It wasn’t supposed to be this way. There are far more knowledgeable soccer doofuses that should be doing this but I volunteered and y’all gonna bathe in my ignorance.

Nether Regions/Roger Milla’s Granddaughters:

Cameroon played surprisingly well vs. the Canucks last time out (or were the Canucks just a little too tight?) by employing a tight shell on D and showing surprising speed on the wings. Look for more of that against a team that I know nothing about.

Poutine Suckers/Nuke Zeeland:

Christine Sinclair-score a goal, dag nabit! Ya gotta pass that glory girl Abby Wombatshername. Look out for Desiree Scott, she’s the pluckiest defender that ever defended and she’s built like a fire hydrant, sorta.

Welp, that’s all on the soccer front today so… Kidding! There’s the Copa Cabanas, CONCACALF, (the lowliest of soccer’s international federations-after all it includes the Canadian men’s team. Watch them draw/lose to fucking Martinique for Christ’s sake), some African Friendlies and a shit-ton of Euro Qualifiers.

Also, thar be golf and tennis and baseball and intermittent masturbation. Really, something for every boy and girl to partake in!

So come one, come all with your witty observations, your dry sense of humour, your recounting of your activities in the real world, (ugh, real world) and what have you.

Let’s Punch That Ticket!*

*or that old lady in the express aisle at the grocery store fishing for the exact change “what was that total again?” [reaches into change purse, immediately forgets total, asks again, reaches back into purse, forgets again, I let out audible sigh because I’m a jackass that thinks his time is valuable]