brocky

Holy shit Vince Carter is still playing?

Senor Weaselo

He can play forever if we wants.

Brocky

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Dunstan

You can tell I don’t follow basketball closely, because I am surprised every time I hear that a player named Boogie Cousins exists. Like, I figured that was the title of the Kissin’ Cousins sequel Elvis was set to film in the 70s before he died.

litre_cola

Actually Boogie cousins is a barn dance in rural Louisiana.

Senor Weaselo

If this goes 7 a piano’s going to fall on Curry during warmups at this rate.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait – was that Jack in the Box’s wife doing that Wendy’s ad?

Brick Meathook

Clearly the refs have been bought off by big C$$$$$$

BC Dick

The gals and I down at the curling rink have been pooling our loonies for just this kind of situation. We hid it under the chesterfield so none of the Mounties would find it.

Dunstan

Don’t forget the Canadian Tire money, too!

BC Dick

Too, eh? You mean. Grammar is impourtant up here.

King Hippo

the cat named Ronald Reagan always fucking cracks me up

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Alkaline Water: Water for Stupid People

SonOfSpam

You wouldn’t say that if your pH balance wasn’t so gay.

Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

Drink him, get 3000 hits.

BC Dick

Drink him, get embalming fluid poisoning and a divorce.

Brick Meathook

Drink him, get . . . wait I thought he was a battery.

Dunstan

I can’t decide who to cheer for here, and besides, I used up all my sports hatred energy last night. You’re welcome, St. Louis.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m rooting for Toronto, but I am fully prepared to laugh at them when they blow it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I don’t know who was a bigger threat to elderly women in SoCal: cervical cancer or Kellen Winslow Jr.

SonOfSpam

Either way, they ‘ginas gettin wrecked yall

Brick Meathook

Toronto’s uniforms look like scuba flags.

Dunstan

It’s their tribute to Van Halen’s Diver Down album

SonOfSpam

GO DIVER DOWN GUYS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The way Klay has been kicking out tonight he’s not getting any pity from me.

Brick Meathook

Okay, so I’m in a quandary here.

I live in California, so the Golden State Warriors technically represent me, so I should root for them;
however
I’m also a Canadian citizen, so the Toronto Raptors represent the hopes and dreams of my fellow Canadians;
however
I live in Southern California and the Warriors are based in hated Northern California;
and
My Canadian mother is from Newfoundland and they actually weren’t part of Canada until 1947 and they hate Canadians and therefore by extension so do I;
plus
I don’t gamble so I don’t even have that as a rooting interest

so therefore

I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll get high.

litre_cola

Seems you have it all figured out to me.

Dunstan

You left out: most of Canada can’t stand Toronto.

SonOfSpam

Had I known you were a filthy foreigner I would not have deigned to shake your hand.

BC Dick

Just put on your Sacramento jersey and cheer for a fist fight.

Unsurprised

Meteor

Mr. Ayo

Is it really a dynasty if it ends against the killer combo of Lowry, Siakim, and VanVleet?

King Hippo

hey, I forgot Baskets started tonight! To teh DVR

BC Dick

Yes, I am also a fan. Usually find galifinakis tiring but I like that one. The old man cowboy and Louie Anderson are perfect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

Uses teeth too much 2/10

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What make ya sure she got teeth?” – Alabama residents

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s pretty nuts that you really can’t leave Curry alone with the ball and 1.5 seconds left on the clock and three quarters of the court between him and the basket.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I had beef curry today; it was damn good.

King Hippo

apologize to yer terlet in advance

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You see because it is Stephen Cu…….. never mind.

King Hippo

so now you have Curry deep inside you 😀

ballsofsteelandfury

Guten tag! My family and I are looking for sex!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

Gluten tag? Why yes, I will add you to my rice flour baking recipe mailing list.

ballsofsteelandfury

Dad, I think he’s going to pork her.

King Hippo

twas an excellent “family classis” film growing up

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s on IFC right now. The uncut version too. Already saw Paris cabaret titties.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Summer Makes Hippo Feel…

Unsurprised

HE DED

ballsofsteelandfury

OINK OINK, MY GOOD MAN!

SonOfSpam

It happened in Tampa, so it may not count, but Shohei Ohtani-san just hit for the cycle-san. In reverse order (HR, Triple, Double, Single)

herodotus450

They should call it the can opener down there at the Trop, since it goes all the way around.

LemonJello

“They’re going crazy in Toronto.”

/cuts to Canadian crowd, most standing with hands in pockets, a smattering of polite applause here and there

LemonJello

The Mason’s Union is gonna be pissed about all the bricks being thrown around this court.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

COACH NURSE: Don’t worry about getting tired. That’s what time outs are for.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

START THE GAME ALREADY, DAMNIT!

herodotus450

“Ahh whatevah, that cup didn’t even have any twisted tea anyway. LETS GO TAWHMY!”
-All of Boston today, presumably

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Deadspin stole my Doug Martin bit.
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BC Dick

Simoni Lawrence, the Vontaze Burfict of the CFL starting things off right this year.

LemonJello

Does he apologize after a dirty hit?

BC Dick

Of course. And this year they’ve just added, “I’m sorry” as a shoulder patch to speed up the post-whistle scrums.

litre_cola

In todays edition of Toddler discovery it was nipples. Every one has nipples and should show them all the time. When I showed him that he had 2 it blew his mind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

I identify as non-nippled. Let’s see just how tolerant he is.

litre_cola

Well you know he will ask to be polite.

BC Dick

Of course. But not looking forward to anus discovery day.

litre_cola

When I show him that I have 2 he will pass out.

BC Dick

That explains the divider in your toilet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyy….. watcha doin’ laaaater?

litre_cola

Balls has a movie for that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I AM WATCHING THE CFL!

Turns out I’ve had an active ESPN+ subscription all along. Forgot all about it.

BC Dick

It’s good ball. Watching some AAF this year it was noticeable the lack of speed on the field. CFL guys are good and fast, just shorter and/or lighter than NFL specs and the wide field gives guys like Brandon banks the ability to play WR without being OJ’ed by 230 lb safeties.

ballsofsteelandfury

I just remembered I have last night’s Archer recorded.

Is anyone else watching? I’m not sure how I feel about this season yet…

WCS

They’re in my On Demand roster, but, I can’t get any time to watch them. How episodes have there been so far? Three?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, it’s the third.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This season is very MEH to me.

Which means it is way better than most things on the idiot box.

ballsofsteelandfury

Weirdly, I agree completely with that assessment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, that’s a bad sign.

King Hippo

yes, and me likey

ThurberHerder

Now that KD is out, I don’t actually have a reason to hate the warriors. Unless draymond is still playing nutball.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, what’s her name again?

Unsurprised

Kaylee Killion, or kaylee_killi0n on Instagram

Unsurprised

The other one in the second video is Lauren Summer

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, this reminds me of the time I was looking for something in the storage space we shared with a lesbian couple that lived upstairs and I happened upon the instruction manual for their Sybian.

The story would probably better if I had been attracted to either one.